Today is my birthday. This morning I woke up happy, smiling, and very excited to be alive and well with a great home, a great job, and great family and friends. But I’d like to give you a window into what it was like this time last year. I was not well.
Category: ABUSE RECOVERY PROCESS-PROBLEMS
When “O Holy Night” Becomes a Nightmare to Someone Whose Faith Has Been Harmed
"This performance is so sincere and heartfelt, shows a high level of skill, and may be the very one you love best of all. I think it is just awful, the perfect expression of a particular culture that I used to think was just distasteful and now believe to be rotten to the core."
Is J.D. Greear just talking, or are we going to see action?
The SBC has been getting push back about selecting "designated survivors" to speak. Was he doing damage control by mentioning the names of the survivors/advocates they chose not to speak? Were the ones chosen to speak selected so that the SBC can control the narrative?
UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability ~ Part 5, Accountability Systems Breakdown
Part 5 focuses on the other side of Mr Tchividjian's misuse of his platform as a Christian celebrity minister, speaker, and writer – his accountability system victims: superiors, peers, and subordinates.
What courage must it have taken to publicly post a call for Tullian Tchividjian to repent? To apologize for having amplified his impact? To resign from the board of his newly resurrected non-profit? To remove from their ministry website various resources he'd produced? To cancel contracts that would extend his influence?
What did it cost those who were close to him in terms of ministry – especially those who held authority to oversee his recovery plans, and those who'd been his platform peers?
These are the kinds of questions we should consider as we read this final piece in the case study of Tullian Tchividjian and the details of his abuse of systems, ministry, and accountability ...
UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability ~ Part 4, Accountability
It’s not the job of any supervisor, peer, or subordinate to prevent Tullian Tchividjian from sinning, whether he does so mildly or spectacularly. It wasn’t the role of his non-profit board, church sessions, publishing house legal departments, counselors, friends, etc. It’s not even possible. He himself is responsible for his own choices and their impact.
UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability ~ Part 3, Industrial Complex
... there were over 150 individuals in at least 10 institutions who had direct connections with Tullian Tchividjian as his superiors, peers, or subordinates. And yet, it seems nobody could keep him from his two extramarital sexual involvements he has already admitted to (after they were discovered or disclosed), or from his reported predatory/seductive behavior patterns, or from his reported multiple failures to tell the full truth.
UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability ~ Part 2, Repair
What does real-world remediation / repentance look like? How can we see what it takes in both attitudes and actions to accomplish damage repair? This post gives three examples of remediation (repair work) — one dealing with a product, one with a denominational organization, one with a social system. Each is notable for seeking to engage in a constructive way parties who were directly involved, and in some cases those who were indirectly affected.
UN-accountable: Case Study in Systems Analysis and Ministerial Accountability ~ Part 1, Systems
Systemic abuse always includes a degree of relational manipulation to get/keep people hooked in, as well as deception in order to hide the truth.
Why is there an admission charge for people who want to attend ERLC’s Caring Well Conference?
SBC has failed miserably with sex abuse cover-ups. This a conference where YOU have to pay to attend hear people discuss issues in which THEY (SBC) have failed. This is messed up. It should be free. #SBC #churchtoo Quote Tweet
SGM Survivor Speaks Out about Josh Harris
I can't imagine the level of psychological trauma, pain & horror as Joshua (and Shannon) began to discover a lot of their framework for their life was built on religion & false fears & manipulated, pseudo acts of "love."
My Thoughts on Josh Harris as a “Fallen Christian”
"Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now."
My Thoughts: Josh Harris (I Kissed Dating Good-bye) and His Wife, Shannon, Announce Marital Separation
But it makes me once again question those ideologies that led up to this point. It makes me think about spiritual abuse. It makes me think about Patriarchy. What significant changes were made in their journey? What ideologies did each one keep, and each one ditch?
Spiritual Abuse: Is This Worth Dividing the Church Over?
Spiritual Abuse, Jonathan Hollingsworth This is the sixth and final blog post referencing an article by Jonathan Hollingsworth, What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Been Hurt by the Church. The article resonated with a lot of people, so I thought it might be a good idea to discuss these unhelpful statements one by one here,… Continue reading Spiritual Abuse: Is This Worth Dividing the Church Over?
Good Friday, Notre Dame, and Resurrection
The spiritual abuse I experienced will only be a blip in my life's story, and it doesn't define who I am, just as Notre Dame's 2019 fire does not define it. Abuse is part of my story and has shaped me, and has produced life-changing fruit.
Spiritual Abuse: How Unsanctioned Friendships Can Enable People to Leave High-Controlling Churches
"They taught me that sometimes the exit door of an abusive church is held open by the gracious hands of friends who have nothing to do with church, or even with Christianity, but who simply would never turn their back on a friend."
Harvest Bible Chapel’s Pastor James MacDonald is OUT; the Painful Personal Stories Left in the Wake
Well, he finally did enough damage that even his elders cannot cover this up. James MacDonald was caught saying despicable and cruel things on a recording which was aired by Chicago-area radio personality and former Harvest Bible Chapel congregant, "Mancow" Muller. on WLS/AM 890. And he was fired!
Seth Dunn Tweets that a Woman Pastor is Just as Bad as a Sex Offender Who is Hired as a Pastor
It is people like Seth, who refuse to take sex abuse of children seriously, why we have had very little positive change in how child sex abuse cases have been handled.
Caution: Children and Predestination
Predestination and Children My friend, Ryan Stollar, posted this on his Facebook wall, and I was struck at how damaging Predestination can be to children, especially vulnerable children. Shoot, I think it could scare adults, too! Special thanks to Ryan for writing about this and giving me permission to share it. ~ja First off, what… Continue reading Caution: Children and Predestination
Naghmeh Panahi, Ex-Wife of Former Iranian Prisoner, “Pastor” Saeed Abedini, Posts Public Statement on Facebook
It's been a while since I have posted about Saeed Abedini or his ex-wife, Naghmeh. Naghmeh Panahi posted a public note on Facebook yesterday. You may recall that after Saeed Abedini was released from prison in Iran, Naghmeh filed for separation because Saeed would not get help for his abusive behavior in the marriage. Saeed… Continue reading Naghmeh Panahi, Ex-Wife of Former Iranian Prisoner, “Pastor” Saeed Abedini, Posts Public Statement on Facebook
Negative Google Reviews are Still Keeping People Away from My Spiritually Abusive Church 6 Years after Lawsuit
Chuck O'Neal, Beaverton Grace Bible Church, Spiritual Abuse, Negative Google Reviews, Defamation Lawsuit The other day, I got a call from my good friend, Michelle, who used to attend the cult/church we attended. Her husband used to be on staff at the church (Beaverton Grace Bible Church) and was fired. That led to… Continue reading Negative Google Reviews are Still Keeping People Away from My Spiritually Abusive Church 6 Years after Lawsuit
