Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset

Lori Alexander, The Power of a Transformed Wife, Book Review, Gender Roles


transformed wife

Here we go!

-by Kathi

We have critiqued Lori Alexander’s blog posts as well as some of her commentors here at SSB. Now is the time to dive into her published book, The Power of a Transformed Wife (Publisher: Turning Page Books, September 30, 2016). I will be reading from the Kindle version of this book. Honestly, because it was cheaper and that means less of my hard-earned working money is going to Lori.

Lori first started writing at Always Learning. While she still posts on this blog, she is primarily writing at her new blog, The Transformed Wife.

I plan on covering a chapter at a time. There’s plenty of information in each chapter to give us good discussion. We’ll see how that goes. If I feel the need to break a chapter apart, I’ll make sure to let you know. Today we’ll look at the introduction and Chapter 1.

dedication

Introduction

Lori informs us that conflicts with her husband, Ken, started on their honeymoon. (Note: In Chapter 1 she tells us that conflicts started while they were dating.) She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

When their kids came along, they focused all of their energy on the kids and not on each other. Lori notes that her awakening moment happened when Ken asked her what would become of their marriage when the kids left the house.

Then, miracle of miracles happened! Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Helpmeet and her life was changed. She writes her book to be like Debi, to help young women who feel lost in their marriage.

My Life Growing Up

Lori starts off Chapter 1 saying that for 23 years she was a “neglectful wife.” She could always point blame at Ken, but most of their problems “resulted from the deep-seeded rebellion in my heart.” I think these two statements pretty much sum up this entire chapter.

Lori goes into great detail about her upbringing. I think the greater importance about this chapter is that it reveals much about her mindset. Based upon Lori’s experiences, I think she projects a lot on her blog and leaves little room to accept different ideas from women on how they live their life:

  • Lori’s mother complained to her about her dad when she was younger so she grew up not liking her dad. Lori often talks about not nagging your husband and not talking negatively about your husband. Lori states that her parents, now in their 80s, have a wonderful relationship, and you’re never too young to learn how to have a loving relationship.
  • Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends. Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.
  • Lori had a couple of boyfriends while in high school who “supposedly accepted Jesus into their hearts while we were dating.” Lori often questions women’s faith if they are not living according to God’s word — that is, Lori’s version of God’s word.
  • The dating advice that Lori received from her mother was to not have sex before marriage and to marry a Christian. Lori wishes she had more guidance about relationships and sex from her mother. Lori’s main purpose is “to help young wives not make the mistakes that I did.”
  • Lori went to college because her father wanted her to have an education so that she could find a job. All Lori ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. All women should only want to be a wife and mother.
  • Lori and Ken met in college and they argued a lot. When Ken asked her to marry him she said, “yes,” but was not excited. She says, “I knew I loved him even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy him.” Ouch!
  • When her first child was 4 months old, Lori went back to work. Lori describes this as a very painful time and she felt like she wasn’t being a good mother, wife, or teacher. Lori is continually stating that working mothers cannot possibly be good mothers because they are not home raising their children.
  • Lori has dealt with major illnesses, including two brain operations for tumors.
  • When Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, she realized she needed to do her part to make her marriage work. She credits Pearl’s book for helping her “develop confidence in my role as a Godly wife,” and I would guess that Lori would like to hear this said of her. Lori is constantly telling women that they need to do their part to make their marriage work. When it comes to husbands, Lori tells women that they are “called to submit to him and respect him, not try to control him.”

Lori ends Chapter 1 with an old blog post in which Michael Pearl and Voddie Baucham teach their sons to marry a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother. Apparently Christian men should not marry a woman who wants to be like a man. What makes a woman be like a man? A woman who is loud, independent, strong, or career-minded.

Why? Because the Bible that say that women should:

1) Love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4-5, Genesis 2:18),

2) Love their children and teach them (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 22:6),

3) Be pure, chaste, gentle, and quiet (Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:4),

4) Be keepers of home. This is her God placed ministry. (Titus 2:5), and

5) Be good – desiring to love home and husband. (Titus 2: 4-5)

Did you notice that there are only four verses listed in those points? Out of the entire Bible, these authors, including Lori, use four verses to tell women how they should live. I find that to be a great misunderstanding of scripture.

This brings us to the end of Chapter 1. I find this to be an eye-opening view into Lori’s mindset which helps bring some understanding into her writing and the advice that she gives women.

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – Get to Work! and Is This the End?

Complementarianism, God’s Design, Gender roles

Owen sitting on book.jpg

The Watch Dog may not be a sheep dog, but he’s fluffy like a sheep.

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

This is a very sad day, children. This is our last day to talk about God’s Design. I know, I know….we’ll get through this together. Today, we will talk about work and summarizing everything we’ve learned. Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – The Church and Learning About Things We Already Know

Complementarianism, Women in the Church, Gender Roles, Proper Church and Family Roles

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-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about God’s design for the church and how to learn God’s ways (as if this hasn’t already been said enough). Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – Married/Single; Husband/ Father; Wife/Mother

Complementarian, Gender Roles, Being Married, Being Single, Desiring God’s Influence

married-couple

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about marriage and singleness, husbands and fathers, and wives and mothers.  Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book, “God’s Design” – Purity and Honoring God’s Design

God’s Design, Purity, Biblical Gender Roles, Complementarity

miraflores-statue

Embracing Couple, Miraflores, Peru

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about purity and honoring. It had to be covered at some point, why not now? Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book, “God’s Design” -Examples of Godly Womanhood

Ruth, Mary, Sarah and Proverbs 31: Examples of Complementarian Women

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-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, young girls have the chance to learn what makes a godly woman. I know you all were thinking hard about who the examples might possibly be. Now’s the time to find out! Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book,”God’s Design” – Examples of Complementarian Manhood and More Doublespeak

Complementarian, Egalitarian, Teaching Children, Children Desiring God, John Piper


Paul & Jesus: Examples of Complementarian Manhood

boy-509488_1280

African boy – Image from Pixabay

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, boy children will learn about biblical complementarian manhood from two godly examples that were not even married. Girls, it would be wise for you to listen up, too, so you are aware of what husband material godly manhood looks like. Continue reading

Children’s Book “God’s Design” and its Teachings on Homosexuality as a Distortion of God’s Design

God’s Design, Homosexuality, Complementarianism, John Piper & Wayne Grudem’s Influence

female-1294230_1280

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the titles below are chapters in the book.

This week children, we will talk about homosexuality. This topic may potentially become heated. I ask that discussion please be civil and hope that we can acknowledge that as fellow Christians (better yet, as fellow human beings), we recognize that we may come to different conclusions. I ask that in our discussion we always maintain that it is the person that God created that is most valued and not our ideas or theology. Continue reading

“God’s Design” – Rebellion, a.k.a. It’s All Her Fault!

God’s Design, Headship, Complementarianism, Biblical Gender Roles, The Fall

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Adam & Eve

Who started this whole mess?

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the titles below are chapters in the book.

Today, children, we are going to learn about how man and woman rebelled against God’s design. Spoiler alert!…We’ll talk about one more than the other. Continue reading

“God’s Design” – Headship, Helper, and an Answer We Already Knew

God’s Design, Headship, Complementarianism, Biblical Gender Roles

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statue-1580499_1280

Image: Pixabay

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the titles below (except for The Answer We Already Knew) are chapters in the book.

Today, children, we learn about God’s perfect design for man and woman. Oh, and remember how men and women are equal, but different? We’re totally equal. (sigh) Continue reading

“God’s Design” – Know Thyself, Creature

creation

God and Adam having a serious talk about who’s in charge.

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the titles below are chapters in the book.

Today we are gathering children around to discuss the first three chapters of God’s Design. Here we will learn that we have a creator and we are his creatures. Continue reading

Vaccinating Children with Complementarian: Series Introduction – Review of “God’s Design” Gender Role Book for Children

Complementarian, Egalitarian, Teaching Children, Children Desiring God, John Piper


Series Introduction

Vaccinating Children with Complementarianism

by Kathi

Owen God's Design

The SSB Watch Dog  gives “4 Paws Down” for this book.

I spent many years reading books to my children. Homeschooling families know all too well the importance of reading. However, I can say that I never read a book like this to my kids.

God’s Design is a children’s books which teaches about the importance of  gender roles.

Oh, yes. You read that correctly. Continue reading

Help! My Family Member or Close Friend is Trapped in a High-Controlling Church or Cult. How Can I Encourage Them to Leave?

How to help a family member or friend leave a high-controlling church group or cult: spiritual abuse, trapped, thought reform, mind control, freedom


 

“Mind control is the process by which individual or collective freedom of choice and action is compromised by agents or agencies that modify or distort perception, motivation, affect, cognition and/or behavioral outcomes. It is neither magical nor mystical, but a process that involves a set of basic social psychological principles. Conformity, compliance, persuasion, dissonance, reactance, guilt and fear arousal, modeling and identification are some of the staple social influence ingredients well studied in psychological experiments and field studies. In some combinations, they create a powerful crucible of extreme mental and behavioral manipulation when synthesized with several other real-world factors, such as charismatic, authoritarian leaders, dominant ideologies, social isolation, physical debilitation, induced phobias, and extreme threats or promised rewards that are typically deceptively orchestrated, over an extended time period in settings where they are applied intensively.”
Steven Hassan, Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue and Recovery from Destructive Cults

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I’ve heard it said that losing a child to death can be a parent’s worst nightmare. Now imagine having lost your adult child and their family, not to death, but to a high-controlling church or cult. Imagine not being able to celebrate birthdays or major holidays together. Imagine having only limited contact with your adult child and their family. How could your loved one entirely dismiss you, act like you are a stranger or enemy when you did nothing to them? Continue reading

So, We’re Collecting Money for a New Documentary to Promote a Specific Doctrine?

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A blog reader alerted me to a kickstarter, or fundraising effort. Les Lanphere created the kickstarter to raise money for a new documentary on Calvinism called, Calvinist.

Les Lanphere describes himself as, “a film maker who has worked in a variety of areas in production and post production on films like Transformers 3, The Smurfs, Epic, and Rock of Ages. Les is also one of the hosts of a popular Christian podcast called the Reformed Pubcast.”

What is the purpose of the documentary? It is:

A film seeking to explain Calvinism, celebrate its recent resurgence, and to answer the question, “What’s next?”

I tried to embed the video summary, but was unable to. Here is the link.

Notice the big names in this documentary: Kevin DeYoung, Ligon Duncan, Michael Horton, Tim Challies, Carl Trueman, Voddie Baucham, James White, R. Scott Clark, and Joe Thorn.

A few quotes popped out at me as I read this. Those who have been reading the blog for a Calvinist documentarywhile know that I object to labels. I find they can be misleading. For that matter, I know many people who label themselves as “Calvinist,” or “complementarian,” etc, but do not know exactly what the word means. Another issue with labels is there seems to be a continuum for many of them.

For example, with Calvinism, one can be a 5-point Calvinist, but even a 2-point Calvinist will call themselves a Calvinist.  Um . . . hello . .  that’s less than half of TULIP’s primary beliefs. Some couples claim to be complementarian, yet to outsiders, they function like egalitarians. As I said . . . so much for labels. They may not fully represent someone and their beliefs, and can be quite confusing and complicate matters.

I digress.

Here are a few sentences that stuck out to me:

CALVINIST is a film about a powerful and interesting movement God has orchestrated over last generation that finds its roots in a rich and fascinating history.

 

Calvinist documentary1Powerful and interesting movement that God has orchestrated? How do we know that God orchestrated it? Did he send direct e-mails to key people in the movement? I’m not sure that all non-Calvinists would agree with this. If you are a Calvinist, I’m sure this sounds pretty special. To outsiders, not so much. To me, it sounds like a bunch of hype. And for the record, I do not like hype. I saw what it did in my former church. If I saw a documentary selling Arminianism, I’d be having a similar cow. Moooooo!

Rich and fascinating history? I don’t care about this kind of history and decalvinist documentaryad men. I know
a few people who would gasp at this. ::::shudder:::: I am a Believer. I am of the priesthood of Believers, as every Christian is, both men and women alike – as in e.q.u.a.l. Dead men did not have any more access to God than you or me, so it bothers me when people elevate dead men like this. Give me Jesus.

 

 

I’m a musician and my brain just traveled here. Please join me:

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus
When I am alone
When I am alone
Oh, when I am alone
Give me Jesus

 

Amen! Now that’s what I’m talking about. No hyped up dead men, or alive men, or special doctrine, just Jesus and me (or you).
I digress, Part 2.
Oh, have you been noticing the screen-caps of the rewards for donors? Gotta love the Calvinist terms, like irresistible in this one:
3

 

Back to the bothersome, annoying quotes.

 

CALVINIST will be modern, youthful, and energetic. The tone will be encouraging while also challenging.

Say what? Because Calvinism (or any other doctrine, for that matter) has to be doctored up and sold to the masses, “modern, youthful, and energetic?”  Puh-lease.  Can we stop this madness? God is – He just is. He needs no modernization or fixing, period.

By supporting this project you are helping to explain to the world the wonderful doctrines of grace and allowing a generation to tell their story. As more people hear what Calvinism is really about, who knows what God may do…

To this, I say, there is nothing new under the sun. Take that money and be the hands and feet of Christ in your churches and community. Help a domestic violence survivor with childcare expenses so she can go to school. Shoot, pay for her tuition. Buy someone a car who has no transportation to stay gainfully employed.  Help fill someone’s fridge. There are life/death situations all around us and money is being raised to sell a doctrine?  Lord, help us all.
End rant.
~ja

 

The Fallout of Spiritual Abuse on Our Children

Children Harmed by Spiritual Abuse

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Spiritual Abuse: What Was the Last Straw That Caused You to Leave Your Abusive Church?

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