A Wife’s Personal Story: So, Let’s Actually Talk about What “Extramarital Affairs” Really Look Like

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Josh Duggar, A Wife’s Personal Story, Extramarital affairs and the church

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The topic of adultery has been in the news a lot lately. The Ashley Madison hack revealed that Josh Duggar of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting show had two paid memberships. Duggar is now in some treatment program (Inside Josh Duggar’s rehab facility for sinners) which doesn’t seem to be any better than his first treatment program connected with Bill Gothard. Ed Stetzer reJosh Dugger, Affair, Infidelity, Sexual Immorality, Ashley Madison, Personal Storycently published an article, ‘My Pastor Is on the Ashley Madison List,’ in which he predicts at least 400 church leaders will be resigning their positions this weekend because of having accounts with Ashley Madison. Stories of sexual immorality will not be ending any time soon. But what about the victims, the wives?

We have not heard from Josh Duggar’s wife, Anna. Her voice has remained silent. Now with her husband in so-called treatment, she will be taking care of their 4 children by herself. What must it be like for wives whose husbands commit adultery? What thoughts go through their minds?

An ex-wife of a chronic adulterer has shared her personal story with us: “I want people to wake up to the reality of the horror of cheating, lying, and betrayal, the horror that all those faithful wives of those Christian men who had Ashley Madison accounts are experiencing right now.”

Special thanks to the brave anonymous woman who was willing to dig deep and dredge up memories of her painful past in order to give us a window into the her world as the victim of her husband’s shameless sexual infidelity. Be forewarned – this is difficult to read. ~ja


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My Husband Betrayed Me

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I would like to share my story with you. The only two reasons I haven’t wondered if my Christian ex-husband’s email was on Ashley Madison is 1) he is way too cheap to ever have paid for something like that, and 2) I already know that he cheated on me multiple times.

We were both raised in the church and met at a Christian College. He came from a “good” family, well-known in our Reformed denomination. We married after graduation, at age 21. I was a virgin, he was not.

We were married for several years before our first child was born. During that time we both worked and he pursued his MA and then PhD. We attended church weekly, were members of a small group, helped in the nursery, tithed regularly, etc. We had more children, and he began teaching as an adjunct at several local schools. Finally, he got a tenured position at a Christian college. Several months after he began teaching there, I discovered that he had been cheating on me for the past several years. When asked, he initially didn’t even know how many women he had slept with. I told him that he needed to remember, and he came up with a list of 15 women he had slept with and several more that he had had physical contact with, but not intercourse. Several of these women had been his students, and all of them were 20-something (he was in his late 30s).

Josh Dugger, Affair, Infidelity, Sexual Immorality, Ashley Madison, Personal StoryI was not specifically opposed by the church in my decision to divorce my husband, but I was not supported either. My pastor kept pushing me for reconciliation while grudgingly admitting that infidelity was “Biblical grounds” for divorce. My family supported me completely, but his family did not. One (male) member of his family sent me a bizarre email in which he said, “I am sickened by infidelity and I don’t say that self-righteously because I fear that it is not far away from any man or woman. But we can kick it back and fight it a little and gradually win.” I couldn’t believe he (an elder in his church) would say that infidelity was not far from anyone. I would no sooner commit adultery than I would go rob and kill my neighbor. Is this typical of the mindset of men in the church, that infidelity is an easy sin to commit?

The damage done to me by my husband’s infidelity was worse, by far, than any physical and emotional pain I have ever experienced, and I have lost babies to miscarriage and loved ones to cancer. It has been 6 years since I found out and the pain still catches me by surprise sometimes. One of the most frustrating things I have experienced during my time of healing has been hearing infidelity discussed almost as an abstract concept. One almost never hears the raw words from those wounded by betrayal. I wrote this 4 years ago but I want to share it with you in light of the Ashley Madison stories. I want people to wake up to the reality of the horror of cheating, lying, and betrayal, the horror that all those faithful wives of those Christian men who had Ashley Madison accounts are experiencing right now.

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 So, Let’s Actually Talk about What “Extramarital Affairs” Really Look Like

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“Let’s finally let “honesty” actually MEAN HONESTY. I am just sick of euphemisms, frankly, like “marital trouble.” In a way I wish every awful, sordid detail was known by everyone because this is awful and it has shattered my life, and my children’s lives, and I HATE it that it gets cushioned. So, let’s actually talk about what “extramarital affairs” really look like:

  • It’s me with my feet in the stirrups while some strange man puts his fingers up inside me to check for an STD because my husband didn’t use a condom every time he slept with all those 20-something girls, but he can’t exactly remember how many times he did or didn’t use one.
  • It’s me getting an email from my husband, while he’s on the road at a conference,  telling me how much he loves me and the children and how much he “cherishes me,” the morning after he slept with some married woman he met through MySpace.
  • It’s me at my husband’s PhD party, sitting with some church friends one table over from the grad student he’s currently having an affair with.
  • It’s me saving my virginity for a “good Christian husband” who ends up sleeping with everyone he can get his hands on.
  • It’s me running screaming out of my bedroom at my parents’ house, hitting and kicking the walls, and having to be restrained by my dad while I lose control of my bladder and pee all over myself because I’m so devastated by what my husband just confessed.
  • It’s me bursting blood vessels in my eyes and face from crying so hard after lying on the floor of my bedroom, curled in the fetal position, wishing more than anything in the world that I had a gun in my hand, and knowing exactly what I would do with it if I did.
  • It’s me desperately wishing I wasn’t pregnant with my second baby when he confesses to visiting strip clubs and having “feelings” for a co-worker.
  • It’s me finding an email to a woman who says, “I want your naked ass” and being told “it’s just a coarse joke” and “she’s just a friend.”
  • It’s me getting a suggestion via email from him, when he’s already had affairs with a waitress, a co-worker, and several other women: “I think you could have a sunny disposition if you’d put your mind to it.  Maybe if you had some time to meditate on a psalm every day?”
  • It’s me packing up and preparing to leave beloved friends, family, house, city, job,neighborhood, and church, to follow him to his new teaching job at a Christian college across the country; meanwhile, he’s having final good-bye sex with his 19-year-old girlfriend across town.
  • It’s me sitting alone, bored and lonely, while visiting his family over Christmas break, flipping through old issues of National Geographic, while he sneaks his now-20-year-old girlfriend into the house we own in the city; the tenants are conveniently away, leaving a variety of beds to choose from.
  • It’s me finding a phone bill with hundreds of calls to the same number, some of them on my birthday, and being told “she’s just a friend” and “we like to talk about music and stuff – I had no idea I was talking to her so much.”
  • It’s me deciding to avoid the family reunion at which I could have seen, for the last time, one of the dearest and most wonderful women I’ve ever known, because I couldn’t bear to see him basking in the usual family admiration and adoration with none of them knowing the truth of his character.
  • It’s me listening to my 13-year-old son say quizzically “I still don’t understand what Dad did” after his dad has told him that he had “been with another woman,” and having to look him in the eye and say “He had sex with someone, and it happened more than once” and see his face fall and his lip quiver.

THAT is what “being the wronged party” looks like. IT’S EVIL AND IT WAS ABSOLUTE HELL AND IT SHOULD NOT BE SUGARCOATED.

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photo credits: IMG_3314 and no more love via photopin (license)

Is Paul Tripp Violating Counseling Code of Ethics by Releasing Statement about Tullian Tchividjian?

Paul Tripp, Tullian Tchividjian, Code of Ethics Violations, Divorce, Christian Counseling


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Paul Tripp Releases Statement about Tullian Tchividjian and Divorce

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Recently, I posted about Tullian Tchividjian, former senior pastor at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church (CRPC) who recently filed for divorce from his wife, Kimberly, of 21 years: Tullian Tchividjian Files for Dissolution of Marriage and Timeline.

Today, there is a new development regarding Paul Tripp, who has recently counseled Tullian Tchividjian.

Here’s a little background on Paul Tripp:

Dr. Paul David Tripp is a pastor, author, and international conference speaker. He is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries and works to connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. This vision has led Paul to write 15 books on Christian living and travel around the world preaching and teaching. Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of Jesus Christ speaks with practical hope into all the things people face in this broken world. (Source)

Paul Tripp released a public statement on his website today regarding Tullian Tchividjian and his divorce filing:

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Paul Tripp linked to his statement from his public Facebook page and I noted some concerning comments:

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pt tt2
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The Relationship Between Tullian Tchividjian and Paul Tripp

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As we consider this public statement, and the fact that Paul Tripp is Tullian’s counselor, I think it’s important to look at their relationship and friendship. Paul David Tripp has spoken at Liberate conferences in 2012, 2013, 2014, and this past February 2015, only two months before he found out about his wife’s affair.

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Conferences Together

Paul Tripp, Tullian Tchividjian divorce

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 Counseling Ministry Together

At the Association of Biblical Counselors website, both Paul Tripp and Tullian Tchividjian are listed as contributing authors.

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Tripp and Tchividjian Published a Video Together

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Book Endorsement

Paul Tripp has endorsed Tullian Tchividjian’s book, Surprised by Grace, “In this wonderful book Tullian creatively and clearly does with the story of Jonah what the Bible was designed to do. He helps you see yourself and weep and see your God and rejoice. Read. It will deepen your sense of need and your affection for the God who meets you in the middle of it.”
Paul Tripp, President, Paul Tripp Ministries”

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Is Paul Tripp Violating Counseling Code of Ethics?

It is clear that not only do Tchividjian and Tripp identify themselves as friends, they are also in ministry work together. This poses a conflict of interest when Tripp puts on his counselor hat. Here are specific codes of ethics regarding counselors who counsel friends or business acquaintances. They come from two different sources, American Counseling Association and American Association of Christian Counselors. I believe Paul Tripp may have violated these codes:

From the American Counseling Association Code of Ethics:

 A.5.d. Friends or Family Members Counselors are prohibited from engaging in counseling relationships with friends or family members with whom they have an inability to remain objective.

From the American Association of Christian Counselors, I found the following code of ethics that would apply:

1-140: Dual and Multiple Relationships Dual relationships involve the breakdown of proper professional or ministerial boundaries. A dual relationship exists when two or more roles are mixed in a manner that can harm the counseling relationship and/or the therapeutic process. This includes counseling, as well as personal, fraternal, business, financial, or sexual and romantic relationships. Not all dual relationships are necessarily unethical—it is client exploitation that is wrong, not the dual relationship in and of itself. However, it remains the responsibility of the counselor to monitor and evaluate any potential harm to clients.

1-140-c: Counseling with Family, Friends, and Acquaintances Christian counselors do not provide counseling to family members or close friends, as dual relationships with other family members, acquaintances, and fraternal, club, association, or group members, are potentially troublesome and best avoided, otherwise requiring justification.

1-140-d: Business and Economic Relations Christian counselors avoid partnerships, employment relationships, and close business associations with clients.

I believe Tripp was wrong to release a public statement on behalf of Tullian Tchividjian. He gives Tullian a supportive voice, but notice there is no voice for Kimberly. Additionally, we read in the statement of Tullian’s repentance. I’m unclear how Tripp can know of Tchividjian’s repentance. What is he basing it on – Tullian’s words alone? Aren’t they living in different states? Has he inquired of Tchividjian’s friends and family to see this repentance in action? Furthermore, Tchividjian, by the vow he took to be a Presbyterian minister, should have been under the counsel of his elders at CRPC, who have been with him for the last few years and know the family.

Tullian Tchividjian, by seeking out his friend for counsel, smacks of the good ol’ boys club: you pat my back and I’ll pat yours; you write a book endorsement for me and I’ll invite you to speak at my church’s Liberate conference; I go to you for counseling and name you publicly and you help me and my reputation when I file for divorce.

Does anyone know who is overseeing Paul Tripp?  I sure hope professional counselors will speak up about this obvious conflict of interest and potential violation of ethics.

Will Anna Duggar be offered as the next live sacrifice to save the Duggar Family Brand? Scapegoating, “Spread Your Legs Theology” and the Modern Molech

Toward understanding the blame borne by wives in Duggar Family religion in the wake of Josh Duggar’s involvement in the Ashley Madison scandal

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Peter Kupcik free image @ 123rf.com

Peter Kupcik
free image @ 123rf.com

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by Cindy Kunsman

Originally posted on 22Aug15 at UnderMuchGrace.com

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I’ve tried for more than 48 hours to write this, but having watched this scenario play out with other followers of Bill Gothard, it brings up so many disturbing emotions for me, I found myself too caught up in them.  As the media begins to report, Anna Duggar will share in the blame for her husband’s sins and divorce will be strongly discouraged if not demonized.  I’ve watched it happen with other people who follow this belief system, over and over again.

I don’t know how the family will make her the scapegoat for his behavior prior to their courtship, but they will scapegoat her for his infidelity.  The wife’s exemplary performance allegedly and magically prevents a husband from indulging in sin.  We see elements of this same mindset in the blaming behavior of Tullian Tchividjian.  Such magical thinking rests at the core of all of the beliefs within the Duggars’ cultic excuse for sanitized and superior Christianity.

Precipitating Events

In May of this year (2015), documentation of Josh Duggar’s molestation of several sisters went public.  He resigned his job, and his parents lost their Learning Channel Show which highlights their lifestyle built around the ideology promoted by Bill Gothard’s family-oriented teachings.  Their long-standing relationship of mutual endorsement with Mike Huckabee dissolved.  I read in a tabloid that the Duggars approached the network with a new spinoff show idea wherein they would counsel sex abuse victims (shame-based/Gothard-style, I would assume).  A few days later, news broke about more of Josh Duggar’s questionable behavior when hackers released the names of subscribers to the Ashley Madison adultery website — a service that he stopped using in May when news of his predatory sexual behavior went public.  He and his parents confirmed the accuracy of his use of this adultery site on their family blog

The Scapegoat

Under Old Testament Law, to atone for sin, a family was required to give one spotless sacrifice to be offered at the Temple to atone for their sins, but the Devil was given his due as well.  Each family also transferred their sins on to a goat which was sent out into the wilderness as an offering to Azazel, the name of a fallen angel (Leviticus 16).  Today, scapegoating represents a surrogate who is used to purge another individual or group of the appearance of wrongdoing.  This scapegoat “takes the fall” for another to restore them to good standing.

Berlet and Lyons identify scapegoating as one of the elements of how Right Wing Conservatives  process their experiences and respond to them within secular society.  Politically, it is a powerful “ideological weapon,” yet those within Christian Patriarchy also use scapegoating in family and personal relationships in much the same way.  It’s so much easier to lay blame on a demonized other than it is to either accept flawed reality or take responsibility for a less than perfect outcome.

The Woman Problem

Within the religion followed by the Duggars, gender hierarchy provides a convenient route for scapegoating which protects men and lets blame “roll downhill” on to women — including the blame for original sin.  One cannot fully understand the mindset of the Duggars until they acknowledge this scapegoating and the history of the theology that supports it.  One must also acknowledge the nature of the indoctrination that families like the Duggars endure, instilling them with empty promises that find their roots in disdain.  I’m sure Anna will be presented, over and over again with the challenge, “Me?  Obey him?”   Just as is true of John Piper, Bill Gothard also draws on this tradition forged by John R. Rice which was carried on by the Independent Fundamental Baptist tradition.

I sincerely wish that I could say that this tradition started in the 20th Century, but I believe that all Rice did was draw on the sentiments of those who preceded him.  Author Bob Edwards just published a very moving Bob Edwardspost about the long tradition of deception in Christianity and the deeply personal journey that drew him to this study.  It is well worth reading in its entirety, but this element of it describes just a portion of this long history of “the woman problem.”

Then I came across a historical book that continues to haunt me. It contained court transcripts of all of the women killed by men, acting on the authority of the church, during the Inquisition. It had their names, and the charges against them. Many of the women were found guilty of “witchcraft;” specifically, something called “love magic.” This meant that a man had allegedly been so bewitched by a woman that he couldn’t help committing adultery with her, or perhaps even raping her. Sexual sins committed by men were blamed exclusively on their female partners or victims. I read hundreds of names, maybe thousands. I lost count. I became dizzy. I didn’t realize it at first, but I had stopped breathing. I felt like I was going to die. Something inside me broke.

This notion that women must be subject to men had nothing to do with God, the gospel, servant-leadership, or the love of Jesus Christ. It was born of fear, hatred, and a felt “need” for control. It was prejudice, and it had led to subjugation, oppression and even mass murder.

Read more HERE about how Gothard and the theology that influenced him blame women and children for their own sexual assault.

“Spread Your Legs Theology”

I cannot begin to enumerate the contemporary references to this element of the scapegoating which lays blame on a wife for their husband’s sins against them.  Shirley Taylor describes many of them in her first bookDMSI’ll mention a few names that used to carry a great deal of respect.  Tim Keller was once chief among them for me but now offers what I find to be disturbingly strange writing about sex, what it should be, and what it should mean.  The Mahaneys, the Driscolls, the Wilsons, and pastors and their wives who I know in real life blame the wife for their husband’s sins.  I can’t stomach documenting the numerous statements, but do a bit of googling, and they are sure to turn up.



“If your house were cleaner, he wouldn’t cheat…  If you gave him enough sex, he wouldn’t cheat…  If you hadn’t “let yourself go,” he wouldn’t cheat…  If he were satisfied in bed at home, he would never have put photographs of his genitalia online to find flings… Love him with ‘ooey gooey love’ and let love cover a multitude of sins’ by ignoring how he treats you…  Be his ‘on demand’ sex kitten’…  Be a whore in the bedroom and a saint in the kitchen… If he still cheats, you aren’t trying hard enough…  You’re getting just what you deserve and just what you earned ‘…

Shirley and CindyShirley (the aforementioned author) privately whispered to me a few years ago, qualifying these teachings as “spread your legs theology.”   (I’m glad that she’s finally willing to claim the phrase, as when I first heard her use it, she was not ready to go public.  Today, she’s willing to claim the credit.)  It sounds offensive, but with this filth that is promulgated in the name of the Christian Faith today, I don’t see it as that inaccurate.

All a woman’s worth is based not in her self and her image that was created in the Image of God but in the anatomy between her legs — a receptacle for conquer through piercing and a baby machine which allows men to take dominion over the earth to redeem it.  Why would young men raised with this mindset see women as anything other than an object for their use and pleasure, bound to servile obedience in order to be acceptable to God?

A good part of the world watched the Duggar Family market the formula that promises the raising of perfect and wholesome kids.  I feel terrible for the Duggars for buying into the lie as I watch them pay the price for their moral disengagement — the illusion that obediently following Gothard’s plan makes them innocent of the fruit that the plan produces.  They had faith in its ability to make them impervious to the problems with which they now wrestle.  (Consider also that not all of the family’s problems have come to public light.)  I’m sure that in their shock, they will continue to stick by their commitment to the formula, and we will see the “spread your legs” element of it piled upon Anna.

But is it for God’s glory or just as social proof to attest to the validity and the purity of the traditions of men?

The New Altar of Molech

Molech was an Ammonite deity who represented masculinity and the part that man played in reproduction to bring about life, and his consort was Ashtoreth, a female deity of fertility.  Canaanites, Philistines and other people in North Africa worshiped these deities and offered their first-born children as live sacrifices to Molech.  Ashtoreth was worshiped through shrine prostitution and other ritualistic sex acts.  The altars of Molech were statutes made of brass and were heated from the inside, so that when children were placed in the arms of statute, they would burn alive and would then be engulfed by flame.  The parents then earned divine favor from Molech in exchange for their child’s life.

I think so often of this image when women within this modern religious movement must willingly bury their talents and their gifts and even their identity as fully human in the eyes of God.  They are said to be the indirect and derivative of man, so they are of lesser essence.  Their sole purpose is also lesser as they were created for man’s use.  They are told that they must sacrifice all to make their religious system work through servility which they must accept with grace and joy.

Like the parents who took their firstborn children to the altar of burning brass as they stood as drums drowned out the voices of their child’s screams, women like Anna Duggar are called to crawl up on the altar of the traditions of men in an act of worship to an ideology that promises to save them.

Who do the Duggars really worship?  Is it the altar of a foolish consistency for their own brand, or has Bill Gothard’s version of truth completely eclipsed the simplicity of the Gospel?  How is this magical thinking not an example of “spread your legs theology” ?  How does any of it glorify God?

My Grief and Hope for Anna Duggar

How my heart aches for Anna and her children.  I cannot help but think of this image as I read about Josh’s continued actions.  I know well the way divorce — even divorce that is allowed in the Bible because of adultery — is vilified.  She was likely seen as the “cure” what would heal Josh of his sexual deviance. The theology that blames women for every sin back to the beginning of the Fall of Man, and like Eve, she has failed.  I know it what will happen.  I have seen it.  I have watched it destroy people and crush them.

I want to tell Anna to run from the brass arms of the idol that has been built in the name of a family because of the empty promises of a deluded, sick man who is also a sex abuser — Bill Gothard.  I want to protect her somehow from the burning that will be sold to her as the purifying of her soul as opposed to an unholy sacrifice to a cultic theology of fantasy.   I want to tell her to take her children and run as far as she can from the fire, but I doubt that she will.  She loves the ideal to which she has pledged her life.  As is true of any young wife, despite what has happened, I know that she loves her husband and the father of her children.  But I also know that she loves a fantasy that she’s been forced to accept.

I can pray.  I can write about how, from my perspective, she’s worshiping a hollow tradition that has made empty promises to her.  How I pray that when the burdens of that life to which she’s bound so tightly become too heavy that she will ask God to show her how her burdens can be made light and how her soul can find gentle rest in Him!  Perhaps then, she may somehow find her way to these words and will take them to heart, and the God of all comfort will reveal Himself to her in strength.  Deliver her, Lord — soon!  May it be sooner than I can imagine.

Tullian Tchividjian Files for Dissolution of Marriage and Timeline

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Public records from Florida courts show that former pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church (CRPC), Tullian Tchividjian, has filed for dissolution of marriage from his wife, Kimberly, on August 20, 2015.

This filing comes only two months after Tchividjian released a public statement to the Washington Post:

Twitter photo

Twitter photo

“I resigned from my position at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church today due to ongoing marital issues. As many of you know, I returned from a trip a few months back and discovered that my wife was having an affair. Heartbroken and devastated, I informed our church leadership and requested a sabbatical to focus exclusively on my marriage and family. As her affair continued, we separated. Sadly and embarrassingly, I subsequently sought comfort in a friend and developed an inappropriate relationship myself. Last week I was approached by our church leaders and they asked me about my own affair. I admitted to it and it was decided that the best course of action would be for me to resign. Both my wife and I are heartbroken over our actions and we ask you to pray for us and our family that God would give us the grace we need to weather this heart wrenching storm. We are amazingly grateful for the team of men and women who are committed to walking this difficult path with us. Please pray for the healing of deep wounds and we kindly ask that you respect our privacy.”

Tullian’s wife, Kim, released her own statement to Washington Post on the same day, which underscored that all was not well with their marriage (bolding is mine):

The statement reflected my husband’s opinions but not my own. Please respect the privacy of my family at this time, thank you. I do thank everyone for the outpouring of love for my family as well during this difficult time and we appreciate all the prayers and support we are receiving.”

Here are the public records of the filing:

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Tullian Tchividjian dissolution of marriage

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In October of 2013, Tullian Tchividjian’ book, One Way Love: Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World was published. I found an excerpt from the book in this article, Marriage and One-Way Love:

A marriage flavored by one-way love eschews score-keeping at all costs. It is not a fifty-fifty proposition, where I scratch your back and then you scratch mine. A grace-centered marriage is one in which both partners give 100 percent of themselves. They give up their right to talk about rights. This means that a grace-centered marriage, in theory, is one where both parties are constantly apologizing to each other, asking for and granting forgiveness. No one is ever innocent in a grace-centered marriage. If original sin is as evenly distributed as the Bible claims it is, then both parties have some culpability. Every marriage is the union of two selfish people, fighting for their way, desperate to win. That’s why an apology so often feels like we are betraying ourselves. We would rather see a marriage fall apart than cede any ground in the “war of the roses.”


In April of 2015, he spoke at Concordia to seminary students. We know that he found out about his wife’s affair 3 months before he released his statement, so that means when he spoke at Concordia, her extra-marital affair was certainly on his mind. The talk may have coincided with his own infidelity because he said in his statement that he sought solace from a female friend after finding out about his wife’s affair, which resulted in his own extra-marital affair.

The beginning of his talk at Concordia was about the law and the gospel. He expressed how he believes many pastors have been teaching it wrong for years and harming people. At the end of the talk, around the 40-minute mark, he gives an illustration of what he views as a true gospel response as he describes his wayward eldest son. It was uncomfortable listening to him talk about his son, knowing what was currently going on at home. What would his kids feel about this talk, knowing their parents’ marriage was shattered?  It was disturbing to hear him talk about sin in a light-hearted manner, especially in reference to his new grandson as “payback.”


June was when we heard about both affairs via the public statements, and that Tullian Tchividjian was stepping down at CRPC.


In July, Christianity Today reported that Tchividjian would be receiving week-long counseling from Paul Tripp:

The counselling reportedly started this week, and Tripp will be working closely with Tchividjian to evaluate the root causes of the affairs and seek personal healing. According to the source, Tchividjian has already repented his sins and is “seeking wise biblical counsel” to ensure a lasting positive change in his life. His wife Kim went with him for counselling as well.


August 11, Tchividjian was stripped of his minister’s credentials:

The South Florida Presbytery (SPF) of the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) voted at its meeting on August 11, 2015 to depose Tullian Tchividjian from the ministry. The PCA Book of Church Order (BCO) says that, “Deposition is the degradation of an officer from his office.” That is, the minister has his ordination credentials removed so that he no longer can perform the duties of a minister of the Gospel. (The PCA’s South Florida Presbytery Deposes Tullian Tchividjian from Ministry).


August 20, only nine days after having his ordination credentials removed, Tullian Tchividjian filed for divorce from his wife of 21 years.

How has the Josh Duggar Scandal affected you? Are you experiencing painful reminders?

Josh Duggar, sex scandal, painful reminders, homeschool movement, patriarchy, purity and modesty culture, Bill Gothard

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Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and Their Son, Josh Duggar Release Statement Regarding Josh’s Marital Unfaithfulness, and Poof, it’s Gone!

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Jim Bob and Michelle and Josh Duggar release statements related to reports of Josh’s sexual infidelity

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Josh Duggar Reportedly Had Account at Ashley Madison, the Site Used to Help Married People Find Someone with Whom to Have an Extramarital Affair

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Josh Duggar reportedly had accounts at Ashley Madison for the intention of connecting with  people who want to have extramarital affairs.

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Tullian Tchividjian Stripped of Pastor Credentials; Continues Speaking Behind the Pulpits of Twitter and Facebook

Tullian Tchividjian is deposed from ministry by Presbytery; Tchividjian continues his social media platforms

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Is homeschooling the vehicle by which abuse can be more easily facilitated?

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Sex abuse, identification abuse, social isolation, food deprivation – Is there a common denominator?

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Targeting Gender Confusion of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, and Franklin Graham

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Gender confusion, fuzzy lines, CBMW, Franklin Graham, and Target removing signs

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Is it Okay for Christians to Say “RIP” Regarding the Death of an Unbeliever?

Christians responding to unbeliever’s death

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I found a tweet by Saiko Woods on Twitter that stopped me in my tracks. I believe this tweet was in response to tweets about Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, who died earlier this week:

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What are your thoughts on Mr. Woods’ comment?  What theology is he talking about? How should Christians respond to the death of an unbeliever?

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What Can Happen to Sex Abuse Survivors When They Are Not Believed or Supported?

Sex abuse survivors need to be believed and supported

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Incest Survivor Shares Her Personal Thoughts about the Josh Duggar Case: “Truth and Reconciliation”

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Sex Abuse, Incest, Truth and Reconciliation, Josh Duggar, 19 Kids and Counting, Purity Culture

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What is it like for a sex abuse survivor to see the news of a sex abuser and victims on National television? What is it like for a survivor to hear the words of parents explain away abuse, when leaders fail to put responsibility where it belongs, on the offender?

Lorraine Dresch watched the Josh Duggar sex abuse story unfold, and with writing talent beyond her years, shared from her heart to tell her personal story and respond to what she saw in the media.

Lorraine describes herself as a “19-year-old Asian-American woman in recovery from anorexia nervosa, PTSD, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, and anxiety. She is about to begin her second year of college as an English major. She hopes to be a teacher or professor of English after schooling and live in a pretty little house with her cats.”

She blogs at The Feathered Elephant and wrote an article, Truth & Reconciliation, which she graciously allowed me to share with you here.  This post is longer than usual, so pull up a chair and listen carefully to the words of a survivor.  I so appreciate Lorraine’s brave voice!  Thank you, Lorraine!

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Christian Blogger Claims that Husbands Don’t Like to Use Words to Resolve Marital Conflict, Physical Force Works Better

Christian Patriarchy: men who resort to physical force (wife spanking, restricting movement, etc), to gain control of their wives

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A Closer Look at Ethical Issues Involving First Christian Church of Florissant and the Counseling They are Offering to Sex Abuse Victims

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Pastor Steve Wingfield and First Christian Church of Florissant offer counseling to Brandon Milburn’s sex abuse victims, but are there ethical issues involved?

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Pastor Chuck O’Neal Who Sued 5 Former Church Members for $500,000 for Defamation Claims His First Amendment Rights are Violated When Police Officer Asks Him to Move to Side of Road to Preach

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Pastor Chuck O’Neal claims Portland-area police officer is threatening his First Amendment Rights. This is the same pastor who sued 4 former church members  $500,000 for speaking out publicly against him.

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