The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.
Chapter 5 – What Submission Looks Like
This chapter is a lot more straight forward than the last chapter, meaning there’s no jumping around, yet the contradictions remain. Let’s start with this one:
You see, the best thing you can do for your children is to love their father deeply and care for his needs. Too many wives neglect their husbands once they have children. We think they are grown men and can take care of themselves, but they still need a help meet.
Hold on now! What happened to men don’t need a mother because they are grown ups and can do what they please? Can’t these independent men take care of themselves? Why do they desperately need a help meet to take care of them? Men, how did you manage to stay alive so long?
I’m sure you’re all wondering what submission means to Lori. This is very important to know because according to Lori:
We preach the gospel to a lost world when we submit happily to our husbands as Christ did to the father.
No, Lori. Complementarianism is not the gospel. The gospel is about the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. This is husband idolatry.
Here is what submission looks like in Lori land:
- Forgive easily and immediately. Only think nice thoughts about your husband and you will treat him nicely.
- Value your husband’s ideas and don’t mock them.
- Don’t expect your husband to live up to all of your expectations. Does this work the other way around?
- Don’t try to control your husband. At all.
- Love, serve, respect, submit, please, and obey your husband.
- Finally, obeying your husband in all things.
What does it mean to obey your husband in all things? Lori wants you to ask your husband questions to find out: what food he likes and prepare them, how he likes you to dress, how you should respond to him, how tidy he wants you to keep the house, and all of the little things that makes him happy. Women, if you don’t know things such as what your husband likes to eat before you marry him, I would advise you to reconsider this relationship.
I thought I would ask my husband of 25 years (next week!) these things thinking that perhaps I’m lacking in the area of being submissive. So, I cornered him in the bathroom while he was in the tub (hey, I had a captive audience) and asked him about the above. Our conversation went like this:
Me: So, I’m trying to learn how to be a more submissive wife. Will you answer these questions so I can become a better wifey?
He: I guess. You know I’m in a vulnerable position here.
Me: What are your favorite foods you would like me to prepare for you?
He: Hamburgers. Well, duh. I knew that when we were dating just by the amount of times we would go to In-n-Out to eat.
Me: What would you like me to wear?
He: Nothing. Well, duh again.
Me: How would you like to respond to you?
He: Are you serious? (Big sighs. Lots of sighs.) I guess, honestly.
Me: How tidy would you like me to keep the house?
He: What a stupid question. Tidy as much as possible.
Me: What are the little things you would like me to do for you?
He: Again with the stupid questions. The little things only bring pleasure for a moment. It’s the big things that count. Are you honest? How do you treat people? How do you respond situations? Can I finish my bath along now?
This Q & A didn’t take long because he really thought it was silly. Do complementarian men really want a wife that is only there to please and satisfy him? Wouldn’t that get boring after a while? Does a complementarian wife really not see any value in having ideas and thoughts of her own? How about if a husband wants a wife to vote a certain way yet she is not comfortable doing so due to her own convictions? I can tell you that’s not gonna happen in my house!
I know this is getting long and I could go on and on. But, I have to end with this blog post that Lori features at the end of the chapter. This makes me dislike Ken more. His lack of empathy for Lori’s physical pain shows that he thrives on power and control over his wife. Is Ken’s ego so fragile that he must show how his wife is under his control? I would love to hear your thoughts about this quote from the post.
Ken loves to stand up during worship at church while we’re singing. I prefer to sit down since my lower back and feet hurt if I stand too long. On Sunday, he stood and I stood up beside him and asked him if he prefers I stand with him. He smiled and said, “Yes.” I then whispered why I don’t like to stand long. Later, we talked about it and he told me that I was welcome to sit down after a minute or two if I start to hurt at all, but he does like me standing beside him. So I decided I will stand now whenever he stands. My desire is to be a submissive wife and even if I’m not perfect yet, I am a lot better than I use to be!
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.