Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – The Penny Pincher

The Power of a Transformed Wife; Lori Alexander; Financial Teaching

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-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7   Chapter 8 – Part 1   Chapter 8 – Part 2    Chapter 9  Chapter 10   Chapter 11  Chapter 12   Chapter 13

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Chapter 14 – Talking About Your Financial Health

It is no surprise to anyone that people are living in debt today. Since the 2008 financial crisis, consumer debt has continued to rise and is now back up to the level prior to the Great Recession. Many Americans are one medical emergency away from financial ruin. In my work in human resources, specifically for those taking leave of absence, I can affirm that medical issues cause financial stress.

Personally, we have lived most of our married life paycheck to paycheck. We went into our marriage with credit card debt. Even though we both worked, we didn’t make enough to create a large savings. Rent was high in Southern California, then there was a car payment and paying for my schooling. Once kid #2 came into the picture we dropped down to one income for ten years. Forget saving for college – we had enough trouble paying for the mortgage, a car, food, gas, and expenses that go into raising kids.

I am not going to nitpick about some of the money advice Lori offers. We have never been good at sticking to a budget, so I don’t think I can offer much sage advice (except to seek professional financial counseling). However, I will cover some of the inconsistencies that I see in her book and what she shares on her blog and social media.

First off, Lori gives statistics and offers no sources to her findings. She states:

60 percent  of Americans have less than $1,000 in their savings account.

And…

Based on an analysis of Federal Reserve Statistics and other governmental data, the average household owes an astonishing $15,762 on their credit cards. These families are adding (and paying) at least $3,310 a year in interest (at 21 percent), which is a huge burden. Since American families have historically added 5 percent per year to this staggering amount, this figure will surely hurdle past the $20,000 mark – which means more bondage.

These statistics may be true, however, Lori never cites her sources. This is simply how Lori writes and it truly aggravates me. Numbers change all the time and it would be nice to know the dates of the data. I’m still amazed that her editor let this information through without the sourcing.

Lori’s advice to wives keeping their families financially afloat is:

Better yet, I think the Transformed Wife can be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. A stay-at-home mom can save a family all kinds of money, starting with having time to shop for the best deals on clothes, shoes, and groceries. She saves money by doing the house cleaning (no need to hire a maid service), as well as cooking and preparing healthy, delicious meals that are a fraction of what it costs to eat out. I’ve told young moms to look at the kitchen as a profit center.

All the stay-at-home moms out there who have time to spend hours pouring over grocery ads and drive to several stores to save money raise your hand! I know people do it, but I would venture to guess that a small minority of stay-at-home moms have enough time or energy to devote finding all those great deals. When you factor in the amount of time it takes to research deals and gas and wear and tear on your car, is it really worth it? Plus, if you’re homeschooling all those kids you’re supposed to be having, how do you have time for extreme couponing?

Let’s also talk about “no need to hire a maid service.” It is well known among people who cover Lori’s teachings that she had a house cleaner and nanny at one point when her children were little. She talked about this on her old blog, Always Learning. As far as I can tell all of these posts have been scrubbed off the blog. Lori has always dealt with medical issues and I certainly do not fault her for having a nanny or house cleaner to help while she was sick. The problem is that in her current teachings, she never acknowledges that at one time she relied upon these resources. And, she teaches that a woman is designed to be a keeper of the home, therefore a godly wife does not need to rely upon these resources.

I like living a frugal life.

It seems that a “frugal life” for Lori looks different than a frugal life for others. Let’s look at her Instagram post about making “Simple Homemade Kefir: Powerhouse of Nutrition”:

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From: thetransformedwife Instagram post, 11/27/17

On Amazon you can buy Maple Hill Creamery Grass-Fed Organic Plain Kefir for $46.99!!! Is it really this expensive in the store? Clover Sonoma Organic Whole Milk is sold by a delivery service in San Francisco for $3.99 for a half gallon.

Or, her post about what she uses to make bread:

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From: thetransformedwife Instagram post, 11/9/17

The two pack of flour on Amazon costs $20.64. This is not my idea of frugal bread making.

Or, the sunscreen she encourages people to buy:

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From: thetransformedwife Instagram post, 6/29/17

Beauty Counter Protect All Over SPF30 for $32. I could buy at least four bottles of regular sunscreen for the same price. I could also buy a tank of gas for my van or one bottle of sunscreen.

Lori encourages women to buy organic, yet live frugally. Sometimes it is difficult to find good organic products at a reasonable price. It is obvious that Lori has the money to buy organic products from health food stores and high-end skin care. That is nice for her. The problem is that when she tells women who might already be struggling financially that living organically is the way to go.

But there’s another aspect to keep in mind: saving money on household items may allow you to support that missionary family you met on furlough, or let you financially respond when your church announces a building drive. The Lord delights in our gifts – not because He needs them – but because we are faithful in supporting his work.

The ironic thing about this is that in the years I have been reading Lori’s posts I have never heard her talk about any charitable organization that she thinks is worthy of supporting financially. Maybe she gives and does not feel comfortable about disclosing that information. I would understand that. However, she doesn’t have a problem promoting products she uses. I would think she would be happy to promote non-profits that she finds worthy of time and money.

Lori ends this chapter with a blog post highlighting Carla, a woman who left a comment on one of her financial posts:

I work at our local YMCA to get a free family membership.

Well, well….the “amazing woman” she highlights works. I will say, this woman is smart! She’s earning money and her family receives the benefit of a place to exercise for free. Which leads me to my final point regarding talking about financial health.

Lori insists that a woman’s place is in the home and that she should not work. A woman facing financial difficulties needs to trust that God will provide. What if God’s provision is a job to help ease financial burdens on the family? If an opportunity arises where she can help support the family, and a woman insists that she cannot work outside the home because it is not “God’s design,” is she disobeying God? Perhaps it’s time for Lori to ease up on those who are struggling financially. Especially when she has a lifestyle that many of her readers would love to have.

 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

Lori Alexander Refuses to Talk About Abuse

Lori Alexander, Domestic Violence, Biblical Submission

Lori Alexander, domestic violence, abuse

Images used on The Transformed Wife blog posts. Left: “Married to Angry Men” on 9/9/17. Right: “Too Many Angry Wives” on 7/20/17

-by Kathi

There is nothing new under Lori Alexander’s sun. She still writes about submission, and I’m sure she always will. Every once in a while she will write a post that gives us an extra glimpse about how her teachings may keep women in abusive relationships. In “Sweating Bullets While Teaching Submission,” Lori tells us why she does not write about abuse.

Lori will write about submission and never mentions abuse because:

If you read other biblical marriage blogs, you will see that most of them have warnings all over them about abuse and what submission doesn’t mean. If you notice, my blog doesn’t have this. I have written many posts about submission and never even mentioned the word abuse on most of them. I do this purposefully because abuse and submission don’t go together as many today try to do by twisting and perverting the beauty of submission. (Yes,  I have a post on my side bar for those who are in marital crisis but it has nothing whatsoever to do with submission since even wives who aren’t submissive are physically abused.)

On purpose, Lori will not discuss abuse because she believes that “biblical submission” is not abusive. Continue reading

Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Repeat Five Times: Yoga Pants Are Not Modest!

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Modesty

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The only thing anyone should be lusting over is being able to do that fantastic yoga pose. Oh, how I would love to be that flexible!

-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7   Chapter 8 – Part 1   Chapter 8 – Part 2    Chapter 9  Chapter 10   Chapter 11  Chapter 12


Chapter 13 – How are You Dressing?

We have finally come to the chapter in which women are temptresses in their yoga pants and swimsuits. Yes, I admit to having read some of this chapter whilst wearing tight-fitting exercise pants. In order to not offend some readers, I shall wear loose-fitted pajama pants while writing this out.

Let’s start with the very first paragraph: Continue reading

Domestic Violence: A Call to the Church – Reevaluate Your Beliefs

Domestic Violence, Church Response, Beliefs

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-by Kathi


I am pausing our Sunday Gatherings for the rest of October. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and I would like to take this time to talk about how the church can effectively respond to domestic violence.

 

The church can be incredibly helpful to victims of domestic violence, or, it can be incredibly damaging to victims. The way in which a church responds to a victim depends upon the beliefs that the church has about domestic violence. This is an open challenge to the church to re-evaluate a few beliefs which may keep victims within abusive relationships. Continue reading

Domestic Violence: Education is the Key to Better Church Response

Domestic Violence, Church Response, Education

purple ribbons

-by Kathi


I am pausing our Sunday Gatherings for the rest of October. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I would like to take this time to talk about how the church can effectively respond to domestic violence.

The first time I was educated about domestic violence was in college as a ministry student 30 years ago. Sadly, I did not learn about the problem in any of my ministry classes. Church growth was the main focus at the time, not pastoral care. I pieced together my own ministry program that wasn’t offered, and included a class titled Violent Encounters in the Family. My eyes and heart were opened from that point on to advocate against abuse in any way possible.

I wrote my master’s thesis on Minister’s Knowledge, Views, and Attitudes Regarding Child Abuse. In 1996, my advisor thought this was unusual as she had never seen anything written about abuse from that perspective. Having been a ministry student, I knew that many pastors were not educated about abuse. My research, though very limited, confirmed that. Continue reading

Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – The Chapter that Doesn’t Belong

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Dating, Sexual Purity

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Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Birth Control and a “Funny Story”

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Birth Control, Submission

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Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Parents Rule, Children Drool

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Child Training, Submission

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Lori Alexander Dishes Out Heartless Advice to Wife Who Was Sexually Abused

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Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Shhhh…Be Very, Very Quiet

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Submission


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-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7


Chapter 8 – Part 1 – Win Him Without a Word

Due to the length and so much wrong happening, this chapter will be broken into two parts. Remember how the last chapter ended questioning whether or not wives didn’t have any words because they were too busy having sex? Oh, there’s so much more to winning over your husband.

Lori (ever so humbly) reminds readers again that she helps women who come to her complaining about their husbands. Lori’s “prescription” to winning over a husband is:

You can win him without a word by your grace-filled, godly behavior because a woman’s most potent voice is not the words that she speaks but the life she lives in front of her husband and children. This approach is reminiscent of the saying, ‘Preach the gospel at all times, and, if necessary, use words.’

Continue reading

Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Wives Give Sex. All the Time.

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Sex in Marriage, Submission


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Screenshot from The Transformed Wife Facebook Page – 6/15/17

-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6

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Chapter 7 – This Thing Called Sex

Oh, goody…the sex chapter! Before I started reading this chapter I thought to myself: “Self, I wonder what wise words Lori will give women about sex? Let me guess…It will be about how husbands want sex all the time, and how wives are to give it to them anytime.”

Lori’s opening sentence:

Men like sex…a lot.

Oh, self, I am not disappointed in you. P.S. Lori, women like sex…a lot…too! Continue reading

The Dangerous Teachings of Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife

Lori Alexander, Depression, Suicide

-by Julie Anne and Kathi

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Lori Alexander (Facebook photo)

Lori Alexander runs a blog and Facebook page called The Transformed Wife. Her Facebook page has over 21,000 followers! She models her ministry using the Titus 2 idea of older women teaching younger women. After 23 years of a difficult marriage, she claims her marriage improved after she applied God’s principles to her life; so she feels qualified to share with her followers how she learned to submit to her husband, and thus, have a happy marriage.

Lori appeals to women who want to be godly and obedient wives, serving their husbands. But as Kathi and I read her articles, we are alarmed by some of her teachings. Some of them put wives in harm’s way. Other teachings minimize serious mental health issues, or attempt to solve them by simply praying.

We are thankful to a reader on our Facebook page that brought to our attention Lori’s recent actions. Lori wrote a post this past week about depression and suicide among women and linked the post to her Facebook page.

We were sent this screenshot which shows a woman stating that she contemplated taking her own life. Lori’s response is to go to the Bible for strength. Thankfully, another reader responded with the advice to seek help immediately through the suicide hotline. Continue reading

Lori Alexander’s Damaging Advice Regarding Depression

Lori Alexander, Depression, Counseling

-by Kathi

Lori Alexander recently posted a YouTube video on her channel titled, “Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.”

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I have to ask this first: Why are people still making videos of themselves in their cars? I guess Lori was driving somewhere, had an inspirational moment about self-pity, and just had to record her thoughts right away. Does she want us to know that she actually does get out of the house?

Lori tells us that she has had years of illness, brain surgery, and problems with her neck and back, and watched those around her enjoy life. But her illnesses didn’t stop her from feeling sorry for herself. She learned from Oswald Chambers that self-pity is Satanic, therefore she wants nothing to do with self-pity.

Lori offers the following teaching for how to deal with suffering:

  1. Repeat: “The joy of the Lord is my strength” and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
  2. Listen to praise songs.
  3. Study I Peter and Philippians over and over. Renew your mind with God’s truth.
  4. Understand that you cannot be thankful and grateful if you are full of self-pity.
  5. Kick out self-pity quickly.

Lori acknowledges that depression and self-pity may be due to a bad childhood, abuse, or “whatever.” (Seriously, “whatever?” She is so empathetic.) Here’s the thing, folks….Lori Alexander is not a trained counselor and has no business telling people how to deal with depression!

Lori’s advice is dangerous because victims of childhood trauma and adult victims of abuse don’t just “kick out self-pity quickly.” Our brain is a complex creature and no one deals with trauma the same way. Telling people to “get over it” is not helpful and is more damaging. It is spiritually abusive to tell people that if they can’t stop feeling sorry for themselves then they don’t trust in God. Don’t fall for this lie. Continue reading

Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Don’t Argue. It’s That Easy.

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Marriage, Submission


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-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5

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Chapter 6 – Easy Conflict Resolution Continue reading

Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori’s All About Submission and Ken’s All About Control

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission


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-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4

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Chapter 5 – What Submission Looks Like Continue reading

Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Has a Habit of Contradicting Herself

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission


-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3

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“Trey’s” review of The Power of a Transformed Wife on Amazon

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Chapter 4 – Allow Him to Lead

I have been warned about the poor editing job of this book. It is starting to show in this chapter. Lori jumps around from topic to topic which starts to make this book seem more like a mismatch of ideas. The reality is, there are no new ideas from Lori in this book. You can read either of her blogs, or Debi Pearl’s book, and find the same ideas. That being said, I’ll try to keep to the main points and not drag you through the rabbit trail. Continue reading

How Lori Alexander’s Teaching May Keep Women in Abusive Relationships

Lori Alexander, Emotional Abuse, Headship, Submission

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-by Kathi

I’ve been reading Lori Alexander’s blogs for quite a while now. Just when I think her writing is the same old boring rhetoric she always blathers on about, she ups her game. Her recent post, “How Not to Get Married” is one that actually should be titled, “Five Easy Steps to Ensure You Stay In an Abusive Relationship.” Continue reading

Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – It’s All About Who’s in Control

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission


This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2

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Debi Pearl thinks Lori’s book gives “hope.” However, it seems that even she could not read through all of it.

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