Lori Alexander, Domestic Violence, Biblical Submission
There is nothing new under Lori Alexander’s sun. She still writes about submission, and I’m sure she always will. Every once in a while she will write a post that gives us an extra glimpse about how her teachings may keep women in abusive relationships. In “Sweating Bullets While Teaching Submission,” Lori tells us why she does not write about abuse.
Lori will write about submission and never mentions abuse because:
If you read other biblical marriage blogs, you will see that most of them have warnings all over them about abuse and what submission doesn’t mean. If you notice, my blog doesn’t have this. I have written many posts about submission and never even mentioned the word abuse on most of them. I do this purposefully because abuse and submission don’t go together as many today try to do by twisting and perverting the beauty of submission. (Yes, I have a post on my side bar for those who are in marital crisis but it has nothing whatsoever to do with submission since even wives who aren’t submissive are physically abused.)
On purpose, Lori will not discuss abuse because she believes that “biblical submission” is not abusive. Those that think submission leads to abuse are merely “twisting” the definition of submission. She allows a caveat with her added link to a post (about living with an angry husband) in which a wife should seek help from the authorities or church leaders if she is being physically abused. However, divorce is never an option according to Lori, and a wife should always try to restore her marriage. Why would a woman even bother seeking help if she is taught that submission means never leaving her abusive husband?
Women say that what I teach is “dangerous.” No, living in rebellion to the Word of God is dangerous; for we reap what we sow.
Lori would rather not talk about abuse because she believes “biblical submission” is what makes a marriage great and abuse does not exist. If abuse happens to a non-submissive woman, then she reaps what she sows. So, why even bother talking about abuse?
It is obvious that Lori would rather not talk about abuse when she allows comments such as Dave’s to stay on her blog:
I am left to assume that Lori is complicit with the thought that women have no rights in their marriage. After all, a wife’s main purpose is to please her husband.
Lori would rather not talk about abuse because wives have an incredible responsibility in the marriage:
We are responsible for loving our husbands according to God’s definition of love: long-suffering, kind, bearing all things, enduring all things, hoping all things, and believing all thing; for love never fails. It’s obeying Him even when we don’t feel like it. These are hard teachings in today’s feminist “hate the truth” environment in which we live but they hated Christ, so they will hate all those who teach the hard truths of God’s unchanging Word.
Lori places a heavy yoke on women who are in an abusive relationship. Even though she never mentions the word “abuse,” she is telling women: keep loving your abusive spouse, keep bearing the abuse, keep enduring the abuse, believe the Lord will change your abusive husband, and believe God will get you through the abuse. Lori would rather blame feminism instead of talking about abuse.
This entire post screams of why Lori should be talking about abuse. I agree that submission in itself does not lead to abuse. However, the way Lori describes what a wife should do is an abusive partner’s dream come true. Abusers are manipulative and controlling. Abusers may hold to strict gender roles and isolate their victims to solely depend upon him. I have seen comments on The Transformed Wife’s Facebook page from women who fear for their life, and Lori will tell them to pray harder and submit more. Then she deletes the comments.
It is a shame that Lori is not willing to address abuse on her blog. She needs to realize that abuse is a behavior issue, not a marriage issue. Lori states over and over that she writes to women and she does not have authority over men. There is nothing a wife can do that will change controlling, abusive behavior by her husband. That change lies solely on the husband to make.
It would be more helpful for Lori to talk about what abuse looks like and how a woman can protect herself. That will never happen, though, because that would mean that Lori would have to admit that sometimes abuse happens in “godly” submissive marriages. Sadly, I have a feeling that acceptance will never happen. Once again, Lori will loudly defend her teaching than defend victims of domestic violence.
P.S. – I offer the screenshots above that Lori used on two separate posts, one about angry husbands and one about angry wives. Notice the stark contrast between the two. The angry husband picture is white, flowery, and almost pure. The angry wife picture is, well, angry. It’s dark and in your face bold. This makes me wonder if Lori even likes women.