Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – When Proverbs 31 Becomes a To Do List

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Keeper of Home, Stay-at-home-Mothers, Working Mothers


-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7   Chapter 8 – Part 1   Chapter 8 – Part 2    Chapter 9  Chapter 10   Chapter 11


Chapter 12 – Keepers at Home

Do you find that women who write books or blogs about how God designed the weaker sex to stay at home are surprised to find that people may not agree with them? Is that surprise only in my imagination?

Encouraging women to be keepers at home is the most controversial topic on my blog, bar none. It seems like a lot of women want to work outside the home, which surprises me, so they give me an earful whenever I write about the positive side of being a stay-at-home-mom.

Nope, I’m not dreaming it. Why is it so “surprising” to Lori that women want to work outside the home? I think writers such as Lori feign surprise because for some reason they have a difficult time understanding that some people want to, or need to, live their life differently.

Staying home full time is difficult, I admit, but working outside the home on top of raising children, keeping a home clean and tidy, being a help meet to your husband, and fixing nourishing food is usually too much for anyone. Something will get neglected, and it’s usually the husband, who should be our first priority.

According to Lori, life is difficult no matter what decision you make, so why does it matter if a woman stays home or works outside of the home? I have run through all of these scenarios in my life so far: worked full-time and gone to school part-time with no kids at home, worked full-time with kids at home, worked part-time with kids at home, and stayed home to raise kids.

There was always something difficult that had to be tackled whether I was working or at home. There has always been untidiness because I have kids, and we live in a house. I find time to cook no matter what – and, sometimes we order pizza, too, because it’s good on a busy day (or when dinner doesn’t turn out as planned). And, there’s still time to spend with my husband, even if we are snoozing on the couch at 9 p.m. This is called being human, and life that happens when you have multiple people under one roof.

I could go on and on about this chapter. Instead I’ll highlight some of Lori’s teachings:

  • “Studies have proven that children need their mothers.” – Well, yes, Lori, of course children need their mothers. Which studies? Oh, the one she states is from the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. Lori never gives us the title of the study, so I guess we are left to believe that this journal article is very clear that women must stay home to raise children.
  • When children get older, mothers need to make sure they are watching appropriate TV shows and don’t go online to look at pornography. Again, every potential sinful act leads to children watching porn. Know what your children are doing at all times. Do your kids ever get a break from mom? Sounds suffocating.
  • Lori worked full-time for the first two years of her oldest child’s life and then stayed home. She states she will always regret those years. If Lori regretted working full-time while having children, then you will too. Forget all those mothers who enjoy their jobs and have good relationships with their children. They don’t exist!
  • Lori doesn’t think working part-time is a reasonable option either. Why? Because she didn’t work part-time when she had children. There are no options for women who need to work in order to financially survive.
  • Use your time wisely when you’re home with your children. No soap operas, letting your home get untidy, or children running like wild banshees. God is order, so your home must be too. Sounds like some idyllic fairyland to me.
  • Proverbs 31 teaches you what it means to be a keeper at home. Proverbs 31 is not a “to do” list!
  • Lori wants you to “spend more time at home than you do anywhere else.” Women are advised to keep the home clean and organized, live within the husband’s financial means, cook from scratch, don’t put the kids in too many activities, and don’t go to a lot of Bible studies or church events. Do whatever it takes to not neglect the home. I can see staying home with a tiny kiddo, but once they reach school age everything changes. If all I had done was spent every waking hour in my house, I would have gone nuts. My kids would have, too! One of the things I loved about homeschooling was taking my kids out of the house into our community.
  • Lori does encourage women to open their homes to guests. I’m okay with that. Although, it would take away time from cleaning out the closet.
  • Once a woman becomes middle-aged, she is encouraged to mentor younger women. The need is real and middle-aged women fail because “most of them don’t know what submission to a husband looks like or what a keeper at home means. Most of them don’t have good marriages and haven’t taught their daughters how to cook or be housekeepers.” Lori loves to generalize the female population.


At the end of this chapter, Lori laments that the church has dropped the ball in teaching older women to mentor younger women. Churches are not teaching the ways of John MacArthur, Michael Pearl, Voddie Baucham, or James Dobson, and this is why she must blog.

I say thank goodness many churches don’t follow the teachings of these men. Thank goodness that Christians have freedom in Christ. As far as Lori’s blog goes, she has every right to put her words out there. The world, and motherhood, wouldn’t end if she had to stop writing for some reason.

Of course, Lori ends the chapter with a comment (blog post) from one of her “many readers.” It’s three and a half pages on my Kindle – a very easy way to add pages to a book. And….next chapter is all about how women are to dress. I’m assuming we’ll be talking about yoga pants!

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – The Chapter that Doesn’t Belong

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Dating, Sexual Purity

Screenshot 2017-09-03 at 9.36.35 PM

Screen shot from The Transformed Wife’s Facebook Page

-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7   Chapter 8 – Part 1   Chapter 8 – Part 2    Chapter 9  Chapter 10 Continue reading

Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Birth Control and a “Funny Story”

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Birth Control, Submission

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How do you find rest for your soul?

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28
I just finished my junior year of college yesterday and now I am with some of the family at a lake house. As I was kayaking with my 11-yr old son, it was absolutely quiet on the lake. I could see pretty far down in the water. Various birds were circling around overhead, some would come down to the water and swim for a bit. 

As I closed my eyes and leaned back on the seat to rest a bit, I realized how long it’s been since I’ve deliberately taken a deep breath and heard the sounds around me. The idea that I have a few days where nothing is pressing is amazing. 

This is what I’ve been missing. Chillax time. Quietness. Breathing deeply. Listening to birds and the wind through the leaves. Walking barefoot on the sandy beach. Feeling the cool water on my feet. Watching the waves on the lake. This restores my soul. 

I look forward to reading a book and getting in some knitting and napping. Unwinding is good. 

What do you do for self-care? Hiw do you manage to take care of yourself when you are worn thin, emotionally and spiritually?

How do you find God during these times?

Dr. Dan Allender: Trauma, Our Personal Stories, and Recovery through Music

Dr. Dan Allender, Trauma, Music, Spiritual Abuse Recovery, Personal Stories



Those who have been reading here for a while know how important I believe it is for survivors to tell their abuse stories. It took a while for us to believe the lies our church leader(s) told us about who we are and who God is. Eventually, through manipulation and deceit, we then told ourselves those lies. These “recordings” played over and over in our minds until they were perceived as normal. This is all part of thought reform, patterns of coercion, manipulation, and control, that cult leaders use to keep us emotionally and spiritually bound to them and their teachings.

When we are finally in a place where we can identify truth from lies, we still have to wrestle with the recordings that play in our minds that attempt to shift us back to the dangerous teachings we heard. I strongly believe that hearing ourselves speak the truth when we tell our stories will eventually override the old and damaging recordings in our mind.

I believe this is why many survivors have a need to tell our stories over and over again. It doesn’t mean we are living in the past. No. I believe it means we are validating our experience and further pushing that false and destructive narrative out of our minds.

Telling stories is empowering. It gives us strength to stand on our own two feet and use our critical thinking skills. We own our stories, even though they are negative. But now, as we tell our stories safe from our abuser, we are in control, not our abusive spiritual leaders. We speak not as one who remains stuck as a victim, but as a survivor who can incorporate the negative experience into the fabric of our bigger life story in a positive way. It shapes us, it softens and humbles us. It still hurts at times, but we can become more resilient and intentional with this trauma behind us.

May we never tire of listening to the stories of survivors. When we do listen, we validate them and help them to become whole. Also, if we are survivors, may we never tire of telling our stories without apologies. It may be just what a listener needs to hear.

Lately, I’ve been reading about our body’s response to trauma, and this 2-minute video is fascinating. In it, Dr. Dan Allender helps us to understand the power of music used as a healing agent in relation to trauma. Continue reading

Doctrine, Debates, and Salvation. Will the real Christian please stand?

 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—

and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

not by works, so that no one can boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9


There has been heaviness for me this week, and it has wiped my writing mojo. But I have been thinking about a lot of spiritual stuff, and on a whim, I posted this on my Facebook status:

img_4014-1I have learned a lot these past 5 years. My spiritual beliefs have gone through the ringer as I re-evaluate what I believe and sift out the “teachings of men.” Christians have many differing opinions about doctrines. My salvation is not based on if I agree with you on Young Earth Creationism, pretribulation, Calvinism, Male Headship. Your salvation is not based on these highly controversial subjects, either.

We seem to lose the Gospel message when we get caught up in debates and abandon the people around us. I am Christian because I love Christ. I believe He gave me life through His death and resurrection. It is by His grace that I am His. If you believe in the essentials of the faith, you are my brother or sister in Christ. Period!

Am I the only one who is tired of all the drama about these issues? Just stop, already. Look around you, there are people in your midst who are hurting and need someone to be like Christ to them in a real and meaningful way as they maneuver through difficult waters.

This week, I have dealt with three cases of domestic violence, a shattered family, pedophile’s wife, a lawsuit, spiritual abuse, mental health issues, etc. People need Christ. They don’t need Calvin, pretribulation, male headship. They need Christ. I’m so sick of the doctrinal distractions. What matters?



Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Parents Rule, Children Drool

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Child Training, Submission

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Kari Benton Shares: Spiritual Recovery after a Lawsuit and Spiritual Abuse

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Lori Alexander Dishes Out Heartless Advice to Wife Who Was Sexually Abused

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