Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset

Lori Alexander, The Power of a Transformed Wife, Book Review, Gender Roles


transformed wife

Here we go!

-by Kathi

We have critiqued Lori Alexander’s blog posts as well as some of her commentors here at SSB. Now is the time to dive into her published book, The Power of a Transformed Wife (Publisher: Turning Page Books, September 30, 2016). I will be reading from the Kindle version of this book. Honestly, because it was cheaper and that means less of my hard-earned working money is going to Lori.

Lori first started writing at Always Learning. While she still posts on this blog, she is primarily writing at her new blog, The Transformed Wife.

I plan on covering a chapter at a time. There’s plenty of information in each chapter to give us good discussion. We’ll see how that goes. If I feel the need to break a chapter apart, I’ll make sure to let you know. Today we’ll look at the introduction and Chapter 1.

dedication

Introduction

Lori informs us that conflicts with her husband, Ken, started on their honeymoon. (Note: In Chapter 1 she tells us that conflicts started while they were dating.) She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

When their kids came along, they focused all of their energy on the kids and not on each other. Lori notes that her awakening moment happened when Ken asked her what would become of their marriage when the kids left the house.

Then, miracle of miracles happened! Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Helpmeet and her life was changed. She writes her book to be like Debi, to help young women who feel lost in their marriage.

My Life Growing Up

Lori starts off Chapter 1 saying that for 23 years she was a “neglectful wife.” She could always point blame at Ken, but most of their problems “resulted from the deep-seeded rebellion in my heart.” I think these two statements pretty much sum up this entire chapter.

Lori goes into great detail about her upbringing. I think the greater importance about this chapter is that it reveals much about her mindset. Based upon Lori’s experiences, I think she projects a lot on her blog and leaves little room to accept different ideas from women on how they live their life:

  • Lori’s mother complained to her about her dad when she was younger so she grew up not liking her dad. Lori often talks about not nagging your husband and not talking negatively about your husband. Lori states that her parents, now in their 80s, have a wonderful relationship, and you’re never too young to learn how to have a loving relationship.
  • Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends. Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.
  • Lori had a couple of boyfriends while in high school who “supposedly accepted Jesus into their hearts while we were dating.” Lori often questions women’s faith if they are not living according to God’s word — that is, Lori’s version of God’s word.
  • The dating advice that Lori received from her mother was to not have sex before marriage and to marry a Christian. Lori wishes she had more guidance about relationships and sex from her mother. Lori’s main purpose is “to help young wives not make the mistakes that I did.”
  • Lori went to college because her father wanted her to have an education so that she could find a job. All Lori ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. All women should only want to be a wife and mother.
  • Lori and Ken met in college and they argued a lot. When Ken asked her to marry him she said, “yes,” but was not excited. She says, “I knew I loved him even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy him.” Ouch!
  • When her first child was 4 months old, Lori went back to work. Lori describes this as a very painful time and she felt like she wasn’t being a good mother, wife, or teacher. Lori is continually stating that working mothers cannot possibly be good mothers because they are not home raising their children.
  • Lori has dealt with major illnesses, including two brain operations for tumors.
  • When Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, she realized she needed to do her part to make her marriage work. She credits Pearl’s book for helping her “develop confidence in my role as a Godly wife,” and I would guess that Lori would like to hear this said of her. Lori is constantly telling women that they need to do their part to make their marriage work. When it comes to husbands, Lori tells women that they are “called to submit to him and respect him, not try to control him.”

Lori ends Chapter 1 with an old blog post in which Michael Pearl and Voddie Baucham teach their sons to marry a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother. Apparently Christian men should not marry a woman who wants to be like a man. What makes a woman be like a man? A woman who is loud, independent, strong, or career-minded.

Why? Because the Bible that say that women should:

1) Love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4-5, Genesis 2:18),

2) Love their children and teach them (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 22:6),

3) Be pure, chaste, gentle, and quiet (Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:4),

4) Be keepers of home. This is her God placed ministry. (Titus 2:5), and

5) Be good – desiring to love home and husband. (Titus 2: 4-5)

Did you notice that there are only four verses listed in those points? Out of the entire Bible, these authors, including Lori, use four verses to tell women how they should live. I find that to be a great misunderstanding of scripture.

This brings us to the end of Chapter 1. I find this to be an eye-opening view into Lori’s mindset which helps bring some understanding into her writing and the advice that she gives women.

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – Get to Work! and Is This the End?

Complementarianism, God’s Design, Gender roles

Owen sitting on book.jpg

The Watch Dog may not be a sheep dog, but he’s fluffy like a sheep.

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

This is a very sad day, children. This is our last day to talk about God’s Design. I know, I know….we’ll get through this together. Today, we will talk about work and summarizing everything we’ve learned.

Made for Work

This chapter takes off by explaining how hard sheepdogs work. How appropriate is that for SSB?!

When I visited Ireland a couple of years ago, I had the pleasure of watching a herd of sheep driven down the road from one property to the other. The sheepdogs were definitely the workers. It was mesmerizing watching them run around the sheep making sure they all stayed moving in the right direction.

Just as sheepdogs are made for work, God designed men for work too (emphasis added).

Men are designed for work. Why is work a men’s only club? Because of Adam.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Genesis 2:15 (ESV)

Yes, we are reading the Bible that literally. Men work because God put man in the garden to work.

So where does that leave women? Of course, Eve was not created for work the way Adam was. She was a companion to Adam’s work.

Eve was created for Adam, and Adam was created to work.

As a woman, I’m left to believe that my only purpose is to serve and please a man. I guess there can be no satisfaction in any work that I do. How do comps feel about women who are EMTs and save lives on the way to a hospital? Do they mind that she’s not home where she should be when she’s working on getting their heart started? …or a woman police officer … or fire fighter who works at protecting their home and neighborhood? Or, heaven forbid, a woman in the military who fights for our country’s freedom. Are comps looking down on them thinking, “She should be home encouraging and supporting her husband!” Please, don’t answer that.

Oh, but children, you need to work too! No time for play and rest, you little sluggard! Be like the ants and go to school, answer questions in Sunday school, rake the leaves, take out the garbage, and pray! Or, better yet, be like Chick-Fil-A owner, S. Truett Cathy. Seriously, could they pick a more obvious example of how a good Christian works?

God’s Good Design and You

The final chapter. Here is what we learned in this book:

#1…The way God designed male and female is very good.

#2…Men were designed to lead, provide, protect (home and church), be strong, be responsible, be self-sacrificing, take initiative and work hard.

#3…Women are designed to encourage, support and submit to those that God has put in leadership above them, be a helper, be a companion, be gentle, be cooperative, and care for others and home.

#4…If we do not follow God’s design it’s like choosing to eat a burnt hot dog over a beautiful meal. (Really!)

#5…If we trust Jesus we will want to follow God’s design.

#6…If we pray God will help us fight the battle of sin over a wrong view of manhood and womanhood. (Notice that homosexuality was never mentioned.)

And, that’s what this book has left us with. If you do not follow the complementary view of gender roles you are sinning and rebellious. Thank goodness the book ends with a call to accept Jesus. It must end with the gospel!

Thanks for joining me on this journey through God’s Design. We’ve had some great discussion along the way. I hope you have enjoyed (is that the right word?) this series. It sure has been eye opening. If you’re all up for another book series, I’d be happy to do it again (because I’m a sucker for punishment and I take one for the team). Make some suggestions and let’s see where we go next.

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If you would like to read prior reviews on God’s Design, here are links in the order of the book chapters:

Know Thyself, Creature

Headship, Helper, and an Answer We Already Knew

Rebellion, a.k.a. It’s All Her Fault!

Teachings on Homosexuality as a Distortion of God’s Design

Examples of Complementarian Manhood and More Doublespeak

Examples of Godly Womanhood

Purity and Honoring God’s Design

Married/Single; Husband/Father; Wife/Mother

The Church and Learning About Things We Already Know 

 

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – The Church and Learning About Things We Already Know

Complementarianism, Women in the Church, Gender Roles, Proper Church and Family Roles

20170306_191504

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about God’s design for the church and how to learn God’s ways (as if this hasn’t already been said enough). Continue reading

Spiritual Sounding Board: Updating the Legacy – Year 5

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Boy, oh boy, it’s been FIVE years today since the beginning of my blogs, and tomorrow marks five years since being served with the lawsuit by my ex-pastor Chuck O’Neal of Beaverton Grace Bible Church. It’s a good milestone moment to update the legacy.

Here was my profile summary from the original blog (on Blogspot): Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book “God’s Design” – Married/Single; Husband/ Father; Wife/Mother

Complementarian, Gender Roles, Being Married, Being Single, Desiring God’s Influence

married-couple

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about marriage and singleness, husbands and fathers, and wives and mothers.  Continue reading

Personal Update

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snowI’m sure you have noticed the sporadic blog posts these past few weeks.

After taking off last term to recovery from a hysterectomy, I have gone back to school with a full load this term. I’m still not at 100% and require more sleep/rest than normal. All of the women who told me that this recovery takes up to a year are absolutely right. Whew! I just spoke to my advisor and we mapped out my classes. It looks like I should be able to graduate Spring 2018 with my Bachelors if all goes as planned.

I am trying to juggle a lot of things (mom, blog, school). I continue to do a lot of behind-the-scenes work on the blog. I still have the final post in the series on Tullian Tchividjian to post. Last week, I finally received a statement from a source that I had been waiting for, so that post should be coming soon.

Trying to balance all of the above is a challenge and I’ve needed take my own advice when it comes to self-care. Carrying so many abuse stories in my heart is taxing, so sometimes I just need to take a breather. This is important so I can be a better advocate, a better mother, a better student. I’ve had to mentally give myself the freedom to not write a post if I need to do self-care.

I have no plans on stopping here. There is a consistent cycle of wives of pedophiles who find the old 2013 blog post and ask for help. That has been a unique ministry here as Anon3 and Brenda support these precious ladies.

Although right now I cannot do the in-depth stories that require a lot of research as I used to do, there is obviously a need here, as I keep getting more personal stories. Personal stories are such a powerful way for readers to connect with their own abuse. They also help survivors to validate themselves as they own their stories and use their voice in a powerful way. Personal stories will continue.

I have to think simply when it comes to the next year or so. My upper-level classes are more challenging in my field of study, so I have to allow for that, as well as a possible internship which is highly recommended.

I think I will try to at least post an open blog post each week. This will help give a dedicated space for those who wish to connect, share articles, share if they are going through a difficult time, get connected and support/encouragement. I’m grateful to Kathi who has continued to post the Sunday posts. She has been such a help to me.

I’m so thankful for all of you who have continued to be part of this SSB family, providing support to others, sharing your stories. You’ve all been such an encouragement to me.

~Julie Anne

Update from Alex Grenier on His Reconciliation with his Parents Who Sued Him

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Earlier, I posted about the reconciliation between Alex Grenier and his parents. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before — reported on a situation that has a positive outcome. The thought of restored relationships after years of harm makes me cry. This has been so amazing. When I first got involved with Alex’s story and then formed a group to work on the “Who Would Jesus Sue” campaign to bring media attention to this story nearly 5 years ago, I don’t think I ever expected to see such a positive outcome. My thoughts were that hopefully Alex would win the court case, but I don’t think I ever imagined that something this beautiful could have occurred.

Alex is my friend. We have many things in common, and I love him like a brother. After he lost the first couple of rounds in the court process, I saw him change. I saw him go downhill spiritually and emotionally. He was angry (and rightly so). The new Alex was more cynical. I saw close his circle of friends get tighter. He became serious and driven, and he had to do things his own way. There were several friends I know who remained steadfast in their support of him, even though Alex sometimes lashed out.

About 6 months ago, I noticed a change in Alex. He wanted to prioritize the important things in his life: his family, his business, and I think it was around this time that he also wrestled with his God. For me, it was difficult to observe this long process over the years. I was watching the fruit of what happens when someone is harmed. We all know it can happen, but when you have been closely connected to someone, the sadness is real. You know there’s nothing you can do except continue to extend love and grace. You just hope and pray that your “brother” will get it all figured out. Alex is one tough dude and I knew he’d have to get hit hard (because he and are so alike). The nearly five years of legal battles, and all of the emotional and spiritual strain in his life, left him spent. He was done. And apparently, it was in this place where Alex was humble, and was able to find truth, love, and healing.  I love you, Alex.  I think this is your life verse, literally:

I have fought the good fight,

I have finished the race,

I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Continue reading

A Young Woman’s Personal Story: The Residual Effects of the Teachings by Doug Philips, Bill Gothard, and Patriarchy

Doug Phillips, Patriarchy, Vision Forum, Stay-at-home daughters, Courtship, Quiverfull, Bill Gothard


It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about Doug Phillips, Vision Forum, Bill Gothard, or Patriarchy teachings. A young woman who identified as “Done Running” posted her personal story and it deserves its own post. Done Running describes the residual effects of patriarchal teachings by Doug Phillips. These ideologies (stay-at-home daughters, courtship, quiverfull teachings) leave women completely dependent on their fathers for their choice in marriage partners, schooling, work, etc. It is abusive, and in my opinion, a form of emotional, if not physical kidnapping.

Young women whose parents participate in these teachings/ideologies are not allowed to have independent thought, to make their own choices for their future. The plan is to have the father pass his baton of authority over to a man he selects as her future husband. A woman is always under the authority of a man, never to be free to think for herself. Her role in life is to bear children (as many as the Lord provides) and serve her husband.

~Julie Anne Continue reading

Review of Children’s Book, “God’s Design” – Purity and Honoring God’s Design

God’s Design, Purity, Biblical Gender Roles, Complementarity

miraflores-statue

Embracing Couple, Miraflores, Peru

-by Kathi

This series is a review of God’s Design, a children’s book which teaches children about complementarity. For an introduction of the book, click here. All of the underlined subtitles below are chapters from the book.

Today, children, we will talk about purity and honoring. It had to be covered at some point, why not now? Continue reading