Book Review Series, Christian Marriage, Complementarianism, Doctrine as Idol, Extra-Biblical Nonsense, Gender Roles, Lori Alexander, Marriage, The Transformed Wife

Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Shhhh…Be Very, Very Quiet

The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Submission


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-by Kathi

This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.

Introduction & Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6  Chapter 7


Chapter 8 – Part 1 – Win Him Without a Word

Due to the length and so much wrong happening, this chapter will be broken into two parts. Remember how the last chapter ended questioning whether or not wives didn’t have any words because they were too busy having sex? Oh, there’s so much more to winning over your husband.

Lori (ever so humbly) reminds readers again that she helps women who come to her complaining about their husbands. Lori’s “prescription” to winning over a husband is:

You can win him without a word by your grace-filled, godly behavior because a woman’s most potent voice is not the words that she speaks but the life she lives in front of her husband and children. This approach is reminiscent of the saying, ‘Preach the gospel at all times, and, if necessary, use words.’

Here is where I am going to stop and say that Lori’s editor is really horrible in this chapter. There is no citation for this saying. Even if there isn’t one, a note should be made. Later on Lori gives us other people’s thoughts from articles and blogs and never once cites anything. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but Lori was an educated public school teacher, for goodness sake, and must know the concept of citing sources. Although, she never cites anything on her blog, so maybe she never learned this concept in high school or college. Yes, it really bothers me.

Back to the point of preaching the gospel without words….Lori’s point here is that wives force the gospel on their husbands when they win him without words. I really wish Lori would define “gospel” for us. To me, the gospel is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. Is the gospel about not arguing? Is the gospel about submission? Is the gospel about being a stay-at-home mother? Is the gospel about appeasing your husband? If that is Lori’s definition of the gospel, she is preaching (excuse me, teaching, she’s a woman and therefore not allowed to preach) the wrong message.

Is divorce ever an option for Lori? Nope, divorce is out of the question because:

It’s important for you to keep the family together as long as possible because your family is sanctified when you live out a godly life in front of them. When you’re not around, Jesus is not there, but when you’re in the home with your children and your husband, Jesus is there living inside of you. This dynamic changes after a divorce because you’re no longer all under one roof.

Jesus magically disappears if a wife is not living under the same roof as her husband. Poof! I think Lori places too much on a wife here. Does Lori doubt that God can work in a husband’s life through other people?

Lori also states that wives need to endure difficult times in order to be a godly witness to their husbands and that this is a powerful testimony to the world. Let’s think about that for a minute. How do you think non-Christians perceive this teaching for a Christian wife? Do you think really think that they will see Jesus through a teaching that encourages wives to stay with husbands who are cheaters, watch pornography, or are alcoholics? Lori is telling women that they need to stay in a destructive marriage in order to preach the gospel. This is NOT the gospel message!

I’ll finish out part one by letting you in on a Lori secret:

Men are not complicated. What they want and need most from their wives is respect. Often, affairs happen because their wives are not respecting their husbands at home, or worse yet, in public. If God hadn’t built them to need respect, He wouldn’t have commanded that wives respect their husbands.

First of all, where is Lori getting her information about why men have affairs? See, I can’t let it go.

Secondly, Lori needs to be clued in on a little secret…all people want and need respect. People can lose the respect of others by their words and actions. A husband who is sleeping around is going to lose the respect of his wife. If he wants respect, he needs to show her that he honors his marriage commitment.

This entire chapter uses fear and shame tactics to keep women in destructive marriages by giving advice such as: think about the kids, if you put your kids in day care someone else will raise them, you’ll have to go to work to support yourself, God can work miracles, and wives threaten the sanctification of their husbands if they divorce.

In the next section we will look at Lori’s views regarding abuse and other people’s nonsense that she throws in for fun.

photo credit: Brian Tomlinson Quiet via photopin (license)

117 thoughts on “Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Shhhh…Be Very, Very Quiet”

  1. I guess everyone has their own ideas about the forces of evil — what are they, where can they be found, how do they manifest themselves, etc. Personally, I don’t see evil or demonic forces at work in things like yoga, Christmas trees, wedding rings, or even most Halloween traditions.

    I think evil usually wears a more human-looking mask. The rapist, the child abuser, the wife beater, the pimp, the slum lord, the corrupt government official, etc. — these are the faces of evil in the world as we know it. Of course there is demonic influence behind the scenes. Not that we can use demonic influence as an excuse for evil behavior in humans, as in “the devil made him do it.” But I believe that evil works in and through human beings, especially when they commit acts of violence and injustice against fellow humans.

    And I believe my view is biblical, based on the teachings of Christ and the Torah and the prophets. The Bible has a lot to say about human rights and about those who violate the rights of others. The world was judged in the days of Noah because of violence.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. TWW: “The world was judged in the days of Noah because of violence.”

    I would go even further and say the world was judged because of patriarchal abuse. The powerful preyed upon the weak.

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  3. Mark: I would go even further and say the world was judged because of patriarchal abuse. The powerful preyed upon the weak.

    Fascinating. Would you mind elaborating a little more?

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  4. TWW, well, surprisingly, my authoritarian pastor preached a series on Genesis, and he highlighted the word “took”. Specifically:

    When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. (Gen 3:6)

    Lamech took to himself two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other, Zillah. (Gen 4:19)

    Now it came about, when men began to multiply on the face of the land, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves, whomever they chose. (Gen 6:2)

    What he preached was the idea that this concept of taking had a sense of wrongful authority. That is, Eve did not have the right to take and eat the fruit, but she did anyway, just like Lamech took two wives (suggesting that the wives were not necessarily thrilled with the arrangement), then the idea that the heathen rulers (i.e. sons of God was referring to their earthly preeminence rather than a spiritual position) were using their power to “take” wives for themselves, again, presumably not out of love, but out of force.

    Also, Abraham/Isaac and their wives provides some commentary as well. When they visited foreign nations with their beautiful wives, they (perhaps rightly) feared that the kings (sons of God) of those realms would kill them and “take” their wives. In fact, in all the instances, these women were indeed “taken” as wives to the kings.

    So, the overall idea was that Eve’s “taking” led to a patriarchal and abusive culture where the powerful in society put themselves in positions where they could, by force, take what they wanted as their own.

    This is also evident in Samuel’s instruction to the Israelites – that the king they wanted would “take” their best things – their best daughters to be servants in his house, and their best sons to fight his wars, their best servants, fields and produce.

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  5. Mark, this is very interesting and helpful — following the use of the word “take” through Genesis. “Taking” does indeed fit right into the mindset of the patriarchal abuser. The patriarchal abuser has a mentality of entitlement, a mentality that everything is his for the taking if he has the power to do so, and a mentality that anyone who crosses him (tries to stop him from taking) is morally wrong.

    Interestingly, the entitlement mentality is not only found in religious abusers, but in non-religious ones as well. My abusive father was and still is an atheist, yet he acts as if it is his god-given right to take from others and face no consequences. But even though he has escaped the law, he WILL face consequences, some day. Just like the wicked in Noah’s day.

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  6. Mark,

    Very interesting points. Just wanted to add one thought—near those verses about “taking” are the verses about people making “cutting instruments.” Makes you wonder if the “cutting instruments” have to do with the “taking.”

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