The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Submission
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.
Chapter 8 – Part 1 – Win Him Without a Word
Due to the length and so much wrong happening, this chapter will be broken into two parts. Remember how the last chapter ended questioning whether or not wives didn’t have any words because they were too busy having sex? Oh, there’s so much more to winning over your husband.
Lori (ever so humbly) reminds readers again that she helps women who come to her complaining about their husbands. Lori’s “prescription” to winning over a husband is:
You can win him without a word by your grace-filled, godly behavior because a woman’s most potent voice is not the words that she speaks but the life she lives in front of her husband and children. This approach is reminiscent of the saying, ‘Preach the gospel at all times, and, if necessary, use words.’
Here is where I am going to stop and say that Lori’s editor is really horrible in this chapter. There is no citation for this saying. Even if there isn’t one, a note should be made. Later on Lori gives us other people’s thoughts from articles and blogs and never once cites anything. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but Lori was an educated public school teacher, for goodness sake, and must know the concept of citing sources. Although, she never cites anything on her blog, so maybe she never learned this concept in high school or college. Yes, it really bothers me.
Back to the point of preaching the gospel without words….Lori’s point here is that wives force the gospel on their husbands when they win him without words. I really wish Lori would define “gospel” for us. To me, the gospel is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. Is the gospel about not arguing? Is the gospel about submission? Is the gospel about being a stay-at-home mother? Is the gospel about appeasing your husband? If that is Lori’s definition of the gospel, she is preaching (excuse me, teaching, she’s a woman and therefore not allowed to preach) the wrong message.
Is divorce ever an option for Lori? Nope, divorce is out of the question because:
It’s important for you to keep the family together as long as possible because your family is sanctified when you live out a godly life in front of them. When you’re not around, Jesus is not there, but when you’re in the home with your children and your husband, Jesus is there living inside of you. This dynamic changes after a divorce because you’re no longer all under one roof.
Jesus magically disappears if a wife is not living under the same roof as her husband. Poof! I think Lori places too much on a wife here. Does Lori doubt that God can work in a husband’s life through other people?
Lori also states that wives need to endure difficult times in order to be a godly witness to their husbands and that this is a powerful testimony to the world. Let’s think about that for a minute. How do you think non-Christians perceive this teaching for a Christian wife? Do you think really think that they will see Jesus through a teaching that encourages wives to stay with husbands who are cheaters, watch pornography, or are alcoholics? Lori is telling women that they need to stay in a destructive marriage in order to preach the gospel. This is NOT the gospel message!
I’ll finish out part one by letting you in on a Lori secret:
Men are not complicated. What they want and need most from their wives is respect. Often, affairs happen because their wives are not respecting their husbands at home, or worse yet, in public. If God hadn’t built them to need respect, He wouldn’t have commanded that wives respect their husbands.
First of all, where is Lori getting her information about why men have affairs? See, I can’t let it go.
Secondly, Lori needs to be clued in on a little secret…all people want and need respect. People can lose the respect of others by their words and actions. A husband who is sleeping around is going to lose the respect of his wife. If he wants respect, he needs to show her that he honors his marriage commitment.
This entire chapter uses fear and shame tactics to keep women in destructive marriages by giving advice such as: think about the kids, if you put your kids in day care someone else will raise them, you’ll have to go to work to support yourself, God can work miracles, and wives threaten the sanctification of their husbands if they divorce.
In the next section we will look at Lori’s views regarding abuse and other people’s nonsense that she throws in for fun.