The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.
Chapter 3 – Let it Go!
No, we’re not busting out a Disney show tune. We’re talking about women letting go of control over their husbands.
Tired of watching your husband eat unhealthy junk food all day? Let it go!
Tired of your husband constantly watching sports on TV? Let it go!
Tired of watching how your husband wastes away his free time? Let it go!
In order to have a good marriage, Lori thinks a wife must stop criticizing and controlling her husband. He is a big boy and can choose to live his life how he wants. Lori doesn’t want her life controlled, so what gives her the right to tell her husband how to live his life? Really, Lori? If you want to use that argument, what gives you the right to tell women how to live their lives. Maybe it’s time you started following your own advice and let it go! (Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Moving on…)
Lori blames women’s need to control their husbands on Eve.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16, KJV)
Lori translates “desire” in this passage as “control.” This is typical complementarian thought on Eve and the fall. Lori goes on to tell us, “The more I gave up control, the more Ken became the husband I always wanted him to be.” All I can say to this is, yes, no one wants to be controlled. However, Lori’s simple statement sounds more like a magical spell. Do this and you can have a wonderful marriage just like us! I’m sorry to say that there’s a lot more complexity in a controlling marriage than simply no longer nagging can solve.
Moving on, Lori gives the following advice for when a wife needs to confront her husband:
- Do it in a gentle and submissive way. Maybe Lori should do some role play videos with Ken to demonstrate this.
- Don’t argue.
- Say your piece and give it to God.
- Ask your husband to hold you accountable for your faults. Is this a reciprocal request? Should the husband ask his wife to hold him accountable for his faults? On, no…we’re told to let it go!
- Have your husband challenge you when you are trying to control. I can see that working out really well.
Lori again closes with an old blog post about how wives do not have the right to control their husbands because he is a man and can live his life how he wants. I guess that means he can do whatever he wants (within reason of course – no sinning allowed) whenever he wants. Why should he care how it affects his family?
Husbands don’t want their wives to nag them, withhold sex, give the silent treatment, or vent their emotions. A wife’s job is to love, serve, please, submit to, obey, and most importantly, make her husband feel comfortable at home.
We are left with a power differential here that is so common in complementarian ideology. While comps say that their ideology promotes healthy marriages and allows no room for abuse as long as there is a “different but equal” mentality, someone will always have the upper hand of control in a relationship.
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. (Proverbs 21:9, KJV)
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. (Proverbs 21: 19, KJV)
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. (Proverbs 27: 15, KJV)