Book Review Series, Christian Marriage, Debi Pearl, Doctrine as Idol, Extra-Biblical Nonsense, Gender Roles, Lori Alexander, Marriage, Michael Pearl, The Transformed Wife, Uncategorized, Voddie Baucham, Working Women

Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset

Lori Alexander, The Power of a Transformed Wife, Book Review, Gender Roles


transformed wife
Here we go!

-by Kathi

We have critiqued Lori Alexander’s blog posts as well as some of her commentors here at SSB. Now is the time to dive into her published book, The Power of a Transformed Wife (Publisher: Turning Page Books, September 30, 2016). I will be reading from the Kindle version of this book. Honestly, because it was cheaper and that means less of my hard-earned working money is going to Lori.

Lori first started writing at Always Learning. While she still posts on this blog, she is primarily writing at her new blog, The Transformed Wife.

I plan on covering a chapter at a time. There’s plenty of information in each chapter to give us good discussion. We’ll see how that goes. If I feel the need to break a chapter apart, I’ll make sure to let you know. Today we’ll look at the introduction and Chapter 1.

dedication

Introduction

Lori informs us that conflicts with her husband, Ken, started on their honeymoon. (Note: In Chapter 1 she tells us that conflicts started while they were dating.) She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

When their kids came along, they focused all of their energy on the kids and not on each other. Lori notes that her awakening moment happened when Ken asked her what would become of their marriage when the kids left the house.

Then, miracle of miracles happened! Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Helpmeet and her life was changed. She writes her book to be like Debi, to help young women who feel lost in their marriage.

My Life Growing Up

Lori starts off Chapter 1 saying that for 23 years she was a “neglectful wife.” She could always point blame at Ken, but most of their problems “resulted from the deep-seeded rebellion in my heart.” I think these two statements pretty much sum up this entire chapter.

Lori goes into great detail about her upbringing. I think the greater importance about this chapter is that it reveals much about her mindset. Based upon Lori’s experiences, I think she projects a lot on her blog and leaves little room to accept different ideas from women on how they live their life:

  • Lori’s mother complained to her about her dad when she was younger so she grew up not liking her dad. Lori often talks about not nagging your husband and not talking negatively about your husband. Lori states that her parents, now in their 80s, have a wonderful relationship, and you’re never too young to learn how to have a loving relationship.
  • Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends. Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.
  • Lori had a couple of boyfriends while in high school who “supposedly accepted Jesus into their hearts while we were dating.” Lori often questions women’s faith if they are not living according to God’s word — that is, Lori’s version of God’s word.
  • The dating advice that Lori received from her mother was to not have sex before marriage and to marry a Christian. Lori wishes she had more guidance about relationships and sex from her mother. Lori’s main purpose is “to help young wives not make the mistakes that I did.”
  • Lori went to college because her father wanted her to have an education so that she could find a job. All Lori ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. All women should only want to be a wife and mother.
  • Lori and Ken met in college and they argued a lot. When Ken asked her to marry him she said, “yes,” but was not excited. She says, “I knew I loved him even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy him.” Ouch!
  • When her first child was 4 months old, Lori went back to work. Lori describes this as a very painful time and she felt like she wasn’t being a good mother, wife, or teacher. Lori is continually stating that working mothers cannot possibly be good mothers because they are not home raising their children.
  • Lori has dealt with major illnesses, including two brain operations for tumors.
  • When Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, she realized she needed to do her part to make her marriage work. She credits Pearl’s book for helping her “develop confidence in my role as a Godly wife,” and I would guess that Lori would like to hear this said of her. Lori is constantly telling women that they need to do their part to make their marriage work. When it comes to husbands, Lori tells women that they are “called to submit to him and respect him, not try to control him.”

Lori ends Chapter 1 with an old blog post in which Michael Pearl and Voddie Baucham teach their sons to marry a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother. Apparently Christian men should not marry a woman who wants to be like a man. What makes a woman be like a man? A woman who is loud, independent, strong, or career-minded.

Why? Because the Bible that say that women should:

1) Love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4-5, Genesis 2:18),

2) Love their children and teach them (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 22:6),

3) Be pure, chaste, gentle, and quiet (Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:4),

4) Be keepers of home. This is her God placed ministry. (Titus 2:5), and

5) Be good – desiring to love home and husband. (Titus 2: 4-5)

Did you notice that there are only four verses listed in those points? Out of the entire Bible, these authors, including Lori, use four verses to tell women how they should live. I find that to be a great misunderstanding of scripture.

This brings us to the end of Chapter 1. I find this to be an eye-opening view into Lori’s mindset which helps bring some understanding into her writing and the advice that she gives women.

125 thoughts on “Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset”

  1. I took a C.S. Lewis class in college and read “That Hideous Strength.” So much was lost on me because of the writing genre. But then again, so much was lost on me in “Mere Christianity” because of the deep theology.

    Like

  2. “Do you ever notice how your website finds fault with conservative teachings. And encourages people to “mock”….. How Christ-like is that?
    What is so evil about believing exactly what the bible teaches?”
    The problem is that:
    (A) The Pearls are NOT Christian in any sense of the word. They have their own little cult going, built around cruelty & savage mistreatment of anyone who doesn’t knuckle under to MP.
    and (B) The more Lori Alexander talks & writes, the more she sounds like she needs to run for the border before she ends up in an institution.

    Like

  3. Hi,
    I just wanted to comment on this beautiful analysis of Trey, Lori, and all other Treys and Loris out there.
    Shy1 said:
    “It doesn’t surprise me that Alexander and Trey find themselves aligning. My own opinion is that they are kindred spirits, both living lives of subterfuge, looking for scapegoats for all the anger they hold inside from painful childhoods. It’s frightening and painful to place that anger where it belongs. It involves rethinking so many things, you feel like your whole world is crumbling into chaos.”

    This is so true! Saying “I am angry at my mom for beating me with her slipper” is a lot harder to do than to adhere to some rigid set of rules, believing that adhering to them will free me from my past hurt and the way it still hurts today.

    “But the answer isn’t in adhering to another rigid system. Jesus calls us to truth. He calls us to be honest, authentic people. “No lie is of the truth.” He can handle our questions. He can handle our anger. He will show us the way.”

    Jesus didn’t come to impose a set of rules. His law? “love God and love your neighbor as yourself”. Even the Bible verses that appear to support the rigid rules, if read in context, don’t say what the rigid rule enforcers think they say. It’s easier to try to live by rigid rules and impose rigid rules on others, than to let Jesus in and walk with us through the truth. But the result is learning how to forgive and to love without compulsion.

    “There was a time when I came to grips with all of these things and I felt like I was lost in a dark cave, confusion and betrayal swirling around me. Then I realized that if I just groped towards the point of light which represented the mouth of the cave, I would find my way out. Jesus Christ is that light. Keep moving towards him, in spirit and in truth. Not through a system of rules but in honest communication with him. He will lead you.”

    This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it for those of us who, by His grace, are waking up to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So feminine women are weak, clingy and stupid? Some guys don’t even like these traits in women–at least the weak and clingy part. If God made you strong, should you lie in bed till your muscles atrophy? Should intelligent women get lobotomies? Maybe Lori already has.

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  5. I went through an identity crisis as a teen. It seemed in order to be a “real Christian woman” you had to be a weak and cowardly fool. Those are all fruits of the Spirit according to some. For a while I honestly doubted my femininity because I had a strength of character and wisdom unusual for a teenage girl. In a boy those would have been positive traits. But my youth group emphasized “charm” and hair styles and proper application of makeup and social skills or endless small talk.

    I finally threw in the towel and became a recluse. Too sick to leave the house many days from FM. Sick of playing the Game whether in the world or the Country Club Churches like most are now.

    Not my fault God blessed me with a high IQ!

    Like

  6. Rachel, we sound like two peas in the proverbial pod. I was much more attracted to theology than I was fashion or guys. Thankfully, I made friends with retired missionaries who appreciated my passion and encouraged me. Now, I look for girls like me and try to encourage them towards their passions.

    Liked by 1 person

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