Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset

Lori Alexander, The Power of a Transformed Wife, Book Review, Gender Roles


transformed wife

Here we go!

-by Kathi

We have critiqued Lori Alexander’s blog posts as well as some of her commentors here at SSB. Now is the time to dive into her published book, The Power of a Transformed Wife (Publisher: Turning Page Books, September 30, 2016). I will be reading from the Kindle version of this book. Honestly, because it was cheaper and that means less of my hard-earned working money is going to Lori.

Lori first started writing at Always Learning. While she still posts on this blog, she is primarily writing at her new blog, The Transformed Wife.

I plan on covering a chapter at a time. There’s plenty of information in each chapter to give us good discussion. We’ll see how that goes. If I feel the need to break a chapter apart, I’ll make sure to let you know. Today we’ll look at the introduction and Chapter 1.

dedication

Introduction

Lori informs us that conflicts with her husband, Ken, started on their honeymoon. (Note: In Chapter 1 she tells us that conflicts started while they were dating.) She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

When their kids came along, they focused all of their energy on the kids and not on each other. Lori notes that her awakening moment happened when Ken asked her what would become of their marriage when the kids left the house.

Then, miracle of miracles happened! Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Helpmeet and her life was changed. She writes her book to be like Debi, to help young women who feel lost in their marriage.

My Life Growing Up

Lori starts off Chapter 1 saying that for 23 years she was a “neglectful wife.” She could always point blame at Ken, but most of their problems “resulted from the deep-seeded rebellion in my heart.” I think these two statements pretty much sum up this entire chapter.

Lori goes into great detail about her upbringing. I think the greater importance about this chapter is that it reveals much about her mindset. Based upon Lori’s experiences, I think she projects a lot on her blog and leaves little room to accept different ideas from women on how they live their life:

  • Lori’s mother complained to her about her dad when she was younger so she grew up not liking her dad. Lori often talks about not nagging your husband and not talking negatively about your husband. Lori states that her parents, now in their 80s, have a wonderful relationship, and you’re never too young to learn how to have a loving relationship.
  • Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends. Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.
  • Lori had a couple of boyfriends while in high school who “supposedly accepted Jesus into their hearts while we were dating.” Lori often questions women’s faith if they are not living according to God’s word — that is, Lori’s version of God’s word.
  • The dating advice that Lori received from her mother was to not have sex before marriage and to marry a Christian. Lori wishes she had more guidance about relationships and sex from her mother. Lori’s main purpose is “to help young wives not make the mistakes that I did.”
  • Lori went to college because her father wanted her to have an education so that she could find a job. All Lori ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. All women should only want to be a wife and mother.
  • Lori and Ken met in college and they argued a lot. When Ken asked her to marry him she said, “yes,” but was not excited. She says, “I knew I loved him even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy him.” Ouch!
  • When her first child was 4 months old, Lori went back to work. Lori describes this as a very painful time and she felt like she wasn’t being a good mother, wife, or teacher. Lori is continually stating that working mothers cannot possibly be good mothers because they are not home raising their children.
  • Lori has dealt with major illnesses, including two brain operations for tumors.
  • When Lori read Debi Pearl’s book, she realized she needed to do her part to make her marriage work. She credits Pearl’s book for helping her “develop confidence in my role as a Godly wife,” and I would guess that Lori would like to hear this said of her. Lori is constantly telling women that they need to do their part to make their marriage work. When it comes to husbands, Lori tells women that they are “called to submit to him and respect him, not try to control him.”

Lori ends Chapter 1 with an old blog post in which Michael Pearl and Voddie Baucham teach their sons to marry a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother. Apparently Christian men should not marry a woman who wants to be like a man. What makes a woman be like a man? A woman who is loud, independent, strong, or career-minded.

Why? Because the Bible that say that women should:

1) Love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4-5, Genesis 2:18),

2) Love their children and teach them (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 22:6),

3) Be pure, chaste, gentle, and quiet (Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:4),

4) Be keepers of home. This is her God placed ministry. (Titus 2:5), and

5) Be good – desiring to love home and husband. (Titus 2: 4-5)

Did you notice that there are only four verses listed in those points? Out of the entire Bible, these authors, including Lori, use four verses to tell women how they should live. I find that to be a great misunderstanding of scripture.

This brings us to the end of Chapter 1. I find this to be an eye-opening view into Lori’s mindset which helps bring some understanding into her writing and the advice that she gives women.

116 comments on “Book Review Series: “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Reveals Her Mindset

  1. Wow. So many thoughts!

    Lori informs us that conflicts with her husband, Ken, started on their honeymoon. (Note: In Chapter 1 she tells us that conflicts started while they were dating.) She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

    I think Lori just wanted to get married and married the guy who asked. Does she even like Ken??

    Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends.

    Maybe Lori has always been a complete pill.

    Lori went to college because her father wanted her to have an education so that she could find a job.

    Lori’s father sounds like a sensible person!

    Sounds like she didn’t like working or Ken and thought the Pearls had a magic formula to fix her life.

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  2. First impression of Lori:
    CHURCH LADY QUEEN BEE.

    Lori’s mother complained to her about her dad when she was younger so she grew up not liking her dad. Lori often talks about not nagging your husband and not talking negatively about your husband. Lori states that her parents, now in their 80s, have a wonderful relationship, and you’re never too young to learn how to have a loving relationship.

    Lori went to public school most of her childhood and was exposed to “filthy talk” and did not have any girlfriends. Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.

    I think Lori’s in a one-eighty Communism-begets-Objectivism reaction to the above.
    (As for “filthy talk”, those in the Christianese Bubble have NO idea what the real thing is. Just like pornography — when you’ve seen the real thing, what the Christianese think it is (from the examples they cite from the pulpit) can only be a bad joke.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have known too many women in my lifetime who were suddenly without a husband (either by death or divorce) and had no idea what to do..and there was no one available who would or could step up to help them. A couple of my late mother’s friends ended up working at Walmart to make ends meet.Women need an education and job skills.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. This also smacks of the “grass is always greener” mentality. I was public schooled and my wife was homeschooled. We both had issues with our schooling, but we decided on homeschooling. A few years in, it simply wasn’t working and we decided to enroll our child in public school. For the most part, it’s been the best environment for her — the school district didn’t have many of the issues I grew up dealing with.

    I definitely agree with her that marriage takes work on both sides, but her advice seems to be “this worked for me, thus it is God’s Will(TM) for you, too!”. Too many marriages and families have been destroyed under the “work’d fer me” banner by spouses/parents who manipulated their compliant spouse/children to have the appearances of a godly marriage/family and then wrote books about their “methods” Ezzo is a great example – his methods “worked” and his books/teachings are still treated as the gospel truth in many conservative circles, yet he is excommunicated and his children won’t talk to him.

    A friend of my wife got good advice at her bachelorette party. A woman said… “don’t be a b**ch”. It seems like that is the most significant problem that Lori had to deal with. But… that doesn’t have to be wrapped into some theology of subservience and submission and throwing oneself under the bus to make the marriage work.

    I also wonder how she processed that advice… “develop confidence in my role as a Godly wife”. Did that give her more confidence to try and manipulate and pick at her husband, but now she feels good about it because that’s God’s role for her? Or did she somehow decide that she need to shove her cares in a box for the sake of the marriage.

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  5. Now that I know she might be reading, I’ll be even more explicit. That bullsh*t that passes for pious offerings from a ‘godly’ woman is toxic. Even worse, she’s got children. I read that she’s promoted that odious Michael Pearl’s ‘advice’ on child-rearing.

    What rot.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Kathi, Thank you for taking this on! You haven’t even gotten to the “good stuff”. I believe the big take away of her book/ blog is that Lori has no insight into her motivations and no empathy for those who are hurting. Can you image if she worked with survivors of abuse?? She is kind of a know it all.
    Hi Lori, I am an older stay at home mom. I earned two MAs and found the education very helpful in teaching my son. I tried to engage you often on your blog. I was always respectful, but was always blocked, because you allowed no discussion.
    Maybe you are intimidated by smart, educated women. Also you love to teach the men in your recent “men who agree with Lori club”. You love their compliments and this has allowed you to contradict some much of your teaching against women engaging in religious debate with men. Women like Kathi and Julie Ann are examples of being the hands and feet of Christ. They minister to many, including “the least of these” who are hurting. You could learn a lot from their examples.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Lori views this as persecution not something for thoughtful consideration. In a way being “persecuted” might make her feel even better about speaking the “truth”

    I am grateful that you are reviewing this and posting it online. The damage her theology does runs deep and wide. Since she blocks everyone who disagrees either her it is good there is a place online where women who recognize something might be amiss can come and hear.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Anyone who quotes M. Pearl has problems, and anyone who quotes Voddie Baucham has even bigger problems.
    Alexander is dangerous, IMO; toxic, IMO.

    Carmen, you’ve said it for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I read that she’s promoted that odious Michael Pearl’s ‘advice’ on child-rearing.

    “Odious” — Now there’s a word that fits Michael Pearl to a T. Good choice, Carmen.

    The fact that Lori was scandalized by undefined “filthy talk” in public school makes it strange to me that she respects Pearl. Has anyone read the account he wrote of his own wedding night? Just thinking back on it threatens to activate my gag reflex.

    Not that Pearl is crude or titillating (thank God for small favours), but the way he treated his wife as a personal servant was plenty obscene for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Anyone who quotes M. Pearl has problems, and anyone who quotes Voddie Baucham has even bigger problems.

    And Lori quotes from a blog post co-written by them in Chapter 1.

    When Kathi mentioned that, I was tempted to call it an “unholy trinity”, but that would probably be going too far. I can’t deny the very idea frightens me, though. It’s like some horrifying confluence of ignorance and misogyny and contempt for children…

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  11. no empathy for those who are hurting

    I have definitely gotten that impression from what I’ve seen of her blog! She has no empathy for anyone who doesn’t fit her agenda. She is not willing to admit other options. That nonsense about single women going on welfare proves who gonzo she is on anything that doesn’t ‘fit’.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Has anyone read the account he wrote of his own wedding night?

    No and I do not want to know!

    One place I do kind of get her is that I don’t I got any real sex/relationship advice from my own mother, beyond the book on anatomy and how babies are made she used when she taught me the birds and the bees.

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  13. Has anyone read the account he wrote of his own wedding night? Just thinking back on it threatens to activate my gag reflex.

    Yes, and now I feel like I need a shower just thinking about it.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Just looked at the reviews on amazon and Lori’s BFF Trey seems to be jumping in to grip about how CBE is of the devil in responsible to 1 star reviews (which is 43% of the reviews lol).

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  15. As a young woman I followed the same advice that Lori Alexander gives. Modesty, chastity, submission, abstinence, Christian marriage to a Christian man I met at church.

    My main goal in life was to be a wife and mommy, so I followed this advice formula thinking I would end up with a deeply intimate relationship with my soulmate and have a loving relationship all my life (including mind-blowing marital sex).

    But that’s not what happened. I ended up marrying a guy I met at church. He loved going to church; he was involved with leadership. I knew he had problems in the “distant” past, but hey — God forgives and gives new life. I ignored the red flags; I ignored my instincts; I focused on the “Christian marriage formula.”

    It turned out this Christian guy was a pedophile. Over the next few years, he admitted to molesting more than 50 kids. (You can find my story elsewhere on Spiritual Sounding Board.) He was molesting kids long before I met him.

    I am so grateful I had a decent education and was able to work and support myself, because I ended up divorcing him and having to support my kids alone for many years. My kids turned out great: both finished their education, are emotionally healthy and love the Lord.

    Lori’s formula does NOT guarantee a perfect life. I did everything right. No sex before marriage. Father’s permission before engagement. Blah, blah, blah. The formula didn’t work.

    Formulas are mere man-made suggestions, not promises.

    My advice: (1) Use your brain (2) get a decent education and (3) marry someone with good character.

    If you want to work, then work. If you want to stay home, stay at home.

    Stop judging others who don’t hold your view.

    Merely staying at home won’t make your marriage great. It didn’t for me. It’s not the miracle cure to all your issues in life, even if Lori wants you to believe it.

    Liked by 5 people

  16. I thought I’d pop in quickly to say – great discussion so far! I’ll add more later, because like many women in the world, I work in order to help our family meet our needs. For many years we were able to live off of one income and I was able to enjoy time home with my kids. But, like everyone else, life happens and needs change, so back to work I went.

    Comments will remain open here. We enjoy good discussion and welcome anyone who would like to defend this book. Just expect some push back…it will happen!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Don’t ever forget that the foundational principle – the very basis – of Lori A.’s belief system is this:
    Women are under the curse of Eve, therefore they are always seeking to usurp the authority of men. Hence, women being employed in the workforce is usurping the role of men in the workforce. Women having equal input with their husbands on issues of how the household should be run and general life issues is usurping the husband’s role. That would include matters of the finances, raising of children, vacations, chores, visiting relatives, education, health/medical issues – basically any and every area of life. Always…always the husband has the authority to control the situation – the decision is up to him every single time in every single sphere of life.

    It isn’t that Lori thinks men are always right and that is why wives should submit. In her Patriarchal view, the husband’s (or wife’s) knowledge, understanding, training, abilities, mental and emotional health, etc. are irrelevant. The only and primary reason for the husband to be in control of all decision-making is because of his gender alone. Men make the decisions, women follow. This is the script. To deviate from that script is sinful. If a wife has a better understanding of how to manage the finances, it has absolutely no effect if the husband wants to risk the family’s savings on a foolish investment. She must silently go along and suffer the consequences of her husband’s foolish decision. If the wife is a dutiful, stay-at-home wife and mother, and does her best to keep the house clean, that isn’t enough if the husband is a demanding OCD person. That would even come down to something as absurd as him wanting his wife to have all the cans and spices neatly arranged and facing the front. Or making sure that all the towels are perfectly folded on the towel rack. Sleeping With the Enemy anyone? Sound crazy? Yes. But this is the way life should be in the world of Lori Alexander. Women are meant to stay at home, homeschool the children, cook, clean, be ready to have sex at a moment’s notice, and leave eall the decisions to the husband.

    The following is something that Carol Howard Merritt said in her recent article: Does Teaching Submission Encourage Abuse? This is Patriarchy described in a nutshell.

    “Biblical womanhood, headship, and male authority teaches women that they have no right to choose…well…anything. A trip to the mall is up to their husband, if he decides its his business. If he determines that she needs to stay at home and homeschool her kids instead of teaching grad school with her Ph.D.,, then there is no discussion. She gets no say in the matter. If he decides that he wants to have sex, the her headache is of no consequence. If he decides that she needs to be thinner, then she goes on a diet. If he decides that she needs to wear makeup, then she goes to Sephora. None of this is considered abuse. It’s considered the husband’s God-given authority. And if a woman questions that authority, the full force of the church community, their social connections, and their Christian doctrine back him up.

    https://www.christiancentury.org/blog-post/does-teaching-submission-encourage-abuse

    Liked by 2 people

  18. What, she left out the part where she was tired of working, and so poked holes in her diaphragm in order to trick her husband into another pregnancy? Because that story is (or was) on her “Always Learning” site.

    Submission at its finest, or, do as I say, not as I do.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Persephone, I think Lori may have mentioned that bit about the diaphragm in another chapter. But yeah, I hear ya. Patriarchy is a system that breeds passive-aggressive behavior in women. Why not just have a reasonable discussion with your husband about wanting to have another child and stay home? But I think that often those women in Patriarchal circles feel the only way to get what they want is by covert manipulation.

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  20. Kathi, Not citing one’s sources is shoddy journalism and unprofessional. I doubt that those who support her even care. She claims to have an editor but if so, they aren’t doing their job.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. “the Bible that say that women should:
    1) Love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4-5, Genesis 2:18), 2) Love their children and teach them (Titus 2:5, Proverbs 22:6), 3) Be pure, chaste, gentle, and quiet (Titus 2:5, I Peter 3:4), 4) Be keepers of home. This is her God placed ministry. (Titus 2:5), and 5) Be good – desiring to love home and husband. (Titus 2: 4-5)

    This is really shoddy Bible use. Titus 2:4-5 is written in the shape “Older women… teach younger ones to…” If I said: “Sue, teach Mikey to swim “, it would not mean: “Sue and Mikey’s destiny in live is to spend all day, every day, swimming.” It would mean swimming is presumably part of Sue’s skill set and would be a useful addition to little Mikey’s. Similarly, if older women should teach younger ones things like keeping the house, it is not that this is the totality of what a woman should be.
    What is more, Titus is written to the bad neighbourhood.(Tit 1:12) It is not the epitome of what a Christian should aspire to, but guidelines to get a bunch of lazy liars more decent.

    Genesis 2:18, if you know the Greek, say a woman is a strength and ally beside (not below) a man.
    Proverbs 22:6 does not give the sex of the teacher, nor even that the child should be taught by parents.
    About 1 Pet 2:3-4, you can easily get that God calls all believers (men too) to be pure, chaste, and gentle. The text calls for a quiet spirit (also applicable to men – men should not be argumentative or troubled either), and Lori shortening it to “should be quiet” could make a quiet spirit sound like a mouth that does not teach or give opinions. A quiet spirit and a quiet mouth are not synonymous. (Ask me. I am a quiet-mouthed Aspie who sometimes feel very anxious – I know the difference.)

    Liked by 3 people

  22. A quiet spirit and a quiet mouth are not synonymous.

    As someone who has no poker face at all, I completely agree! In fact, if I am being quiet sometimes it is precisely because I cannot trust what I will say, which is not the same as a quiet spirit!!!

    And I agree with your other points. Is ‘teach your children well’ where all this ‘ the bible says homeschool’ stuff is coming from? Because that doesn’t mean no one else can teach your children?

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  23. 1Peter 3:4 the “quiet” spirit is the Greek word “Hesuchios” meaning “peaceful” according to Strong’s Concordance (G2272).

    Exact same thing when God commands men to “lead a peaceful life” in 1Timothy 2:2.

    So Lori, if you’re reading this right now, that means that BOTH men and women are commanded by God to lead “peaceful” lives. Now let’s get to the one hundred verses in the Bible telling women to speak up!!!

    Here’s another one that shatters the doormat theology of those who want to silence women.

    “She opens her mouth with wisdom….and kindness.”
    Proverbs 31:26 (KJV)

    So while God is trying to open the mouths of women why would the church keep trying to shut them up?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Let’s untwist Titus 2:5 here,

    The Greek word for obey is “Hupakouo.” Is that Greek word in this verse?

    NOOOOOOO!!!!!

    Instead the Apostle Paul used “hupakouo” in other verses when telling CHILDREN to OBEY their parents. We all know that wives are adults not children!!

    The Greek word in Titus 2:5 is “hypotasso” which the Apostle Paul also used repeatedly to tell MEN to “submit.”

    Hmmmm….wonder why the church NEVER quotes all the Bible verses telling men to submit. Let’s review some just in case Lori is reading this:

    Ephesians 5:5 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

    1Peter 5:5 “ALL OF YOU be subject one to another and be clothed with humility for God resists the proud.”

    (Note: if Hypotasso meant “obey” then 1Peter 5:5 would be telling men to obey!! Right there Lori’s idea of wives being commanded to obey falls to pieces.)

    1Corinthians 16:16 “Submit yourselves unto such and to every one that helps with us and labors.”

    Does that mean that men are commanded to obey everyone? Lori can’t have it both ways! If Titus 2:5 means wives have to obey, then that same Greek word has to mean that men have to obey everyone in 1Cor 16:16, 1Peter 5:5, Eph 5:5, etc.!!

    Double standards are an abomination to God. Let’s shatter this one to pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I have definitely gotten that impression from what I’ve seen of her blog! She has no empathy for anyone who doesn’t fit her agenda.

    Of course not.
    The Righteous(TM) never have.

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  26. @Darlene:

    Persephone, I think Lori may have mentioned that bit about the diaphragm in another chapter. But yeah, I hear ya. Patriarchy is a system that breeds passive-aggressive behavior in women.

    Which in turn breeds further distrust of women in third-party males who see this going on. And out of sheer self-protection, resolve to make sure if they marry, to never ever let their boot off her neck.

    Like

  27. Persephone & Darlene – I’ve seen talk about the diaphragm sabotage, but have never seen her direct words about it. It’s in the book? So scandalous!

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  28. Wow! So much I could say! I feel sorry for Lori.

    So Lori thinks she was a bad wife by trying to get Ken to eat healthier while they were dating? Really?

    Can I share a different perspective?

    When my husband and I met, he had very unhealthy eating habits and did not exercise regularly. He was 70 pounds overweight. I am a family doctor, and I worked with him little by little to get him to start eating healthier and exercising with me. In the early days of our marriage, sometimes it was a huge chore to convince him to get out of the house to go for a walk after work, because he thought it would just make him more tired, but he let me persuade him that he would feel better in the long run. Today, he looks back at those times and laughs, and thanks me for my stubbornness.

    Long story short, he has lost 60-70 pounds since we met and he’s in great shape. He exercises more than I do. He does over half the cooking in our house, fixes healthy meals, and helps the kids make healthy choices. He also brags to others about how his wife helped him with these things.

    Back when we were first married, I had been brainwashed about the whole submission thing. I had even read Debi Pearl’s book that someone had given me. I felt a bit guilty trying so hard to get my husband to make healthier choices, but I persisted, because I care about his long term health and longevity.

    I’m so glad I didn’t give up and give in to this kind of garbage, and so is he!

    Liked by 3 people

  29. Wary Witness, I know you are happy to have a healthy husband now. It sounds like you encouraged him by both example and a willingness to be committed to his wellbeing.
    That is the good news. The bad news is Lori would be horrified that you “wasted time and resources ” by attending med school!!! She would point out that your purpose is to get married, have babies and park your butt in the house. How dare you make your husband cook? (Snark!)
    If you have not followed Lori’s blog, Kathi’s series will both horrify you and entertain you. There is no room for dissent in “Lori World”!!😉😉😉

    Liked by 1 person

  30. People who grow up in very dysfunctional homes don’t learn good judgment skills or healthy ways of relating. They often see the world in a simplistic view of black and white, either/or. It seems as though Lori learned a dysfunctional view of herself and of relationships through her parents’ example. In realizing this was not bringing her happiness or peace, her lack of judgment skills left her vulnerable to a scam like the Pearls offer. She flipped to the opposite way of relating (which is equally unhealthy) and missed that the way of health lies in the middle.

    I feel like when people identify themselves with a mindset (like the Pearls way of thinking) and decide right away this is the fix to their problems and start telling others/writing/teaching about it, then it’s very difficult to admit when it does not work as advertised. The person has to decide at that point whether to come clean and live an authentic life or put on a pretense of something that isn’t. Once you commit to a life of pretense, all kinds of unhealthy stuff finds a home there in the darkness. Your family is forced to keep secrets.

    I think that many of us, as Christians, started out trusting authors and leaders who promised us that a certain way was “the right way” – that a certain way of doing marriage or raising children was the only way that “God blesses” and we tried to follow it, only to find it was a big mess. There came a point of honesty where we faced that this was not the life we were called to and we came out into the sunlight and opened ourselves to learning what is real and true. For some of us, learning that the leaders we trusted were themselves harboring despicable secrets was the eye opener.

    It doesn’t surprise me that Alexander and Trey find themselves aligning. My own opinion is that they are kindred spirits, both living lives of subterfuge, looking for scapegoats for all the anger they hold inside from painful childhoods. It’s frightening and painful to place that anger where it belongs. It involves rethinking so many things, you feel like your whole world is crumbling into chaos.

    But the answer isn’t in adhering to another rigid system. Jesus calls us to truth. He calls us to be honest, authentic people. “No lie is of the truth.” He can handle our questions. He can handle our anger. He will show us the way.

    There was a time when I came to grips with all of these things and I felt like I was lost in a dark cave, confusion and betrayal swirling around me. Then I realized that if I just groped towards the point of light which represented the mouth of the cave, I would find my way out. Jesus Christ is that light. Keep moving towards him, in spirit and in truth. Not through a system of rules but in honest communication with him. He will lead you.

    Liked by 5 people

  31. Carmen said, ” I read that she’s promoted that odious Michael Pearl’s ‘advice’ on child-rearing.”

    Shame on her, if so. Shame on anyone who would do that to their children.

    Like

  32. Has anyone read the account he wrote of his own wedding night?

    It’s a good example of how a person thinks who has zero empathy or ability to actually connect to another human being.

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  33. OP:

    She [Lori] didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with sports, and was always grumpy toward her.

    With a few minor changes…

    She didn’t like that Ken ate crackers with fake cheese spread, and she would give him the silent treatment for not eating healthy. Really. She also did not like that Ken watched too much TV, was consumed with [eating chocolate and popping bubble wrap paper], and was always grumpy toward her.

    I could be Ken’s female clone.

    What’s wrong with fake cheese spread (especially the bacon flavor kind)? That stuff rocks. Lori may be more ignorant about fake food spreads than gender roles.

    To Kathi:
    You deserve a statute in your honor for slogging your way through Lori’s book and reviewing it for us all. 🙂

    Like

  34. OP:

    Lori promotes homeschooling and complains how public education teaches girls to be feminists.

    I’m right wing. I sure don’t agree with a lot of left wing, secular feminism, but left wing, secular feminism is not all bad.

    Lori should read this, by a Christian:
    _Perhaps Feminism is Not The Enemy_ (on New Life blog)

    I don’t think feminism is taught in public schools, either. It cannot hurt a kid to be subjected to other world views, though. Why would Lori not want any of her daughters being exposed to other people’s ideas, and becoming critical thinkers? That would include her daughters learning about feminism.

    I think Lori may be unknowingly or indirectly pointing out that if her kids leave her Christian Bubble home to attend a public school, they will in fact be exposed to ideas – by teachers or by other kids – that are different from hers. That isn’t a bad thing.

    And from what I’ve seen,the more a Christian parents tries to coddle their kid and cut them off from the “secular” world, when that kid does finally get out into the real world (whether via a job, or college), that will actually maybe cause them to reevaluate Christianity.

    If you want your kid to maintain your values and faith as they get older, I think it’s wiser to slowly introduce them to other ideas (including ones that may be in opposition to yours) while they are still kids.

    That way, when they are older and out on their own, they won’t be so shocked to discover that there are other ways of living or viewing life than be a patriarchal, evangelical, goody- two- shoes Christian.

    I have read so many testimonies by young adults who said they came from Christian homes (but when going off to college or getting their first “real” job) became atheist or agnostic precisely because they were raised in a Christian bubble, the sort of thing that Lori is advocating.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Anon 3 said,

    Lori’s formula does NOT guarantee a perfect life. I did everything right. No sex before marriage. Father’s permission before engagement. Blah, blah, blah. The formula didn’t work.

    Yes, preach that, please.
    My story is very similar to yours, minus the marriage thing. I’m over 40, never married.

    But I followed the usual Christian Advice (the sort Lori hands out), and I remain single to this day.

    I did the “remain a virgin” thing, looked for a potential spouse at church (then later on Christian dating sites), pray, trust God, be “godly,” be a feminine, biblical woman – and all the rest of it – all of which was taught to me as a teen and older as a sure-fire way to get a great (Christian) spouse, but I’m still single. Christian or “biblical” advice on these issues is a bunch of bunk.

    I wish Christians would stop teaching stuff like, “If you follow this list of steps or rules or biblical precepts I’m teaching, you WILL get married ~(or insert with whatever other promise – financial security, great health, whatever)~”

    You can follow all the Christian advice out there about dating and marriage (or finances, health, dieting, employment) and things can still go wrong.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Darlene said,

    Don’t ever forget that the foundational principle – the very basis – of Lori A.’s belief system is this:
    Women are under the curse of Eve, therefore they are always seeking to usurp the authority of men.
    Hence, women being employed in the workforce is usurping the role of men in the workforce.

    Her view is flawed for so many reasons it’s hard to know where to start picking this apart.

    She has a flawed understanding of the book of Genesis, where it describes the fall. Where the Bible says that man shall rule over woman – that was not prescriptive or God’s desire for women, but rather, God was saying that would be another result of the Fall.

    Secondly, I as a woman have no desire to “usurp authority” from any man. I’ve always been an introvert – follower. I don’t like being in leadership roles, whether over men or women. So complementarians and patriarchalists should stop sticking all women into this box, saying ALL of us want to “rule” over men.

    Lori’s view of gender (i.e., complementarianism and patriarchalism) is wrong, as the Bible itself teaches it’s wrong for anyone to seek leadership or authority over another (see Matthew 20:25-27 (Bible Gateway Site)), which is what Lori and other complementarians are promoting. Lori is teaching in direct opposite to what Jesus Christ taught, but she’s claiming she’s all about what God wants and what the Bible says. No, she is not.

    And has been stated ten times over some women have no choice but to gain employment outside of the home.

    Some women do not want to marry and/or do not want to have children, and the New Testament says that is fine (see 1 Corinthians 7).

    Some women, like me, had wanted to marry, but we never found the right guy to marry.

    For women who are single (including the never-married), widowed, or divorced, they may not have a choice but to get a job outside the home, as they have no male relative who can will or be able to pay their rent or groceries.

    Lori’s “gender theology” does not factor in such women. She just lives in denial about this, when she says things like, “they should try to make a living off the internet.” Hey, Lori, if every one could support themselves online – sitting in a ratty bath robe and in bunny slippers while sitting at home all day – every one would be doing it. But that’s not reality.

    If someone wants a job that earns enough to pay for rent, mortgage, phone, internet, food, etc, in the majority of cases, they’re going to have to work for someone else, which may include having to commute to an office building.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Darlene said,

    [According to Lori],
    The only and primary reason for the husband to be in control of all decision-making is because of his gender alone. Men make the decisions, women follow. This is the script. To deviate from that script is sinful.

    I said this before on an older thread, but I think my story bears repeating here.

    Lori’s views about gender are wrong for many reasons, one of which is they are not applicable equally to all women in every situation and stage of life.

    Years ago, I was engaged and broke up with my ex. One reason of a few I dumped my ex is that the guy was irresponsible and dumb as a box of rocks (I do not exaggerate).

    My ex fiance’ was uneducated, barely literate, financially inept, financially irresponsible, he would quit jobs on a whim, he exploited me financially (I paid his car and apartment rent off and on, he kept coming to me for money, he would not pay me back), he was lazy at house work, he was a “mama’s boy” (always took his mom’s side, even when she was unjustifiably rude to me), etc.

    Had I married my ex, I would have ended up in poverty, naked, homeless (or constant verge and fear of being homeless), and living in a cardboard box under a bridge in the inner city.

    In other words, out of necessity, had I married the ex, I would have had to take on the roles stereotypically assigned of wife AND husband, the sort of thing Lori prescribes for every one.

    My ex also treated me like a mother-figure, so I had to ‘mother’ him as though he were a child.

    So as to avoid being evicted, hungry, naked, and so on, had I married the Bozo (my ex), it would have been up to me to take on most to all of the relationship duties, home-care duties, financial duties, etc, because my ex was too lazy, dumb, inept, and irresponsible to do so.

    I was not interested in taking on all or most responsibility in a relationship like that not for a life time. (It was exhausting just after several years of it). I think both partners should do their honest best to carry an equal work-load. Had I married the ex, most of the work in all areas would’ve fallen on me.

    Lori’s gender teaching simply does not take into account women, men, and relationships that do not fit her paradigm.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Darlene said,

    If the wife is a dutiful, stay-at-home wife and mother, and does her best to keep the house clean, that isn’t enough if the husband is a demanding OCD person.

    That would even come down to something as absurd as him wanting his wife to have all the cans and spices neatly arranged and facing the front.
    Or making sure that all the towels are perfectly folded on the towel rack. Sleeping With the Enemy anyone?

    Sound crazy? Yes. But this is the way life should be in the world of Lori Alexander.

    In this book I have by a therapist that covers things like emotional, verbal, and domestic abuse, what you are describing what Lori is advocating for women is asking them to endure abuse or mistreatment, and that sort of thing can lead to depression in a woman.

    In this book I have, the therapist has this woman patient who has depression, and she says her marriage is not working. The woman says no matter how hard she tries, she cannot please her husband.

    Her husband complains that she spills a drop or two of water on their kitchen floor while watering plants, she can never fold his clean underwear exactly like he likes it, etc, etc. (This guy had all these complaints over trivial issues.)

    This poor woman therefore concluded she is useless and a loser because her husband is always unhappy with her. Her husband’s constant put-downs and nit-picking caused this woman to become deeply depressed.

    The therapist got this wife to understand the problem is not with her – it’s with her husband.

    Her husband has too high, rigid, nit-picky, unrealistic standards. Her spouse is a perfectionist, and you can never please a perfectionist. Among other lessons, the book tells women to stop trying to please perfectionists and put up with this over critical behavior.

    The therapist’s book to which I refer is worth its weight in gold, and I think many women would find it practical and helpful, including Christian women.

    Any blog posts by Lori about gender roles and marriage, or any books she has recommended to this point on those subjects (books that assume a patriarchal or gender complementarianism outlook) are harmful to women (and to men, but less obviously so), and harmful to marriage, and are worthy of being used as liner in a bird cage or kitty litter box.

    Like

  39. Darlene said,

    But yeah, I hear ya. Patriarchy is a system that breeds passive-aggressive behavior in women. Why not just have a reasonable discussion with your husband about wanting to have another child and stay home? But I think that often those women in Patriarchal circles feel the only way to get what they want is by covert manipulation.

    I’m not in complete agreement with RHE on every subject under the sun, but she is right on the mark in posts such as this:

    _The Absurd Legalism of Gender Roles, Exhibit D: ‘Biblical’ Manipulation _ (via RHE’s blog)

    RHE is talking about John Piper’s work here specifically, but it can be applied to Christian patriarchy / complementarianism in general, regardless of who is promoting it:

    Forced gender roles impacts relationships in countless negative ways, but the one I want to unpack here is the way this form of legalism can hamper honest communication between spouses by requiring women to “influence” their husbands without ever actually leading them.

    …Here’s the problem, as I see it: When women are instructed to “influence” men without leading them, to “guide” them without offending their fragile masculinity by using scary words like “let’s,” [a view which is promoted by complementarians such as John Piper] we end up with women who must resort to non-direct communication in order to try and achieve their ends. The result is a relationship characterized by repression and manipulation.

    Like

  40. From the OP:

    [According to Lori]
    All women should only want to be a wife and mother.

    What if you “want” to be one, but you cannot, because you (or your husband) is infertile? Or the women in question can conceive but keeps having miscarriages?

    Or what if you are a single women such as me who wanted to marry but who never met “Mr. Right.”?

    God simply does not send husband or children to every woman who wants one, Lori.

    And 1 Corinthians 7 in the Bible says it’s better to be single and not have sex than to marry and have kids (though it does say marriage and having kids is okay).

    Lori (based on quotes I’ve seen you guys provide of hers on this blog in older posts) says she believes in the Bible but then she ignores or diminishes what the Bible actually says about being single, celibate, and childless / childfree.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Another thing I wanted to say about this, and Lori’s view that women working outside the home is “usurping a man’s place” or however she put it…

    From the OP:

    [According to Lori]
    All women should only want to be a wife and mother.

    Another problem I have with this view is that God puts interests, goals, and dreams in a woman’s heart that may have NOTHING to do with being a wife or mother.

    For example, God may give a woman a lot of musical talent, and a dream to be a concert pianist. The Bible does not say a woman should only play a piano at home, or not at all.

    The Bible does not say that a woman should repress her talents, gifts, skills, to be only a wife and mother.

    There are even biblical passages that praise women for their business acumen, for working outside the home, such as women making big bucks off selling linen, or selling dyes that color fabric, and such.

    Deborah in the Old Testament was put into the role of judge of Israel by God, and she was also a warrior.

    God simply does not limit women to “wanting to be wives and mothers only.” That is Lori’s opinion, but it’s not in the Bible.

    Does Lori even read the Bible? Because it doesn’t seem like she does.

    Like

  42. OP

    Lori and Ken met in college and they argued a lot. When Ken asked her to marry him she said, “yes,” but was not excited. She says, “I knew I loved him even though I didn’t necessarily enjoy him.” Ouch!

    I was just reading in a Christian magazine about a mother who was worried about her 20-something daughter.

    Her kid was dating and engaged to a guy who she wasn’t happy with. The guy didn’t bring joy to her life. He didn’t laugh, smile, or kid around with the daughter. The mother wanted the daughter to break up with the guy, but decided to “butt out” and let the daughter make her own decision.

    Finally, the daughter dumped the guy. She realized she was not happy with him. She later met and married a guy who was more like her personality-wise, a guy who laughed more and seemed to enjoy life.

    If you are with a guy you think you love but “don’t enjoy” that may be a red flag he’s not right for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. OP said:

    Lori is continually stating that working mothers cannot possibly be good mothers because they are not home raising their children.

    Lori really, really needs to learn that just because she feels something is true for her, that does
    1. not make it “biblical,” nor does it
    2. mean it’s true for all women.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. OP:

    Lori has dealt with major illnesses, including two brain operations for tumors.

    She used medical science for this? Not that I object, but I find this a little odd.

    There are Christians out there who would tell her she erred to go to doctors, that she was not being biblical, because she should have relied on faith or prayer only for a healing.

    She seems like the kind of person who would be into that line of thinking – that using doctors, medicine, operations is supposedly not “biblical” and hence to be avoided.

    Were their lady doctors and lady nurses who served in Lori’s operations and recovery?

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Daisy –

    In terms of doctors, a woman on her blog once stated that she felt more comfortable with a female ob/gyn. To which Lori’s response was, well, I had a male doctor deliver my children and I was okay with it. You should be okay with it too because that female doctor should be home for her children. Nobody who thinks differently can win with her.

    You also said, “Lori really, really needs to learn that just because she feels something is true for her, that does, 1. not make it “biblical,” nor does it
    2. mean it’s true for all women.” I pointed this out to Lori on her FB page – she actually responded with, “It’s not my way, it’s God’s way.” So, Lori will tell you that these ideas are not hers, but God’s and if you’re not willing to follow them, you’re disobeying God.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. So Lori stopped using the silent treatment on her husband. She stopped using manipulation and power/control techniques to force him to change. Yeah, those were good things. She stopped focusing on the children to the exclusion of her relationship with him. Yeah, that was a good idea too. I’m not surprised that changing these things improved her marriage.

    But now she equates those positive changes with embracing an oppressive, misogynistic theology. What she seems to be doing now is turning her power/control techniques on other women instead. This is sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Heads up here! Lori is now advocating against vaccinations. She has some ridiculous article up on her Facebook site (not her blog) from some person that warns against parents vaccinating their children. The article is completely anecdotal – her grandparents, great aunts/uncles, folks from the older generation who didn’t die from not being vaccinated – so therefore that proves people don’t really need vaccinations! She didn’t cite any peer reviewed medical sources as evidence. None. What is wrong with these people?

    Like

  48. Lori Alexander seems to be an exceedingly stupid individual. I find it very difficult to feel any empathy whatsoever for stupid people.

    Like

  49. her grandparents, great aunts/uncles, folks from the older generation who didn’t die from not being vaccinated –’

    Funny thing about people who die from childhood diseases…they don’t often get the chance to procreate.

    Iow, Lori needs to stop talking.

    Like

  50. My grandmother was named after a family member (a small child) who died in the 1918 flu epidemic. I know one of her siblings died young as well. I’m sure there are lots of examples i don’t know.

    Like

  51. I feel like when people identify themselves with a mindset (like the Pearls way of thinking) and decide right away this is the fix to their problems and start telling others/writing/teaching about it, then it’s very difficult to admit when it does not work as advertised.

    Because “they have accepted The Mindset as their Personal LOORD and Savior” and anything else is Apostasy/Heresy/Blasphemy. The Dwarfs are for The Dwarfs and Won’t Be Taken In.

    Like

  52. P.S. Finally noticed the book cover up top.
    Typical Christianese Woman’s Book cover style. All flowery and curlicued to where just looking at it, I felt my testicles shrivel and the testosterone drain from my body from the estrogen overdose.

    Like

  53. @Darlene:

    Heads up here! Lori is now advocating against vaccinations. She has some ridiculous article up on her Facebook site (not her blog) from some person that warns against parents vaccinating their children.

    Anti-vaxxer + “God Saith!”?
    What a combination…

    Like

  54. @Daisy:

    Lori’s “gender theology” does not factor in such women. She just lives in denial about this, when she says things like, “they should try to make a living off the internet.”

    As in Scamming and Spamming?
    Namaste, Sahib. I am Agent John Smith of the IRS, and our agents are on their way to arrest you if you do not immediately pay…”

    Like

  55. Kathi,

    You are one courageous individual for reading Lori’s jibberish, twisting the Scriptures as a weapon for her fake theology. Julie Anne is correct in stating this is typical in religious cults masquerading as Christianity. You are spot on.

    I should know, for I left that type and shadow of a church group who preached these doctrines of men, and yet, I found the double mindedness and double standards of both genders to be quite confusing as I observed how they lived their lives. ESS was taught from the pulpit, complete with charts showing how Jesus, the Son, lived in submission to His Father, then applying the same concept to the marital relationship in how women are to submit to their husbands in addition to the male oriented leadership of the church hierarchal system.

    A red flag flashed before me when a male “elder,” a pillar in that conservative church, chastised and corrected me for daring to open the Bible and having our class read verse upon verse in learning about Stephen in the Book of Acts. He was literally angry with me, for we were supposed to only be studying out the books/curriculum that he and his “female Sunday School Superintendent” ordered together for our class…..no Bible needed for our study. Fascinating concept within our churches…..no Bibles, no minds to study our Holy Scriptures…….just leadership and the mindless drones.

    I believe these folks has lost sight of the meaning of the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and have turned His teachings and His Ways into pimps and prostitutes regarding apostate religion/Christianity. And for the record, I would still rather break bread and fellowship with a prostitute who is a born again Christian, fully receiving the love, mercy, and grace of Jesus Christ, than a self righteous man or woman who claims to know Christ, yet has lost the freedom and liberty that He offers regarding the faith once and for all delivered to the saints (children, women, and of course, men). To fully know Christ, and His redemption, is a genderless saving faith, because He came to set the captives free.

    Kathi,
    Sorry, but I still just can’t wrap my mind around the so called Christians who want to turn our faith in Jesus Christ, into a warped view of men’s and women’s roles. Both, my husband and I wear pants in the family…..and our children (of both genders) do as well.

    It is not a sin to work!

    Liked by 2 people

  56. Lori obviously believes that unmarried and widowed women should be beggars and bums to meet her defn of “Godly” women. As long as the Alexander’s have been married, I assume their children are grown, and they have room to spare in their home, now. Question: do Lori and Ken open their doors to provide food and shelter for any of those unmarried and widowed women?

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Other commenters have already covered things that stuck out to me. Just a few thoughts: Every time I see the blog title Always Learning I mentally finish the rest of the scripture, “and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

    And about her being exposed to “filthy talk” at school: kids are going to have to deal with this at some point. Maybe it could be a teachable moment? Now, I’m not advocating for a laissez faire approach. I’ve had some interesting observations the last few years. I tried to watch an 80s movie with my kids that I remembered fondly. Fifteen minutes in and I had to turn it off because of the language. I watched it at their age and it apparently had such a negligible impact on me that I didn’t even remember the language. A few months ago I read a blog post on this exact same topic. I wasn’t the only one who grew up with the 80s films who didn’t remember how colorful they were. The movie industry has much stricter standards today then when I grew up. Go figure.

    Like

  58. And about her being exposed to “filthy talk” at school: kids are going to have to deal with this at some point. Maybe it could be a teachable moment?

    Oh man. This reminds me of a story from my childhood. Raised fairly conservatively, in church, Christian school etc. In 4th or 5th grade, I went to a friends house and was playing with her and her brother who were, iirc, pastors kids. There was a word spray painted under a bridge which I innocently said outloud, at which point they freaked out because apparently it was the F word! LOL.

    I was more sheltered than the PK’s ya’ll! But I got over it 🙂

    Like

  59. I wasn’t the only one who grew up with the 80s films who didn’t remember how colorful they were.

    That reminds me of the Ghostbusters Honest Trailer, which does have language be warned, talking about how it was a ‘kids movie’ full of smoking, simulated sexual acts, etc. In fairness, I watched a lot of these things as a kid on tv where they cut out a lot of the bad stuff.

    Like

  60. Whoops! posted the wrong trailer (if someone wants to delete it feel free!), but you can just look for the old ghostbusters honest trailer. I haven’t watched this one.

    Like

  61. @Lea

    Yeah, the remake of Ghostbusters is remarkably tamer than the original. After watching the remake we decided to watch the original with the kids. I was acutely uncomfortable. I just don’t remember it like that, but there it is.

    Like

  62. As others have already pointed out, Lori really didn’t need to invent an ideology on how to be a better person and then project it onto everyone else as God’s Plan For Women. The solution to her issues was very simple: stop being a [w]itch. The fact that she then went on to manipulate her husband into having another baby is evidence that she still doesn’t get it. The fact that she continues to block and delete those who disagree with her is evidence that she still doesn’t get it. The fact that she counters an argument with “it’s God’s plan” smacks of delusions of grandeur, and, as Julie Anne said, exhibits cult like tendencies.

    Like

  63. Lori has a cheerleader on her side. It’s Timothy J. Hammons from Theology That Matters blog. He posted excerpts from Lori’s blog in reference to feminists being willing to submit to their bosses, but not their husbands. Three cheers for Lori’s fan club. 🙂

    Like

  64. Darlene said,

    Lori has a cheerleader on her side. It’s Timothy J. Hammons from Theology That Matters blog. He posted excerpts from Lori’s blog in reference to feminists being willing to submit to their bosses, but not their husbands. Three cheers for Lori’s fan club.

    Every one has to “submit” to their boss, whether male or female. And I don’t know if “submission” is quite the word for it.

    The Bible does not indicate that “head” (as used in Ephesians or elsewhere) means “boss of” or “boss over,” as I would assume Tim H. believes. So, no, a wife would not have to “submit” to her husband. A husband is not a boss to a wife. Jesus said that none of his followers were to seek to control other believers, but that is what complementarians such as Tim H. and Lori A. are promoting.

    If Tim H were to work in the secular world, and he had a female boss, would he take direction from said female boss or risk being fired due to insubordination? How or why would he expect a female employee to risk being fired by being insubordinate to a boss?

    Tim H’s reasoning doesn’t fly.

    The sort of submission the Bible calls for is mutual – men to women, and women to men. The Bible does not teach a one-way submission of wife to husband.

    Like

  65. Every one has to “submit” to their boss, whether male or female. And I don’t know if “submission” is quite the word for it.

    It’s definitely not imo.

    First of all, if I hate my boss I will probably change jobs (considering it now).

    Second, if my boss ever talked to me the way some of these men talk about dictating to their wives, I would be out of there right quick, or would call them on it. So I wonder what these men even think work relationships are like, because outside of terrible, abusive work situations, most people you work with are not treating you like a slave. Contrary to Lori’s BFF Trey’s concept, in good work situations people are generally saying please and thank you sometimes and working together towards common goals and discussing things rather than just dictating because the other way makes people hate and despise you. Which is a good reason that its a bad idea to use that method of ‘leadership’ on someone you are in an intimate relationship with.

    Liked by 3 people

  66. Good comments, Lea and Daisy. Another thing: employees have a human resources department to appeal to, and as a teacher, I had the teacher’s union. Who do these women in Patriarchal circles have recourse to should they believe their husbands are bossing them around? Other female friends? Nope, that’s considered gossip. Elders/pastor, which are all male? Wives can seek their help, but chances are they would just be told to Submit! since a bossy husband isn’t that big of a deal. And wifey can win him over by be quiet and passive anyhow. Oh, and this is the wife’s cross – bear it winsomely and with a smile. 🙂

    Like

  67. @Nancy2:

    I assume their children are grown, and they have room to spare in their home, now. Question: do Lori and Ken open their doors to provide food and shelter for any of those unmarried and widowed women?

    Translated from Christianese:

    (too good a lead-in to pass up…)

    Like

  68. @Daisy: “The sort of submission the Bible calls for is mutual – men to women, and women to men. The Bible does not teach a one-way submission of wife to husband.”

    Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I can’t find where Jesus made any gender divisions or distinctions on that anywhere!

    Like

  69. I can’t find where Jesus made any gender divisions or distinctions on that anywhere!

    Oh! but paul (and probablyNotPaul) said something about wives submitting so never mind what jesus said. Even though Paul also told husbands to be understanding, to love, to not be harsh, etc, we’re supposed to ignore all that.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. The dedication made my heart thump and feel heavy in my chest. So many women whose husbands are abusive (and therefore their marriages feel like nightmares) will read this advice and stay in abuse, thinking that if they can just get this formula right, their husbands will change. But instead, it will just perpetuate the abuse.

    Liked by 2 people

  71. Do you ever notice how your website finds fault with conservative teachings. And encourages people to “mock”….. How Christ-like is that?

    What is so evil about believing exactly what the bible teaches? I believe you will find your works before the Judgment seat one day and wish you never would have reported the things you report.

    In fact your teachings and ideas have much anti-Semitic elements. If you can’t get the dandruff off of your shoulders why do you NEED to invade other people like that?

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  72. Furthermore, if there is true abuse in a home…..a TRUE conservative Christian will encourage 1. prayer for unbelieving spouse 2. reporting violent domestic cases 3. avoiding the temptation to mock…..unbelievers.

    What your website does is the opposite 1. it says people should HATE unbelieving spouse 2. don’t report on violent men or women in liberal agendas 3. encourage the practice of mocking…….believers.

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  73. ” I believe you will find your works before the Judgment seat one day and wish you never would have reported the things you report.” Would this be a veiled threat?
    What sanctimonious recrimination. 😦

    It never fails, eh JA? 😉

    Like

  74. In fact your teachings and ideas have much anti-Semitic elements.

    Que?

    don’t report on violent men or women in liberal agendas

    What the ever loving…?

    These comments were pretty left field, dude. And massively incorrect.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. Do you ever notice how your website finds fault with conservative teachings. . .

    In fact your teachings and ideas have much anti-Semitic elements. . .

    don’t report on violent men or women in liberal agendas

    I see what you did there. I’ve seen tactics like this used all over social media as of late. Just label someone as being in the opposite “camp” and you don’t even have to present a cogent argument. Everyone will judge by your labels.

    That won’t work here. There are conservative Christians who do not agree with Lori’s ideology.

    Liked by 2 people

  76. quality –

    “How Christ-like is that?” – Jesus (a.k.a. Christ) had very harsh words for teachers of the law. The fact that we point out teachings that do not follow the teachings of Christ is very Christ-like.

    “What is so evil about believing exactly what the bible teaches? I believe you will find your works before the Judgment seat one day and wish you never would have reported the things you report.” – I do not read the word of God literally. I do not believe it was meant to be read that way given how it was all written so differently. And, yes, I went to Bible college and minored in Biblical studies, so I know how to read and study the Bible. I believe that the one who sits in judgement will be way more forgiving than you seem to be.

    “In fact your teachings and ideas have much anti-Semitic elements.” – FACT? Please, do provide the facts for me.

    “3. avoiding the temptation to mock…..unbelievers.” – Are you saying that we mock abusive unbelievers? I never mock abuse. Abuse is a very serious issue. You will never see that mocked on this site. This argument is absurd.

    Please come back and make an argument or a defense of this book based upon the words that I wrote. Lori has made herself a public person with a very public agenda. She regularly talks about other people’s teachings and what she likes or does not like about them. She has placed herself up for critique just like everyone else who writes books and promotes ideas that they deem to be Biblical. So, how is my critique of her book any different than Lori’s critiques of someone else’s writing? Oh, I know why….it’s because I dare to not think like her or you. Well, come back for more!

    Liked by 1 person

  77. Not worth the time to “work” the scripture according to mockers. Even people who mock Muslim women who “stay home” are an insult to Semitic people (according to actual Jewish people). Orthodox Jewish women…..enjoy their homes. (Look up verses in the bible old testament about the value of the home). So an insult to a woman and her home is an insult to Semitic values, and also an insult to humanity. This blog (a public resources ) is amplifying its ability to be critiqued.

    The most QUALITY resource for critique, is the bible. Use a concordance and search for the word “mocker.” Identify which comments in your website and which articles published in your website have a “mocking” tone, according to biblical values and verses.

    Oh Kay. Now I hope people will learn how to stop being insults to others in humanity…..stop mocking the indians for once.

    Orthodox Jewish women will gain master’s degrees, but yet enjoy their homes. Go figure out why…….

    Like

  78. Just in case some of the mockers are too lazy to look up the word “mock” in the bible, here is a bible verse: Pro_14:9  Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

    So, when a website “mocks” sin (ers)……the website is filled with fools chatting.

    Like

  79. Did a Bible Study on the word “reviler.” It wasn’t too pleasant in finding out the truth concerning those who love to revile and mock those who do not hold the same beliefs regarding visible Christianity.

    Precious quality; it is not a sin to work outside or inside of the home. We are called to work and not be busy bodies, but in fact honoring the LORD with our bodies in doing His Will.

    You are invited to come out and pick genderless rocks with me……lazy is not in the vocabulary of the posters who add great wisdom to the comment thread here.

    And by the way, one can still work and be righteous in the sight of our LORD Jesus Christ. Just sayin’.

    Liked by 1 person

  80. As to Quality’s rather weird statement about Orthodox Jewish women, their community has the same problems that the evangelical church has: domestic violence, child sexual abuse, etc.

    Quality’s “no talk rules” is like how an alcoholic family functions. We’re not allowed to talk. And name-called for trying.

    So much for Christian maturity, Quality.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. failed again. You still don’t understand. Anishabe na kidow.

    Very disrespectful and very anti-christian website. You a genocide promoter.

    Like

  82. “You a genocide promoter”. An exaggerated statement, based on the lies being told to you by your spiritual leaders, quality. Empower yourself by thinking for yourself. What you are writing is indicative of your complete indoctrination.

    Like

  83. Reading “quality’s” comments here… Is anyone else reminded of “quizer” on a previous thread? quality makes just about as much sense.

    Think they might be related? Their names both start with “Q”…

    Or maybe quizer decided to go with a different screen name after he/she was made to sit in the corner.

    Liked by 1 person

  84. quality – I don’t think you’re going to get many people here (or anywhere for that matter) who think that because it’s okay for a woman to work outside the home, that means you are anti-Semitic or support genocide. Your logic makes huge leaps that do not make sense.

    Liked by 2 people

  85. Reading “quality’s” comments here… Is anyone else reminded of “quizer” on a previous thread? quality makes just about as much sense.

    Is it HUG who always thinks these things are bots? Because it makes about that much sense to me. Word salad.

    Liked by 1 person

  86. @Lea:

    Is it HUG who always thinks these things are bots? Because it makes about that much sense to me.

    Actually, it was Nick Bulbeck on Wartburg Watch’s comment threads who thinks these things are bots. I just wonder “how much of a loser do you have to be to fail a Turing Test?”

    Word salad.

    Then either it’s Flutterhands twittering from this third-floor study (while ringing for submissive wifey to bring him tea) or Merlin Ambrosius is practicing for that banquet at N.I.C.E. HEADquarters.

    Liked by 1 person

  87. @quality:

    Just in case some of the mockers are too lazy to look up the word “mock” in the bible, here is a bible verse: Pro_14:9  Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

    And we all know that “quality” is the Most Righteous of All.
    (Cue Church Lady Superiority Dance…)

    Like

  88. @quality:

    What is so evil about believing exactly what the bible teaches? I believe you will find your works before the Judgment seat one day and wish you never would have reported the things you report.

    And here “quality” plays the Jack Chick Great White Throne Scene Card:
    “BEGONE FROM ME, YE CURSED, INTO EVERLATING FIRE!!!!! JOIN THE DEVIL AND HIS ANGELS!!!!!”

    Like

  89. Actually, it was Nick Bulbeck on Wartburg Watch’s comment threads who thinks these things are bots.

    Ah. Right. Also, N.I.C.E. headquarters is either a joke or a reference I don’t get.

    quality amusingly ‘mocked’ the supposed ‘mockers’ by trolling them with bible verse that includes the word ‘mock’. I guess we should all feel really bad now and agree with everything Lori says, even when it is ridiculous! Thanks quality!

    Like

  90. Also, N.I.C.E. headquarters is either a joke or a reference I don’t get.

    HUG is referring to the climax of “That Hideous Strength” by C.S. Lewis. The N.I.C.E. (National Institute for Coordinated Experimentation) is the bad guys’ team, the tools of the evil angels. Merlin plays a major role in that story, too. (Let me know if you’re interested in hearing more — I don’t want to spoil it for you. 🙂 )

    Like

  91. HUG is referring to the climax of “That Hideous Strength” by C.S. Lewis

    Thanks. I think I read that book in about 6th grade or so, so it’s been a minute and I’ve apparently forgotten everything.

    Like

  92. I took a C.S. Lewis class in college and read “That Hideous Strength.” So much was lost on me because of the writing genre. But then again, so much was lost on me in “Mere Christianity” because of the deep theology.

    Like

  93. “Do you ever notice how your website finds fault with conservative teachings. And encourages people to “mock”….. How Christ-like is that?
    What is so evil about believing exactly what the bible teaches?”
    The problem is that:
    (A) The Pearls are NOT Christian in any sense of the word. They have their own little cult going, built around cruelty & savage mistreatment of anyone who doesn’t knuckle under to MP.
    and (B) The more Lori Alexander talks & writes, the more she sounds like she needs to run for the border before she ends up in an institution.

    Like

  94. Pingback: Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – It’s All About Who’s in Control | Spiritual Sounding Board

  95. Pingback: Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori Has a Habit of Contradicting Herself | Spiritual Sounding Board

  96. Hi,
    I just wanted to comment on this beautiful analysis of Trey, Lori, and all other Treys and Loris out there.
    Shy1 said:
    “It doesn’t surprise me that Alexander and Trey find themselves aligning. My own opinion is that they are kindred spirits, both living lives of subterfuge, looking for scapegoats for all the anger they hold inside from painful childhoods. It’s frightening and painful to place that anger where it belongs. It involves rethinking so many things, you feel like your whole world is crumbling into chaos.”

    This is so true! Saying “I am angry at my mom for beating me with her slipper” is a lot harder to do than to adhere to some rigid set of rules, believing that adhering to them will free me from my past hurt and the way it still hurts today.

    “But the answer isn’t in adhering to another rigid system. Jesus calls us to truth. He calls us to be honest, authentic people. “No lie is of the truth.” He can handle our questions. He can handle our anger. He will show us the way.”

    Jesus didn’t come to impose a set of rules. His law? “love God and love your neighbor as yourself”. Even the Bible verses that appear to support the rigid rules, if read in context, don’t say what the rigid rule enforcers think they say. It’s easier to try to live by rigid rules and impose rigid rules on others, than to let Jesus in and walk with us through the truth. But the result is learning how to forgive and to love without compulsion.

    “There was a time when I came to grips with all of these things and I felt like I was lost in a dark cave, confusion and betrayal swirling around me. Then I realized that if I just groped towards the point of light which represented the mouth of the cave, I would find my way out. Jesus Christ is that light. Keep moving towards him, in spirit and in truth. Not through a system of rules but in honest communication with him. He will lead you.”

    This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it for those of us who, by His grace, are waking up to the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    Like

  97. Pingback: Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Lori’s All About Submission and Ken’s All About Control | Spiritual Sounding Board

  98. Pingback: Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Don’t Argue. It’s That Easy. | Spiritual Sounding Board

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  100. Pingback: Book Review Series – “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Shhhh…Be Very, Very Quiet | Spiritual Sounding Board

  101. So feminine women are weak, clingy and stupid? Some guys don’t even like these traits in women–at least the weak and clingy part. If God made you strong, should you lie in bed till your muscles atrophy? Should intelligent women get lobotomies? Maybe Lori already has.

    Like

  102. Pingback: Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Shhhh…Be Very, Very Quiet, Part 2 | Spiritual Sounding Board

  103. Pingback: Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Parents Rule, Children Drool | Spiritual Sounding Board

  104. Pingback: Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – Birth Control and a “Funny Story” | Spiritual Sounding Board

  105. Pingback: Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – The Chapter that Doesn’t Belong | Spiritual Sounding Board

  106. Pingback: Book Review Series – Lori Alexander’s “The Power of a Transformed Wife” – When Proverbs 31 Becomes a To Do List | Spiritual Sounding Board

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