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The Doug Phillips Vision Forum scandal has left homeschooling families reeling and questioning: what now, where do we go from here? What about Patriarchy, Full-Quiver, Courtship, Parenting? A Concerned Dad asks some great questions.
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Over the weekend, I got an excellent e-mail from A Concerned Dad who probably echoes the thoughts of many homeschool parents as we try to make sense of the Doug Phillips scandal. He gave me permission to share it here.
Many of us were sold a bill of goods under his teachings and now the rug has been pulled out from beneath us. What now?
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Thanks so much for sharing your story through your blog. I’ve been doing a ton of thinking the past month or so since the whole Doug Phillips thing blew up. It has been a huge wake-up call for me and I’m reading and listening to many viewpoints across the internet. I’m going through the stages of grief in a way as some of our dreams are dying. Underneath it all, I do have this feeling of finally being set free from some lies and fear we have been living with for many years.
I think our family is very similar to yours, but you are several years ahead of us on this journey. We also touched on the fringes of the movement, have had much of the garbage infiltrate our lives and now we are at a point where I’m trying to figure out what to do.
We have 8 kids under the age of 16, mostly girls. My wife does an admirable job with the home education but at this point we are at the breaking point.
The past year we have finally released the older two children to a public charter school and we are on the verge of doing the same with the younger ones. For a while, we were heading down the familiar path–daughters preparing for motherhood, courtship, not going to college, etc…but I’ve completely soured on all of that. Our girls are doing sports through the local schools, preparing for college and other “baby steps” towards more normal life.
I just listed to the very long podcast you were a part of on Godtalk and I was sick to my stomach thinking about the damage we may have done and could do. My wife is still somewhat on board with the whole quiver-full thing, Above Rubies, and the other typical parties.
This type of thinking has seriously permeated a large portion of the home schooling sub-culture to the point the subtle pressure is felt down in the trenches in local groups and cliques.
She still seems to be pretty enslaved to thought that she can “do it all” and somehow shelter our kids from the evil out there. It’s a false view of spirituality I guess–the evil is out there, not in us. I feel like it we are miserable here with no freedom or joy anymore.
My questions to you:
Would you still home-school knowing what you know now?
What would you do differently?
Do you recommend any form of discipline/training? I’ve been drawn to love and logic and have read/listened to some of those materials. Any other advice for those of us our here who are someone in between those two camps?
I see good and bad in both sides and think we can blend the two to some degree. It may be a child-by-child decision to adapt to their needs and maturity, but I’m also interested in how people manage these complexities.
Thanks so much!
A Concerned Dad
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I’d like to open this up for all of us to respond. I certainly don’t have all of the answers. How would you respond to A Concerned Dad?