Christian Marriage, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence and Churches, Mental Health and the Church, Narcissistic Pastors, Saeed Abedini, Women and the Church

Pastor Saeed Abedini Unwilling to Seek Abuse Counseling

Naghmeh Abedini, statement, Pastor Saeed Abedini, Domestic Violence, Counseling


A short while ago, Naghmeh released a public statement on her Facebook page:

Naghmeh Abedini, Pastor Saeed Abedini, domestic violence


Dearest friends and prayer warriors,

Many of you have been concerned about and have asked about updates on Saeed and our situation. At this point Saeed has not been willing to join me in getting counseling on the abuse which has been a big part of our life together. Once the abuse has been addressed, then that will open the way for us to get marriage counseling on the more common marrital [sic] issues.

I hope that Saeed can address the abuse as soon as possible so that our family can move towards reconciliation and healing. With birthdays and holidays coming up and for the sake of our children, no one longs for reconciliation for our family more than me. I have loved Saeed more than I have ever loved any human being in my life and it has been hard to stand and keep the boundaries and ask for the abuse to be addressed. This is the most loving thing I can do for my husband and children at this time. My love and passion in fighting for Saeed’s freedom has not changed, but it has taken a different form on my knees.

I ask you to join me in continuing to pray for Saeed and our family. I ask you to please pray for the children and specially for Jacob as his birthday will be in 3 days.

Many of you understand the battle we often face for our loved ones for spiritual chains. The battle is hard and emotional. By Grace of God I did not give up fighting for my husband’s physical chains and by God’s Grace I am not going to give up in praying and petitioning God for the long waited family reunion.

Once steps are taken by Saeed in addressing the abuse and are family starts moving towards reconciliation and healing, I would be the first to announce it and give shouts of praise and thanksgiving. But until then I would appreciate your prayers for continued Grace and strength.

In His Grace,



Here is the comment I left:

“Thank you, Naghmeh Abedini, for sharing this update. I think it is especially helpful because of the confusion between abuse counseling and marital counseling. Your example may be helping thousands of wives who are suffering from domestic violence. To go to couples counseling when there is abuse is potentially harmful, especially after the counseling session if wives are interrogated by their husbands about what was said in the session.

Abuse counseling must be first. If there is no abuse counseling, there is no viable marriage, period.” ~ja

36 thoughts on “Pastor Saeed Abedini Unwilling to Seek Abuse Counseling”

  1. Thank you Nagmeh. Sometimes the most loving path is the hardest. I’ll be praying for you all, and especially Jacob. One of my children missed their daddy this year on a birthday too because I stood up for our marriage after an incident. Each day is its own battle, but I’m so glad God is fighting for us.

    Love and prayers.


  2. Good advice, Julie Anne! I hope she has learned that being independent has many benefits. After all, the best thing a father can do for his children is love and respect their mother.

    Abuse is not respect and certainly not love. I hope she stays strong.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Abuse counseling must be first. If there is no abuse counseling, there is no viable marriage, period.” ~ja

    Shout this from the roof tops.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Ann, If I thought any of them had ears to hear I would. Those are some that we are shown to shake the dust from our feet. Naghmeh’s voice is being heard though, by people who will hear. She has a quiet spirit and knows what needs to be done!! The Loving God is with her.


  5. Carmen, God was always there. I like a quote from one of Janette Oke’s books, but since I can’t remember the exact quote I’ll improvise from my own life.

    I have been close by and not able to stop some hurt happening to one of my children. I couldn’t stop it from happening, but I would be there for them when they do. God is the same. He gives men and women free will, even abusers. He didn’t stop my abusers from hurting me, but he was with me all the time. He has been with Naghmeh the entire time and she was much better at going to God for comfort than I was. She is a godly mentor for this old woman. God has turned bad into good. Naghmeh is using her voice that will send a message to other women who need to hear it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Kathi, You said. You must always have a man acting as a covering over you. Because, you know, it’s in the Bible. I think I read it in 1 IMakeThisStuffUp 2:25

    I’d like to be able to read the rest of that book!!! lol I’m sure it has much more to offer us. lol You lightened up my work day.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ahhh. . . the old ‘free will’ argument. I think it’s better entitled the ‘How to get all the credit and take none of the blame’ statement. πŸ™‚

    Here’s the way I see it: This woman (like countless others in her situation) has figured out what a bit player she is in a patriarchal system. She’s got some independence and a break from her life of oppression under a narcissistic egomaniac. There are plenty of them in pulpits. (in fact, a high percentage of pastors/ministers are narcissists) I think she’s used her own powers of reckoning to establish a new normal – in short, she’s been empowered by her circumstances and her own intelligence. I commend her for that and, like I say, I hope she stays strong and continues on her OWN path; for the sake of her children and for herself. I wish her nothing but the best and I feel certain she – and every other woman – can do it without an invisible friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Carmen, you are most certainly entitled to your opinion and we both wish Naghmeh well in our own way. It is my understanding that Naghmeh has the support of her own pastor who has remained silent and not taken the stage as others have.


  9. Now Brenda, that’s not to say there aren’t lovely ministers out there – we’ve had many. (perhaps because many of them were female?) πŸ˜‰
    Actually, the church I used to be a member of (for 38 years) has a wonderful fellow right now – my very astute daughter is quite impressed with him! (she’s even more of a radical feminist than me – so you know he’s GOOD) πŸ˜‰


  10. What an inspiration Nagmeh is to other ladies out there who are going thru similar problems. Stand firm and not give up. She’s doing the right thing. If there is a lesson that others can learn here, its that until the abuse issue is solved, there can be no marriage. I don’t know what Nagmeh’s name means in her language, but to me it means beautiful, strong woman of God.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Harley, Naghmeh has brought the discussion of domestic violence to the table and it has been discussed quite a bit since she came forward. She did a very brave thing in speaking honestly.

    I sure got chewed out on Twitter yesterday for tweeting her statement. People are saying this is a quiet matter between the couple. Um, nope! A normal marital conflict is private. Not abuse.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Julie Anne – it’s worth being chewed out 70 x 70 times if it helps out one abused woman to make a stand like Nagmeh did. Thank you for being there for Nagmeh and allowing her to tell her story. Many times just getting people to listen is cathartic. So many times people say, but he’s a minister. Surely he wouldn’t abuse his wife. Abuse is no respecter of persons, or careers. It’s there and needs to be stopped. This blog is like shouting in on the rooftops. Stop the Abuse!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Julie Anne – it’s worth being chewed out 70 x 70 times if it helps out one abused woman to make a stand like Nagmeh did.

    Amen! You are absolutely right. And FTR, I do not lose sleep over people who chew me out. It typically does not even phase me.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pastor Saeed Abedini Unwilling to Seek Abuse Counseling

    Why should he?
    In his eyes, He Has Done No Wrong, He Can Do No Wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. @E.A>Stephens:

    Bless her heart. 😦 Abuse won’t stop until the abuser realizes that he/she has a problem. Praying for grace for everyone involved.

    Again, How Can He Have A Problem when He Can Do No Wrong?


  16. JA and Naghmeh are both great examples to younger women in the church. They show us all that women don’t have to check their dignity and value at the door when they enter the body of Christ.


  17. Hi everyone!

    This is my first time posting on this site and I apologize in advance for its being off topic. I could use some help from some of you who have been through what I’m going through right now, which is abandoning calvinism and lutheranism (2 theologies I’ve been heavily involved in for years). I still have alot of “hangover fear” and I was wondering how to best get over it. Even simple things like having a few beers with friends still make me question myself snd my motives in a fearful way, although I realize that’s silly. I still believe in Jesus and the forgiveness of sins he thst offers, but I’m done with systems. Anyone who has traveled a similar road more or less succesfully, please comment. thank you everyone in advance! πŸ™‚


  18. Carmen, you asked where God was when Nagmeh was being abused. I guess he was where he always is, available to those who care to seek him.

    Are you feeling like God, if he exists, should prevent people from doing other people harm? We would have a whole different dynamic in this world if he did. He would be busy every second of every day controlling peoples’ behavior.

    I wish God would do that. I hate suffering in every form. But apparently that is not his purpose. Our original ancestors decided that the knowledge of good and evil was more important to have than relationship with God. This world is an illustration in every way of the properties of good and evil- to those who have eyes to see. Every situation illuminates good and evil, truth and falsehood, love and hate. The question is, which are we following in the situations of our lives? We can’t control other people, only ourselves.


  19. Shy1,
    Sorry, but I don’t believe in any gods so I avoid the cognitive dissonance of trying to figure out why, if one exists, s/he/it would be so capricious. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Some recent articles:

    Pastor Saeed Abedini On Abuse Allegations: “They Are All False” [Hello Christian, March 31, 2016]

    Saeed Abedini on Marriage Troubles: ‘My Life Is Harder Now Than When I Was in Prison’ [The Christian Post, by Stoyan Zaimov, April 1, 2016]

    Pastor Says Life At Home Worse Than Iranian Prison Due To Marital Problems [Inquisitr, by Donna Brown, April 2, 2016]


  21. Carmen, the only hope I have is the hope offered in Christ as my Redeemer.

    I have many douchebags in my life.

    God is not one of them.

    He has done great things for me.

    As shy1 and Paul (acts 17) says, if we so choose to seek Him.

    And it’s not hard if Paul is telling us the truth.

    Why not try it?


  22. And that ‘pastor’ Saaed article makes me so angry.

    If that quote is true… “False accusations”

    There’s no way his wife is so foolish to back to him if he’s talking crap to the press.

    What a grub.

    His wife is strong.


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