Going Back to Church Again, Personal Stories, Recovery Process, Spiritual Abuse, SPIRITUAL ABUSE RECOVERY, SURVIVOR STORIES

Spiritual Abuse: Trouble Letting Go

One disturbing aspect of spiritual abuse is how it can leave us questioning our salvation and in a state of confusion. I received an e-mail this morning and asked if I could post it here for discussion.  ~ja


Trouble Letting Go


Compared to some of the stories on your blog, my spiritual abuse is very mild. It happened at a Calvary Chapel.  I knew something was wrong about a year in. The pastor and his wife are very prideful and unloving and don’t believe what they teach or in the power of God. It’s more of an academic thing which appealed to my flesh, I’m sure.


It has been about two years and I am just beginning to understand and to dig myself out. It affected me much more than my husband, and I even have questioned things that I was sure of before, namely my salvation. I am in a much better place now and have even gained some ground on sin in my life(anger). I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that your blog and many of the conversations in the comments section were especially helpful and healing to me when I thought I was going crazy. I am having trouble letting it go, though. I feel like I need to DO something. My husband says just let it go and move on. It’s hard.
I did not grow up in church and only went there a few times with friends through the years. Calvary Chapel was the first church I attended regularly, and it was a bit of a shock to see that it did not match what I thought a church should look like from reading the Bible. I have been to a few churches since leaving and I feel them all to be the same with the prideful pastors. I am prideful too, so I do have some sympathy for them. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I have tried to find some believers who agree with the opinions about church and gifted teachers, but they think I’m being critical. Could you offer some advice, please?




102 thoughts on “Spiritual Abuse: Trouble Letting Go”

  1. Hi Lydia00,

    You wrote, “There IS a condition to salvation. It is called repentance”.

    In my experience, there is much confusion over the meaning of the word Repentance, which comes from the word Metanoia in Greek.

    Some people teach that Repentance means a Change of Mind. The context will indicate what that change of mind is about. I believe this is the correct meaning of Metanoia.

    There is no direct connection between Metanoia and Sin, unless the context is clear that sin is the object.

    The modern evangelical use of the word Repent is this:

    “Repent! (Turn from your sins!)”

    Unfortunately that is not the meaning of Metanoia.

    A friend of mine came over last week. She is in the IFB movement and her dad is a ‘Pastor’ of his own little empire.

    She gave me a gospel tract which TBH presented a coercive ‘turn or burn’ wanna go to heaven? ‘Gospel’ presentation than simply stating what God accomplished for sinners at Calvary through Christ.

    The tract said one must ‘repent of sins’ to be saved.

    This phrase does not appear in the Bible.

    It is in many new versions but is not in the Greek.

    My concern is that many believers are telling people that the good news is that unbelievers are sinners who have an opportunity to try and be less sinful by turning from their sins.

    That somehow God is pleased by this ‘turn from your sins’ works righteousness as thought our efforts will help us get to heaven without the sole work of Christ.

    If I must turn from my sins to be saved, how many sins must I turn from? All?

    I have walked with the Lord for over 15 years and I struggle with sins daily.

    It is only Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection that gives me hope.

    I want to stop sinning and I try, yet often fail.

    I don’t know if Josh Duggar is a genuine believer or not. It’s not within my capacity to know.

    If our behaviour determines the sincerity of our trust in Christ then I would imagine many a White washed tomb might make the cut.

    But Christ says no.

    I struggle to understand how believers can commit sexual sin as grievous as JD’s.

    Then I remember my own failings in that respect and know that I’m not that clean myself.

    Thank God for his unspeakable gift.


Thanks for participating in the SSB community. Please be sure to leave a name/pseudonym (not "Anonymous"). Thx :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s