Spiritual Abuse, Recovery Process, Tangled Lives, Support
It must be that time of year. I had a rough day the last two days and had to call a support person to help me get on track. And it’s not that I didn’t know what my issues were, or how to fix them. I knew what I was going through. I knew why there was pain and sadness, but I needed someone to hear me out. I needed to vent. I needed someone to validate what I was going through, the sadness, grieving, and say that it made sense, that I was not alone, I would be okay, and to help me think of where my future was headed.
At the end of the conversation, I texted my friend and asked how much the therapy session would be, and he said free.
Since starting my blogging journey and recovery from spiritual abuse, occasionally I have days like this. Thankfully, I’ve been able to have a network of support people I know I can call when I’m feeling down: women, men, pastors, other bloggers, people I have helped who now are helping me, etc. The one thing we all have in common is spiritual abuse. And we all know the importance of a listening ear.
Some of you may know that Kathi and I both love to knit.Time is precious. It takes time to knit a project and when I knit something, I want it to be just right, so I will typically spend extra money to get good quality yarn. I don’t know anyone who saves money when knitting articles. The yarn is too costly, and you cannot put a price on time. It’s a gift of love.
So, imagine my surprise when I got a package in the mail not long ago from Kathi. She sent me a beautiful hand-knit cowl with alpaca yarn she had bought on an overseas trip to Istanbul. It really touched me knowing she used this special yarn and took her own precious time to knit me this gift. I’ve worn it quite a few times already. I love it. As I look at each stitch, I know that represents time she spent on me. What a treasure.
Recently, I read an article about detanglers in the Wall Street Journal, of all places, and it made me think of SSB, Knitters With Hopelessly Knotted Yarn Call ‘Detanglers’ for Help.
What in the world is a detangler you might be asking? A detangler is someone who enjoys to untangle yarn. Can you believe it? There’s actually a group of over 2,000 detanglers where knitters can send their tangled yarn to be untangled. From the article:
Daphne Basnet of Melbourne, Australia, once paid about $50 on eBay for a 25-pound box of snarled yarn, simply for the pleasure of untangling it. “I was so happy, I can’t tell you,” recalls the 58-year-old of her purchase, a mess of about 120 knotted balls.
Taming the disaster was a labor-intensive process of finding ends, loosening knots and eventually winding all the yarn into balls. It took her a full five weeks to finish. “I loved it,” she says.
You’re probably laughing. It is kind of funny (be sure to read the comments in the article – so funny!). I remember one time my daughter, Hannah, bought some really expensive yarn to knit herself a scarf. It got all knotted up and she tried to untangle it, but eventually gave up. Guess what? I still have that yarn because she was going to get rid of it. I can’t allow it to be thrown away, but I still haven’t spent the time to try to untangle it. I think I should send it to a detangler.
When I read the article, it dawned on me that those of us who are part of this community are like detanglers. We take something that is precious and help to unknot it. Detanglers work with the yarn, being careful to take out knots without damaging the yarn so that it can be used again. When we work with someone, our goal is to get them to a better place so that they are able to be free from the tangles that have held them back from spirituality, relationships, etc.
Detanglers sit and work with the yarn for as long as it takes. They don’t give up on knots. They are committed to see their job done. One of the chief complaints those of us who have been spiritually abused hear is that we are wallowing in self-pitty, we need to get over it and move on. It’s not as simple as that. There are setbacks. There are occasional relapses. We know that. We’re okay with that and don’t try to hurry things along. We let people come to their own conclusions in this safe place and take as long as they need. We do not throw the yarn away because we are tired of working with it.
In 2016, I look forward to watching more lives being untangled by detanglers who understand, have compassion, and who know the incredible value of each person caught in a tangled mess.