Friday Poem Therapy from a Survivor Sexually Abused by Her Pastor

Mike Sperou, Sex Abuse, Jennifer, North Clackamas Bible Community

I saw this poem show up through my Facebook news feed.  This is from Jennifer and you can read more about her here. Folks, this is the aftermath of sex abuse, of what it’s like when your parents abandon you because they are brainwashed and defend their guru cult leader (my opinion). This poem is raw emotion and pain. And this is why we continue to fight these battles and demand that churches get their acts together to protect children. I’m leaving the language as is. If you are sensitive to strong language, you have been forewarned. Thank you, Jennifer, for letting me share this with the community here.  You are loved! ~ja

mike sperou, sex abuse

Friday Poem Therapy

by Jennifer, September 25, 2015
There are pictures on Facebook
of the man who molested me.
Young women, church members, my father
are standing next to him
with their arms around each other
smiling at the camera
in front of the dark grey backdrop that they use
in prison
People “like” the photos:
People I’ve never met
People I went to high school with
People who are friends of friends
I wonder what they know.
I know
that I spent years clinging to the edge of his bed;
trying to get as far away as possible while others
endured hands, fingers, breath, lips
I know that he reached for me when some of them weren’t available
I know
that I was rejected by my parents
Greg and Cindy.
“You’re just not an important part of our lives.  You know that.”
Matter-of-fact
They reminded me often that I was never important
Not worthy of protection
Not valuable enough to be considered
And then lied
with everyone watching
and returned to their lives
without me.
I wonder what they know.
Also, fuck them.

24 comments on “Friday Poem Therapy from a Survivor Sexually Abused by Her Pastor

  1. Pingback: » Friday Poem Therapy from a Survivor Sexually Abused by Her Pastor

  2. I am so sorry for your losses, Jennifer. Being abused. Parents who didn’t stand by you and aren’t family. A church who failed you. The losses are searing, aren’t they?
    These church sexual abuse cases remind me of the saying about war criminals. That victims figured out their evil, but not the people who were complicit and stood by and permitted it to happen.

    Your *parents* aren’t parents, but merely donors of biological material. As a radio talk show therapist says, “They tore up their parent cards.”

    I was ordered to be excommunicated and shunned by my pastors/elders at my church of 8+ years (California) because I opposed their bringing their friend a Megan’s List sex offender into our church as a member and not telling all adults and parents, giving him a position of a leadership and trust, and access to all children.
    And you know what? My life has GOTTEN BETTER since that dark time last year that I stood my ground.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jennifer,

    What Sperou did to you was evil and criminal. What your family is doing to you is evil, and I almost wish it were criminal. They’ll regret the choice they’ve made someday — I only hope that day doesn’t come too late.

    P.S. I agree fully with the sentiment in the last line of your poem. Brava.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Velour,

    Your “parents” aren’t parents, but merely donors of biological material. As a radio talk show therapist says, “They tore up their parent cards.”

    Or as I heard on a TV show once: “They’re not her parents. They just happened to be in the room when she was conceived.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jennifer, I hear your strength in the last line of your poem. It is powerful and honest. I pray that other victims can access that same anger. This type of anger keeps you safe and free from those individuals who would rather sacrifice childten than face the true nature of the cruel manipulative man that they follow. Sadly, there are those who would have their children destroyed before admitting they were hoodwinked by a conman. Keep writing the truth!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. To: Jennifer & Our Other Heroines in this case…

    A beautiful Black Gospel song “You Are Somebody” sung by Deborah Barnes.

    Like

  7. I watched a Dr. Phil episode in which a young woman forgives her mother for handing her over to a cult leader for sex when she was 14. The cult leader, whom the mother had met while waiting in line for fast food, claimed to be a returned Jesus. He had already died and was buried and the mother seemed anxious to deal with the past. At Dr. Phil’s suggestion, she burned all of the cult memorabilia she had kept. Yet despite all the pain this false leader had caused her and her daughter, she asked Dr. Phil, “What if he WAS Jesus? Then I’m damned.” It was extraordinary to see the hold this cult leader – whose death ought to have convinced her he wasn’t Jesus if nothing else did – still had on this woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. You are valuable and you deserved to be loved by your parents. I would pity them if I weren’t so angry with them. There is nothing to compare to the love between a parent and child and they threw it away. They are fools.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. One of the best strategies for a pedophile to avoid detection is to regularly occupy a church pew. One of the best ways for a pedophile to enjoy active enablement is to occupy a pulpit.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Jennifer, I’ve had many likes go by on my Facebook for the stories about how that man was convicted, sent to prison where he belongs. If your father is no longer in the cult, I may know him…and I save my “likes” for victims. You’re brave and I admire your willingness to use your voice.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sadly, there are those who would have their children destroyed before admitting they were hoodwinked by a conman.

    The key to a successful con is to get the marks emotionally invested in the con to the point where they CAN’T back out, even when they KNOW they’re being taken to the cleaners. Because backing out (and admitting the truth) means they have to admit they were conned.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh, Jennifer, your poem is so powerful!! Bless you for sharing it with us.
    Your “parents” clearly have no idea what they are doing, to turn their backs on a beautiful person like you.

    Like

Thanks for participating in the SSB community. Please be sure to leave a name/pseudonym (not "Anonymous"). Thx :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s