Husbands Who Want to Correct Their Rebellious Wives

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Husbands with Rebellious Wives

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“Be considerate as you live with your wife, with respect” 1 Peter 3:7

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The other day, I read a Facebook status from a friend whose wife had gone overseas for a week and left him with three young children. His words were so sweet as he made notes of what it was like for him as a temporary stay-at-home dad. Here were some of his key points:

  • there is no privacy (he repeated this phrase a handful of times during the list – I think he really missed his privacy)
  • there are always more dishes to do
  • he could not keep up with the house cleaning before a destruction-minded toddler came through a room again
  • there is no time for exercise
  • nothing gets finished because of constant interruptions
  • getting someplace on time with kids in tow is practically a miracle

This sweet dad/husband publicly praised his wife for what he didn’t realize she had been doing each and every day. Of course he likely had an idea, but to actually do her job and do it well was a huge challenge to him.

Their marriage reflects mutual respect and sacrificial love. He does not lord over her, he values her. They both work hard at their jobs. They take time for each other and their relationship and it’s beautiful.

Right around the same time I read my friend’s Facebook status, I also read a blog article by Ken Alexander entitled, Wimpy Husbands with Rebellious Wives. The “rebellious” word in the title sent shivers down my spine. What would cause someone to use such a harsh word when talking about wives?

The article starts off very negatively against women, “how to best deal with the antics and emotions of a difficult wife.” Right off the bat, I am reading control. It’s like he is assuming the worst in women. Ken believes husbands must have complete control over their wives and in this article, he challenges “wimpy” husbands who don’t control their wives and their rebellious behavior. Patriarchy, much? Check this out:

I have personally heard from far too many Christian husbands how frustrated they are with a wife who can’t discipline herself enough to get some of the basics of the home, family and marriage completed in any normal way, yet the wife wants nothing to do with their husband’s attempts at correcting a bad situation. The husband can beg a wife to please try to have the house picked up and dishes done by the time he gets home, yet she is just far too busy to be able to get these basics of life completed. In her mind, he just does not understand and now she has her girlfriends agreeing with her, so he must be a jerk. After all, how can ten women with half the facts not come up with the right answers?

If he questions her lack of discipline, her inability to get to the gym, to have a home cooked meal on the table every evening, or have the laundry done once a week, she calls him not understanding or unloving. And when the claws come out and tears start, the husband is put back into his corner as the “unloving jerk who is way too picky and demanding!”

He talks about how he picks up the slack in the home with meals, taking care of kids and helping with homework but asks:

I am curious what the readers of this blog would counsel a husband to do when he is married to just such a wife. Accept as a premise that she lacks any modicum of self-discipline; she is a stay at home Mom with plenty of time spent relaxing and being online each day. [JA note:  and he knows this how?]

And he continues:

Does love demand that he seek his wife’s best interest in training his rebellious wife in self discipline, even if she cannot see how this is indeed true love in meeting her needs?

Ok, what a contrast between two husbands, huh? Ken’s article really concerns me because we are seeing him use the word “love” as a means of control. Love is not about controlling someone. I am very concerned about women living in these environments where their husbands must control them. I’m also concerned about the children in these homes who think it’s normal for dads to control their wives. Ugh. We can do better than this as Christians.

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photo credit: cafemama via photopin cc

200 comments on “Husbands Who Want to Correct Their Rebellious Wives

  1. Ken,

    Oh, and the SECT that I am discussing…it is known as mainstream. And that is a huge problem. There was a reformation, and two famous people were involved on two separate occasions. The sect that I am discussing is one of the two. And it isn’t the first.

    Name that sect.

    Ed

    Like

  2. Ed, when I used the word I was referring to a worldview that is different than mine. I am not teaching a worldview, I am teaching a Biblical view and one held throughout the centuries. Besides, a worldview is just the way some looks at the world, whether Biblical or Feminist or radical or conservative.

    Why would those of us who are no longer under the law go searching for an OT law on the subject? We are under grace AND the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I gave you the verses that refer to the sin of a husband acting unbecomingly and in a self-seeking way.” This is in clear violation of what Christ desires in a loving, Christ-like husband. I am at a loss as to why I would need to search the OT Laws for a command to Christians that is so clearly expressed in multiple ways in the NT?

    Good night… and I am done playing ping pong with you. I don’t know your deal but you have me wrong.

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  3. Ken, my whole battle with you is that you are NOT teaching a bible view that has been held throughout the centuries. This whole slavery mentality doctrine of wives submitting to husbands is not the representation of submitting to Christ.

    I feel sorry for YOUR wife, as well as Roger’s wife, and a whole slew of others in this slavery mindset.

    Lincoln set the slaves free. Moses set the children of Israel free from Egypt. Jesus set the captives free. But you keep your wife in bondage and you don’t even realize it.

    SHAME ON YOU.

    Ed

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ken, you said:
    “Why would those of us who are no longer under the law go searching for an OT law on the subject? ”

    Why? Because you identified it as sin.

    In Romans 7, Paul said that he would not have know what lust was had the law not told him THOU SHALT NOT COVET.

    Obviously he knows what sin is. Why don’t you? Just the, “Well, I didn’t love my neighbor very much”, just doesn’t cut it.

    If you steal, you didn’t love your neighbor, and the sin is stealing.

    You are a preacher? You are a pastor? How much of the Bible do you really know? Or do you just concentrate on your pet projects of trying to put shackles on your wife’s ankles?

    Ed

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  5. Julie Anne – Ken stated ‘………I personally know of no husband who has abused his wife’. I wonder what would happen if he put that statement on Twitter or some of the forums on abuse or in his church newsletter.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. One reason I reject Ken’s doctrine of male authority over women in marriage is that it violates the Golden Rule. Either Ken’s reading of Paul is wrong or else I must choose between Paul and Jesus. To subscribe to Ken’s reading of Paul is to reject Jesus. I am willing to reject Paul, although I do not see that it is necessary to do so. I reject Ken. Though Ken has done so, I will not reject Jesus.

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  7. Thank you rhondajeannie for pointing out that Ken claims that he personally knows of no husband who has abused his wife. What that might indicate exactly we can only speculate, but such an assertion does not at all speak well for Ken.

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  8. Ken, did you really say this?

    Here are the synonyms for Rebellious and rebellion can be to a convention or situation and not just authority: defiant, disobedient, insubordinate, unruly, mutinous, wayward, obstreperous, recalcitrant, intractable. These fit what is being displayed by the wives in question.

    If one is a Believer in Jesus Christ they come under His Lordship. Christianity is not a club we join with no preset rules or standards to follow. We are to please our LORD Jesus and as such be obedient to His Word.

    Since when does a husband rule over his wife. That is what it would take to be disobedient, insubordinate or unruly. I don’t think you have a clear vision of what a marriage was meant to be. If she were in the military or perhaps a Pirate ship and was disobedient to her commanding officers, these words might apply. They should never be applied to a married couple.

    Christianity is FREEDOM. It is not a set of rules. We are to follow Christ in obedience to HIS WORD. Women are not to follow their husbands in ways that are clearly wrong. If a man is a self proclaimed Wimp, so what. It doesn’t mean his wife needs to become one. If a man gives an order to his wife, she does not have to say, “How High”. She can say, “excuse me, did I hear you right”. No one should be giving orders in a marriage.

    Ken, You are disconnected from what the Bible says about marriage. I would suggest that you pray that God would lead you in what the meat of the Word says on the subject.

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  9. @Ken

    “No BTDT, you know that is a purposeful mischaracterization of what Robert wrote as his reference to spankings is with child rearing, NOT for a wife.”

    Oh? Can you point out where, exactly, in Robert’s comments he was discussing child rearing? I must have missed that. Seems to me the entire discussion was on how to reign in his wife.

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  10. Is this the same Ken that posts over at the other blog? There were about 2 or 3 other Kens there, and one of them was quite into pushing the gender complementarian view. Or is this another Ken?

    Ken said,

    If I had been abused I might have a bias myself, but I don’t carry your bias and defensiveness against husband leadership

    The Bible does not teach “husband leadership.”

    There is no such concept. That is a construct that has been read into the Bible by people who think they see these sorts of teachings, but if you examine the Bible closely, the Bible is teaching no such thing.

    The Bible says that all believers submit to one another (Eph 5. 21), and that Christ is the only authoritative head of a believer. Christ said you are not to lord authority over anyone, and that would include your wife, if you have a wife.

    By teaching that husbands are to “lead” their wives in an authoritative manner, as though the man is the boss, you are negating the very teachngs of Jesus. Paul in the New Testament was not saying about husbands and wives what you think he was saying.

    If you want to be above your wife (and if you do, that shows ego and pride), the Bible says you have to place yourself lower than your wife.

    Ephesians 5.21,
    21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

    Matthew 20:25, 26
    25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…

    _Co-Leadership In Marriage: Who’s In Authority?_

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  11. Ken said,

    Ed, when I used the word I was referring to a worldview that is different than mine. I am not teaching a worldview, I am teaching a Biblical view and one held throughout the centuries.

    And your world view was shaped by men, not by the Bible.

    Men from centuries ago, theologians, held very unBiblical views about women, which colored how they chose to interpret (and even translate) the Bible, and this still holds true today.

    See, for example,
    _20 Vile Quotes Against Women By Religious Leaders From St. Augustine to Pat Robertson_

    Sample quote:
    Woman is a temple built over a sewer.
    Tertullian, “the father of Latin Christianity” (c160-225)

    _The Origins of Sexism in the Church_

    An interesting point I saw elsewhere: it used to be that Christian men kept women out of leadership or equal positions in marriage and in church by claiming that their nature is corrupt or that they are too weak, and other blatantly sexist positions.

    When these more obvious forms of sexist talking points could no longer hold sway with most people in the 20th century, Christians switched tactics…

    And one guy in particular (his name escapes me), used “gender complementarianism” as a new way to keep women out of holding the same positions of men, sometime around the 1970s or 80s.

    That rhetorical devices have to be changed over the centuries to keep women down and out of the running in Christian spheres should be a huge tip-off that the current teachings (“complementarianism” also known as “biblical womanhood”) is not about defending the Bible, being godly, keeping marriages intact, or caring about women and their welfare, but about nominal Christian men not allowing women to have a place at the table.

    Complementarianism is just another excuse to bar women from positions that the Holy Spirit wants them to have.

    Men who disliked women and wanted to oppress them used to boldly argue women were just lower, dumber, more base or more easily deceived than men are, but those sorts of views, dripping with such obvious sexism, won’t work in 2015 (or not since the 1960s), so new methods had to be adopted.

    I do sometimes see the crackpots out there to this day arguing that women are baser and dumber than men, but they are the minority. The mainstream of them have switched to a kinder-sounding type of sexism to limit women, by saying women are equal to men in “worth” but not in “role.”

    The method is different but the desired goal and end results are the same: keep women out, keep men in charge.

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  12. Roger: You said: Way too much feminism. Winder why so many marriages are failing

    What in the world does feminism have to do with why marriages are failing? Absolutely, nothing!! Abuse is what is destroying marriages and a lack of knowledge within the church keeps people in bondage. There are far fewer men in this category as women.

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  13. Ken,

    “I, and most others, also do not condone a husband “taking sex.” by any use of force, but unless the couple is estranged, separated, I would not call it “marital rape.” Wrong yes, but rape no. If he uses force of any sort to get his way with his wife he is sinful and wrong, and perhaps there should be legal consequences for such actions. If she is estranged or separated then I think marital rape may apply.”

    “Taking sex” is not rape in your mind unless the couple is estranged or separated. NO MEANS NO. It does not feel any different for a woman who lives under the same roof with a husband who forces himself upon her. IT IS RAPE. MARITAL RAPE. I have been there, believe me there is no difference in how if feels. Oh, it truly is sin and it is also called RAPE, punishable by the law. If I knew now what I knew then, there would be a man sitting in a jail cell.

    “We teach authority that comes from willful submission, but I also teach husbands that they do not have to put up with the antics of a difficult wife without calling her on it, setting good Christian standards and trying get her to agree to uphold reasonable standards. If a standard is set in the home the husband should be the first to meet it by example, and rarely if ever a standard set that a husband himself is unwilling to follow.”

    Setting standards!! Shouldn’t this be something that the husband and his wife sit down and agree on together? You make it sound more like “Me Tarzan, You Jane”. The man sets the standards for his wife and she should follow his lead. No!! A marriage is 2 equals coming together as 1. Both parties should be involved in these decisions.

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  14. Ken: you said, Why would those of us who are no longer under the law go searching for an OT law on the subject?

    God gave us the Word–the OT and NT. We are to use it all, in its entirety. Jesus did not come to condemn the Law, but to fulfill it. We are not under the law, but that does not mean that we should stay away from it entirely. The OT has some pretty powerful stuff that should not be avoided.

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  15. BTDT

    Can you point out where, exactly, in Robert’s comments he was discussing child rearing? I must have missed that. Seems to me the entire discussion was on how to reign in his wife.

    That’s because it was all about his wife. There were no children involved in the conversation as to how to abuse, I mean discipline them. I do recall her being put in the shed/cabin.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Daisy,
    I read the 20 vile quotes against women. It literally makes me sick. There are so many men who really hate women in general and are passing it off as Biblical. I appreciate the comments of the men on this site that stand behind women and what the Bible really says about marriage and submission.

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  17. I’m always coming into these conversations late. Sometimes I hate living on the other side of the globe.

    Ken, I don’t know whether you’re still bothering to read here, but I can’t help calling you out on a few things you’ve written here.

    For one, you’ve claimed a few times that your view of marriage is consistent with that held by Christians for over 1900 years. Your friend Robert said much the same when he was here on another thread. Even assuming that’s true, it’s a very weak argument to me. Historically, the many Christians supported (or at least condoned) slavery for nearly that long. That doesn’t make their view any more correct. Or consider the link that Daisy posted in her comment just above this one. That quote by Tertullian is ghastly enough on its own. Is this the “historically biblical” notion of womanhood that you want to be associated with?

    For another thing, please do not assume that everyone opposes complementarianism from a position of trauma, or a history of abuse. I oppose it because my parents’ marriage is (for lack of a better term) egalitarian. It’s not a “Christian” marriage — my father isn’t a believer — and not perfect by any standards. But I know that they love each other and their children. I’ve seen this kind of marriage work. I refuse to see mutual submission as “an oxymoron”. The idea that God does so is incomprehensible to me.

    Lastly, in the future, I hope you will show more respect to our hostess than you did yesterday. Your subtly patronizing attitude might not have been intentional, but it wasn’t lost on me. Julie Anne didn’t “feel” that her former church was abusive. It is abusive. She most certainly did not imagine what its “pastor” put her through. Her experiences might make her more sensitive to the possibility of abuse, but she is not paranoid (as you seemed to suggest). If Julie Anne smells smoke, you should at least consider the possibility that there’s a fire.

    If you decide to reply, please understand if I don’t respond to you right away. I must crawl into bed now, and then I’ll have a full day of work before I can comment again.

    From one Christian man to another…

    Liked by 1 person

  18. @Brenda R

    “That’s because it was all about his wife.”

    Yep. There was no “purposeful mischaracterization of what Robert wrote as his reference to spankings.” Especially since Robert’s sentence about “spanking” is also talking about “submission/headship.” I think Robert inadvertently let the cat out of the bag. I don’t think Ken wants to touch that subject, hence he reverts to calling the participants here as “nothing more than an FJ nest.”

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  19. @Brenda R

    “Daisy,
    I read the 20 vile quotes against women. It literally makes me sick.”

    Yes. Yet the same person who claims to “teach what the Bible teaches and that is willful wifely submission to a loving, servant leader of a husband” also claims that his “views are very much set in the last 2000 years of Christianity and held 99.5% held by most conservative pastors and theologians.” When you actually read the misogynistic comments from “Christians” and theologians over the millennia it’s anything but “loving, servant leader.”

    But, you can’t point this stuff out to people like this. When they have no answer they will always revert to name calling.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Lastly, in the future, I hope you will show more respect to our hostess than you did yesterday. Your subtly patronizing attitude might not have been intentional, but it wasn’t lost on me. Julie Anne didn’t “feel” that her former church was abusive. It is abusive. She most certainly did not imagine what its “pastor” put her through. Her experiences might make her more sensitive to the possibility of abuse, but she is not paranoid (as you seemed to suggest). If Julie Anne smells smoke, you should at least consider the possibility that there’s a fire.

    I did see that, Serving. Thank you for addressing his very poorly chosen wording – as if he’s to choose what is spiritual abuse or not – ugh.

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  21. The man gets all the pleasure and power and the woman gets all the pain and slavery. I really believe Christianity’s reputation is going to get much worse, I see the Ariel Castro’s and Phillip Craig Garrido’s flocking to Christianity so they can have their female slaves.

    @ Ken, I was subject to a little girl rapist the first ten years of my life, and you really use gross creepy rhetoric that turns these kind of loser men on.

    Rebellious, male headship, discipline, submission. Ken, for your information these words give people like me sick gross feelings, they make you and the man who sexually terrorized me the first ten years of me feel good as men. Do you care that they make women, and little girls feel demeaned and sick. I felt like god was my pimp as a little girl. I grew up having gross feelings about god, my self worshipping bible loving father, Christianity, and marriage. Your self serving obsession with female submission to men makes women and little girls feel like pure crap. But as I have learned from the Christian men in my family, you just don’t CARE. It is women and little girls jobs to feel bad to make Christian MEN feel good.
    I actually believe that any woman who marries a Christian man hates herself and her daughters. I believe that my Christian father should have been embarrassed. I saw as a little girl that he was just a loser, who found Christianity gave him a female slave that could not escape him.

    My rapist cried about feminist, their was no feminist in our town, he was a loser who tried to get people to hate little girls with him.

    I do not see any love at all from bible god to women or little girls. I left Christianity because of creepy men like KEN.

    I would rather be dead then married to a Christian man.

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  22. Guest said,

    The man gets all the pleasure and power and the woman gets all the pain and slavery.

    Yes, that is it in a nutshell!

    The shorter word for it is “entitlement.”

    When you start reading some books about domestic abuse, this is what feeds the male abuser (most often, according to the experts in this field who I’ve read).

    And not just in “Christian” marriage, a sense of entitlement by the husband also comes into play in abusive, Non-Christian marriages too.

    One of the few differences is that the male abuser will twist and distort a small number of Bible verses to justify why he is entitled, but the Non Christian husband won’t use the Bible to rationalize his abuse of the wife.

    I sometimes wonder, and this is assuming there is a God and he did inspire the Bible, knowing how badly Christians through the centuries would distort it for their own selfish goals (like we’re seeing with some Christian men in these threads who demand a slave-like submission from their wives), why God allowed certain verses to be included, knowing how mangled and mis-used they would be through the years, in the future.

    A lot of Christian men, for instance, fixate upon this from Ephesians 5

    22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

    Of course, men who parade that verse about always gloss over v. 21, which says,

    “21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,”

    but if God had seen fit to re-word or omit v. 22 altogether, life for women in the church and in “Christian” marriages would be more equitable.

    It is almost the same scenario with slavery topic.

    The Bible does give prohibitions for masters not to beat their slaves and so on, but the Bible nowhere (that I can recall) out right says, “slavery is abhorrent to God, he forbids you from owning another human.”

    So in the 19th century, some American Christians used the Bible to defend the institution of slavery. I think most Christians today realize slavery is wrong.

    I find it strange that an omniscient, omnipotent God, looking down through the future, seeing how badly women would be treated or held back, and in his name, and based on things like Eph 5.22, would pen that to begin with.

    Or, why not have apostle Paul make it abundantly clear that his comments about submission and this or that were strictly for the persons of the particular church of that era and culture?

    Anyway, but yes, it seems to come down to entitlement with a lot of abusive husbands. They believe that a woman owes them – owes them sex, her time, attention, support, finances, whatever, but they don’t feel they should give anything back to the woman.

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  23. BTDT said

    Yes. Yet the same person who claims to “teach what the Bible teaches and that is willful wifely submission to a loving, servant leader of a husband” also claims that his “views are very much set in the last 2000 years of Christianity and held 99.5% held by most conservative pastors and theologians.” When you actually read the misogynistic comments from “Christians” and theologians over the millennia it’s anything but “loving, servant leader.”

    But, you can’t point this stuff out to people like this. When they have no answer they will always revert to name calling.

    Yes, that was one of my motivations for posting those links.

    (Here is one of the two links:
    _The Origins of Sexism in the Church_)

    The Christian church, going back thousands of years, has example after example of self professing Christian men who held very sexist views about women.

    Now in our era it is unpopular to hold or publicize such overt sexist views, Christian groups such as CBMW and other gender complementarian groups, try to soft pedal sexism by using different labels and justifications, such as telling women they are equal in worth but not in role… which is a distinction without much difference.

    There have always been some self professing Christians who are sexist. You can find sexist quotes by Christian men going back hundreds of years (I provided links above, and one in this post with examples).

    So for Ken to say “the church has always believed like I have” is pointless.

    Early, self-professing Christians also believed that Jesus was spirit only and had no physical body, so Paul and other New Testament writers had to refute that error.

    Even after Paul, and I believe John, wrote down material (in the NT) refuting that teaching, for hundreds of years after, the Gnostics went around spouting off that Jesus was spirit only and had no body.

    So, just because a group of self professing Christians believed and taught viewpoint “X,” for “Z” number of centuries, does not necessarily mean that “X” is true, right, moral, godly, or biblical.

    You can believe in something sincerely and still be wrong.
    A group of people can believe in something sincerely for centuries, pass that view down to others, and still be wrong.

    One of the creepiest things to me are people who sincerely are convinced that the Bible teaches “X” about a topic, they think they are doing God’s will in the matter, but they have misunderstood (intentionally or not) what the Bible says about “X” and in so doing, abuse or oppress entire groups of people in the process.

    Just think of all the Christian wives who suffer violence or neglect from Christian husbands under the auspices of the mistaken notion of, “but this is biblical, wives are to submit to their husbands, and if you disagree, you must be a feminist” type teaching.

    (These same teachings refuse to give respect to single, divorced, widowed, or never married women, because they often prop up the false teaching that marriage and motherhood are God’s only purpose for women.
    These same teachings also limit women from fully serving in the church, using their God given talents, because many are saying only men can teach or lead.)

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  24. Yes, Miss Daisy Flower.
    Jesus never told a woman to go get married, go get pregnant, go have sex, go kiss a mans bottom. Jesus was nice to women and showed them respect. Even Paul said it is good not to be married. We wont see these men writing books on not getting married and not having kids, because really they are only in Christianity were they can get their female slave who can not escape them.

    Jesus and Paul were not married, did not have sex, and did not have children. They did not boo hoo about it.

    I have hated feminist my whole life, and if I don’t want to be a bottom kissing slave for a man, who has to have sex against my while, or I hate RAPE, I am a feminist.

    Luke 10:38-42

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  25. Guest said,

    Jesus and Paul were not married, did not have sex, and did not have children.

    That sure is so, but so many conservative Christians act like getting married and pro-creating are commands of God for all Christians today.

    Christian preachers used to defend that view by saying, “see how most everyone in culture marries and has kids, God does not want many to be single, God wants most all to marry and have kids,” to which I respond:

    1. that point is predicated upon cultural norms, yet you claim to be sola scriptura, stop trying to use culture to justify your views on this

    and
    2. Not anymore – there are now more single adults in the USA than there are married couples, (and I believe the same holds true for Japan and a few other nations):

    _For First Time, More Singles In U.S. Than Married Couples_ (CBS article, 2014)

    Most of the time, the only time a married Christian person will admit that Jesus and Paul were singles is to cheer up (or shame) an adult single who expresses a desire to marriage.

    That is when the Christian married person will say, “Oh cheer up, don’t you know Jesus was single??”
    (Which can be a slap in the fact to the Christian single who wants marriage, even if the comment is coming from well- intentioned motives.
    Some Christian singles do want to get married, and they face blame or shame if they express this longing to a married Christian.)

    You said

    Jesus never told a woman to go get married, go get pregnant, go have sex, go kiss a mans bottom. Jesus was nice to women and showed them respect. Even Paul said it is good not to be married.

    I agree. Jesus showed respect to women, but many Christians (usually complementarian) today do not.

    Some do, though. You can find them on blogs like this one, or…..

    You might want to visit the _Junia Project blog_ some time and skim their posts, they have men and women Christian writers who defend the equality of women.

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  26. I was debating on YouTube the other day, and I got a chuckle of the truth that was said by one woman. She said that “man was not created for marriage, marriage was created for man.” That also goes in line with what Paul talks about.

    But, Paul new about sex drives, so he states TO AVOID FORNICATION, get married.

    Marriage, then, is so that we can avoid fornication. Jesus also praises those who do not get married, the Eunuch’s. So, whether we get married, or we don’t get married, God is OK with that, just as long as we can avoid fornication.

    Hasn’t anyone told the Calvinists this yet? Cuz what I am learning, is that Man was made for marriage, to pro-create as many little Kingdom kids as they can to overpopulate the world with, so that they can be more in population than the “infidels”. Talk about crazy doctrines, that is way out there in lala land.

    Ed

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Ed, yes, it is true there are some extreme views by some Christians who think that the nation can be won back to God if they “outbreed the heathen” (and that is the phrase or variations of it that some of them use).

    You said,

    But, Paul new about sex drives, so he states TO AVOID FORNICATION, get married.

    There is some truth in that, but there are a lot of married Christian people I hear or read about who have affairs.

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  28. I have taken a couple days to let things marinate from what i have read on this blog and i am going to respond this way
    Ed and I had a back and forth and it has left me wondering a few things/ I have gone through and read everyone’s comments carefully on this topic.

    Because i enjoy Lori’s blog it doesnt not make an abusive CHRISTIAN husband. Ken comments on Lori’s blog beause he enjoys helping to encourage as well. Its their blog and if you don’t like it then don’t read it. After today i will not reading this blog anymore. NOT because people disagree or have differening opinions, but because of the nature of the comments and how rude they are. I try to live my life as best i can by being the best husband and father i can be. I am in no way verbally or physically abusive to my wife or children. I love them and cherish how blessed i am to have them.

    As for the comments the other night they are way off base and normally i would have just read them and not commented, but when i feel personally attacked i will defend myself, my wife or children. Being a Christian is not about passing judgement on others, name calling or charactorizing others as less than you. Yes there are just as many rebellious husbands who behave badly as wives. Anyone would have to admit that. In my marriage yes i am married to a wife who curses me out and sometimes in front of kids and I NEVER ever respond back to her like that. And for Ed to say that i deserve that is absolutely rediculas. Yes things can get really contentious and i need to step up. But stepping up does not mean being a door mat and having to accept this kind of behaviour. Unless you are from another planet Ken has never said or implied to spank your wife as someone pointed out the other day. Ken is about accountability for husbands and wives. Whats wrong with that, Thats what wrong with this world and why its so broken is being knowone wants to be held accountable for there actions anymore.

    Anyone can copy and paste different passages from the bible and say they know there bible, BUT R U LIVING IT OUT?? I definately wake up every day with the intentions of letting my actions speak for themselves. I do not profess to know everything, because i dont. But i take my role as husband and father very seriously.

    For Ed to say that he an whip me with scripture is rediculas. I am not looking for a back and forth arguement over who is a stronger Christian because we are all brothers and sisters in Christ an need to encourage each other and pray for one another. Why Ed would you not me or people to pray for you? Are you a Christian. Plz dont copy and paste passages or i will not respond anymore to you.

    Husbands and wives have a very difficult job trying to ensure our Christian values are put into practise in our marriages.
    Good luck to everyone in there own journey with Christ and remember confidence is one thing, arrogance is another

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  29. Roger,

    I have been away working, so I just saw your comment. I appreciate that time that you took at reading the comments. I sincerely hope that you really do stick around and do some more looking around. Sometimes I work so much, that I am not around for a while, say like two or three months, but when I am not working, I’m here.

    Let me dissect your comment over the next few hours, as I am doing some laundry and such.

    But, before I go, not to be arrogant, but yeah, I’ve got great knowledge of the bible. If you click my icon, you will get to my blog. I don’t have many posts, but look at my “about” and see why I am the way that I am.

    I am vehemently against your doctrines, especially against this husband/wife thing. Much of this blog has posts pertaining to family relationships that break down BASED ON weird religious doctrines that seem to practically come out of nowhere, from self appointed experts pawning off their belief systems, and HUSBANDS are dumb enough to buy off on it, and then they subject their wife, daughters, and groom the sons to walk in daddies footsteps. It’s the nuttiest doctrines that I have ever seen in my life.

    When you see my comments that being a slave to Christ is nothing compared to your doctrines of the wife being a slave to her husband, I really mean that.

    And this is the main reason that I said that if your wife has a problem with the Word of God, that it really isn’t her that has the problem, it is you. You misunderstand what it is to be in submission to Christ. We are to put all of our trust, faith, worries, anxiety, etc. in Jesus. We cannot get through life without Jesus. Well, if you are to exemplify Jesus, then your wife needs to be ABLE to put her faith and trust and worries on you, and you need to respond back in a loving way.

    I again, reiterate, that your wife doesn’t have a problem with the Word of God, and I don’t even know you or your wife. She truly is trying to tell you something, and you need to listen. So, when I say that you deserve her wrath, you need to resolve it WITH her rather than throw the book AT HER, because IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, you misunderstand the book that you are throwing at her.

    Marriages are broke up over religion. If you don’t want your marriage to end, AND/OR you want your wife to respect you, then give her a reason to respect you so that she wont cuss you out. I’m not being mean here. I am being candid. Get to know the Jesus that I know, and you will see, Jesus is not a task master, nor does he want you to treat your wife as one, either. I do not see your wife as being rebellious to the word of God. I see her disagreeing with YOUR VERSION, and she is right.

    Genesis 21:12
    12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.

    Notice how pissed off that Moses wife was at him?

    Exodus 4:25
    Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

    She was so pissed that she threw the foreskin at the foot of Moses. Moses didn’t do HIS JOB of circumcising his own son, so God was gonna kill Moses. Moses wife took matters into her own hands to SAVE THE LIFE OF HER HUSBAND. But she was pissed that it had come to that, and she let her voice known. What was the response back from Moses? NOTHING.

    My point: Listen to your wife. Find out what is bugging her.

    In regards to not wanting you to pray for me, I have my own Christian friends that do that, in which really know me. And, when I hear people outside of my social group that wants to pray for me, I sense that what you really want to pray, is that I see things YOUR way. Not gonna happen. When the Mormons visit me, they want me to participate in their prayer. I tell them, NO I wont. Why? Because their Jesus is not my Jesus. So, if I want your prayer, I will ask for it.

    I have only scanned your comment, so when I get a chance, I will respond again, but feel free to respond back before hand if you wish.

    Ed

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  30. Hello,

    I needed to call bs on Ken when he states: “We are not part of the patriarchy movement, nor do I like the manosphere, or believe in either of them.” Several your regular commenters (leg humpers) are manospherians – Sunshine Mary, Robert (A man his wife and the bible – now protected blog) and Elspeth. These three are very involved in manosphere blogs and comment on them frequently. All of the above mentioned have atrocious views on women – despite Robert’s being married to a woman and Sunshine Mary and Elspeth being women themselves. Your views could be taken out of a page on any so-called Christian manosphere blog. You can claim whatever you want, but the proof is in the pudding – your followers who happen to participate heavily in the manosphere.

    P.S. To any of you out there who truly want to throw up in your mouth – read sunshine mary – this “Christian” actually hates women. Better yet, DON’T LOOK HER UP! The bile she spews will make you wonder what Good Book she’s reading from…

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  31. I needed to call bs on Ken when he states: “We are not part of the patriarchy movement, nor do I like the manosphere, or believe in either of them.”

    Hi Mimi – Thanks for the warning. I was wondering about that comment because of what I’ve read from Ken and Robert. Sunshine Mary actually came to my blog and commented a bit and if memory serves (I’m afraid to search), she referenced me or a blog article and I mistakenly went there to comment. Ack! Never again. Thanks for sharing that info. Yes – it is indeed disgusting and so demeaning towards women.

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  32. so you just want men to be wimps with no say in their marriage and continually praise women cause they cannot do wrong!!

    newsflash at times women also can be lazy/demanding etc.

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  33. Jonathan Bee,
    I don’t recall anyone saying anything about wanting men to be wimps, but men correcting their wives is not biblical.

    Newsflash: men and women can be lazy and demanding. It is not gender specific.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Jonathan,
    You do not “own” your wife. She is not your “property”. She is not your “slave”. She is not your “child”. If she is lazy, there is a reason, and you need to be compassionate in finding out why she is lazy. If she is demanding, there is a reason, and you need to be compassionate in finding out why she is demanding.

    If there was “intimacy” in your “relationship” with your spouse, you won’t have a lazy and demanding wife.

    Intimacy is the key word that is missing in marriages that the husband thinks that he can “control”, or “change” his wife. Intimacy does NOT necessarily mean SEX.

    Based on dictionary.com, there are 7 definitions, one of which is sex. That leaves 6 more that are missing in a relationship. Intimacy is the state of being intimate. Look up that word, too. You will see that your wife is supposed to be your FRIEND.

    So how does one treat a friend?

    Jonathan, isn’t this stuff “Marriage 101”?

    Stop complaining about a lazy demanding rebellious wife, and get intimate with her, for crying out loud. Intimacy changes the whole aspect to where she WANTS to be around you.

    Now, if you call that “wimpy”, then get a dog and bark orders to the dog to fetch your slippers and newspaper.

    Ed

    Liked by 1 person

  35. So what I read is that marriage is supposed to be a partnership, with each relying on each other.

    So what if the wife is only interested in doing what she wants, spending money regardless of her husband’s wishes, getting the family in debt, using the kids a pawns and weapons in arguments to win, and just flat out ignoring anything her husband wants, or needs, despite her husband’s attempt to compromise and meet her in the middle, would you consider that a rebellious wife?

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  36. Patrick,
    What if??? Is this your circumstance??? I might consider this a destructive marriage. A person in rebellion: showing a desire to resist authority, control, or convention.

    Like

  37. Well Julie Anne, there is a reason for God’s Spirit instructing the apostle Paul that women are not allowed to teach or speak in Church nor to have authority over men.
    No one ever said that a wife has no way to defend herself against a godless (not imperfect, godless) husband because if there is. She can always go to Church elders if she is indeed attending an authentic congregation of the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ, and resolve any issue as Jesus Christ the only Head of God’s Church ordered –
    “Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” /Matthew 18:14-35/.
    The main problem today derives from there being destructive heresies brought into the Church by witches like Paula White, Joyce Meyer, Brian Houston’s wife Bobbie Houston etc. (for clarity – Paula White being found running around in Hollywood with Benny Hinn just two weeks after his divorce, Joyce Meyer an insubmissive matron confused over the restlessness if her mind confusing the renewal of the SPIRIT of the mind with her troubled psyche, teaching her heresy about the “Battle of the Mind” when she and all who feel troubled fir the same reason – rebellion – just had to come into the light with every head up and every eye open and open the door of their heart when they know Jesus stands outside and knocks, since saving scriptural faith is not in the head but in the heart, where for the Battle can only be won by authentic unconditional, sacrificial love and no magic formula of Joyce Meyers’ demonic doctrine will ever be able to substitute, as proven by one of her poor victims among her staff who ended up slaughtering his entire family, which is clearly a “bad fruit”, or Bobbie Houston who speaks full mouth from the pulpit abusing the falsified authority of her extortioner husband Brian Houston, who just as it is written “speaks according to the world and the world hears them” /1John/).
    Women who take these as their example because of the false liberty and promises they these make in order “to drag the disciples after themselves, will consequently cast of restrain and ignore God’s Word and ordinances given through the apostles hand picked by the King of kings and Lord of lords Jesus Christ Himself.
    There is no workaround for Ephesians 5!

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  38. If the fact that there are some women preachers whose theology is wrong proves that women don’t belong in the public then neither do men belong in the pulpit because their are many men preaching a false Gospel.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Jehu. Odd name to claim. Yes, he cleansed Israel. Apparently he didn’t consult God on how the cleansing should go.

    From Wikipedia: “The prophet Hosea wrote in Hosea 1:4-5 that the house of Jehu was punished by God through the hands of the Assyrians for the bloodshed carried out by Jehu at Jezreel.”

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  40. Julie Anne, this is an old article, but certainly not outdated. I had a run-in with Lori Alexander this week on Facebook and was subsequently blocked from her page and all my comments were deleted. A friend of mine had her comments deleted but hasn’t been blocked yet. Consequently, my friend and I have been doing some research and I ended up here tonight. 🙂 How come I’m not surprised?

    Something I noticed above: Ken wrote, “You know the many blessings I have now, and who is better to advise young Christian husbands to always respond in a Christ-like way to their difficult wife? I lived it and came through it a better person for the trials having learned how to grow up myself in many areas. I know how important it is to both stick it out and remain “nice” through the trials.”

    I wonder if he considers cheating on his wife and having an adulterous affair “Christ-like” and “remaining nice through the trials”? I realize that I don’t know the time frame of these events. Also, that is a rude question, and I admit it, but sometimes when people swell up like a toad it is good to give them a poke and see them deflate.
    https://thetransformedwife.com/true-repentance-after-an-affair/
    http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2016/06/if-he-had-affair-divorce.html

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  41. Oh Mary, Mary, you had a run-in with Lori? Oh boy! LOL Well, that was a surprising article to read. Reading that site is not good for my blood pressure! Thanks for sharing.

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  42. She’s not good for my blood-pressure either. I was actually kind of relieved to be blocked! LOL 🙂

    Btw, one of Lori’s most recent post on her Facebook page appears to be a direct result of one of our “conversations”. Curiously, to me and my friend, is that she appears to have used some of my thoughts that I gave her, yet she blocked me and never admitted that I was right about anything. 🙂 At least she let me I know the nerve I hit. 😉 hehe

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  43. By the way, you may be interested to know that my friend discovered that apparently the Alexanders live in a house in Carlsbad, Calif. that is presently valued at over one million dollars! It appeared from the info. she found that they paid around $450K for it in 1998. So, all the blather about “living on one income” and “you can really do it if you love the Lord and are frugal” is a bunch of bombast and boondoggle. They apparently are relatively wealthy (as is not uncommon among the yogis and yoginis of “Biblical Patriarchy”).

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  44. Oh wow. This does not surprise me. It’s like the Duggars representing all large homeschooling families. The large homeschooling families I know are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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  45. From Lori’s article “Thankfully, he has never had an affair”. It takes a lot of nerve to advise people to stay when you don’t know what it’s like to be cheated on (assuming that’s true).

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