Husbands with Rebellious Wives
“Be considerate as you live with your wife, with respect” 1 Peter 3:7
The other day, I read a Facebook status from a friend whose wife had gone overseas for a week and left him with three young children. His words were so sweet as he made notes of what it was like for him as a temporary stay-at-home dad. Here were some of his key points:
- there is no privacy (he repeated this phrase a handful of times during the list – I think he really missed his privacy)
- there are always more dishes to do
- he could not keep up with the house cleaning before a destruction-minded toddler came through a room again
- there is no time for exercise
- nothing gets finished because of constant interruptions
- getting someplace on time with kids in tow is practically a miracle
This sweet dad/husband publicly praised his wife for what he didn’t realize she had been doing each and every day. Of course he likely had an idea, but to actually do her job and do it well was a huge challenge to him.
Their marriage reflects mutual respect and sacrificial love. He does not lord over her, he values her. They both work hard at their jobs. They take time for each other and their relationship and it’s beautiful.
Right around the same time I read my friend’s Facebook status, I also read a blog article by Ken Alexander entitled, Wimpy Husbands with Rebellious Wives. The “rebellious” word in the title sent shivers down my spine. What would cause someone to use such a harsh word when talking about wives?
The article starts off very negatively against women, “how to best deal with the antics and emotions of a difficult wife.” Right off the bat, I am reading control. It’s like he is assuming the worst in women. Ken believes husbands must have complete control over their wives and in this article, he challenges “wimpy” husbands who don’t control their wives and their rebellious behavior. Patriarchy, much? Check this out:
I have personally heard from far too many Christian husbands how frustrated they are with a wife who can’t discipline herself enough to get some of the basics of the home, family and marriage completed in any normal way, yet the wife wants nothing to do with their husband’s attempts at correcting a bad situation. The husband can beg a wife to please try to have the house picked up and dishes done by the time he gets home, yet she is just far too busy to be able to get these basics of life completed. In her mind, he just does not understand and now she has her girlfriends agreeing with her, so he must be a jerk. After all, how can ten women with half the facts not come up with the right answers?
If he questions her lack of discipline, her inability to get to the gym, to have a home cooked meal on the table every evening, or have the laundry done once a week, she calls him not understanding or unloving. And when the claws come out and tears start, the husband is put back into his corner as the “unloving jerk who is way too picky and demanding!”
He talks about how he picks up the slack in the home with meals, taking care of kids and helping with homework but asks:
I am curious what the readers of this blog would counsel a husband to do when he is married to just such a wife. Accept as a premise that she lacks any modicum of self-discipline; she is a stay at home Mom with plenty of time spent relaxing and being online each day. [JA note: and he knows this how?]
And he continues:
Does love demand that he seek his wife’s best interest in training his rebellious wife in self discipline, even if she cannot see how this is indeed true love in meeting her needs?
Ok, what a contrast between two husbands, huh? Ken’s article really concerns me because we are seeing him use the word “love” as a means of control. Love is not about controlling someone. I am very concerned about women living in these environments where their husbands must control them. I’m also concerned about the children in these homes who think it’s normal for dads to control their wives. Ugh. We can do better than this as Christians.