Emerson Eggerichs Says Wives Respect Husbands Unconditionally


Should women respect their husbands unconditionally?      Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect, says so.


Emerson Eggerichs, love and respect


I follow the Love and Respect guy, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in my Facebook news feed.  (I’m issuing a trigger warning for one of our own who went to his church.)  He now has an entire ministry/business based on the Love and Respect theme, including conferences, books, store, podcast, blog, etc.

Here is part of Eggerichs’ bio:

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships.  Based on over three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

This dynamic and life-changing conference is impacting the world, resulting in the healing and restoration of countless relationships.  Dr. Eggerichs has authored several books, including the national bestseller Love & Respect, which is a Platinum and Book of the Year award winner, selling over 1.6 million copies.

My husband and I saw the Love & Respect video a former church offered. I liked some of it, but it seemed very black and white to me. If husbands really loved their wives and wives really respected their husbands, everything would be hunky dory.

I watched this before understanding the dynamics of abuse in a marriage. This was in the days I was taught that women should submit to husbands in all things and that if  husbands did something wrong, we were to quietly pray for them and ask God to change their hearts. Women were to put up with any bad behavior so we could “win” them over by our behavior. If we didn’t win them over, we were told we were suffering for righteousness sake.

Eggerich has a series on wives’ unconditional respect of their husbands. The following two points jumped out at me and I thought we could use it for discussion:

3. Unconditional respect has nothing to do with a husband earning and deserving respect.

A wife’s respectful behavior is displayed independent of her husband. This is about who God calls the wife to be regardless of her husband. Her respect is not conditioned on her husband’s behavior. She will behave respectfully no matter how her husband behaves. She is a woman of dignity.

God calls a wife to conduct herself respectfully by focusing on the spirit of her husband, not his flesh–looking more deeply into that part of her husband where he longs to do what God calls him to do.

Yes, God is grieved by his sinful behavior. However God does not show contempt toward the spirit of her husband because that is not who God is, any more than He shows disdain toward her when she sins.

4. Unconditional respect can prompt a sense of conviction and win the heart of a disobedient husband.

Notice what happened in the story I shared yesterday. This wife’s husband surfaced his sin on the heels of her showing him respect.

Is this a Biblical teaching? Do you think this advice is wise to follow? Why is the onus on the wife to help change her husband’s behavior?

109 comments on “Emerson Eggerichs Says Wives Respect Husbands Unconditionally

  1. This is exactly what I was taught growing up, through 4 different churches. It never went past that into what should happen when the husband is a repeatedly abusive sombich. It was just assumed that if the wife did her part, it would never get bad enough to think about anything beyond those simple rules. Also divorce was a definite, always no-no, so I can speculate on where the teachings at all 4 churches would end up on what happens when said husband is an abusive sombich.


  2. Julie Anne you wrote: (I’m issuing a trigger warning for one of our own who went to his church.) I think this needs a trigger warning for all those who have been abused, not only by their husbands but also by men in position of power in the church. Reading this has made me feel very nauseated.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m feeling sick and lightheaded, too. But I knew what was coming. My closest friend still attends the church where we met, a local mega, which uses this curriculum. She talks about how helpful it was to her and her husband, while at the same time suffering from some apparent cognitive dissonance regarding my divorce. She is 100% behind me, but struggles with how my actions can be correct (she believes they are) and L&R can also be correct (hint: it can’t).

    As an aside, that local mega is welcoming John Piper to their pulpit soon, according to my friend. She’s got plenty of mixed feelings about him, too.


  4. I just had an intense debate with a friend this week on FB, over this very issue. Although my friend is much more egalitarian-minded, her church hails from the SBC and teaches men-only leadership/teaching positions in mixed company. They of course also emphasize wife submission and winning the husband over through respect on the wife’s part.

    I call bogus on these teachings. I lived it for 7 years, it didn’t work. My husband and I were reconciled over his addiction problem 6 years ago, and he now tells me my “quiet respect” toward him only enabled his problems.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. To answer the premise, “Is it Biblical?”, I would say, “No, a thousand times, no!” We are not to tolerate unrepentant sin from friends, church members, and those who call themselves Christians, right? Why should a Christian home, the same homes many of these leaders emphasize idolization of, be different from a church or friend?

    The verse, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” from 1 Peter 3:1-2, is referring to unsaved husbands and Christian wives, not sinning Christian husbands who refuse to change.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I hope you are able to find the words, Persephone. People need to understand what that anger is about. You can teach us, and thus, help others. Only when you are able, however. No pressure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t know if I should say anything right now, for fear of saying too much.

    However, I do want to say if I was the one who was issued about the trigger repot…

    I have no shame.

    I am still hurt, scarred, and recovering from spending being in his church.

    Dr. Emerson Eggerich was my pastor.

    I know there are a lot of of us, so perhaps I am not who you were giving the warning to.

    Nevertheless, thank-You Julie Anne.

    I am afraid if I start talking I won’t be able to stop.


  8. Love & hugs back to you Julie Anne. If i can find my words, I might chime in tomorrow. Sorry, if I am being vague. It just hurts & it is so messy and so many have suffered so much more…


  9. Wolves (pastors) who disguise themselves as sheep seem to have no problem relegating women to the tender mercies of snakes disguising themselves as husbands. Just as not all who claim to be our Lord’s lambs are lambs, so also not every man who calls himself a husband is a husband. A marriage certificate does not a husband make.

    Recently I watched as dogs were trained to recognize and avoid rattle snakes. But what do these wolves masquerading as pastors do? They command women to feed, support, encourage, embrace and, maybe worst of all, sleep with rattle snakes!

    Well, Jesus warned us to be wary of wolves, pigs, vipers, whitewashed tombs and such.

    Still, there is a sense in which rattle snakes are to be respected. One respects a rattle snake by getting and staying as far from it as possible.

    Liked by 6 people

  10. No, it’s crass opportunism and a misapplication of I Pet 3. When we are talking about Christians, respect is never just given, it is earned. Love is given unconditionally.

    On a related note, I recently had a YRR zealot inform me that trust should be given unconditionally to all with whom we are in fellowship. When you point those two propositions together, you have a perfect storm for abusive husbands and abusive church leaders to have their way however and with whomever they wish.

    Could this have truly been what Jesus and Paul intended?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Respect – whether a wife’s respect for her husband, a husband’s respect for his wife, an employee’s respect for an employer, or even a child’s respect for a parent – must be earned, not commanded. THAT would be called fear, not respect.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. One thing that has jumped to mind for me is that it was only a little over a year ago that I realized that trust *has* to be earned; I could (once again) tell my now-ex that I would trust him (once again) after catching on to his addiction (once again)…but it wouldn’t be true. He had me so backwards that I felt I could (and was required by God to) choose to trust despite the betrayal (yet again).

    I remember the moment it dawned on me, the truth of what I used to know, that you either trust someone or you don’t. It’s not primarily a choice, it’s a reaction. To stimuli. The problem was never my lack of trust, but his choice to use the concept of trust as a weapon.

    As soon as I realized I would never trust him again (and that that was a healthy thing given his history), I knew I could never respect OR love him again, that it was okay to admit that I hadn’t for a very, very long time. And that these realizations were not only okay, but wise.

    At the same time, I was reading a lot here, at A Cry for Justice, TWW; studying books like “Why Does He Do That?” “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” “Not Under Bondage”; seeing a stellar counselor; having a conversation with the pastor at church who I like. And the unanimous message was that not only was I not required by God to manufacture some kind of facade of respect, I didn’t even have to keep up the facade of a marriage.

    There is so much more to my story, going from leftist new age/agnostic, to conservative, Evangelical, homeschooling SAHM, through a divorce and now into unfamiliar, uncharted Done/not None territory. I don’t even know where to go with it.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. carols idea, your comment was what got me thinking and led to that last reponse. I’d also add one more thought:

    I’ve worked darned hard to earn my kids’ respect. I’ve spent countless hours getting to know them as individual people, learning what makes them laugh, cry, muse, rejoice, rage… I’ve allowed them to grow and change, as I’ve grown and changed. I haven’t done all this becuase I had to, but because I deeply WANTED to. I could never imagine any other way. It was the opposite of how I was raised, and I’ve known since I was a child that this was how I wanted to parent.

    My ex-h, otoh, relied on me to keep the relationships between him and the kids running as smoothly as possible. Anytime someone was hurt, or sick, it was always, “aww, a kid just needs a *mom* when they’re hurting” (rather than a compassionate dad, was the message. When I t was time to buy gifts, it was I who suggested what would be special to them. I was the one who paved over his selfishness and abruptness, and tried to encourage them to “respect” him (UGH!!!).

    Now, a year and a half after the initial separation? I am the one the kids want to be with. We enjoy each others’ company, share our lives together. They refuse to see their father, who continues to blithely woo them by letter while refusing to provide responsibly for them.

    So yes, respect is earned. And I’m glad.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi Julie Anne. I’ve been delving into ancient (Koine) Greek. My credentials are 3 years of high school Latin (so I understand well the concept of noun cases) and a BA in Spanish (so I understand the subjunctive mood, as well as imperative mood, really well). Guess what? It equipped me to be a Berean!

    Ephesians 5:33 from the ESV:
    3 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

    Friends, take a look at the interlinear and follow the parsing labels. The second part of the verse “…and let the wife see that she respects her husband” is actually a dependent clause, meaning the wife’s actions are completely dependent upon her husband’s.

    From the interlinear: “…and the wife that she might respect her husband”:
    Note that the Greek “hina” means in order that, and is followed, predictably, by the subjunctive verb, with the only two possible meanings (as far as my little pea brain, which apparently eclipses every pastors’ I ever heard on this passage, perceives):

    1. Husbands, love your wives, so that she might respect you (assuming “den” is the conjunction “and”, which I find unlikely since the the word “respect” is from the Greek root phobios which means to be terrified of, not to respect). But if you want to play it this way, the husband still has to earn her respect.

    2. If “den” functions as a negative particle (and it can, but Mr. Strong has chosen not to translate it thus), this verse is translated: “Husbands, love your wives so that she might not be terrified of you.” Bingo. I didn’t have to twist any scripture into submission. And the beauty is that the context totally supports this translation. Wives lived without power at the mercy of their husbands’ whims. And a vast portion of chapter 5 addresses men’s need to love their wives wholly. It would be odd to toss in a reminder to the oppressed to remember to embrace your oppression.

    As a closing note, IMHO, “exegesis” is a word that means “I don’t understand this language,but I’ll give it a whirl, even though I intend to teach others from this Greek text which I truly cannot translate.” I don’t ever exegete Spanish; I simply read it because I invested a year in immersion and 4 years of study. Why do we expect less of those teaching us doctrine that affects every aspect of our lives?


    PO’d in California

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Oh yeah, this guy. Seeing his stuff gave me my earliest recognizable moment of “this is BS!” I was 14, and I knew I wanted respect more than that benevolent sexism he and others pass off as love. Still… these ideas are ingrained in much of the subculture I finally left this year. This idea, maybe not as black-and-white as he makes it, feeds into the patriarchal and sexist natures of church leaders and supports them in their control of women.


  16. @jkpvarin June 23, 2015 @ 9:45 PM

    Absolutley! And not only is the word translated “respect” a subjunctive (expressing contingency) translated as though it were an imperative, it is a passive form translated as though it were an active verb. To render hina phobētai (ἵνα φοβῆται) as the command, “let [the wife] see that she respects” is a complete mistranslation. It would be better translated “in order that [the wife] should be enabled to respect.” I’m adopting your first option for the rendering of “den,” which I take to be your transliteration of the Greek δὲ.

    Really, I need to start an actual list of all the Scripture that is mistranslated. Verses that come to mind are Hebrews 13:17 (obey and submit to leaders as opposed to be led by those who went before you), and 1 Timothy 3:1 (referring to the “office” of overseer where “office” is simply inserted in the absence of a corresponding Greek word).

    Am I being cynical to observe that these translations all seem to have the effect of (illegitimately) promoting the authority and power of clergy over laity, and/or of men over women?

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I have to wonder if those that follow this L&R thing as is explained by Eggerich (John Piper would be clapping) ever look seriously at Ephesians 5: 21-33.Husbands are to imitate Christ. Christ loves sacrificially, even unto death!! The wife submits to her husband (he likes his steak medium and not burnt) because he is loving her a great deal. I would expect that has to be hard at times even in the best of marriages. Having only lived through an abusive, destructive marriage, I have no practical experience.

    I grew up with this whole crazy idea that a woman can submit enough that a husband that is not submitting himself to Christ or ever really loving his wife can win him over. That is ridiculous, he has abandoned her without ever leaving the home and no matter what she does is not capable of changing his heart. I know this by watching my mother with the evil stepfather. If he is not loving his wife and is abusing her, a woman needs to let him taste the consequences of his actions. He is not really wanting to live with his wife as she is, but wants a fantasy wife. The woman who submits and the husband is wanting to be with her so much that he wants to believe that her way of living is the ultimate way to live and converts is a good thing. I don’t happen to know of any marriage where this has happened. I do know of marriages where the husband left his wife due to her finding Christ during the marriage and she wasn’t “fun” anymore!!! Ugh!!! I would rather follow Christ and be happy in Him, than anything this world has to offer.

    Unconditional love is hard, unconditional respect is absurd. It takes 3 to make a marriage work: a sacrificially loving husband, a respectful (not enabling) wife and God. Sorry husbands, but if you are going down a wrong path, your wife, the Ezer in the home needs to stand as a strong warrior and give you a nudge back in the right direction. Unconditional respect strips a wife of her personhood and makes her into jello. I suggest if you are in an abusive marriage that your prayers come boldly to the thrown of God and loud enough for your husband to hear your pleas and set boundaries for yourself and what you will tolerate. I would rather live in a cardboard box with God than in a mansion with an abuser. I have no idea why churches don’t teach this.

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Concerning abusive, predatory husbands Brenda observes, “he has abandoned her without ever leaving the home.” Not only that, but he has subjected her to a state of involuntary servitude. No time to look it up at the moment, but I recall that Paul tells slaves to gain their freedom if they can. When an abused wife obtains a judicial dissolution of an in-name-only marriage it is not really a decree of divorce. Rather, it is a proclamation of emancipation. It is an embracing of the freedom to which our Lord calls us.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. In a bad marriage that’s rife with infidelity or abuse, I think you can respectfully throw your husband out. Or you can respectfully walk out the door.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Anonymous2,

    Gary @
    involuntary servitude–definitely. I like the OT Exodus 21. The slave wife is given emancipation from her slave owner husband when he does not take care of her. She is set free from being a slave any longer.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. As others have pointed out, 1 Peter 3 is about Christian women married to non-Christian men. And even in that context Peter does not teach this type of unconditional and unceasing submission. I think the reason Peter writes of trying to influence by example rather than appeal to spiritual reasons is that – as Paul said in 1 Corinthians 2:14 – people who are without the spirit of Christ can’t understand spiritual matters.

    The big problem with the two items you listed in the post, Julie, is that they too are unsound spiritually. They are not called for by Scripture and they fail to allow for what people should do in a dangerous situation. What happens when a Christian husband abuses his Christina wife to death? Has she suffered for righteousness’ sake and fulfilled her role as a woman? No, she has needlessly suffered and died, and the teachers of this unsound doctrine want to then portray her as somehow assisting her husband to repentance. Sorry teachers of the law, but we don’t need another savior to suffer and die for us. Jesus paid it all, as the old hymn says.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. “God calls a wife to conduct herself respectfully by focusing on the spirit of her husband, not his flesh–looking more deeply into that part of her husband where he longs to do what God calls him to do.”

    Right. I think this is the part that bothers me the most. There is no way out for a woman in an abusive relationship. She can say that her husband hits her and she will be told to stay with him because deep down inside he loves her like Christ loved the church.

    In which I say b.s.! This is nothing more than spiritual abuse within domestic violence.

    Liked by 4 people

  23. In a marriage where a husband loves, adores and honors his wife, it is a joy to respect a man like that. Tell me how does a woman “respect” a man who treats her like cr@p? I realize that men need a woman to admire them, respect them, but a man who abuses or just uses his wife without showing love, affection, and care (which we need) cannot be respected. We can pretend and go through the motions, but it’s all just play acting.
    I’m very thankful that I have a husband I truly respect.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Brenda R,
    Your comment about “I grew up with this whole crazy idea that a woman can submit enough that a husband that is not submitting himself to Christ or ever really loving his wife can win him over.” reminded me of a news story I heard on the radio some years ago.

    I think it was in Britain. A psychological study was conducted, that aimed at finding out the results of always getting one’s way. (I’m sure you’re familiar with the child-raising theory — I forget whose — that children grow up with negative character traits as a result of frustration from being told “no”. Perhaps we’re seeing some of the fruits in the entitlement attitudes around us now? Don’t know, I’ve been out of the psychology field for a couple of decades after being indoctrinated into the christian belief that psychology is humanistic and destructive.)

    I don’t remember all the details of the study, but the gist was that the study involved married couples. Of course (it being a psychological study) they were not told what, exactly, was being studied, as that would skew the results. However, the methodology was that the husbands, for a six-week (IIRC) period, would agree with their wives in everything. Everything! (Except for the transposition of the genders, it might be a study under the conditions of patriarchy.)

    None of the couples made it the entire six weeks. Some were on the verge of divorce by the time they abandoned the protocol. It seems that the more the husbands agreed with the wives, the more they gave the wives their way, the more demanding and difficult the wives became.

    Instead of making better people, with the roadblock of frustration removed so much as possible, the study was creating monsters! (That was one term I remember hearing in the feedback.)

    It got me thinking about patriarchy’s emphasis on the wife supporting her husband’s vision (is that only VF? or is it Gothard as well?), being sweet and agreeable (which I’ve heard both in patriarchy circles and read about the FLDS), submitting… How is the character of those unfortunate husbands being warped, twisted, damaged?


  25. EE manages to do a horrible job of exegesis in this case, he manages to take the text out of its immediate context, its Scriptural context and its cultural context. With that much Scripture twisting, no one should think of him as able to teach this area of Scripture.

    Liked by 3 people

  26. Do people actually buy into this man’s teachings? Is he not responsible for his own speech patterns, actions/behavior, or is it always contingent upon the wife’s behavior? Does this author believe that he too, sins, or is that only a characteristic of the wife?

    This man’s teachings are a frightening twin to the Michael and Debi Pearl false teachings. My recommendation: run, no sprint from these people.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. The model for this ManaGAWD’s idea of Man-Woman relationships is straight out of South Park. Specifically, the relationship between Cartman and Cartman’s Mom.

    And why at point 3 does this phrase beloved by abusers come to mind:
    “Fear Breeds Respect”?


  28. @GovPappy:

    Also divorce was a definite, always no-no, so I can speculate on where the teachings at all 4 churches would end up on what happens when said husband is an abusive sombich.

    Win-Win situation for the abusive sombitch.

    “I Got Mine,
    I Got Mine,
    I Don’t Want a Thing to Change
    Now that I Got Mine…”
    — Glenn Frye, “I Got Mine”

    With GAWD as the abusive sombitch’s Cosmic-level Enforcer.

    “If you question anything I do
    — Steve Taylor, “I Manipulate”


  29. “Unconditional respect can prompt a sense of conviction and win the heart of a disobedient husband.”
    It can also enable a pattern of abuse.

    Liked by 5 people

  30. Pingback: Emerson Eggerichs Says Wives Respect Husbands Unconditionally | 2Peter1.12

  31. Oh yes, a lot of people buy into this. What’s different here than at the churches I’ve been a part of is that he has no problem laying it all out bluntly where some of my former pastors wouldn’t.

    And that’s the weird pitfall of expository preaching – if the pastor is not carefully explaining concepts and context as he goes through a passage, you won’t get the full picture of a doctrine. Potentially dangerous doctrine can get smoothed over or never really addressed with its full ramifications, as has been my church experience so far. It only comes out when circumstances demand church action, or when a pastor writes a blog or book.

    Consequently, I don’t think many people sitting under such doctrines really realize what they’re being taught and set up for. I certainly didn’t. None of this is new to me – it’s the same thing hinted at from several different pulpits for years – it’s only when the doctrine is laid out point by point do you really see the full magnitude of abuse potential.

    It’s a little disconcerting that expository preaching is so hailed in Gospel™ churches.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. On the site itself, I stated bluntly that this was a recipe for domestic violence. I also stated that respect, like love and submission, is a two-way street. Finally I said that nothing in Scripture or psychology says a man need respect more than a woman. My comment awaits moderation–let’s see if they have the gumption to publish whoever disagrees with them.

    Scary how people follow these false teachings without even trying to be discerning.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. I left this comment on the Eggerich post. We’ll see if the let it through moderation:

    Sapphira unconditionally respected and obeyed her husband and the Holy Spirit killed her for it. Abigail plotted behind her husband’s back to help David and was honored for it. I’m not sure how their experiences square with your advice here. Perhaps you’d agree that respect is not to be given unconditionally?

    Also, when is a wife allowed to stop? Is she to remain quiet and submissive as he emotionally abuses her? The children? If it becomes physical abuse of her, is she allowed to tell him (not ask but tell him) to stop? The children? What if it’s sexual abuse? Then can she call the cops without needing to try to convince him by her submissive conduct that he should reform his ways?

    Liked by 6 people

  34. Excellent points Tim, and from the Scriptures no less. Your questions are worthy of a valid, truthful response from those who label themselves as authorities, teachers, speakers and the like. I personally am having a difficult time with this post because of what I have observed with the lifestyles of pastors and leadership in general, which is male oriented in the denominations I have attended.

    The image and persona that we see in the public forum is pristine compared to their lives at home and in the private sector. Two completely different images with the public image portraying itself as perfect, sinless, pristine, and holy without a blemish. And as time progresses, those of us in the lower caste Christian system-that of a pew sitter, watch and listen as we see the lives of the leaders unravel into a totally different picture than the one they painted in their teaching/preaching sessions. The end result of such authoritarian teachings are family ruin and disgrace for the pastor/leader/teacher/conference speaker or whatever title they may call themselves. To me, this author’s teachings really focus on the self edification, self gratification, and the self deification of man over woman. Sorry, I may be in the back forty on this one, but if I were to sit under this author’s teachings, I would have been under my semi-truck years ago instead of being the truck commander. When a woman lives and works in a male dominated business, there is no time or energy to sit and listen to an “unconditional respect theme.”

    Unconditional respect in the real world of human beings calls for mutual respect and mutual love, and the roads I drive on, whether gravel or paved, there is always two way traffic, never a one way.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. looking more deeply into that part of her husband where he longs to do what God calls him to do.

    This is rather presumptuous. What if no such place exists in her husband?


  36. I just checked. My comment on the Eggerich site is still in moderation. The only comment showing is one that thanks them for giving such good advice.

    The comment section is headed with this advisory: “Please note: We reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.” I’m betting that a comment that disagrees with them falls into the category of offensive or off-topic.


  37. Great comment, Tim.

    By the way, if you scroll down you will see comments that I approved a little while ago. I was playing under a waterfall in an area with no cell coverage. How’s that for an excuse? Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Many years ago my husband and I listened to the Five Love Languages. His language is affirmation. He said I did not affirm him enough. “What things do you want affirmation for? I asked. Other than the things I was already affirming him for, he couldn’t think of anything. So I told him that I would affirm him when did more affirmable things, unless of course he wanted me to affirm him for negative stuff. I think respect is the same. And love, if we are talking about more than agape love, simply can’t be turned on and off at the will. Even the Bible says we love God because He loved us first. Love is stirred. And is my sister-n-law supposed to stir up respect, other than simple respect that he is human, for my brother who did awful disrespectful stuff. I just don’t get it.

    Liked by 4 people

  39. P.S.
    DR Eggerich — Real Doctorate or Honorary(TM)?

    (In Christianese, assume Larry-Moe-Curly Honorary until proven otherwise. If DR keeps rubbing his DOCTORATE in everyone’s face and insists on being addressed as DOCTOR, you don’t need any other proof.)

    Liked by 2 people

  40. HUG, I know I’m repeating myself but if ever there was a profession with an honorable title it’s mine. I don’t use it except at work where it’s required. Anyone who calls me “Your Honor” outside of work contexts is met by me with a responding “Your Excellency”.


  41. Dr. Eggerich has a B.A. in Biblical Studies and a M.A. in Communications from Wheaton College. He was later awarded his Masters in Divinity from Dubuque Seminary. Dubuque Seminary is a Presbyterian ( USA) seminary…very liberal theologically. He earned his Ph.D. from Michigan State University in Child and Family Ecology. He was the senior pastor at East Lansing Trinity Church for 20 years, leaving to start “Love and Respect”. East Lansing Trinity Church is a mega non-denominational church.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. @pattij553, I am glad you mentioned the book/phenomenon, “The Five Love Languages”. I read it early on in my marriage, 13 years ago. Looking back, it only complicated the simple give and take, love your neighbor concepts of Scripture. I could never figure out my “language” anyway, b/c I responded to all genuine attempts at love.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. http://www.loveandrespect.com/docs/adultery-abuse-addiction.pdf

    You might adopt the following as a way to lovingly and respectfully confront unacceptable behavior.

    If adultery happened: “I am in pain beyond description. I am also angry with myself for not understanding better what you went through. I am trusting God to reveal to us how to deal with this painful experience. Although my hurt overwhelms, I am not bitter. I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me where I failed you. But you must close the door on this affair. Also, we need to meet with somebody for counsel on how to get our marriage back on track.”

    If abuse happened: “Your anger is wrong and unacceptable. Yet, my hurt and fear over abuse in not making me bitter. I forgive you. But this abuse must stop. You must learn to manage your angry reactions. We need to meet with professionals for counsel to take steps to bring healing to our marriage and family.”


  44. If abuse happened: “Your anger is wrong and unacceptable. Yet, my hurt and fear over abuse in not making me bitter. I forgive you. But this abuse must stop. You must learn to manage your angry reactions.

    So we learn that he doesn’t understand that abuse is about control, not anger.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. Barnabus – yes, Yes, YES! on the misunderstanding about abuse. It’s always about power and control.

    “We need to meet with professionals for counsel to take steps to bring healing to our marriage and family.”

    Most professionals who deal with abusers know that couples counseling is not the best way to address abuse in marriage because couples counseling usually deals with the relationship. Abuse is not a relationship issue, it is an individual issue that needs to be dealt with by the abuser. Batterer prevention programs are better for abusers who want to change. A victim will benefit from individual counseling more than couples counseling.

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Exactly, Kathi. It is often harmful for wives to seek couples counseling if her husband is an abuser. Husbands who are abusers are often manipulators. They can use their power to silence wives in the counseling office, even without words, so that the counselor hears primarily from the husband. It is best to seek individual counseling.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Hug- “If DR keeps rubbing his DOCTORATE in everyone’s face and insists on being addressed as DOCTOR, you don’t need any other proof.”

    Emerson earned his Ph.D. from Michigan State University when he was the pastor at my old church, everyone called him Pastor Eddy. Once he got his degree we were told we shouldn’t call him P. Eddy anymore. He preferred Dr. Eggerich.


  48. The comments are worth reading.
    Eggerich’s six areas for men to show love to their wives: COUPLE= Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, Esteem. The six areas for women to show love to their husbands: CHAIRS= Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, Sexuality.


  49. J.A.- “Exactly, Kathi. It is often harmful for wives to seek couples counseling if her husband is an abuser. Husbands who are abusers are often manipulators. They can use their power to silence wives in the counseling office, even without words, so that the counselor hears primarily from the husband. It is best to seek individual counseling.”
    And the man in the joint counseling session is the one who is more respected as the leader of the wife, by the likes of Dr. Eggerich. So the man’s voice is automatically heard & to a point revered. That is a stacked deck for a women who is being abused, cause ya know, if only the wifey was respecting & submitting to her husband all would we well in their marriage in the magical-biblical world that Emerson lives in.


  50. Loura Shares A Story,
    I know a man who has said much the same thing about his wife. He said she is all 5 love languages, thank you very for that book!! He thought he was going to narrow things down so he could respond to her better. No such luck.
    I’ve not read the book, but it’s in my pile of books that I want to read eventually.


  51. Right, Gail. In these churches that promote male headship, they assume (based on Genesis 3) that women will have issues with male authority by default and so they would heed a man’s word much more than a woman – – – who should remain silent.

    Liked by 1 person

  52. Gary, I agree with Irene. You might consider sharing your love of the Greek. I long to labor to understand the scriptures with like-minded co-laborers. It’s impossible to learn the Greek without a real teacher and so I am looking into online lessons.

    Have you noticed that there seems to be little rhyme or reason as to which prepositions take which case (in the interlinear)? I find it hard to believe that a language as sophisticated as Koine Greek could be so random (what I really believe is that the KJV translators took huge liberties in their translation to accommodate their already established doctrines.) It is maddening that a single conjunction has been translated “and” or “but”…depending on which you choose, the meaning of the sentence can change 180 degrees!

    Please start your list! Here are a couple of my pet peeve mis-translations (IMHO):

    Romans 10:13 “For everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved.”
    epikalestetai = calls by an additional name, appeals to…
    onoma = the name, character, fame, reputation…
    Kyriou = of the Lord

    So if Romans 1:20 is true, that we are without excuse (even if we don’t have a missionary to tell us the unknown god’s real name is Jesus), because all creation testifies to his glory, then that testimony (God’s character revealed in creation) is enough to save.

    Also Galations 2:16: “Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ…”
    So pistis can mean faith or faithfulness, and Christou is a genitive (possessive) without a preposition (like “through”) in front of it. So my translation is we are saved by the faithfulness of Jesus Christ (and isn’t that great news!).

    So this is where I am, bumbling along, trying to find the really good news that has been buried or twisted.

    And don’t get me started on “hell”…

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Irene, jkpvarin,

    Irene asks for a list of mistranslated Scripture, but I’ll need to develop one before I can share it. Maybe if Lydia is watching, she will have something to contribute.

    That said, as I was thinking of some verses I could share with Irene, one verse that came to mind was Romans 3:22 where “Jesus Christ” is genitive/possessive in the Greek but is translated as though it were (I think) dative/indirect object. So, instead of a reference to the righteousness of God through the faith or faithfulness OF Jesus Christ, the translations give us a supposed reference to the righteousness of God through faith IN Jesus Christ. As I understand it, they perform this trick by declaring the genitive/possessive “Jesus Christ” to be an objective genitive.

    How do they do this? How do they decide wither to render the genitive/possessive as possessive, in the ordinary manner, or as an objective genitive. Well, I really can’t claim to be sufficiently informed to stake an authoritative claim, but I dare say they simply imprint their preconceived theology onto the text. Translation becomes no more than a means for providing a (deceitful) tool for proof texting. I don’t recall which book, but it was NT Wright who opened my eyes to this issue, and he certainly is qualified to stake an authoritative claim.

    And don’t get me started on “hell” either. Well, other than to observe that they transmogrify the Greek word for “age” into “eternal.” Thus, for example, in Mt 25:46, “age of punishment,” or possibly “punishment of the age to come,” becomes eternal punishment. See also 2 Thes 1:9 and Jude 1:7. No time to look it up right now, but there is at least one place in Revelation where punishment “forever and ever” would be better translated “for age upon age.” IMO.


  54. .” If “den” functions as a negative particle (and it can, but Mr. Strong has chosen not to translate it thus), this verse is translated: “Husbands, love your wives so that she might not be terrified of you.”


    Thank you! I ruminated over this one for years. I understood it exactly the same way in its cultural context of arranged marriages mostly very young women to older men(Women in Ephesus had power in the Pagan Fertility Temple cult but my guess is that often backfired). I had not heard of “den” as negative— which makes total sense. It is interesting to translate phobios as respect, is it not in that context? Eggerich would not have made bank off of Love and Fear. :o)

    All I have to rely on is an interlinear, lexicons and cultural context resources like household codes, etc. I have no language background so it can be a problem. I finally found Cheryl Schatz who had done a lot of leg work on these passages.

    Another that plagued me for years was the passage in 1 Corin 14 about women keeping “silent” in the church. It made no sense considering Paul in chp 11 was referring to women praying and prophesying aloud. So what up? I did enough research to know that in the 1 Corin letter Paul is answering many questions sent to him. Translators chose to put quotations around some of them or not. Quotations were not used in Koine Greek. So it is an translator decision and we are finding out they have made some historical bad ones that fit their own church state mentality or cultural context.So,

    34 Women[f] should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

    This makes NO sense in the larger 1 Corin context. But there they are to be read. Firstly, I discovered that “silent” as the Greek word here (sorry don’t have time to look it all up again) means total complete silence as in not one sound out of the mouth. not to mention this would have been impossible for someone like Mary M to do. She was not married. And the 1st century church seems to be full of widows and such.

    Then we have a problem with “law”. What “law”?This “law” is NO where found in Leviticus or any other OT passage AND there is no new law in the NT about women speaking in the Body. 1 Corin 11 would have to be totally contradicting 1 Corin 14.

    What makes sense? Paul is quoting a question asked because that sort of language WAS found in Oral Law tradition as we can see now in the Talmud/Mishna.

    But the most interesting aspect of this is how translators decided to translate the next few verses. This is where it gets interesting and I hope jvparin looks into it because it is tricky. Cheryl Schatz has done a lot of work on this one, too. . Some translations are better than others and surprisingly the KJV seems to get it the closest. Here is the NIV first:

    36 Or did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached? 37 If anyone thinks they are a prophet or otherwise gifted by the Spirit, let them acknowledge that what I am writing to you is the Lord’s command. 38 But if anyone ignores this, they will themselves be ignored

    Here is the KJV:

    36 What? came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only?

    37 If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.

    Paul is actually negating the question by proclaiming: What? Are you kidding me? The word of God came from YOU or only to YOU?

    Totally different sense of the meaning. And wrongly taught is used as a weapon to shut up over half the Body of Christ. Satan is delighted.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Gary and jkparvin,

    I used to hang around translation blogs to see if I could pick up some understanding about translations. One thing I learned is that linguists often make the best translators over theologians who studied languages and context. That makes total sense to me.

    My biggest pet peeve translation is in Gen 3 that starts off most of the problems thereafter. In the 1300’s a Monk named Pagnino translated teshuqa as “desire”. It had been mostly translated as “turning”. Totally different feel to it. Instead of understanding it as Eve “turning” from God TO Adam….it is understood she had desire for Adam, not God— as implied in the new translation.

    Katherine Bushnell did a yeoman’s work on this long before resources were easy to obtain.



  56. Brenda R,

    One problem is that they can’t even agree on what version of the Greek text to use. I guess I’m mostly O.K. with the concept that the original text of the Bible was without error. Only trouble is, we don’t know what the original text was. I suppose there is a fair degree of certainty, yet there are some problem areas. I CERTAINLY do not think the translations are without error. In some places they are outright frauds.

    Which brings me to another point. Some people say the gifts of the spirit are no longer in operation because we now have the complete canon of Scripture. I say we have had no new Scripture for nearly 2000 years because we now have the indwelling Spirit. I am not saying we can now discard what Scripture we have.


  57. Gary W,
    No, I am not going to throw out any version of the Bible that I have. Praying for discernment, guidance of the Spirit and not taking man’s version (preacher’s especially) at face value has been helpful. I have to wonder if they are really wanting to hear from God when working on a sermon or keep with what they feel is truth based on what they learned in seminary.


  58. Brenda R,

    I think you have hit on something. When most preachers preach error they are only guilty of preaching what they were taught. They were taught WHAT to think, not HOW to think. I understand that Bonhoeffer observed something along the lines that we Americans don’t have true seminaries where ministers learn to think critically. Rather, we have the theological equivalent of vocational schools. Trouble is, it seems the deeper the depths of one’s ignorance, the greater the assurance one has of their own intellectual brilliance. It’s kind of like a shade tree mechanic who thinks of himself as an automotive engineer.

    Never trust a kid at some gas station who thinks he’s qualified to overhaul your car’s engine, and never trust a preacher who cannot grasp the depths of his own ignorance.


  59. “Which brings me to another point. Some people say the gifts of the spirit are no longer in operation because we now have the complete canon of Scripture. I say we have had no new Scripture for nearly 2000 years because we now have the indwelling Spirit. I am not saying we can now discard what Scripture we have.”

    I was just reading up on this a few months ago. Nothing real deep just an overview but did you know that Protestants finalized the books in 1880 BEFORE more were found? Also, the councils that decided which books would be included were Catholic starting around 300AD? And the Orthodox did not really have “councils” like the Catholics did to decide things. Anywho take ONE council of Laodicea that recommended books for both Old and New Testaments along with those that would be banned. But at that council they also banned mathematicians from church, banned women from offices in the church, banned singing unless in a choir and banned Christians from dancing at weddings. If you broke these rules then not saved.

    So, do we really trust this? I read the book of Suzanna a while back which was originally part of Daniel (I hope I remember that right) and I can see why it was left out. It is all about corrupt leaders against one woman! :o)


  60. “works of the Law” is another term for “Jewish identity markers in Torah, like keeping Sabbath, eating kosher, etc. Being Jewish does not mean one is saved and being gentile does not mean one is not saved, rather Jesus saves both groups, as we have an active faith/trust in his promises.


  61. I am currently going to individual counseling trying to recover from the emotional abuse inflicted on me by my husband. We are separated, on the path to divorce. I had an emotional affair starting two years ago, and last year at this time “ran away” from my husband with the man I was having the affair with. I give you this background information so that you know that I know that I sinned and that I was in the wrong as much as my husband was.

    Throughout this whole year that we have been separated, my husband has continually harped that I was “cowardly” for running away from our problems. We were attempting couples counseling, and I felt it was a total failure. We initially had one session together, and then we each had an individual session with the counselor. In that individual session, I revealed to the counselor that my husband had several years prior told me that he wanted to become a girl. When this happened, it broke my heart, and I spent the next six to nine months sobbing my eyes out in private, and then to my husband’s face I was trying to support him in his decision of what to do about these desires of his. He wore makeup on occasion – and wanted ME to put it on him! I obtained birth control for him so that he could grow some semblance of breasts. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to actually make the transition, but he did all of these things that threw me into great conflict. Eventually he decided he wanted to be my husband, but he still wanted to wear makeup and girl stuff on occasion. So even though the initial conflict was gone, the gnawing in the pit of my stomach still remained and I grew more and more resentful and more and more distant from him. Needless to say, this whole Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner thing has been HUGELY triggering for me.

    Anyway, in the couples counseling, the counselor never addressed the issue that I told her in my individual session. The biggest elephant in the room – for me – was never addressed. But you can bet that my emotional affair was addressed. At one point the counselor had the insight to say that I needed to feel that my husband respected me, and that I didn’t feel respected. That was the one glimmer of hope that I had. But after that, it always focused on his needs. Anything I brought up was an attack on him and I had to change my reaction.

    My husband and I had spent YEARS being amateur marriage counselors, using the Five Love Languages and other courses in small groups to help people in their marriages. I thought that those courses helped things, but in reality, I think it only served to reinforce the feeling that I HAD to support my husband, even though he had been emotionally abusive to myself and my children through our entire marriage. The Love and Respect courses only teach women to turn the other cheek and say “yes dear.” I was an enabler, and it led our marriage to financial ruin because I couldn’t tell my husband NO in anything. I didn’t feel “comfortable” speaking my mind about the important things – it would always get turned on me if I did speak my mind. So I learned never to say anything.

    These so-called marriage courses are not the answer because they are ALL based on the premises that if only the woman tried harder everything would work. I am bitter and broken and am trying to put myself back together as a result, but it’s hard to unravel two decades of abuse. I’m just glad that I am still secure in the notion that God is good and has good things planned for me. I pray for my husband, and I love him dearly even now, even though he still heaps abuse on my shoulders and says demeaning things to me. But I can never be with him again unless and until he is able to find healing for himself and stop being an abuser. I pray that day will come, but I don’t count on it.

    I know I’m rambling now, but I hate the true source of these “marriage courses.” They do nothing but implant the seeds of abuse that men who are abusers can exploit all they want.

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Ashterah,

    These counselors who undertake to “heal” a marriage where there is, in fact, no marriage, do great harm. It is very good that you are now receiving individual counseling. I almost hope that you are not seeing somebody who holds themselves out as a Christian counselor. Why? Because these “Christian” counselors are notorious for shifting blame from perpetrators to their targets. You certainly experienced this phenomenon at the hands of whoever thought it was appropriate to engage you in couples “marriage” counseling. Why do I put “marriage” in scare quotes? Because, again, there was no marriage. You did not need insight as to how best to navigate what was for all intents and purposes a master/slave relationship. You needed emancipation. I am glad that you have achieved emancipation-in-fact, in the form of separation, and are seeking legal confirmation of your freedom through appropriate legal proceedings.

    You mention an emotional affair. Well, yes. But can there be such a thing as an emotional affair where there is no marriage? I suppose that, even where one is involved in a sham marriage it is best to avoid emotionally intimate relationships until such time as a divorce decree has been entered. Otherwise one just opens themselves up to the outrageous slings and arrows of the one who is the accuser of the saints. How contemptible that the satan (the accuser) so effectively enlists those who call themselves Christians as his primary agents in this hellish undertaking. It is really between you and our Lord, but I would encourage you not to accept more culpability than is actually yours. Regardless, you may rest in the assurance that all our confessed sin (if sin it is) is covered by the Blood.

    You are very courageous. Surely a large part of your healing will flow from your willingness to speak out against the evil that has been perpetrated against you. Surely I speak for all in wishing you well. May you continue to be a sword by which our Lord continues to push back the darkness (assuming, of course, that you consent to be so employed).

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Ashterah,

    Sounds like your husband married you under false pretenses. He defrauded you. I am shocked a marriage counselor did not point that very obvious fact out. You were deceived.


  64. Gary, thank you for your kind words. My current counselor is a secular one, thankfully. No more nouthetic counseling for me, as I find it is only useful if one loves to keep telling oneself that they are a horrible sinner forever and evermore the end. Somehow I think that is actually a form of vanity.

    I hope that I can heal. I pray that I can.

    The biggest hurt of all is that my husband has the Anglican priest of the parish that we were attending firmly in his corner. He says that I am breaking the laws of God by not staying married, that I broke the laws of God by having an emotional (and then physical) affair, even though that is over now. I am beaten over the head and shoulders with how I am flouting “God’s law” any time I try to talk to my husband regarding our minor daughter who lives at home with him. I had to literally flee across the entire country to get away from him because I knew that within a month or so I would be back with him, and I would never mentally survive that kind of back and forth. You would think that when someone goes to that kind of an extreme to get away from a situation, that they were crying out for help. Not to this “priest.” I’m just continuing to sin to him, and deserve nothing, not even compassion. With fellow Christ-believers like this…..

    Lydia, I do not know that we were married under false pretenses. I do, however, believe that he came to be in the grip of a terrible evil. A dear friend of ours fell in “love” with my husband and wanted to have a gay relationship with him. My husband tried to keep the friendship but put the rest at arms length but it never worked and we had to cut the friend off entirely. But the two of them had shared discussions about deep desires, one of which was my husband’s desire to be a girl, and in having this outlet to discuss it, it blossomed into him finally telling me about it. Lots of us have dark desires. Most of us have them flit across our mind and go back into the shadows, never to be seen again. But when they are allowed any sort of sunlight, they grow and overtake us. I feel that this was a normal temptation that grew out of control when given food. And it destroyed our marriage. I can honestly say that. I cannot forgive my husband for breaking my heart that way. And it rips me apart on a daily basis. I don’t think that I can ever heal unless I can learn how to forgive him. And I don’t know how to begin to forgive in this instance. So lost.


  65. Ashterah,

    The thing the “priest” does not understand is that your husband divorced you before you ever filed for legal recognition of the fact that there was no longer anything that looks anything at all like a marriage. Your so-called priest stands in the place of the priest and Levite who ignored the man who had been robbed, beaten, striped and left half dead on the road to Jericho. Actually, it’s worse. At least the Jericho road priest and Levite had the decency not to heap shame and blame on the robbers’ target. Neither did they then go chasing after the robbers to enable continuing depredations.

    You describe how your “husband” and his male friend “had shared discussions about deep desires, one of which was [your] husband’s desire to be a girl.” I’m reluctant to keep reminding you of something you have already owned, but how could your “priest” not see that this is the very sort of sharing of intimacies that constitutes emotional adultery? The fact that it is man with man does not exempt one’s actions from fitting the definition of adultery.

    In case you aren’t already aware of the site, http://cryingoutforjustice.com/ exists to minister to people who are dealing with the sorts of things you are dealing with (churches that support abusers and attack their targets, &c.).


  66. Gary,

    Thank you for all your responses. I guess I figure I “deserve” the punishment for what I did, but at the same time I selfishly scream “what about me and MY hurts.” And then I feel that I’m sinning again by being so selfish. But I don’t know that I’ll ever be whole if I’m not selfish. I just don’t know what is the right way to obtain my healing in this situation. And I don’t know what I have a right to demand in regards to how I should be treated.

    I described my situation to my counselor as if my cat had taken a ball of yarn and unraveled it and tangled it up beyond measure, and now I’m expected to take this yarn and make a beautiful sweater out of it. I don’t even know where to begin and it’s all so overwhelming.

    But you are not the first or only person to tell me that he abandoned me and our marriage first. All the while proclaiming that he loved me more than life itself. And then to use God as a weapon against me. It’s no wonder I feel so weighed down on a daily basis. I will visit the website you suggested. I never dreamed that this could happen this way. It’s not supposed to be this way.


  67. Ashterah,

    You wrote:

    “I cannot forgive my husband for breaking my heart that way. And it rips me apart on a daily basis. I don’t think that I can ever heal unless I can learn how to forgive him. And I don’t know how to begin to forgive in this instance. So lost.”

    In my experience the concept of forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood and misused “Christian” weapons out there. Cheap grace and instant forgiveness can actually prolong a lack of healing and enable more abuse or wrong doing.

    Jesus was not advocating we take prolonged beatings (even if mental, emotional, spiritual) from other professing Christians. At some point, we have to look at them and decide they have a problem that needs to be dealt with, too. Including your Anglican priest who does not seem to get it.

    I wish someone had told me early on there is another road to travel when it comes to forgiveness and save me a lot of years of non healing that is supposed to be healing.

    Here is a starting place to consider that I found helpful for others where you are. It is written by a Christian, surprisingly. And it is full of reason which is also unheard of it most Christian circles. It just makes sense.


    Not everything will apply to you because he covers a lot of ground, but it is a good starting point.


  68. Here is a snippet from the article that might shock some folks but it is totally logical and makes so much more sense than the cheap grace we keep seeing that negates justice for victims:

    DAVID: No. And it’s not even necessarily about the complete eradication of resentment. I think Jim McClendon’s line where he says “resentment is God’s good gift that leads us to prize justice” is important in this context.

    STEPS: Do you mean that even when you have fully forgiven someone there can remain an appropriate place for resentment?

    DAVID: There is, of course, a malevolent kind of resentment that is destructive and distancing. There can, however, be a benign form of resentment that says “I despise actions that injure innocent parties. I will never approve of what took place. I will never excuse it. I reach out for relationship where ever possible but I will not give up my commitment to justice.”


  69. Lydia- “I wish someone had told me early on there is another road to travel when it comes to forgiveness and save me a lot of years of non healing that is supposed to be healing.”

    Thank-You for sharing that article! Just what I needed! I also sent it on to a kindred spirit.


  70. Is this a Biblical teaching?
    I agree that this is unbiblical and I think that others have detailed that out pretty well.

    Do you think this advice is wise to follow?
    I think this could be dangerous advice to follow. A woman wrote to me some time back, quite proud of herself and her “God-given submission” because she had submitted to her abusive husband as he apparently physically abused her and possibly their sons – to the point that he finally threw her out of the house (probably with a beating) and told her not to come back. He kept the sons. She wanted to start a ministry to tell other women how to follow her stellar example. I didn’t even know what to say. I can’t remember what I answered her.

    There was zero fruit of repentance in her husband, she herself was tragically abused and confused, and she left her sons with a violent abuser. And she thought she was a hero. Unconditional respect. That was it – right there. There is no way in the world that a God who is love could have ever wanted her to do that.

    Why is the onus on the wife to help change her husband’s behavior?
    I’m just going to take a “wild guess” here. Genesis 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she…
    We’ve come a long way, baby, but it ain’t so far as it seems.


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