Why Does Calvin’s God Feel Abusive to Me? I Didn’t Choose This!

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The Lord works righteousness and

justice for all who are oppressed.  

Psalm 103:6

I have never, ever connected so deeply with someone else’s spiritual experience as I have recently with reader, Oasis.  The tears . . . . oh, the tears.  This deep, gut-wrenching, sobbing pain is so real for some of us.  I cannot believe I am doing this, but I’m feeling that right now I need to try to clearly articulate my feelings about Father God and how He relates with the abuse some of us have incurred.

I want to discuss my abusive background and tie in with it how some thoughts and words I have heard from Calvinists – people close to me – have affected me spiritually.   If you would like to challenge or debate any of this (and I am absolutely fine if you do), please take it to the Calvinism thread (feel free to post a comment in this thread letting us know so we can join you).   Thanks for your understanding so we can keep the space on this article safe.

Some of us have been abused as children and the underlying message of abuse is always about control.  Someone used their power in a controlling way over us.  We were not allowed a choice.  We were not allowed to say “no.”  We were told to be quiet.  We were told to get over it.  We were told to stop feeling.  We were told to stop crying.

I think these powerful messages are more compounded when it is sent to a child from a very early age.  The child has no way of refuting the message and so the painful messages have been  repeated in their mind over and over again.  The messages become the truth for the child and they believe the lies that their abuser told them.

Oasis shared how she was part of a pedophile ring as a child and has struggled for years with the notion that God saw the abuse and stood behind a curtain and allowed it to continue.   That tore me up because it is a similar feeling I have had.

Here were Oasis’ powerful words that really hit home for me:

I remember being in church at five-years-old and staring at a drawing on the wall of Jesus surrounded by children. I was so jealous of the child whose face Jesus held in his hands! He was smiling and there was so much love in his eyes. I asked my teacher more than once if someday Jesus would hold my face in his hands like that, too. She said he would, and I believed her.

Instead of responding to Oasis’ original comment, I will do it here:

Hi Oasis:   I think I need a warnindisclaimer on each of your comments. I don’t think I have ever gone into full-blown weeping by anyone’s words the way I have with yours – and I mean the ugly crying, not just the shedding of a few tears.   The Kleenex on my bed is in shreds – I’m talking pain from the very depths of my being  – the pain that rarely comes to surface.

I firmly believe that God has shown His love to me through you and your words, Oasis.    As you shared, I felt your compassion and understanding, not this “God-is-sovereign-He-ordained-it”  justification stuff that we so often hear when talking about abuse.

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Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.  Isaiah 30:18

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Right now, I am at a place where I choose to acknowledge God is real to me and that He ordained YOU, Oasis, to read my blog at such a time as this to be able to say the words that would validate what I have gone through and bring me hope.  God, the masterful Conductor, orchestrated this marvelous symphony for me, right here, right now.  The timing, the tempo, the phrasing is the gift He has given me through you to touch my soul.    Thank you, Oasis.

I am a musician and time and again, I am reminded by examples like this, that God meets me in ways that are intimately personal to me:  timing.    Any musician will tell you how important timing is.  If you are participating with a group of musicians, missing just one beat will yield a musical disaster.  God’s timing is perfect.  God knew I needed to hear from you this week.  He didn’t miss a beat.  I can worship this God who loves me deeply and wants  to connect with me in the most meaningful ways.  I  am thankful to God that He has given me this opportunity as a result of you to sort through this rubble of confusion and deep spiritual turmoil.

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And now I will share more of my story knowing the possibility that others who have gone through abuse can find similar hope instead of relying on faulty lies and messages that others or they themselves might have been replaying in their minds.

These words from Oasis melted me inside:  I remember being in church at five-years-old and staring at a drawing on the wall of Jesus surrounded by children. I was so jealous of the child whose face Jesus held in his hands! He was smiling and there was so much love in his eyes. I asked my teacher more than once if someday Jesus would hold my face in his hands like that, too. She said he would, and I believed her.

I, too, have always tried to imagine what it might be like to have Jesus hold my face.  The thought of Jesus’ hands touching my face is unfathomable to me, I cannot even picture it happening in my mind.  It is too good for me, but I can visualize it happening to someone else.  I also cannot imagine myself as a child sitting in the lap of Jesus. In my mind, I was always off to the side longing for that opportunity. I was not chosen for that. Just like the last kid left standing when being picked for school teams in PE, that was me and my relationship with God. I was damaged goods, never worthy enough to be picked.  I wasn’t chosen to have that kind off relationship where I could sit in His lap.  I didn’t have a teacher to tell me that one day Jesus would hold my face in His hands or allow me to snuggle in His lap.  That really wasn’t a possibility for me.  That is what the messages in my mind told me.  I’ve heard those messages for decades.

Most people come into the world because their moms go into labor at the appointed time. The baby’s fully developed body triggers a response in the mom’s body signaling her body to prepare for birth.  My entrance to the world was quite different.  I was not “welcomed” to the world.  I was beaten before I was born and I fought to remain alive.  My mom hid my dad’s drugs and he beat her, putting her into premature labor.  The labor did not stop and I was born 10 weeks early.  There was concern about my lungs and I was not supposed to survive that ordeal, yet here I am.  I was born to abuse and came home to chaos.  My mom divorced my dad when I was 1.  I never saw him again.  Ever.

I can’t remember how old I was when Mom told me the story of why I was born premature, but that surely sent me a message:  “my father didn’t care if I lived or died, so I must not have mattered to him.”    The lining of the lungs is one of the last finishing touches in baby’s development in the womb.  As no one else in the family has asthma, it is very likely the asthma I have had my whole life is due to my premature birth.  I didn’t have a choice to be born early or to have asthma.  As I went through life, some of the burning questions in my mind have been:  did my dad care about me? Did he ever think of me?  Such simple questions, such powerful questions for a child.  And you know what?  Those same questions remained powerful even into my forties – you don’t just get over it so easily.

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He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,

according to the purpose of his will . . . Ephesians 1:5

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My Dad had a college ring.  He was proud of that ring.  Seeing a big clunky college ring on a man’s hand brings back painful memories for me.   He chose to wear it.  I didn’t.

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My mom remarried when I was 3 years old and my new Dad legally adopted me when I was 5. We were now a legal family.  He is the only Dad I’ve known.  I liked him initially. But he had a rage. I will never have the answer to why, but he took his rage out on me, a 3-yr old skinny redhead, by beating me, leaving me bruised, with welts, sometimes a bloody nose, knots on my head, belt buckle imprints.  I’m a mom with 7 kids and as I sit here typing this I’m struck at the idea of a full-grown 6 ft 2 in.-tall man who could get in such a rage and take it out on a 3-yr old child.  This is some crazy stuff, isn’t it?

As I got older, he added kicking to the routine.  He would tell me to go to my room, kicking me and shoving me against the wall of the staircase as I attempted to make my way to the bedroom to get “spanked.”  Usually his kicking made me fall down which meant more kicks.  I finally got to the bedroom where I was beaten more, eventually ending up in the corner of the room, curled up into a ball to protect my head.  He’d then go back down stairs where life was going on as normal.  The television was on.  There was laughter.  It never happened.  It was never mentioned. It just was.

I’m an emotional person now, but as a child, I refused to let my dad see me cry during or after.  I would not give him that satisfaction.  There was no way in hell I was going to let him know how he was affecting me.  I had control over that choice.

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But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose you as the firstfruits to be saved, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.  2 Thessalonians 2:13

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Years ago I went to counseling dealing with this abuse and one of the questions that I heard time and again:  “surely your dad was an alcoholic, right?”  Wrong.  He did have a few beers while watching football, etc, but that is not when he had his fits of rage.  The fits came out of no where with no rhyme or reason.  My dad worked strange hours and so I never knew when he would be at home.  My first fear coming home from school was, “is Dad home?”  I haven’t thought about this for a long while, and once again, it’s hitting me:  in my childhood home, my home was not a place of refuge.  I never knew when a battle would ensue, so I walked on eggshells.

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According to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: May grace and peace be multiplied to you. 1 Peter 1:2

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My Mom and Dad had their own biological children.  For some unknown reason, he did not treat them the same as me.  I was chosen to be the victim of his violence.  They were not. Why?  I told many, many people about the abuse, even the police, trusted family and friends, and people dismissed it, didn’t want to get involved, or didn’t believe me.  The abuse continued until I was 19 years old and moved out.

So you can imagine that my image of “father” is quite skewed. I didn’t know unconditional love from either of my fathers. I did not hear messages from my fathers that said:  I love you for who you are, I’m so glad you are in this world, you are precious to me.

My Dad who raised me, praised me for outward performance. I made him look good.  My grades were good and thankfully, for my emotional health, I had piano and excelled in it.

My heart and soul poured out through my fingers as they expressed the emotion that was penned up inside. To this day, people  say they feel an emotional connection when they hear me play – – – I’m not surprised, I spent many years practicing that – – – music was my language when I had no words as a child and no adult wanted to hear about the abuse. My piano was the safe-keeper of all unspoken thoughts and feelings and that is where I spent many hours wrestling with God asking Him, “why was I chosen for this?”

As I became an adult, I learned how powerful a father’s role and relationship is in the development of a child.  But I also learned that the relationship with our father has a direct impact on one’s relationship with God.  Our earthly fathers can somehow in our minds get confused with God the Father.  If I had difficulty trusting my earthly father, I’d probably have difficulty trusting my heavenly Father.

I’m kind of a stubborn person and I simply decided that was not going to happen to me.  I wasn’t going to let it happen.  Just by having that knowledge, I convinced myself that I could combat that common issue of earthly and heavenly father confusion that so many survivors face.

Well, the reality is that the lies that permeated my mind as a child resurface when I least expect it.  Those old messages from the deep recesses of my mind sometimes override what fact I know or what common sense I have.  It is a very difficult mountain to climb to fully trust, to truly believe that God loves me unconditionally, to understand that God forgives me as far as the east is from the west, that God loves me with an everlasting love.   These are the truths that I must repeat in my mind frequently . . . . . to this day.

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The Lord has made everything for its purpose,

even the wicked for the day of trouble. 

Proverbs 16:4

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For those who felt the love of their earthly fathers, their faith may come easy.   They probably don’t have these issues.  They are more likely to have a sure foundation.  This creates a spiritual conflict for those of us with father issues.  We can doubt our faith, question whether our salvation is real, wonder if it’s all in our head.  We are easily confused.

For me, sometimes it is a daily battle, not only with my mind, but with people around me.  I have been battered spiritually by those who should be loving and supporting me.  I have been told that I am an unbeliever because I don’t match the way they think Christianity looks like – whatever that means.  When I have been unable to read my Bible or pray for a season, that gets labeled as “rotten fruit” and proof that I’m an unbeliever.    Those same people who claim to know Christ and judge me are not willing to come along side and have compassion or understanding considering where I have come from or willing to simply say, “when you can’t pray, I will pray for you.”  I think they believe I have not accepted my lot in life, the lot that God chose for me.

Please imagine being in the shoes of someone abused.  Imagine the picture of a God who chooses whom He elects – there is no rhyme or reason. The dad who raised me chose which children he liked.  He didn’t choose me.  He said in words that he loved me.  He showed me off as his trophy prize when I played the piano well for company.  But when the company left, I could have been beaten for a “wrong look.”  It sure sounds like my father was playing favorites to me.   Did God also choose to let me get abused and not my siblings?

I’m sorry, I cannot allow my brain to go back to that. That is hell – – – every day coming home from school wondering if this would be the day that he’d explode.  What is it like every day wondering if I measure up to God, if I got the doctrine right if He’s going to elect me – even if I have already believed in my heart He has saved me?    Sometimes my feelings waver.  It’s déja vu, but now with a spiritual Father.

Do you sense both the physical and heavenly father chaos I have experienced?  It’s hell.  Do you see why hell might seem preferable than heaven – – if I have to acknowledge that this God, the One who sent Jesus to die for me, actually chose for me to be abandoned, rejected, and beaten by both of my earthly fathers?   I’m now supposed to be okay with the fact that God foresaw the abuse I would endure and it was in His glorious plan?

Finally, Oasis’ words articulated so powerfully what I have felt.  She speaks so well for me here:

It is IMPOSSIBLE for me believe that God loves me, if he was the man behind the curtain the entire time. I have cried so many tears over the concept. If any part of him, on any level, wanted those abusers to destroy me in the way they did, then I conclude that GOD DOES NOT LOVE ME. And if this is true, then my sorrow will never end, because my God is no more.

photo credit: m.toyama via photopin cc

170 comments on “Why Does Calvin’s God Feel Abusive to Me? I Didn’t Choose This!

  1. Pingback: For Non-Calvinists: of Which I Am One | The Wartburg Watch 2013

  2. The fundamental problem with Calvinism is that it makes God a monster. And that concept of God is antichrist. The truth is we have a choice. And most choose to live in rebellion to God. As a former full time pastor of 10 years, I am so very sorry that you were abused; and then abused again by those who profess to know and love God.

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  3. Thank you, Randall for your kind words. I have rejected those ideas now that caused me so much confusion. It is great to be free to see God as a loving God and not a monster.

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  4. “Why does Calvin’s God feel abusive to me?”

    Because Calvin’s God IS abusive.

    Others have said, “That’s not God, that’s Al’lah.” Because both Calvin and Mohammed made Omnipotent Will the primary attribute of God (overriding all other attributes), resulting in Total Predestination. And similar views of God result in similar fallout.

    I’ve also heard it said that “Islam emphasizes God’s Omnipotent Power, Christianity emphasizes God’s Loving Nature.”

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  5. Brian,

    I am sorry, but your theology of “I find comfort in knowing that God truly is in control.” is not appropriate in this thread. This reinforces your belief that the God of Calvin was in control of the abuse.

    “In’shal’lah… Al’lah’u Akbar!”

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  6. I believe now what made it worse was the church that I ended up in. Because according to them Jesus was supposed to magically change me. I was told over and over to forgot my past. But my past had marked me deeply & profoundly and the psychological damage manifested itself in panic attacks, depression, shame, & fear. — Gail AKA Scared

    JMJ over at Christian Monist regularly calls BS on this Christianese idea that “Jesus was supposed to magically change me” completely and instantly. It’s a BAD misapplication of the phrase “New creature in Christ.”

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  7. Pingback: To Calvinists: Stress God’s Love Before You Get Into Doctrine | The Wartburg Watch 2013

  8. As I have said at TWW and elsewhere on SSB:

    To me the difference between Calvinism and what I believe is in two definitions of sovereignty. Sovereignty does not mean that what you chose happens, it is the ability to make decisions about consequences. So in the U.S., the Congress has sovereignty to make laws, the President and his appointees have the sovereignty to enforce laws, and the courts the sovereignty to decide whether the laws have been broken and to impose penalties, and in civil cases, award reparations. But none have the sovereignty to make choices on behalf of the members of the public to follow or not follow the law.

    To me, the sovereignty of God is like the sovereignty of all three branches of government. But we retain the freedom to choose whether to follow God’s laws or not. The most important commands came from Jesus, which I paraphrase as: Love the Lord God with all of your being and love everyone you encounter as you love yourself. So in everyday activities we make choices that have consequences, and, while some of those consequences are the natural result of our choice (due to the laws of nature that God, in his sovereignty, put in place to begin with) and some are under God’s sovereignly created law, and thus, under his sovereign power to decide. One of those laws is that we are to believe in, love and follow Jesus, and choosing not to do so carries the ultimate penalty.

    All of this is why I do not believe that young children and those who are mentally incapable of making the choice to follow Jesus, are doomed. They do not have the ability to make the choice to love and follow Jesus. As in our legal system, they are not held responsible for what they cannot do.

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  9. Dear Julie Anne,
    I’m sorry I didn’t read this post when it was first published.
    I have no words. The pain you’ve suffered is beyond words. Just know that I’m sending you a cyber hug or a touch of your hand or whatever would make you feel most cared for.
    love
    Barb

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  10. This resonates with me so much.
    The questions, the pain, the fear from my childhood dominated my life. At the age of 30 I realized I had to discard everything I was “taught” and find a God I could believe in, because the one I was raised to believe in was a graven image of my father. I finally realized this when I became aware that I couldn’t make myself talk about God with my children. I loved them and didn’t want to hurt them, and in some way they would be destroyed with what I “knew” about God.. I was broken to realize that they had already come to conclusions about who God was by watching me. And God to them looked a great deal like their abusive grandfather. You see, how a person believes the world works, and who God is, really deeply affects the way they live and how they treat others. This is why I am deeply distrustful of some doctrines- because in my opinion, people cling to whatever interpretation makes them most comfortable. [Qualifier for upcoming statement-not saying they were true calvinists, have now read blogs online from calvinists that are not like this, and in no way was my upbringing typical—I hope. In addition, no matter what your doctrine, you still have the choice of how you will act] The hardcore calvinist-types I was raised around were also legalistic, idolatrously addicted to power and authority and control, petty, abusive, offensive, angry people. They seem to be choosing a God that looks a great deal like them.
    And the God I found had been waiting for me and wooing me while I wandered in the desert. He came to earth and suffered with us as Emmanuel, suffered with us and for us, and continues to suffer with us and for us. To Him, our free will is so important that He refuses to step in and take over and take away our choices, even when we make mistakes that hurt others. But He died to redeem us in spite of all of it, and because of it all. His grace is beyond our understanding. His primary concern is not our understanding of doctrine, but that we love him and those around us- with all our hearts, minds, soul and strength.
    The doctrine, oh the triggering doctrinal discussions. So many doctrines used to justify abuse. I cant and wont accept any doctrine that enabled a person to hurt and abuse another person.

    Through a very difficult journey I have learned a few things. Because of the spiritual abuse, I sometimes cannot pray or read the Bible. I am unable to sing in a church service. But I sing in private, and pray the Lords Prayer when I am unable to pray from my heart and each word has taught my spirit so much. All I need to say is “your kingdom come”- in the pain, in the anguish we feel, because I believe that pain and suffering is NOT Gods choice for us “your will be done” – when people do not use their free will to love God and each other.
    One day I saw a poster of the names of God, and I felt that Spirit was telling me- focus on me, focus on who I am, and let the doctrines go. And so I do, I meditate on his name. on the many names that manifest his character to us. And that has been the most healing, renewing experience. Humans can twist his words and interpret doctrine and use all of it as a tool to hurt other people, but His Name cannot be taken away from me or used against me.

    I cannot trust my own understanding and I do not need to. I do not need to know everything. I do not need to try to explain everything in a way that makes sense. I have learned to let go of all of this, and understand that any interpretations that pass through the mind and mouth of a human are contaminated by our humanness. (this from a child who was drilled and beaten with scriptures and doctrine- who was praised for shaming ministers and pastors by calling them out on their doctrine and mistakes) What I need is to focus on God, and believe in him, and pray how Jesus teaches us to pray.

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  11. Manner C

    Thank you so much for your comment. Really appreciated your thoughts.
    And thank you so much for this – It touched my heart and soul and spirit.

    “One day I saw a poster of the names of God,
    and I felt that Spirit was telling me- focus on me,
    focus on who I am, and let the doctrines go.”

    Thought you might enjoy this list…

    Just give me – {{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}}

    {{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}} – Name above ALL Names…

    {{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}} – There’s Just Something About That Name – Jesus

    A
    Jesus – Advocate – 1 John 2:1
    Jesus – Alive for Evermore – Revelation 1:18
    Jesus – All-Knowing – Psalm 139:1-6
    Jesus – All, and in All – Colossians 3:11
    Jesus – Almighty – Revelation 1:8
    Jesus – Alpha and Omega – Revelation 1:8
    Jesus – Altar – Hebrews 13:10
    Jesus – Altogether Lovely – Song of Solomon 5:16
    Jesus – Amen – Revelation 3:14
    Jesus – Ancient of Days – Daniel 7:13 & Daniel 7:22
    Jesus – Anointed One – 1 Samuel 2:35
    Jesus – Author of Eternal Salvation – Hebrews 5:9
    Jesus – Author of our Faith – Hebrews 12:2

    B
    Jesus – Balm of Gilead – Jeremiah 8:22
    Jesus – Banner over us – Ps 60:4 S of Sol 2:4
    Jesus – Bearer of Sin – Hebrews 9:28
    Jesus – Before All Things – Colossians 1:17
    Jesus – Beginning and Ending – Revelation 1:8
    Jesus – Bishop of our Souls – 1 Peter 2:25
    Jesus – Blessed and Only Potentate – 1 Timothy 6:15
    Jesus – Blessed Hope – Titus 2:13
    Jesus – Bread of Life, my manna – John 6:35
    Jesus – Bridegroom – John 3:29
    Jesus – Bright and Morning Star – Revelation 22:16
    Jesus – Brightness of His Glory – Hebrews 1:3
    Jesus – Buckler – Psalms 18:30

    C
    Jesus – Captain – Joshua 5:14-15 – Hebrews 2:10
    Jesus – Changeless One – Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8
    Jesus – Chief Among 10,000 – S. of Solomon 5:10
    Jesus – Chosen of God – 1 Peter 2:4
    Jesus – Christ – Matthew 1:16 – 1 John 5:1
    Jesus – Comforter – John 14:16-18
    Jesus – Consolation of Israel – Luke 2:25
    Jesus – Counselor – Isaiah 9:6
    Jesus – Creator – Romans 1:25 – Isaiah 40:28
    Jesus – Crown of Glory – Isaiah 28:5

    D
    Jesus – Daystar to Arise – 2 Peter 1:19 Defense – Psalms 94:22
    Jesus – Deliverer – Psalms 40:17
    Jesus – Desire of all Nations – Haggai 2:7
    Jesus – Despised and rejected – Ps 22:6, Is 53:3
    Jesus – Diadem of Beauty – Isaiah 28:5
    Jesus – Door of the Sheep – John 10:7
    Jesus – Dwelling Place – Psalms 90:1

    E
    Jesus – Emmanuel – Matthew 1:23
    Jesus – End of the Law – Romans 10:4
    Jesus – Ensign of the People – Isaiah 11:10
    Jesus – Equal with God – Philippians 2:6
    Jesus – Eternal God – Deuteronomy 33:27
    Jesus – Eternal Life – 1 John 1:2
    Jesus – Everlasting Father – Isaiah 9:6

    F
    Jesus – Faithful and True – Rev 19:11 – Rev 3:14
    Jesus – Finisher of the Faith – Hebrews 12:2
    Jesus – First Begotten – Hebrews 1:6 – Romans 8:29
    Jesus – Firstfruit of Them Sleep -1Cor 15:20 Rom 11:16
    Jesus – Fortress – Psalms 18:2
    Jesus – Foundation Which is Laid – 1 Cor.3:11
    Jesus – Fountain of Living Waters – Jer 17:13 Ps 36:9
    Jesus – Friend of Publicans and Sinners – Luke 7:34
    Jesus – Friend Sticks Closer than a Brother – Prov 18:24

    G
    Jesus – Gift of God – John 4:10
    Jesus – Glory, my and lifter of my head – Psalms 3:3
    Jesus – God Who Avenges Me – Psalms 18:47
    Jesus – God Blessed Forever – Romans 9:5
    Jesus – God Who Forgives – Psalms 99:8
    Jesus – God of My Life – Psalms 42:8
    Jesus – God in the Midst of Her – Psalms 46:5
    Jesus – God manifest in the flesh – 1 Timothy 3:16
    Jesus – God of My Righteousness – Psalms 4:1
    Jesus – God of My Salvation – Psalms 18:46
    Jesus – God of My Strength – Psalms 43:2
    Jesus – God With Us – Matthew 1:23
    Jesus – Good Shepherd – John 10:11
    Jesus – Gracious – Ex 33:19, Rom 16:24, Rev. 22:21
    Jesus – Great God – Titus 2:13
    Jesus – Great Shepherd of the Sheep – Hebrews 13:20
    Jesus – Guide Even Unto Death – Psalms 48:14

    H
    Jesus – Harmless – Hebrews 7:26
    Jesus – Head of all Principality & Power – Col 2:10
    Jesus – Heir of All Things – Hebrews 1:2 Helper – Hebrews 13:6
    Jesus – Hiding Place – Psalms 32:7
    Jesus – High Priest Forever – Hebrews 6:20
    Jesus – High Tower – Psalms 18:2
    Jesus – Holy One Of Israel – Psalms 89:18
    Jesus – Horn of Salvation – Luke 1:69
    Jesus – Husband – Revelation 21:2

    I
    Jesus – I Am – John 18:6
    Jesus – Image of the Invisible God – Colossians 1:15
    Jesus – Immanuel – Isaiah 7:14
    Jesus – Inhabiter of Eternity – Isaiah 57:15
    Jesus – Inhabiter of Praises – Psalms 22:3
    Jesus – Intercessor – Isaiah 53:12 & Romans 8:34

    J
    Jesus – Jehovah Jireh – Provider – I Jn 4:9, Philip 4:19
    Jesus – Jehovah Nissi – Banner – I Chronicles 29:11-13
    Jesus – Jehovah Shalom – Peace – Is 9:6, Rom 8:31-35
    Jesus – Jehovah Tsidkenu – Righteousness – I Cor 1:30
    Jesus – Jehovah Shammah – Present – Hebrews 13:5
    Jesus – Jehovah M’Kaddesh – Sanctifier – I Cor 1:30
    Jesus – Jehovah Rophe – Healer – Isaiah 53:4,5
    Jesus – Jehovah Rohi – Shepherd – Psalm 23
    Jesus – Jesus – Matthew 1:21
    Jesus – Jesus Christ Our Lord – Romans 7:25
    Jesus – Judge of All – Genesis 18:25 – Acts 10:42
    Jesus – Just One – Acts 7:52

    K
    Jesus – Keeper – Psalms 121:5
    Jesus – King Eternal – 1 Timothy 1:17
    Jesus – King Immortal – 1 Timothy 1:17
    Jesus – King Invisible – 1 Timothy 1:17
    Jesus – King of Glory – Psalms 24:7-8
    Jesus – King of Heaven – Daniel 4:37
    Jesus – King of Kings – Revelation 19:16
    Jesus – King of Peace – Hebrews 7:2
    Jesus – King of Righteousness – Hebrews 7:2
    Jesus – King of Saints – Revelation 15:3

    L
    Jesus – Lamb of God – John 1:29 – Rev 17:14
    Jesus – Lamb Slain – Rev 13:8 – Rev 5:12 – Rev 7:17
    Jesus – Last Adam – 1 Cor.15:45
    Jesus – Lawgiver – James 4:12
    Jesus – “ONE” Leader – Matthew 23:10
    Jesus – Life – John 14:6
    Jesus – Lifter of Mine Head – Psalms 3:3Light – John 1:7
    Jesus – Light of the World – John 8:12
    Jesus – Lily of the Valleys – Song of Solomon 2:1
    Jesus – Lion of the Tribe of Judah – Revelation 5:5
    Jesus – Living Bread – John 6:51
    Jesus – Lord and My God – John 20:28
    Jesus – Lord and Savior – 2 Peter 1:11
    Jesus – Lord of the Dead and the Living – Rom 14:9
    Jesus – Lord God Almighty – Revelation 16:7
    Jesus – Lord God Omnipotent – Revelation 19:6
    Jesus – Lord Jesus Christ – James 2:1
    Jesus – Lord of Glory – 1 Cor.2:8
    Jesus – Lord of the Harvest – Matthew 9:38
    Jesus – Lord of Lords – 1 Timothy 6:15

    M
    Jesus – Maker – Psalms 95:6
    Jesus – Man of Sorrows – Isaiah 53:3
    Jesus – Master – Matthew 23:10
    Jesus – Mediator – 1 Timothy 2:5
    Jesus – Merciful – Heb 2:17
    Jesus – Messiah the Prince – Daniel 9:25
    Jesus – Mighty God – Isaiah 9:6
    Jesus – Morning Star – Revelation 2:28

    N
    Jesus – Name Above Every Name – Philippians 2:9
    Jesus – Nazarene – Matthew 2:23

    O
    Jesus – Omega – Revelation 22:13
    Jesus – Omnipotent – Revelation 19:6
    Jesus – Only Begotten Son – John 3:16
    Jesus – Only Potentate – 1 Timothy 6:15
    Jesus – Only Wise God – 1 Timothy 1:17

    P
    Jesus – Passover, my – 1 Cor.5:7
    Jesus – Pavilion – Psalms 31:20
    Jesus – our Peace – Ephesians 2:14
    Jesus – great Physician, – Luke 4:23
    Jesus – Portion of Mine Inheritance – Psalms 16:5
    Jesus – Potter – Jeremiah 18:6
    Jesus – Power of God – 1 Cor.1:24
    Jesus – Preeminent one – Colossians 1:18
    Jesus – Pearl of Price – Matt 13:46, 1 Cor.6:20
    Jesus – Prince of Peace – Isaiah 9:6
    Jesus – Propitiation for Our Sins – 1 John 2:2

    Q
    Jesus – Quick Understanding – Isaiah 11:3
    Jesus – Quickening Spirit – 1 Cor.15:45

    R
    Jesus – Rabbi – John 3:2
    Jesus – Ransom for Many – Matthew 20:28
    Jesus – Redeemer – Job 19:25 – 1 Cor.1:30
    Jesus – Refiner – Malachi 3:2
    Jesus – Refuge in Trouble – Ps 46:1, Ps 9:9
    Jesus – Refuge from the Storm – Is 25:4
    Jesus – Resting Place – Jeremiah 50:6
    Jesus – Resurrection and the Life – John 11:25
    Jesus – Reward of the Righteous – Psalms 58:11
    Jesus – Righteous Judge – 2 Timothy 4:8
    Jesus – my Righteousness – 1 Cor.1:30 – Rom 10:3
    Jesus – Rock that is Higher than I – Psalms 61:2
    Jesus – Rock of My Refuge – Psalms 94:22
    Jesus – Rock of Our Salvation – Psalms 95:1
    Jesus – Root and Offspring of David – Revelation 22:16
    Jesus – Rose of Sharon – Song of Solomon 2:1

    S
    Jesus – Sacrifice for Sins – Hebrews 10:12
    Jesus – Salvation, my – Psalms 27:1
    Jesus – Same Yesterday, Today, Forever – Heb 13:8
    Jesus – Savior of the Body – Ephesians 5:23
    Jesus – Savior of the World – John 4:42
    Jesus – Scapegoat – Leviticus 16:8 & John 11:49-52
    Jesus – Scepter of Israel – Numbers 24:17
    Jesus – Sent One – John 9:4
    Jesus – Separate from Sinners – Hebrews 7:26
    Jesus – Serpent in the Wilderness – John 3:14
    Jesus – Shadow of the Almighty – Psalms 91:1
    Jesus – Shadow of a Great Rock – Isaiah 32:2
    Jesus – Shelter – Psalms 61:3
    Jesus – “ONE” Shepherd – John 10:26
    Jesus – Shepherd and Bishop of my soul – 1 Peter 2:25
    Jesus – my Shepherd – Psalms 23:1
    Jesus – Shield – Psalms 84:9
    Jesus – Sin, for us – 2 Cor.5:21
    Jesus – Son of God – John 1:49
    Jesus – Son of Man – John 1:51
    Jesus – my Song – Isaiah 12:2
    Jesus – Spiritual Rock – 1 Cor.10:4
    Jesus – Star out of Jacob – Numbers 24:17
    Jesus – Stone the Builders Rejected – Matthew 21:42
    Jesus – Strength of My Life – Psalms 27:1
    Jesus – Stronghold in the Day of Trouble – Nahum 1:7
    Jesus – Strong Tower – Proverbs 18:10
    Jesus – Stronger than the enemy – Luke 11:22
    Jesus – Sun of Righteousness – Malachi 4:2

    T
    Jesus – Tabernacle of God – Revelation 21:3
    Jesus – “One” Teacher – Matthew 23:8
    Jesus – Tender Plant – Isaiah 53:2
    Jesus – Testator – Hebrews 9:16
    Jesus – Treasure – 2 Cor.4:7
    Jesus – True Bread from Heaven – John 6:32
    Jesus – True Light – John 1:9
    Jesus – True Vine – John 15:1
    Jesus – Truth – John 14:6

    Jesus – Tabernacle of God – Revelation 21:3
    Jesus – Tender Plant – Isaiah 53:2
    Jesus – Testator – Hebrews 9:16
    Jesus – Treasure – 2 Cor.4:7
    Jesus – True Bread from Heaven – John 6:32
    Jesus – True Light – John 1:9
    Jesus – True Vine – John 15:1
    Jesus – Truth – John 14:6

    U
    Jesus – Undefiled – Hebrews 7:26
    Jesus – Unspeakable Gift – 2 Cor.9:15
    Jesus – Upholder of All things – Hebrews 1:3
    Jesus – Upright – Psalms 92:15

    V
    Jesus – Very God of Peace – 1 Thessalonians 5:23
    Jesus – Very Present Help in Trouble – Psalms 46:1
    Jesus – Victory – 1 Cor.15:54
    Jesus – Vine – John 15:5
    Jesus – Voice – Revelation 1:12

    W
    Jesus – Way – John 14:6
    Jesus – Well of Living Waters – John 4:14
    Jesus – Wisdom of God – 1 Cor.1:24
    Jesus – Wise Master Builder – 1 Cor.3:10
    Jesus – Witness of God – 1 John 5:9
    Jesus – Wonderful – Isaiah 9:6
    Jesus – Word – John 1:1 – Revelation 19:13
    Jesus – Worthy – Revelation 4:11
    Jesus – Worthy Name – James 2:7

    X
    Jesus – Exceeding Great Reward – Genesis 15:1
    Jesus – Excellency – Job 13:11
    Jesus – Excellency of Our God – Isaiah 35:2
    Jesus – Excellent – Psalms 8:1
    Jesus – Express Image of His Person – Hebrews 1:3

    Y
    Jesus – Young Child – Matthew 2:11
    Jesus – Yes and Amen – 2 Cor 1:20

    Z
    Jesus – Zeal of the Lord of Hosts – Isaiah 37:32
    Jesus – Zeal of your House – John 2:17

    {{{{{{ Jesus }}}}}} – Name above ALL Names…

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  12. Manner. C said, “And so I do, I meditate on his name. on the many names that manifest his character to us. And that has been the most healing, renewing experience.”

    Yes! As it would be, since God is Love, and love heals. “God is Love” has been a lifeline of mine for some time.

    I am so glad you found him waiting for you in that desert. God does not hide who he is from us. In fact, his goal is to form his own character in each of us.

    Like

  13. Oasis – Anyone interested…

    God is Love – Is also a favorite verse.

    if you click on the poster next to my name –
    You will see a poster made to fit in an 8 X !0 picture frame…
    It will printout also on 81/2 X 11 stock paper…

    If you would like this poster on PDF to print out – And other posters in PDF…

    Send me an e-mail – They are in color and black and white.
    With just The Word of God

    A. Amos Love
    love101faith@me.com

    Like

  14. A. Amos Love, such a great picture to use on blogs! Many times have I searched for pictures just like that one, with those three words on them.

    P.S. Always love your comments!

    Like

  15. Oasis

    I sent the “God Is Love” and other posters to Julie Anne.

    If you would like them – Maybe you can e-mail Julie Anne.

    P.S. I also enjoy your comments – Given straight from the heart.

    Appreciate your honesty and openness.

    Like

  16. Abuse-
    You pin me like a moth to velvet ceiling.
    I hang there smiling, mad. I’m without feeling.
    Wagner plays.
    You shape each act; the post I must perfect.
    A living crucifix. I genuflect
    at all you say.
    Macabre still life. Catatonic pose.
    My wings fall off in silence. No one knows.
    my soul decays.

    Church-
    I speak! You strip my truth. Divide and break it.
    This is my body, blood and you partake it.
    “Now let us pray.”
    Naked. There I stand against the wall,
    sipping of your vinegar and gall.
    I’m still afraid.
    Ancient memory echoes in your feast.
    You offer me your God, but serve the beast.
    It’s judgement day.

    Compassion-
    You gently pull the pins from stunted wings
    afraid they’ll crumble. Desiccated things.
    I don’t care.
    I stutter and I scream inside my head
    afraid that you will stop and I’ll stay dead.
    I push on air.
    Pry them out! Don’t stop! you’re saving me!
    It’s better to be dust than never free.
    I’ll take the dare.

    Like

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