I’m not sure how I first met Ryan Stollar through social media initially. He was a young adult who had been homeschooled. I was a homeschool mom of 7. He was a couple of years older than my eldest.
In late 2012, I read a blog post of his and was touched at how transparent he was. I looked around his blog and saw that he had posted about an unfortunate incident with an Applebees waitress. With his social media skills, this story went viral. I was so impressed. I tucked that away.
At the time, I was a blogger at SpiritualSoundingBoard.com. I initially started my blog after being sued by my pastor. But I had also started blogging about my homeschool journey as a homeschool mom. I had many regrets and shared about those regrets openly. I think blogging was a way for me to process some of the pain I had.
Ryan’s original story that I had read didn’t leave my mind, so I reached out to him and asked if he’d be willing to share that particular post or an edited version on my blog. I told him I thought that my readers would be receptive to him and his story. He agreed, and they were.
Not long after that, on my blog, I was reporting about a Calvary Chapel pastor who was suing his son. Remembering back to his Applebees post that went viral, I reached out once again to Ryan and asked if he’d be interested in helping my blog team bring media attention to this lawsuit case. He agreed.
Ryan showed us how to create a campaign with media releases. I observed the way he tweeted on Twitter and how he posted on Facebook. I learned how to use hashtags because of Ryan. Throughout this time, we were in constant contact.
After that media campaign ended, we also connected because of the stories I was covering on my blog that intersected with notable homeschool names and scandals in the Christian homeschool community.
As I shared some of my personal homeschool stories, some of my blog readers were young adults who were homeschooled. I loved that they felt safe to share their stories at my blog, but I also realized that there were likely some young adults who would never visit my blog because I was a homeschool mom. They needed to have their own safe place. I brought this subject up to Ryan.
Homeschoolers Anonymous
Ryan then shared that he and his friend were also talking about this same idea – a blog for those who were homeschooled. A few months later, Homeschoolers Anonymous was created. It became a highly successful blog. Ryan and Nick created a safe place for those who had been homeschooled to connect and share. They discussed the difficult topics, topics that didn’t get airtime anywhere else. I have no doubt that it saved lives.
Ryan invited me to become a blog partner at Homeschoolers Anonymous. I enthusiastically said yes. What this meant was that I gave him blanket permission to copy any of my posts that pertained to homeschooling in any way and post them at his blog. He gave a courtesy link back to my blog.
This is what is posted on Homeschoolers Anonymous blog about our arranagement.
As I looked through my FB Messenger this afternoon, I read through all the various topics we discussed. We shared a lot of information and knowledge back and forth. We referred people to each other. I have no doubt that it was Ryan who helped my blog to be so successful. He modeled how to use social media.
He also used social media in a funny way that surprised me at first. The pastor who sued me frequently tried to get under my hair and personally annoy me publicly on Twitter. I had mentioned this to Ryan.
After he saw what was going on, he created a Twitter account impersonating my ex-pastor. Whenever my ex-pastor said something rude about me, Ryan’s impersonator Twitter account responded back with incredibly funny responses. It shut my ex-pastor down in his tracks. I didn’t know that it was Ryan at first. When I initially saw what was going on, it made me laugh until I cried. Ryan was truly masterful at social media. And I love that he came to my rescue without letting me know at first.
Very Sad News
Ryan recently died. Grief is weird. It makes you look back at your most recent conversations – ours was only a couple of days ago, but before that, it was months. I’m rarely blogging anymore, but he reached out to ask if he could send a reporter my way regarding Bill Gothard. He knows I’ve written a lot on Gothard. We both sent each other our love with heart emojis. And that was it. That was the end. The real end. My Ry – the adult homeschooler whom I loved, respected, is really gone? My brain doesn’t want to face this reality.
Today, I searched for a photo of us meeting for the first time at the Courage Conference in 2019. I was so excited to meet Ryan in person after so many years of online interactions – over 6 years of connecting sometime multiple times a day. It turns out, this picture doesn’t exist, except in my mind, but it truly happened. It is etched in my memory.
When we met, we reached out our hands to each other and held them. He looked at me and into my eyes deeply as I looked into his. And we held that moment for longer than a minute. The world stopped around us. We both had tears going down our cheeks because of the immense love and respect we had for each other.
This was taken not long after that moment.
That is how I will always remember Ryan – that connection we had, and our heart’s desire to help those who had been hurt through abuse (homeschooling, church, etc.).
I love you, Ryan Stollar. I am going to miss you immensely. I’m glad you are no longer in pain.
Spiritual Sounding Board 