Leaving the Church, Reader's Prose

50 Ways to Leave Your (Spiritually Abusive) Pastor

*     *     *

Gary from the Calvary Chapel Abuse blog wrote this poem to the tune of Paul Simon’s Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover and gave me permission to share it here.  The YouTube is below so you can get the tune in your head while reading.  The lyrics are sad, but true for many of us.

 Fifty Ways to Leave Your Pastor

The problem is all inside your head he said to me.
The answer is easy if you’re spiritual like me.
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free.
There must be fifty ways to leave your pastor.

He said it’s really not my habit to intrude.
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude:
There must be fifty ways to heal your spirit;
Fifty ways for you to hear it.

You Just slip out the aisle, Lyle.
Make a new life, wife.
You don’t need to be shy, guy.
Just get yourself free.
Just vote with your feet, Pete.
You don’t need to get dissed. miss.
Just drop off your shame, Mame.
And get yourself free.

He said it grieves me so to hear you moan and whine.
I wish there was something I could do to make you get in line.
I said I see through that and would you please explain
about the fifty ways…

He said why don’t you all just sleep on it tonight.
And I believe by Sunday you’ll begin to see the light.
And then he slandered me and I felt his back bite.
There must be fifty ways to leave that pastor
Fifty ways to leave that b—–d.

*     *     *

9 thoughts on “50 Ways to Leave Your (Spiritually Abusive) Pastor”

  1. This brings a big smile in spite of shedding a few tears this morning. Thanks Gary, this is a playful yet meaningful way to communicate on how to leave your pastor. I left mine 10 years ago, and I am still trying to kick him out of my head.

    Thanks to J.A. and all the voices that comment here for helping me to have eyes to see and ears to hear truth about spiritual abusers.


  2. Gail, I was actually thinking of you when posting it. Gary’s words hit upon real truths in a way we can all nod our heads, yet have a little fun, too.


  3. OMG this is brilliant. I actually think it would be quite healing for some people. Ha ha! Spreading it around!


  4. Its harder than that … when youve heard …all the scary stories of those who leave and bad things happen. And you should never leave your covering unless you get their agreement… just because things get rough .. you dont leave… you dont question..God put us here … were responsible to God for you … its just your past issues from the abuse in your background that you see this as abuse … you dont see clearly …. BLA BLA BLA……We hear better ….after all we’re more mature…..crap!!


  5. vanessas – – – your words spoke volumes to me. You are speaking that same disgusting language that is too familiar to me that makes me want to scream. Never again.


Thanks for participating in the SSB community. Please be sure to leave a name/pseudonym (not "Anonymous"). Thx :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s