Julie Anne's Personal Stories

Crushed in Spirit

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I am really struggling emotionally and spiritually – stuff related to the effects of abuse, including spiritual abuse in my personal life.  It is messing with my head and wreaking havoc on me right now.

All I can do is cry, and cry, and cry out to God.  There is not enough kleenex in this dang house.   Maybe someone else is going through something similar.  This scripture is good.  The bolded part is what I am clinging to.

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photo credit: Romeo66 via photopin cc
Psalm 34

I will bless the Lord at all times;

his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

let the humble hear and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be ashamed.

This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

and saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,

for those who fear him have no lack!

The young lions suffer want and hunger;

but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life

and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous

and his ears toward their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears

and delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He keeps all his bones;

not one of them is broken.

Affliction will slay the wicked,

and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord redeems the life of his servants;

none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

34 thoughts on “Crushed in Spirit”

  1. Awwww, JulieAnne. I’m sorry 😦 All I can think of to say is I love you, I really do and I know how you feel. I’m just going to concentrate on the beauty around me today. The beauty that God made for us to enjoy can be a salve at times for me. He is good.


  2. O Julie,

    I was once gently told, that the soil that I would grow the most in, would be the soil of tears & struggle. My first reaction to that was, OK, then I don’t want to grow if this pain isn’t relieved, but my heart desired to grow in Christ, and then those words gave me some consolation as to the hope in the suffering, that it might one day bear fruit.

    I don’t know if that will mean anything to your heart, wish I lived near so I could come over and share my kleenex with you. Not in that same space at the moment, but I could be tomorrow. Sending love from my heart to yours, and a prayer.


  3. Julie Anne, My heart is reaching out to yours. We are in a club we never wanted to join. But because of the abuse we all have experienced, we can feel the pain of others who have been abused. Sending you hugs and love.


  4. To the bolded part — AMEN!!

    To Julie Anne – I’m praying that the Spirit of the Living God breathes on you afresh today 🙂

    As to snot – there’s always shirt sleeves 😉


  5. Julie Anne, please do not despair. Christ is there…with you. I haven’t been able to be online here for quite a number of days, and still won’t be for a few more, but rest assured God is with you. Cry on his shoulder, as you are. He gives comfort, even in all this mess. God bless you each and every day.



  6. Julie Anne, You are in my prayers. A verse that comes to mind when I think of you is Galatians 6:9. You are doing a good work. May the Lord continue to sustain you.


  7. I don’t know if this applies to you right now, but I have come to understand that we can sometimes find ourselves carrying too much of other people’s pain, too much of their burdens, too much of their “stuff.” If this is something that speaks to you, you might try approaching Jesus, in the presence of the Spirit, and asking Him to show you if you are carrying anything that is not yours to carry at the moment. If so, and if you are comfortable praying in pictures as well as with words, you can in your minds eye take everything He shows you that is not your, put it in a basket, set it at the foot of the Cross, and watch what happens. Or you can pray to the same effect in regard to whatever way He shows you. Whatever happens in the heavenly realms may, just possibly, translate into your experience in the here and now.


  8. Hi Julie Anne
    We love you here……. 🙂 This is really hard stuff……
    It shows so much your heart and how deeply you have compassion on others and what they are going through, but you have to take care of yourself and your family too. It is ok to take a break and re-group. This is called rest……then get back up and start the fight again.
    Also, listen to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to guide you, sometimes there is a letting go and sometimes we are to stick with it. I know for myself I was getting so depress getting on the blogs and talking about this stuff, so the HS was telling me to let go and start doing something about it- be a “called-out one”. You are doing something about it and that has been an inspiration to me to get my butt in gear and go out- thank you for that. So we all have our place to be where the Lord calls us. You are here now, but the HS may have you somewhere else tomorrow- listen to Him.
    You are standing up JA and that is pleasing to the Lord. 🙂


  9. JA I wish that I could reach through the internet cable lines and comfort you with the comfort and strength that you have given me in my times of need. I grieve with you. The effects of spiritual abuse are some of the most difficult trauma one can heal from — it rips deep into one’s soul and tries to wreck havoc with our relationship with our truly loving God. You are in my prayers!


  10. Thank you so much, dear friends. I’ve cried even more tears in reading the responses here and in my e-mail box, but they are tears of happiness. There is such beauty in community and I tell you what, this is church right here.

    I just got back from playing piano with the high school choir and let me tell you, that is when I can pour my heart and soul through my fingers and often play my best. . God worked through the music, soothing my heart. I love seeing those sweet kids. And as I was leaving, it sounded like beautiful classical acoustic guitar was being played through the sound system, and then it stopped. I looked in front of me and a student had a guitar in his hand and I asked him if he had been playing and he nodded that he had- – wow – it echoed in the foyer so beautifully. God knows what my heart needs through music and experiencing His love through others. I’m always amazed at how when I feel lonely and in pain, He is right there in the the ordinary things: people and His creation.


  11. Isaiah 61-3 He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted & to announce that captives will be released & prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Isreal, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong & graceful oaks for his own glory.


  12. Ed – – What’s really cool is that the kids tend to follow my lead. When I am playing well, they put more focus in their singing – we’re a team. I told them I almost couldn’t see my music because their singing was so beautiful and a couple responded they could tell that I was really at peace. Interesting choice of words for students to note.


  13. JA said:
    “a couple responded they could tell that I was really at peace. Interesting choice of words for students to note.”

    That was God talking to you thru them, too. I am sure of it 🙂


  14. Julie Anne, you are not alone, as you have seen by these responses. Many of us have gone through what you experienced. I remember in the depth of my depression years ago after my experience with spiritual abuse, weeping and weeping and feeling like no one understood my pain and even thinking it might be my fault. That was not true for me nor is it true for you. You are loved and cherished and respected for what you are doing to expose abuse. God will help you put things into perspective with clear thinking so you can heal from the abuse, forgive others where necessary, and have a new joy born out of sorrow. Thanks for all you do and how much you’ve encouraged me and many others. Love you.


  15. Michael – I sure wish this blog had “like” buttons. Thank you, brother.

    * * * * * * *

    This song just came on Pandora. God rejoices over me with joyful songs. Wow. Praise His Name!

    Zephaniah 3:17:

    For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.


  16. Julie Anne,

    Much love to you. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re feeling right now. There are so many brothers and sisters here to stand with you. I woke up this morning with this song on my heart, and wanted to share it.

    Last Saturday we buried our Kitty who we’d shared a life with for 13 years. Last night my grandmother passed away. So I believe the Lord put that song on my heart for a reason. He really does love us so much even in the pain.

    Hugs to all of you. May the Lord embrace you all.


  17. Have you heard the song “Remind me who I am?” That always ministers to me. I think the enemy often attacks the minds that are doing alot for Gods kingdom. You, sweet sista, are loved dearly by God and by all of us. Watch your steps right now and do not let sadness and pain drive you from God, rather jump up on your fathers lap and weep. You do not need words to communicate to God.


  18. Aww =( Thanks for your honesty, Julie Anne. We’ve all been there, but we’re so sorry you’re feeling so blue. I can just say “Amen” to what all of our brothers and sisters have said. You are in a safe community. Keep your chin up. God is near.


  19. I, along with many, I’m sure, am finding it very difficult to know why a good God would allow such evil as the bombing in Boston, spiritual abuse, other forms of abuse, etc. No easy answers.

    Gary W., thanks for those helpful words.

    Julie Anne, keep fighting the good fight! You’re in my prayers.


  20. Here are a few more verses that were sent to me from a reader:

    “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:10

    “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair” 2 Cor. 4:8

    “Hear the word of the LORD, ye that tremble at his word; Your brethren that hated you, that cast you out for my name’s sake, said, Let the LORD be glorified: but he shall appear to your joy, and they shall be ashamed.” Isaiah 66:5


  21. 2 Corinthians 4:

    1Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up.

    7We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.b This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

    8We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

    17For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

    JulieAnne, it’s to be expected that the real pain that you deal with becomes heavy. It’s because you recognize it’s wrong and real. it’s also ongoing and the many facets of it seem to have no end. I think many of us know this sense of hopelessness. It’s only after we feel it and know it that we begin to experience the truth of the above verses. But take your time and don’t rush to get to a positive response. Let this season happen naturally. You will get to that place of fixing your gaze on Him again, just relax and know this process is normal and healthy.

    I’m grieved over the many issues that we face as Christians, especially those that rise up from within to cause damage. I’m grateful for how God sees to it that we are not crushed or abandoned.

    My heart goes out to you, and I’m incredibly grateful for all that you’ve done in giving a voice to so many.


  22. I know our Lord comforts those who are weary and downtrodden…praying for His peace to pierce the pain and bring you into His loving embrace. It is good to hear you are ministering to others with music and that you see when you give to others, God gives abundantly to you….in our weakness He is strong. Lifting you up daily to keep your eyes on Jesus~He brings us through everything, gives us the desires of our hearts, and blesses us as we abide in HIm…stay near Him dear sis.


  23. There was a major fire/explosion at a fertilizer plant in the small town of West, Texas, about 15 miles from here, about 8 pm last night. An apartment complex, nursing home, and many individual homes were destroyed, and others damaged. The number of dead is unknown, one of three area hospitals has treated more than 100 injured. It is believed that fire fighters and other first responders are among the dead. Others may be trapped in the rubble of some of the buildings. Please pray for the victims and their families. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/19/us/huge-blast-at-texas-fertilizer-plant.html?hp&_r=0


  24. Arce – You came to mind when I heard the news. So devastating. Yes, we need to pray for people of West and the many responders/medical personnel who will also be affected by this tragedy.


  25. I’m posting this here because I don’t want to lose it. It’s from Michael of Phoenix Preacher. We were discussing spiritual crises, when people are crushed in spirit, etc. He has maintained a blog for 10 years and his words are so good:

    I’m in my tenth year.

    Between the end of the prophecy of Micah and the coming of John the Baptist, God was silent for 400 years.


    The Jewish faith survived because they had the Word and traditions passed down from generation to generation.

    Sometimes it seems like God is silent in my life and the lives of others here.

    That’s when I cling to the Word, both written and living.

    I’m just hanging on myself.

    Jesus didn’t lie…He said that it would be a mess until His return.

    Until then, we are to occupy, to show His truth in the face of the lies of the world, the flesh, and the devil…especially when all three are in the church.

    It’s not enough to just expose the darkness…we have to be lights in that darkness as well.

    It ain’t easy and we do so with various degrees of success and with sometimes we find ourselves as graceless and mean as those we expose.

    We repent and start over…waiting for Him to come and set all things right.

    They won’t be right until He does.


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