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Jamie posted this comment on another post, but I was afraid that people might not see it and be able to respond. Do you have any words of comfort or advice to share with Jamie?
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
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For twenty-two years I suffered spiritual abuse. Always trying to be the best Children’s pastor that I could be, but more times than not always feeling that I never met their expectations. While serving as Worship Leader, I was silently pushed aside without even being told that I was being replaced. I was accused of horrible things only in a secret round about way to where I was made felt like I knew very little about how to move with the Holy Spirit and I should follow their direction, even to the point of putting my family aside in order to be at their every call, whim, being totally used and drained. I don’t even know what my spiritual gifts are anymore because I could never reach their expectations.
It has been almost three years. I have attended other churches but all I can see are church leaders trying to squeeze all of the life out of you until you don’t know who you are or purpose for which you’ve been called. There was a time when I truly felt I was fulfilling God’surpose for my life. I don’t know who I am or what my purpose is anymore. So much abuse that I couldn’t put it all down in words.
Will I ever trust again? Will I ever know the purpose for which I have been called like I once knew in the deepest part of me what God had called me to do? Maybe God is finished with me and it is time to????? that’s just it. Time to do what? I am completely lost. I don’t know who I am anymore and I am so afraid of getting myself into a cult-driven church again. I want the peace of God that I once knew. I feel as though I have disappointed God and should have stayed and stuck it out because if you leave, you are the one who is weak and can’t submit to authority.
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