Blogger/Mother Who Posted Public Article about Her Daughter’s “Disobedience” Has Changed Her Mind and Removed Post

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There’s a positive update to share on an earlier article I covered. Last month, I posted an article, Christian Parental Response to Teenagers or Adult Children in Rebellion, a sad story about a popular homeschool blogger and mother who claimed her daughter left home in disobedience.

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Here is one sentence from the blogger/mother from her original article:

E chose to leave home rather than obey, and more and more indiscretions, as well as outright acts of deception surface daily. Honestly, it’s as though our daughter has lived a dual life for a couple of years now; one for us, and one for herself.

In my article, it wasn’t about the daughter, but the mother’s response to the daughter that concerned me.  The 17-yr old daughter’s personal family struggles were disclosed publicly. The blogger received mostly positive responses to her article, but there were a few negative ones strongly encouraging her to remove her post. The blogger defended her actions in the comments.

A couple of weeks later, I received an e-mail from the blogger/mother asking me to remove my article as she had removed hers. Because I was right in the midst of getting our home ready for week-long visitors and didn’t have time to really think it through, I told her I would “hide” the post and would come back to it later with a decision. Keep in mind, instead of using the daughter’s full name on my article, I elected to use only her first initial, “E” both in this post, the original post, and also ensured that all of the comments did not reveal the minor daughter’s identity.

Now here comes the very sticky part for me as a blogger. The purpose of my blog post was certainly not to go after either mother/blogger, or to shame them, but to discuss a particular way of parenting I have seen in certain circles, especially fundamentalist Christian circles. It is very important to discuss these issues, to challenge one another, to search scripture for answers because frankly, parenting is tough, and we’ve seen a lot of tragic results coming from the personal  stories of Second Generation Adults.

While thinking very seriously about removing the article permanently, I realized that it is not considerate to you, my readers, who used your voices to share your comments and concerns. One of the biggest themes at SSB is that you get to have a voice. Removing the blog article and corresponding comments would mean that all the time and thought you took to interact with each other, construct and articulate your comments, would be wasted. That did not sit right with me, especially with my strong feelings about people have the right to freedom of expression.

So, I think I’ve hit a middle ground that will hopefully serve the goals we have here, try to respect privacy of the family involved, and ensure no loss to the great comments that were on the original article. Here’s what I have done: I have removed all links to the blogger’s original article. Additionally, I removed all names except for initials.

Here is the title to the article written by the mother/blogger to explain why she took down her article entitled, “Have a seat. It’ll only take a sec.”

I am very grateful for those who commented on the original article and shared your concerns. In the e-mail I received from the blogger/mother, she told me that both she and her daughter read my article and the comments. I’m thankful for that. I’m grateful that this mother and daughter are communicating. That is great news all around.  I hope and pray for continued open communication, love, and grace as this precious family gets over this hurdle.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:5,6

 

 

photo credit: jenny downing via photopin cc

17 comments on “Blogger/Mother Who Posted Public Article about Her Daughter’s “Disobedience” Has Changed Her Mind and Removed Post

  1. So glad she removed the original article. It really upsets me when public people use their children (who have no choice in the matter) in this manner. I’m glad they are communicating. Parents need to treat their children respectfully. I see such a lack of this in the Christian community.

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  2. Bridget – I deliberately did not include the link to the new article, but it is searchable. I’m trying to be respectful as much as I can on both sides. I thought it was important to give followup to this situation that kind of left us with a question mark.

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  3. Good for her! Let’s hope it was removed to give her a chance to rebuild her relationship with her daughter.

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  4. Kudos to you, Julie Anne! Thanks for the update! I like to think that the insightful comments left by your ‘people’ had an impact on Heather (the Mum)’s change of heart.

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  5. Bravo, Julie Anne. Thank you for the work you did by going through all of the comments to keep the content, yet remove the direct info. You’re a pioneer!

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  6. This just makes my day. Reading that blog really broke my heart for this family. It was like the mother was attempting to publicly shame or manipulate her daughter. Some of these folks really think they own their kids and will exercise full control forever. The idiot “pastor” that recently spanked his adult son is an perfect example of some of the extreme, wacky ideas these mental midgets come up with. One of the defendants in the Soverign Grace litigation was whipping his twenty something daughter with a belt after forcing her to strip down nude. This stuff is just off the charts and abusive. Damage can be done that is never fully repaired. I’m pretty conservative but some of what I see happening in these home school families terrifies me. To say nothing of the lousy testimony to the world. Love the way you handled this one, Julie Anne. Great job lady !

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  7. Scott.

    I could easily have been this mother/blogger. When we were in the cult church, our pastor encouraged (from the pulpit) spanking of any and all children, including adult children. He promoted shunning of wayward children. I wrote a personal story about spanking of adult children, too, because the SGM story you mentioned sent me crashing down emotionally as I realized what was going on in our own home years ago under that kind of teaching. The message taught by our pastor was that if you did not get control over your children, you were essentially sending them to hell by not spanking them.

    I don’t know if this mother/blogger is getting influenced by people like my former pastor or Mike Pearl, etc, but this practice is definitely going on more than just my home and other homes.

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  8. Yeah! Praying for truth and respect and personhood and healing and love! 1Corinthians 13 love, that is.
    Thank you Julie Anne for shining a light on these issues.

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  9. Pingback: Christian Parental Response to Teenagers or Adult Children in Rebellion | Spiritual Sounding Board

  10. I’m going to address the mother. I’m an adult daughter, who grew up in a VERY legalistic Christian home and very abusive; Patriarchal evil pastorate/church. Are you thinking of your behavior and your control and your manipulation and rules with NO love? Not behaving Christian and attitude doing to your children/husband and entire family? That it’s your way or the highway, “this is my house and you have to live by my rules” =garbage. As I read, “Sometimes, if God Had a Kid’s Face by Bruce Ritter” about runaways. I wondered how many of those children/young adults grew up in so-called Christian homes and ended up in prostitution due to legalism? Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, Ph.D. really woke me up to dysfunctional home along with “Living With a Perfectionist by David Stoop”. Learned, “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura” was NOT modeled in my home or in our church. Such a disrespect to the father of the children and who is the provider, not to mention to the husband (due to the patriarchal leadership isn’t paying your bills and or providing and all that it creates). When read the AARP article “The Stranger in Your Family by Meredith Maran/When Your Kid Divorces You by Joshua Coleman, boy did they get an earful; researched and read the comments also. What’s worse, is mother wouldn’t listen, not correctable, teachable, repentant=nothing; so WHAT was she learning in church? No fruit in going, so much fun to get yelled at and screamed and and go to church with every hair in place looking like the perfect little family, when we anything but (that was covered really well in first chapter of Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola, green cover).

    Spent a lifetime working on that abuse ( have my own book offers). How much of the book “When You and your Mother Can’t Be Friends by Victoria Secunda”, or Will I Ever be good Enough etc, be written about behavior that we as parents do to our children (have pages of books on how to get over parental/church abuse). One of my children nailed it: “Jezebel is always at war with you”, friend said it, “you can’t get anyone delivered of jezebel, it needs to be repented of” and John Paul Jackson did the best teaching on TAPE not the book on 14 characteristics. DO NOT POINT THE finger at anyone but yourself, because when you point the finger there is 3-4 pointing back. Could write volumes, like my patriarchal disaster, matriarchal b*tch article; are my attitudes, traits and characteristics in it? You bet! Apologized to my children.

    It’s terrible when a child is going to hell over their pastor and or a parent or both. Someone got me through that (actually many people, most in the guise of authors who write and expose the same). Be part of the solution and not the problem. What’s really sad, is have friends and myself who told their parent(s), unless in professional counseling for there issues, they would never see them again. Do not get to that point, please. So, learned this the hard way, if you sit in judgment of your parents you repeat the same sins. Feel sorry for a blogger that is now starting this journey (how IHOP made me hate God by Caris Adel and Carp the Hell out of the Diem, the pain and suffering she has to learn like so many. The good that came out of it, is that ruthlessly expose child/church abuse. Like the “10 Lies The Church Tells Women by J.Lee Grady and 10 Lies Men Believe” is based on my former church cult. Learned: God DOESNT waste a thing: 2 Cor. 1:1-read the entire chapter. “StopIHOPcult” is my paragraph someone posted, somewhere in blog: annunk regarding IHOP is a list of some books that helped me through journey under IHOP-death-slash-murder comment response.
    Example: used to gather abuse sites, and give them to Rick Ross Institute and list of over Fifty Heads of church leadership like Dr. James Dobson (list is mentioned somewhere), and media. Used to: David Wilkerson wrote an article: Troublemakers In The Church, June 2007; it was his way of telling me to let it go and let others pick up the PEN of a ready writer. Forgive yourself and please have a wonderful relationship with daughter.

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  11. P.S. Gardenkatz: a lot of victim’s aren’t believed when they come public, Alex Grenier is only one example of thousands/millions and worse when they go to authorities who should help and are part of the problem, cover it up. Here’s one, Tyler Perry didn’t come public with his abuse until mother dead. ALOT of shame involved. I’m the black sheep or the bad guy so to speak because I talk about/write and expose the dysfunctional behavior (example: say it’s a family of four-five children, the abuse might only apply to one and the others think nothing wrong with parental behavior because that’s what has been modeled).

    As a child to be told you were rebellious at age 4–8 and ongoing because of legalistic performance and worse dealing with a mentally ill parent that you as a child do NOT understand because that person hasn’t dealt with there issues and stuff themselves, wow. Pretty horrific for that parent to keep there pride, self-righteous attitude and there molestation/verbal abuse from childhood, that they NEVER dealt with; that the entire family had to deal with with and why not? Fear is so gripping. I have a lot of friends who are SRA victims. It was the parent that was rebellious, projecting their dogma because they hadn’t dealt with all there fragmentational issues.

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