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Popular phrases or expressions heard in Christian churches or groups that now identify as “churchy” or Christianese and now sometimes annoy the heck out of those of us who have been hurt in church.
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This is Sunday and some of you/us may have difficulty going to church for a number of reasons. The other day I was at praise and worship practice and heard an expression that I realized embodied churchy lingo. The leader asked for us all to gather for a “word of prayer.” A word of prayer? Why “a word?” Prayer consists of a lot of words. Anyway, it was just an expression that just smacked of Christianese. It made me wonder why we have strange lingo that outsider might not understand? Why do we have to be so “churchy?”
And then I was thinking about the fact that some church phrases annoy me for other reasons. Here’s one: “with every head bowed and every eye closed.” Why did they want all of us to close our eyes? What was going on in the church when my eyes were closed? I had to know. Sometimes that phrase doesn’t bother me, but at other times, it does. It takes me back to a time in my childhood at an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church that was quite legalistic. I got in trouble because my dress was too short. I was very tall and growing like a weed. My mom worked full-time and it was hard for her to find clothes to fit me. I felt humiliated and embarrassed, so sometimes, when I hear that phrase, it takes me back to that time and it feels very uncomfortable. I wish that phrase never existed. It really isn’t necessary to have every head bowed and eyes closed. That’s just extra nonsense.
I thought of a few more that might yield similar results:
Accept Jesus as your personal Savior
Ask Jesus in your heart
Let’s have a word of prayer
Offering plate
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Spiritual Sounding Board 
As for “dumb church signs”, I have a lot of sympathy for the pastors in that case. You have to come up with a Spiritual and Interesting one-liner for the church sign week after week after week without letup. After a while you run out of the good one-liners, get a little desperate for material, and it shows.
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Too much like “Just Like The Secret, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”
And the very definition of magick and sorcery: An incantation that forces a supernatural being or power into carrying out the mortal incanter’s will (“GIMME!”).
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taylorjoy, Thanks so much for the encouragement!
JA, Here is one I heard last week: “He has the hand of God on him”
What on earth does that mean? It was said in the context of musical talent.
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@NJ:
<blockquote.awesome-as in, “awesome God”, “You are awesome in this place” “Let’s have some awesome worship!” etc.
The Gospel According to Rainbow Dash?
That one’s another Bright Red Murder Flag for me, too. It’s a putdown:
“YOU have a (sneer) Religion (end sneer); *I* have a RELATIONSHIP!”
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typical greeting between SBC pastors at the convention:
Wha choo runnin?
Translation: How many people are attending your services?
(I am not kidding)
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@Lydia:
“Hell hath no torment greater than Constant Forced Cheerfulness.”
— G.K.Chesterton, “Three Tools of Death” (Father Brown Mystery)
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@ChrisR:
Isn’t that putting a Curse on the one who leaves?
Like Jack Parsons making ritual magick to curse Elron Hubbard after Hubbard absconded with Parsons’ girlfriend and money for some yacht-reselling scheme.
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“I love you in the Lord.” TRANSLATION: “In the flesh, I can’t stand ya.”
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@Oasis:
More than YOU do, of course.
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“Scripture, please.”
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“I don’t feel led to do that.”
Translation- there is no way in heck I am going to do that. EVER.
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The church sign photo above reminded me how much I cringe every time I see the strange christianeese sayings on them.
I really laughed when a church near my house accidentally misspelled “trials” as “trails”
The video below is nearly off topic but…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCRzjRxmvgI
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Variations of one that makes me just about the craziest:
“Let me speak into your life.”
“Women cannot speak into the life of men.”
Somebody tell me what this really means. Sounds like sugar coating that people spray on a comment that they anticipate will be intimidating.
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“Worship” used as a noun
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“Bless your heart.”. lol
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“Women cannot speak into the life of men.”
I am deeply cynical that anyone can speak into the life of anyone — especially if they can’t define what the hell it’s supposed to mean. But Cindy, presumably whoever said that thinks it’s okay if the traffic is going to the direction. Can you give us some context re: who said this and under what circumstances?
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Sergius,
I was given the non-paid position of Director of Research and Development for a small seminary, just after they were granted accreditation. At this point, I had no idea that the church system that sponsored the college didn’t allow women to teach.
I “developed” l home study courses on assigned topics, and after writing a few, I asked the President if I could teach a class on the spiritual lives of composers — from Psalms, through the Baroque and Classical periods, and then finish with hymn writers. I think it is a dying tradition. It would be a fun version of Music Appreciation for Christians.
That guy looked at me with an expression that was one I’d never seen before — a mix of offense, intimidation, authority posturing, and shock. Then he spoke the line that will live in infamy in my brain. When I asked him what that meant, he just repeated it. He was upset, and the more I persisted in asking him what exactly he meant because I didn’t understand it, the stranger he became. He walked away, literally tugging at his shirt collar. His wife came over to me about an hour later and said, “We don’t allow women to teach as it would usurp the authority of men.”
Then I became shocked and offended.
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Wow — sorry to hear that. I’m a little surprised to hear the expression “speak into the lives of” being used by comp/pats, though, as they are so far on the conservative side of the theological (and linguistic) spectrum, that I would expect that type of language to be almost too “new age-y” for them.
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Here we go again. Another one bites the dust,
http://touch.orlandosentinel.com/#story/fl-calvary-chapel-resignation-20140406/
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I’ve been following and tweeting that story, WFTT2, and sending Alex Grenier articles. His site has been crashing. Last time I was there, over 3,500 people at the site at one time. That is more than he’s had on the day of Chuck Smith’s death. Lots of people are following this story. Let’s hope they go to the calvarychapelabuse.com site and get their eyes opened. The church model: Moses Model is a very convenient model for abuse to remain hidden for years with no accountability from other CC pastors. They are run kind of like Independent Fundamental Baptist churches and so you can easily have elders as yes-men rather than men who hold the head pastor accountable. This is what happened at my former church when no one could hold Chuck O’Neal accountable.
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“God Bless You.” (Or simply Blessings) WHEN it means “good-bye/go away/this conversation is over!” Similar to Bilbo Baggins telling Gandalf “Good Morning!”
(Barbara Roberts might remember my example.) Valentines Day of ’13. In the comments upon a TGC blog about Anger versus Shalom, I asked the blogger to ask his humble friend to step back from public ministry. He responded with some weasel words which might be interpreted several ways. Then, to prevent clarification, he said “My last word. God Bless You.”
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Anything “radical”, “Missional”, “sovereign” or “gospel-centered”. Anything involving “connecting” or any sort of “life group.” Double the trigger if the above term was used by someone wearing lots of hair gel, Buddy Holly glasses, and a plaid untucked shirt. (What the heck is a gospel-centered marriage? Is that like if you were married to Bill Gather or something?)
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My trigger word is now “Biblical”.
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Yes, it seems when you put Biblical in front of Manhood or Womanhood, it becomes all things holy and right before God.
I love Mack’s comment on gospel marriage. The TGC and CBMW guys love talking about gospel marriage because they view marriage as sacrificial – how husband lays down his life for his wife like Christ did. So they think marriage represents the gospel and that is also why they view complementarianism as an essential doctrine.
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Here are several expressions that stick in my craw:
“Marriage matters” – Not only do I frequently hear that phrase, there’s actually a ministry at my church called “Marriage Matters Now.” Does that mean we who aren’t married don’t matter? Many Sundays it seems that way, although I’m grateful for a recent sermon in which one of the assistant pastors validated the singles of our church.
“Singleness is a gift” – Really? Maybe it is for some folks, but for many of us older singles it’s an unwelcome gift.
“You really need to forgive” – Yes, forgiving others is not only important; it’s commanded in Scripture. However, I’ve heard this phrase used many times to quash any discussion of the consequences of another person’s sin, especially when that person is an authority figure.
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singleman – I was struck by your phrases, that you’ve really hit on some that can go deep and personal.
The “Singleness is a gift” is just so unnecessary an insensitive. Are they considering the words they are saying?
The “you really need to forgive” is a tough one, too, especially if there has been abuse. Many times to Christians, forgiveness means restoration of relationship and I do not believe that is even wise in some abuse cases.
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The use of the word “fellowship” as a verb rather than a noun.
“Walk alongside”
“Be an encouragement to others”.
I must confess that I like goofy church signs though. My personal favorite: “God likes spiritual fruit not religious nuts.”
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“Singleness is a gift”. It is only a gift because I am free from an abusive X. My dream was to grow old with someone I loved and loved me. Someone to weed the garden with and watch the flowers in the yard grow. Someone to pray with at our rising and and end of the day. Of course, my marriage was not a gift, unless Satan was the giver.
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I was at a SGM church for about four and a half years (Charlotte), and I remember hearing CJ speak and saying when asked how he is, he always responds, “I’m doing better than I deserve.” And, I heard that more than once during my time there, and I always hated it. While in an ultimate sense, that might be true (and I emphasize might), I always felt (and still do) that it was somehow communicating a dismissive message to us, saying that we had no right to be sad or hurt or upset – no matter WHAT we were going through or went through (whether it was abuse or the absence of a father due to alcoholism, as in my case), it was BETTER THAN WE DESERVE. I haven’t been there since 2006, and I am still struggling with some emotions as I write this.
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You know, I’m still reading things on the whole idea of a spiritual gift of singleness on Christianpundit and the single, unexpectedly blogs. There is some thought-provoking stuff challenging this doctrine that I was taught, starting in my teen years. The worst, I think, is the teaching that marriage to a godly spouse is a reward God gives you only when you’ve attained some mysterious level of sanctification. And of course, you must be perfectly content in your singleness. This poisonous falsehood dogged me from the age of 16 until my mid-twenties. As a matter of fact, I am living proof that it is not true.
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“I was at a SGM church for about four and a half years (Charlotte), and I remember hearing CJ speak and saying when asked how he is, he always responds, “I’m doing better than I deserve.” And, I heard that more than once during my time there, and I always hated it. ”
I hear you. We had friends who got real deep into Amway and said this every time we ran into them. Weird.
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I think that “I’m doing better than I deserve” is also a Dave Ramsey signature expression as well. It’s one thing for Dave Ramsey to say it in the context of his show dealing with being good stewards of $$, a whole other thing to say it in the context of church and continually reminding people of the wrath of God that they really deserve.
This constant badgering and sin-sniffing culture has done much damage. It’s not where Christ left us as Believers. He left us victorious in Him.
Think about this – – Traci has been still struggling with this underlying theme some 8 years later! That is obviously not some life-saving message. It is not something that you adopt as a theme verse, “I’m a lowly worm who deserves to be stomped on.” Give me a break. Might as throw out the whole New Testament.
Traci – – that expression has robbed you of who you are in Christ even now. That expression belongs in hell. I’m really angry about the spiritual oppressive environment in which you lived and which still plays in your mind. You know, this might be a case where you’re gong to have to do some battle in the mind – – each time you hear that phrase or similar phrase, go on attack mode and remind yourself who you really are in Christ. That SGM mindset taught you to think this way. Now it’s time to undo that damage so you can be free. I completely understand because of teaching I’ve gone through.
One person has continuously said, “no, you’re not good – no one is good because only God is good.” The message is true, but again, just like the message you got, it leaves you with hopelessness, despair, feeling unworthy. Well, dang it, obviously I was worthy of something or Christ wouldn’t have died for me (and you)!
Thanks for sharing, Traci 🙂
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I can’t believe I missed these the last time around:
* “Born-Again” (overused to the point it’s become meaningless)
* “Bible-Believing” (another “Me Sheep! You Goat! Haw! Haw! Haw!” putdown)
And both the above strung together.
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I see I’m late to the game. Every word/phrase that I can think of has already been mentioned!
“Father God…we humbly come before you, Lord…we just want to praise you, Lord…we just ask, Lord…we just pray, Lord…etc…”
“We have to follow what the Bible says.” or “Well, what does the Bible say?” (I always feel like asking, ‘Whose interpretation?’)
“I’ll pray that God will show you the truth.”
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@WaitingForTheTrumpet2:
Anyone actually read that article? The public announcement from CCFL is nothing but one long string of “Christian Expressions or Phrases that are Churchy AND Chrisitanese”. Saying absolutely nothing.
Oh, and “Moral Failing” — so which did he get caught with in his bed, a dead woman or a live boy?
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@Yewnique:
You forgot the “In Jesus Name Amen” ending.
Or the “Weejus” phrase: “Jesus, Weejus…”
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That was good, yewnique – – and so Christianese.
Why the need for the word “just” – – we just ask, we just need?
Funny!!
The “I’ll pray that God will show you the truth” is a great one because obviously God has a direct line with that person (who obviously knows God’s truth) that no one else has, right?
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@SergiusMartinGeorge:
The variant I’m familiar with is “Show me SCRIPTURE”, used as a canned duckspeak response when you’re trying to reason with someone.
“Don’t bother trying to reason with him; he’s Born-Again.”
— line from an otherwise forgettable SF novel of the Seventies
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@JulieAnne:
“A fanatic does what God would do if God only KNEW what was REALLY going on.”
— can’t remember where I heard that, but it’s a good line
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You’re right, HUG:
“a God of second chances” and that members will pray for Coy and his family.
“The main thing is he’s confessed and he’s into the healing process,” Milne said.
In the past, Milne said, Coy cautioned church members not to place too much faith in humans, himself included, who are subject to moral weaknesses. “He said, ‘Don’t put your trust in me, because I’m going to let you down,’ ” Milne recalled.
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You are welcome, and thanks for your words as well, Julie Anne. I think the emotions that I deal with regarding that statement mainly have to do with anger and exasperation. How do you say something like that to a person who was continually abused by a brother or father as she was growing up (not referring to myself) or someone who experienced significant loss in childhood (or myriad other circumstances) No matter what she experienced, she got better than she (or he) deserved? Really? The lack of compassion is staggering sometimes.
Although I’ve got some ways to go, I think that God has brought a lot of healing in my life through the humble leadership of two different churches (and a wonderful counselor) who not only live grace but administer it to others as well.
For a good while, I’ve been mainly focused on my healing. But, I’ve been keeping up lately with your blog and others such as The Wartburg Watch, Thou Art The Man, and Recovering Grace, and I’ve been made aware of how pervasive the abuse is (with the Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard controversies and continued coverage of SGM, oh, and not to mention all that’s going on at Mars Hill), and all of this is really challenging my thinking, particularly on certain Biblical passages, and I’ve also been wondering, what can I do? How can I help?
I guess first of all I can say thank you to folks like you and Deb and Dee for being courageous, bold and persistent to continually bringing all of this to light and also holding these folks accountable for their words and actions. I really appreciate all that you all are doing!!!
Otherwise, I am not sure, but for now I will keep reading and be in prayer for real change and justice to be done. Thank you so much.
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@JulieAnne:
Refresh me on this, JulieAnne, but isn’t that also a standard Christianese boilerplate response when a church is sheltering a pedophile? (In between sneering at those Romish Papists and their pedo-priests?)
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@HUG
The ending is actually, “…in Jesus MOST PRECIOUS name we pray…” or “…we ask all these things in the most precious name of Jesus, and all God’s people said…(cue to say ‘A-MEN’)”
@HUG and JA
I have an online friend who said that at the church he used to go to, there was an obligatory ‘tsk’ after the word ‘just’: “Dear Heavenly Father…we want to just *tsk* THANK you…” I still chuckle when I think about it!
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There’s a comment attributed to Marion Zimmer Bradley when she was editing her SF magazine, a rejection letter to a new author:
“STOP SHOWING ME HOW STYLISH YOU CAN WRITE AND JUST TELL THE DAMN STORY!”
It has bearing on the subject of this thread (and the CCFL media spin release).
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@Yewnique:
It’s like “Elves, Dwarves, etc” in FRP gaming and fantasy fiction — so overdone it drives you up the walls. Victorian Elves, Dwarves, etc; Ancient Egyptian Elves, Dwarves, etc; Japanese Samurai Elves, Dwarves, etc; Gritty Urban Elves, Dwarves, etc; Cyberpunk Elves, Dwarves, etc; Space Opera Elves, Dwarves, etc.
I’ve had a longstanding policy of encouraging fantasy that DOESN’T involve “Elves, Dwarves, etc” — Ancient Egyptian Star Wars with magic-based tech, pre-Islamic Persian milieus, furry Mesoamerican sword-and-sorcery… Maybe it’s why I’m co-writing My Little Pony fanfics — It’s Not Elves, Dwarves, etc!
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Boy, you nailed it, Traci – a common problem I see among church leadership is that when abuse enters the picture, they are ill-equipped to handle it. In my former church, they covered it up and kept it in-house. WRONG response. That also happened at SGM, as you know. Other situations include domestic violence in which they call the couple in for counseling. Any mental health professional would tell you that you never counsel a couple together when there is abuse.
You mentioned alcoholism – again, that’s another area that pastors are simply not trained. They do not typically understand the system dynamics the family has to live with in order to survive and the emotional and spiritual toll.
As far as what you can do? I believe that your participation and sharing your story publicly is so valuable. There are many who read who never comment who will connect with your story. It might be your story that becomes the pivotal point for them. I truly believe this because it was abuse stories that I read online that gave me validation and strength to say enough is enough. If you’d like to do a guest post about any part of your spiritual journey, please send it my way. I don’t think I’ve ever done any articles on the impact of living with an alcoholic in the family. That might benefit a lot of people. Please think about it.
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I think so.
Hey, thought of another one: God is a God of miracles.
(another one that justifies keeping pedophiles/abusers in church!!)
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“Boy, you nailed it, Traci – a common problem I see among church leadership is that when abuse enters the picture, they are ill-equipped to handle it. In my former church, they covered it up and kept it in-house. WRONG response”
I have another view. I don’t think they are “ill equipped” to handle it at all. I think they want to keep that sort of negative more than just “in house” but with leadership only so they can manage the negative.
It is more about scaring off potential members and current members than it is about the victim’s health. Which in the end means it is about having followers who tithe and support your position in ministry. Victims threaten that.
It does not take a genius to know one calls the authorities where there is a suspicion or accusation.
There is some thinking out there that educated pastors are not smart enough to know to call the authorities. That seminaries are not teaching it. I think it is just the opposite. They are taught they are the authority over others in many seminaries these days and they take this ridiculous teaching to its logical conclusions in their ministry position. They really do think they know best how to handle it. And that is because they have believed lies and think way too highly of themselves.
They will get no pass from me when it comes to covering up abuse and “handling it in house”. I saw way too much of that thinking (micromanage all negative at the top) when I was in the trenches not to know what they are really thinking.
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“Hey, thought of another one: God is a God of miracles.
(another one that justifies keeping pedophiles/abusers in church!!)
”
And God can do His miracle in prison with a life sentence, too. So why are they letting convicted peds out of prison? Do our laws need to be changed?
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“The Bible clearly says…”
“We need to practice discernment.”
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I was just told in my bible study: “if you believe the days of creation were longer than an actual day, you need to question your salvation “. Not the first time I’ve heard the phrase: ” If…fill in the blank…you need to question your salvation”. Isn’t the “Christian” making that statement judging, which the bible clearly tells us not to do?
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Excellent, kris. The questioning of salvation drives me nuts because basically it means: I don’t approve of your thinking or interpretation of things. You need to come to MY understanding.
(That’s you, CON.)
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“if you believe the days of creation were longer than an actual day, you need to question your salvation “
If that’s the case, then the professor who discipled me when I became a Christian as a college student would have been in serious trouble when he died 25 years ago.
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A couple of week ago, I posted a Tweet:
“No matter how bad my day is going or how miserable my life circumstances, I deserve far worse!”
Part of my motivation was to see who would realize I was being ironic. Well, wouldn’t you know it — lots of favorites and re-Tweets! Two of them came from fairly well known YRR guys.
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Julie Anne, I will definitely consider writing a guest post. How do I send it your way?
You are so right regarding church leaders being ill-equipped to handle various situations. My story with SGM mainly has to do with mental illness, depression and the failure of the leaders to respond in appropriate ways, which led to an unraveling of who I am, a complete breakdown, a week long stay in a psychiatric ward and subsequent years of counseling.
So, I’m not sure how much I should go into that now, considering this is a post regarding “Christianese” words and phrase.
And, I’m not blaming my entire breakdown on SGM; I think it was a culmination of years of depression and not dealing with it sufficiently by getting extensive counseling, but I think it was exacerbated tremendously by the toxic, legalistic environment that I was exposed to for that length of time – the constant reminders of how wretched we are, the refusal to acknowledge the value of psychiatric medication and the need for professional counseling, the demand for unquestioning allegiance to authority, the required adherence to man made rules (a Christian family WILL homeschool), the misguided information about anti-depressants (oh, it’s a “happy” pill and a way to evade dealing with sin), the arrogance of the leaders thinking they can deal with any and every situation that comes through the church doors, and so on.
And, yes, I do have some triggers to this day. For example, in our Sunday school recently, we talked about the verse regarding submitting and obeying our authorities, and that caused anxiety within me, even though my current church is absolutely NOTHING like my SGM church.
Sometime in 2007 I did share my story on the survivor’s blogs, but I haven’t said anything since then. It might be good for me to share my story having come this far and reflect on lessons learned.
Again, please tell me how I could pass my story on to you.
Thank you, again. Traci
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The worst, I think, is the teaching that marriage to a godly spouse is a reward God gives you only when you’ve attained some mysterious level of sanctification. And of course, you must be perfectly content in your singleness.
This reminds me of another phrase I’ve heard: “God will bring you a spouse when you stop looking.” Believe me, it doesn’t work that way.
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Shoot, SMG, I missed that. I would have given you a snarky comeback, for sure.
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Traci:
My e-mail is spiritualsb@gmail.com
Don’t worry about straying off-topic for the current article. You’re on topic for the theme of the blog which is to be a safe place for survivors to tell their stories 🙂 We seem to multi-task in these threads with several conversations going on at once.
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The “you really need to forgive” is a tough one, too, especially if there has been abuse. Many times to Christians, forgiveness means restoration of relationship and I do not believe that is even wise in some abuse cases.
Excellent point, Julie Anne.
I heard that phrase a number of times when I was the target of workplace bullying at a previous job. The bully was the person who became my supervisor after my longtime boss retired. Over the next couple of years I experienced not only job consequences, including a demotion and twice being placed on warning; I also experienced health consequences from the constant badgering, harassment and putdowns. I eventually lost that job, but too many Christians I talked to and prayed with wanted me to simply forgive and move on without acknowledging the serious consequences of what took place. Eventually I was able to forgive and move on, but it was a long process. And I still deal with some of the consequences today.
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Something else just crossed my mind after my last post. I now work at a hospital. My former supervisor is now retired and not in good health. I wonder how I would react if I ever saw her again. Maybe I need to do some more work on that one.
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“You shouldn’t judge” when you want someone accused of a heinous crime (say child molesting) sidelined to a spot where he cannot do the same harm again.
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The following terms are like nails to a blackboard for me:
-equip
-grow as in “grow your church”.
GAG
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“I feel that Holy Spirit is purging the church of that which is hindering the growth of the church. (from the preacher that just run the family off that questioned something he did)” – Jimmydee
You are not the only person to have heard that. My pastor, after 30 (he said)/ 50 (a leaving elder said) of the most active in the about 400-member congregation went away within a few months, he said that the church could now go forward faster with the “brake shoes” that oppose renewal. Renewal and protecting the status quo had nothing to do with the problems they mentioned.
That was my last sermon there, the next member to leave was me…
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“take back America for God”
“transform the nations for Christ” (these last 2 are Dominionism)
“pray the prayer” (the one found in Campus Crusade’s 4 Spiritual Laws)
“ask Jesus into your heart”
“accept Christ”
“quiet time”
“accountability partner”
“covering”
“go to Church”
“What Church do you go to?”
“it was God’s will” (referring to some evil thing)
“Biblical Christianity” (referring to Calvinism)
“get plugged in to a good Church”
“Church planting”
“launch our new Church plant”
“core team” (for the new Church plant launch)
“pastor’s Vision”
“leadership”
There’s lots more, lol.
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“Truth matters!” (Translated: My opinion is the truth. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!)
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Cindy K, have you published any of your stuff on the spiritual lives of composers? I’d really be interested in that.
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Pastor: “Lem-me unpack this for you.”
Translation:
Pastor: “I could have said, “Let me explain this…but that wouldn’t have sounded as, like, heavy, and complex. See, there are like…these layers…yeah, layers, like layers of clothes in a suitcase that I gotta unpack for ya. Scriptures are like layers of clothes…gotta be unpacked one layer at a time. It’s complex. Complex…like hidden meaning complex– hidden in layers–layers within layers… and you can’t do it. That’s why you need me…ME…to unpack. Yeah…like, I’m like… the prophet, see?
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“The Lord knows”…. when my mother wants to change the subject.
“What a neat Christian”…. my mother’n’law.
“He/she is a neat Christian, too” As if my dentist, doctor, auto mechanic, teacher, cashier, employee, neighbor, etc. isn’t as good as yours?
“Let’s just bow our heads in prayer, no one looking around, raise your hand so I can pray for you…okay, thank you, thank you, yes.. I see you, yes, I see you…yes, up in the balcony I see you…okay you can put your hand down now” i.e. I need to know how many I successfully manipulated today and I don’t want to be embarrassed that no one raised their hand.
“Will you bless the food?” usually spoken to the perceived most spiritual man in the room at the time or the narcissist no one wants to offend by not asking him while the food is getting cold …awkward sudden silence if someone asks a woman. And all the while the women who slaved over the hot stove just want people to eat the food while it still tastes good… but no, the perceived most spiritual man or narcissist who was asked to bless the food becomes long winded and blesses everything that comes to his mind at the time…so..by the time you get in line for the food you’re feeling too guilty to eat because you know how unspiritual you were by only thinking about the FOOD during the blessing!
I also grew up with:
“Stand while we turn to page 489 of the hymnal, that’s page 4..8..9. We will sing the first, second, and fourth stanzas…Men, the first stanza, women the second stanza and altogether on the fourth stanza.”
Oh the embarrassment if you accidentally started the wrong gender stanza, it was like a control trap joke of the song leaders they must have learned at their hymnal leadership conferences.
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Another trigger is the word “godly”.
Speaking of pedophiles and/or abuse in churches being ignored, I got this email alert today:
http://capegazette.villagesoup.com/p/murder-victims-family-sues-church-alleged-killer/1157795
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:”Pastor: “Lem-me unpack this for you.”
Translation:
Pastor: “I could have said, “Let me explain this…but that wouldn’t have sounded as, like, heavy, and complex. See, there are like…these layers…yeah, layers, like layers of clothes in a suitcase that I gotta unpack for ya. Scriptures are like layers of clothes…gotta be unpacked one layer at a time. It’s complex. Complex…like hidden meaning complex– hidden in layers–layers within layers… and you can’t do it. That’s why you need me…ME…to unpack. Yeah…like, I’m like… the prophet, see?”
BWAHAHA! That one is a classic in my neck of the woods. It is especially gospelly delicious when said by an arrogant 20something YRR seminary student who is still using Clearasil and desperately trying to grow a goatee. Only they can “unpack” for you the complex meaning. Sigh
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“Cindy K, have you published any of your stuff on the spiritual lives of composers? I’d really be interested in that.”
Did she tell you that her favorite composer/singer Kenny Loggins is aka Jesus? (hee hee…she is going to get me back!!!)
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“No matter how bad my day is going or how miserable my life circumstances, I deserve far worse!”
Part of my motivation was to see who would realize I was being ironic. Well, wouldn’t you know it — lots of favorites and re-Tweets! Two of them came from fairly well known YRR guys.”
SMG, It really is that bad out there, isn’t it? Irony is well understood in evangelicalism these days. Sheesh!
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Velvet Voice,
I haven’t, but this lovely book is a nice start.
http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Lives-Composers-Patrick-Kavanaugh/dp/0310208068/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396900956&sr=8-1&keywords=spiritual+lives+of+the+great+composers
I studied piano with a woman who taught at what eventually became Valley Forge Christian College (but it was Green Lane Bible Institute when I started with her). When I would learn some new hymn or other important music, she would first tell me the story behind the writing of it. Were it not for studying with her, I would never have heard so many of the stories. I wish I had taped her talking about them now. She died a few years ago. She was a dear friend and mentor.
One of the most beautiful moments of my life happened when she told me about Beethoven and the premiere of Symphony No. 9, just after he lost his hearing. It was my first time playing “Ode to Joy.” He was terrified that the response would be terrible and sat with his head in his hands. Someone had to tell him to look up to see the applause and the thrill of the audience.
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Lydia,
Fanny Crosby has him beat by a mile!
Lydia’s talking about the trail of tweets that I initiated over the weekend.
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Here’s the real Kenny Loggins story at Hyberbole and a Half.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html
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@DaveAA:
Last time I had “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!” used on me, it was an email harassment campaign several years ago falsely accusing me of bestiality. I react accordingly.
Still more Christianese I can’t stand:
“Edify”, “Edifying” — in my experience, another example of the Gnostic “Spiritual Good! Physical BAAAAAAAD!” The Shepherding “Fellowship” I was involved with in the Seventies used it a lot to describe what was Absolutely Compulsory instead of Forbidden. Very common putdown of anything other than SCRIPTURE(TM) and WITNESSING(TM). (If I hadn’t discovered D&D, I might have disappeared forever behind the walls of their cult compound…)
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Mack, “sovereign” is another one for me, too. I am now allergic to my little NLT translation, because it loves the title of “Sovereign Lord” and uses it in nearly every other line. Practically burns my eyes.
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@Loretta:
Like the Ayatollahs took back Iran for Al’lah?
That anything like Scientology’s “Clearing the Planet”?
(At one point in his career, L Ron Hubbard was living at sea on a Sea Org-crewed ship. According to others on board, he spoke about taking over a Third World country, “Clearing” it (converting it to Scientology), and from there using it as a base to “Clear the Planet”.)
AKA “Say-the-Magic-Words Salvation”. And “the prayer” is largely cribbed from a Catholic prayer called “The Act of Contrition”. How did that become the One True Way for American Evangelical types?
Party Commissar ready to denounce you?
I have a stock answer to that one:
“ROMISH PAPIST WITH SATANIC DEATH COOKIES!”
(May as well be up front about it…)
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.. lol ; )
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“What Church do you go to?”
I have a stock answer to that one:
“ROMISH PAPIST WITH SATANIC DEATH COOKIES!”
(May as well be up front about it…)”
lol
(Sorry-OT) UGH–I am going to be asked that question in the near future when we visit some relatives in the south later this month. Got asked it last year and when we muttered um…um…we’re taking a break from church right now, I immediately got a well, bless your hearts with a big pity-filled smile and a tap on the back hug. UGH.
Need a good response to — where are you all fellowshipping these days?- if anyone has one.
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I wish I had never been taught to tack on “in Jesus’ name” to the end of my prayers. It became something like a magical incantation, without which, made prayers “less powerful” or invalid, prayers God might not hear.
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Cindy thanks for posting that. cracks me up! And I LOVE Fanny Crosby. I grew UP on Fanny Crosby.
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“Need a good response to — where are you all fellowshipping these days?- if anyone has one.”
hmmm. Now it depends on whether you want to shut them up or freak them out. You could beat them to it and ask what 501c4 they are attending these days. :o)
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“I wish I had never been taught to tack on “in Jesus’ name” to the end of my prayers. It became something like a magical incantation, without which, made prayers “less powerful” or invalid, prayers God might not hear.”
The prayer formula. Say it right and it is like magic?
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“The prayer formula. Say it right and it is like magic?”
Yep, pretty sure we reject Jesus if we fail to recite the formula. That bugged me for a long time, so I started leaving it out, along with the “amen.” Hope God is still listening, hehe… 🙂
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“an arrogant 20something YRR seminary student who is still using Clearasil and desperately trying to grow a goatee.”
Sorry, but each one of those modifiers is about as helpful as the word “Concordia” in front of the name of a Lutheran institution of higher learning.
All you needed to say was “YRR seminary student.”
I know, I know. .. Generalize much?
Yes!
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Ladies and Gentlemen, the question “Is that the same Cindy K?” has now been answered.
Thanks, Kenny Loggins!
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“Sorry, but each one of those modifiers is about as helpful as the word “Concordia” in front of the name of a Lutheran institution of higher learning.
All you needed to say was “YRR seminary student.” ”
It is called “profiling”. (wink)
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Last 4+ years my answer to “What Church do you go to?” is, “I am the church”. 🙂 Love the look on their faces. lol And my answer to “Where are you fellowshipping at these days?” is, “The church in the wilderness.” They always say something like, “Oh.. is that down in Sunnyvale?” lol
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Or, “Where do you go to Church?”…I’ll say, ” I ‘go to him outside the camp’ .”
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“The church in the wilderness.”
lol…good answer! Sounds like a good name for a church.
“You could beat them to it and ask what 501c4 they are attending these days. :o) ”
That’s a convo stopper! lol I like it.
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“Come quickly, Lord.”
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Catherine Thiemann wrote: “God will never give you more than you can handle.”
Catherine, I love what Mother Teresa of Calcutta said when she was told this: “Yes, but it seems as though God trusts me entirely too much”.
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What are you in faith for?
What are you standing for?
What has God been saying to you this week?
How has God been challenging you?
Share with us what God has revealed to you.
@Headless Unicorn Guy
“Isn’t that placing a curse on the one who leaves?”
Yes, indeed. Followed quickly by the story of the Passover, with a warning not to go ‘out of your house’ or the Angel of Death will get you!
Those who were not ‘in harmony’ with the leadership were ‘sailing with a different ship’.
And those who did raise concerns, were always ‘coming across as angry and contentious’.
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zooey, Completely relevant statement from Mother Theresa. I have often felt that God trusts me more than I trust me. Gods word said that he will not give you more than you can bear. “seriously, God” has been my answer to Him on many occasions. I know you know me and how broken I am and You say I can handle this?
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lydiasellerofpurple: Regarding the “Where are you fellowshipping…” my answers have ranged from “We’re in between churches” to “I don’t go any more” and give a fuller explanation of what is going on spiritually (much richer than when I was in church).
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@DavidC:
That is one of the Christianese expressions that triggers a negative church reaction in me. Especially if “Lord” is spelled all-caps or with two “o”s.
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Any phrases that minimize “felt needs”, as if felt needs can’t somehow be real.
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“felt needs” reminds me of “Love is not a feeling, it is a choice”. I hear that phrase so often in my church.
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I have been reading this thread and several of these sound very familiar with me. I’ve tweeted some to Julie Anne.
DO NOT tell me that “God is in control” unless you value your life. I have heard it used as a spiritual brush-off too often.
“Step out on faith” –what in the world are you doing when you do it?
“Doing in your own strength” vs. doing it in God’s strength — how do you know the difference?
And I hear people as far as “in Jesus’ name”. I sometimes find myself reciting, “In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen” in this sing-songy type recitation–and that’s not what I want to do.
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Late to the party but didn’t see this one mentioned.
I’m constantly hearing “I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me!” in relation to, I kid you not, being able to run the latest 5k/Marathon/Half race.
You keep using that verse. I do not think you know what that verse means.
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