Single and Christian

The Marginalization of Singles in Church – What is the Solution to This?


Singles seem to be getting the short end of the stick in Christian churches and are often marginalized, shamed, and literally left alone.  The Marginalization of Singles in Church – What is the Solution to This?



Becky, found SSB through someone’s link and responded to an old article on singles: Singles in the Church: Treated with Respect and Dignity?

I want this place to be a “sounding board” where my readers can have a voice and express their concerns and so I asked Becky if I could repost her words in a new article.

Since blogging and hearing the voices of singles, I have been keeping my eyes and ears open to how churches treat them and it is troubling to see the way singles are marginalized, especially when we see that Jesus and Paul and so many key figures in Scripture were singles.  Why do we allow this to continue? What can we do to help remedy this situation? ~Julie Anne



Singles at church, small__11523664833
photo credit: Eyesplash – feels like spring via photopin cc


I also am single, served in my church and in a women’s Bible study for years. I don’t mind doing my share of serving but I do resent the fact that others think I have ‘extra time’ to serve and that simply is not true. Since there is no one else to help me at home or help pay for bills I have no choice but to work full-time and take care of the house, car, and everything myself as best as I can.

I did so much obliging and serving that I neglected my own needs for years. The state of my own home reflects this. I became completely worn out and embittered by that.

I finally took some steps down because I was so worn and was too easily angered.

I still serve and help out in various ways just not to the extent as before.

And as for getting help to meet a christian mate, I would really like that but for some reasons churches are reluctant to do this. Anybody have any ideas why that is? We come to church to grow in faith and for spiritual insight in regards to drawing closer to God, looking forward to our heavenly future, but also to find hope for our earthly future which for many would include marriage.

And that brings up another point, have you also noticed that in many churches today there are all these women only Bible studies and men only Bible studies? I feel like they are keeping us separated so that we can’t mingle and get to know a potential christian mate.  And that really hurts.   beckyg1003


203 thoughts on “The Marginalization of Singles in Church – What is the Solution to This?”

  1. I hope it’s okay to comment here as a married person. I find it alarming that we now hear more about what pastors and bloggers think about this or that rather than what God thinks. We must be careful not to confuse them. I’ve done it myself and felt a lot of shame and it affected me spiritually. If a pastor says that you have pride in your virginity, I must ask if God thinks so? If you have stumbled and fallen, does God forgive but still expect that you will repent? Singleness is great! This is well noted in the Bible. Marriage is equally celebrated. We can not confuse man’s opinion and God’s. We live for God. Don’t feel bad about that!!! We have a very sexualize culture and I fear we are very reactive in our churches rather than letting God’s word speak for itself and defend itself.

    My good friend is a single in her 50’s never married. At this point, I don’t think she wants marriage. Nevertheless, she doesn’t even go to church because of the way singles are treated. It breaks my heart for her. I think all of you make great points about how isolated you feel and I want to affirm your feelings. You all are loved and cherished for being you!! I, personally, am so sorry that church life is made difficult because of your singleness. This is not how it should be.

    I’d like to speak to the segregated bible studies and women’s events. I would like this topic discussed further. Why is this happening? I have opinions and speculation, but I’d like to know the real reasons. For me particularly, I came away feeling like I was not allowed to speak or converse with the opposite sex in ANY way at all. The only males I should be in contact with for the rest of my life are my husband, brother, or dad. Other than that, I should only be around women.

    Liked by 1 person

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