Need to talk now? Safe Sharing Spot

blog pic from ken

Feel free to post urgent needs or if you just need to get something off your chest and want to share your story and could use some support.  Please feel free to use pseudonyms.

This place is open for all to share or encourage and support.

 

Moderator note: This place will remain safe. I will freely remove any comments that might make this place uncomfortable for survivors.

 

40 thoughts on “Need to talk now? Safe Sharing Spot”

  1. I’m kind of obsessed with The Keepers at the moment, and reading many articles on it and this article brought some things up for me that I’ve always wondered about related to being a child of a mother who was abused. My experience is different from the one expressed, but that’s not something I think I’ve seen many articles or studies about. How that affects a relationship between particularly mother and daughter.

    http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-keepers-children-20170527-story.html

    Like

  2. Lea, I just started watching the series and finished the 3rd episode last night. It is heart-wrenching to watch. – unbelievable abuse that is difficult to even imagine.

    I think the key to the relationship with abused parent and child is, where is the parent now? Have they dealt with the issues resulting from the abuse? Have they been to therapy?

    In the movie, it seems that Jean was able to compartmentalize the abuse as she raised her children, and then once confronted with it, was pretty much forced to deal with it.

    I’ve read before that if you are abused, your life can get stuck emotionally. Many people today are functioning adults, but when it comes to vulnerability, intimacy (both sexually and relationally), there are holes – they are broken, until they are able to put the pieces together again. This would obviously have an affect on children and they will have difficulty sharing with others on that kind of level if they are not seeing it modeled from their parent.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lea, I just started watching the series and finished the 3rd episode last night. It is heart-wrenching to watch. – unbelievable abuse that is difficult to even imagine.

    So many parallels with spotlight and things discussed here! Awful, but in a now sadly familiar way. I have some thoughts about later in the series but I won’t comment now.

    they are broken, until they are able to put the pieces together again

    But even with a lot of healing, maybe the pieces never fit exactly. There are just a lot of things I wonder about now that I didn’t really as a kid.

    Like

  4. I’ve just finished episode 4 of The Keepers. What struck me at the end was just how long it’s taken for this story to finally be told. Decades. I think there are multiple reasons for this beyond the intimidation of the Church’s authority and power. But one of the women said something about people finally beginning to process this in their 40s and 50s now that they’re parents and even grandparents. It struck a chord with me, since I only really began to delve into my own dysfunctional family dynamics (not sexual abuse, but physical and emotional) since my 40s. The Statute of Limitations for sexual abuse really needs to be revisited in many states. I mean, just as the SGM lawsuit was dismissed on a technicality, so was Jane Roe’s and Jane Doe’s lawsuit. The parallel was glaring.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. BTDT, yes, the statute of limitations is definitely problematic. I knew about my own child abuse all along, but I didn’t see the full impact of it until my daughter was about the same age I was (this was about 30 years ago). So, I can see how awareness about one’s abuse can take a while for a survivor.

    Like

  6. Julie Anne, I hate to pry but did your kids know as a kid about the abuse?

    My mom talked about hers when I was a kid, so I knew, but we have never discussed it as an adult, so I think I’m sort of hazy on what actually happened.

    Like

  8. Thanks.

    BTDT, I agree about the SoLs but knowing this, I wonder why they didn’t search for other victims who might still be within the legal time frame when Maskell was still living. It seems like they only focused on their school.

    Like

  10. Hello. My name is L W Brook. It is not my real name. In Bloomington, IN, there is a very abusive church called Clearnote Church. It is Neo-Calvinist. The senior pastor, Tim Bayly, is the founder. He is very infamous here in the religious community. I attended Clearnote for 10 months from 2014 to 2015. After the typical new membership class, I was forced to do an interview and fill out a paper application. During the interview, I was forced to confess secret sins. A week after my interview, I learned that my membership application was rejected because they claimed I recanted my secret sin.

    Basically, they wanted me to get rid of books and dvds of a specific subject in order to join. They wanted to get rid of them the night of my interview. I told my friend/handler that I need to wait and process what they wanted me to do. My handler took it upon herself to pass my “refusal” along to the elder who did my interview without my knowledge or consent which resulted in the rejection. I was enraged to learn that confidential information was passed along without my permission.

    The church uses gossip to keep tabs on the members. I left Clearnote broken and traumatized. My so called friends at the church abandoned me when I left. They cut off contact with me. As a result, I am very skittish around churches and Christianity. I was raised as a Christian. I am currently trying to find a church that I feel safe at. It is very difficult. I want to warn people about Clearnote Church and stop the spiritual abuse there, but I don’t know how to go about it. From what I hear, there are other Clearnote victims.

    Please pray for me and the other Clearnote victims. We didn’t deserve what was done to us by the corrupt church leadership. Thanks for listening.

    Like

  11. Hi L.W.,

    I am familiar with the Bayly brothers and have done posts on them before. I’m glad that you have left that toxic environment. The control tactics you describe do not surprise me at all. It fits the pattern I’ve seen in them in other areas as well. If you know of others who would be willing to share their story about their experience at Clearnote, I’d love to hear from them. The more people who come forward, the more stories sound credible to the naysayers. Don’t worry – I believe you!!! I’m sorry you had to experience that, and hope you find a new healthy church.

    Thank you for sharing here! Please feel free to share more as you feel comfortable. Many will be able to relate with you.

    Like

  13. Julie Anne, can we reconnect? I’m considering blogging again. But, I’m in a horrible place with Christian community and I am wondering if you would one pray, two, give any and all advice that you have?

    Like

  14. I grew up as a conservative homeschooled, Gothard influenced, reformed Christian who kissed dating goodbye and married at 18 to an older guy I thought was a solid Godly man. Those 26 years of marriage are now known as one big deceitful lie and filled with the most heart breaking trauma, some of which I knew and have been trying to process for years and others I’ve been blindsided and destroyed by. It’s been a surreal journey to work though so many years and memories that are remembered as one thing and yet known now as another. I feel trapped in a splintered mirror only able to look out into the real world and no matter how hard I rage and pound against it, this fractured reality keeps insisting that IT’S the ‘real world’ and has been all along. And through it all is the crushing guilt and self loathing for loving someone who turned out to be a monster, for not protecting my child better, for trusting and believing the best of people, especially the church, and for letting this shatter my faith in God. This faith is slowly finding it’s feet again, but on new ground, as I watch it grow back and study it from all angles trying to understand and make sense of it. One of the areas of faith that has been weighing on me recently that I’m feeling unsettled about is that while I have a true gratefulness and belief in God’s forgiveness for me and place my hope and trust in that truth, there is also a separate part of myself that cannot forgive myself for my failures nor do I have the slightest idea on how I’d begin that process. I see these two truths coexist inside me and they don’t exactly feel at conflict with each other- just exist parallel to each other, if that makes sense. My former reformed theology tells me that it’s my pride that cannot fully embrace God’s forgiveness for me and that I need to confess this in order to move on, find true freedom and peace. Problem is, I don’t feel prideful, just broken and the whole thing is really depressing as I still believe that trust in the saving grace of Jesus is necessary for salvation and to reject this or disbelieve it is an act not in keeping with the salvation He offers. I want Jesus. I want to belong to Him and be safe in Him and this nagging doubt terrifies me. Anyway, I’d appreciate prayer about this and that I’d be able to find my way clearly.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ann, thank you so much for sharing your story. I have copied your comment and made it into a blog post here so that more eyes will read it and you will get more support.

    Like

  16. Recently my mom apologized to me for “indoctrinating” me. I thought that was really strong and kind of her to admit, and I thought I was lucky to have heard her say that. As I go through therapy and healing, as I grow up, I am forced to grapple with the truth–that my mom lied to me a lot. When I was 23 or 24, my cousin told me that she was at my house when I was 2 or 3, and my cousin was about 8. She said I was throwing a fit like a normal toddler and that my ultra religious grandmother from the other side of my family showed up to help my mom out with me. Sometime after that, and I had not stopped crying, my cousin told me that my mom and grandma stripped me down and threw me into the shower while they performed what my cousin called a type of “exorcism”. She got really scared and called her dad to pick her up immediately. This actually did not surprise me. I knew something had happened to me at age 2 or 3, I had that feeling when I took Child Psychology in college and at the time my cousin told me, I was raising my own daughter, who was about 3. It all made a lot of sense. Now, at 27, I have only brought this up a few times sense then, and almost never in therapy. I am too afraid to confront my mom about it directly, and I know she will deny it. My grandma probably doesn’t remember at this point, but as I get older I think about it more and more, and the longer my mom guilt trips me for unrelated things or expects too much out of me, I can’t help but see her for who she is and what she did. It’s not that hurting your children makes you a bad person. Parents screw up their kids every day. Parents are only human. Yet there’s a fine line. It was the secret, that turned out to be me, that was buried under a rug until I was too big to fit. “You can’t bury live people,” I wish I could say to my mom. But she would probably call me schizo if I did. My heart is so broken to know that I have spent years and years trying to piece together a mystery when the answer was right in front of me the whole time. My mother was holding the key to my freedom, and she watched me squirm and suffer for 25 years, benefiting and profiting, and only when she got burned did she speak up–to scold me, to blame me, to crap on what I had left. Now I will walk away from her and she won’t say a thing or shed a tear. She has been waiting for this moment, and wonders out loud why I have stuck around for so long. Despite what we have been through, I still have true faith. That will never die. I still love my mom, but now I know that what we had is not a relationship, and I won’t be so disillusioned to refer to it as such in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. That sounds like such a painful experience. It sounds like your mom has had regrets. Maybe if you feel comfortable, you can discuss this with her and how it affected you. Since she already apologized to you, do you think her heart may be open to you sharing? I hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Please help. My daughter was sexually assaulted by her youth pastor intern 2 years ago. 3 leaders warned the lead pastor of “concerns” but he did nothing and the intern left. Then she came forward and told police. The lead pastor claims he never knew it was that bad. The intern plead guilty of all charges. Crickets. Nada. Silence from our church. Only a message stating they don’t have money to pay for her therapy anymore. Am I wrong to think the church should take some responsibility in all this? I’m urged by my friend and therapist to let the church issue go. How can I? What can I do?

    Like

  19. Roxyanne, thanks for your comment. I’m very sorry to hear about your daughter’s abuse. Awful! Just to be clear – did they pay for some therapy already? I do think they have an obligation to pay for therapy. I don’t understand why your friend and therapist are telling you to let it go.

    Where is the intern now?

    My first thought is you could file a civil lawsuit to have them pay for the therapy. (Let me know if you would like to go this route, and I can ask around for attorneys in your area.) Actually, it would be a lot easier for them to pay for therapy than attorney fees AND therapy. Maybe you can suggest that if they are not willing to pay for it on their own, you will be forced to take them to court.

    Sex abuse cases are usually in the top one or two highest claims for church insurance companies, so I think the insurance company would also rather pay for therapy than have to deal with a lawsuit!

    I’ve let Brenda and Anon3 know about your comment and hopefully one of them will also comment.

    Like

  20. It means so much to be heard thank you! Yes they were paying for her therapy after she made police report but they stopped after they hired an attorney to investigate, we were never contacted by them so strange. The perpetrator moved out of state. He comes from a very wealthy high profile family they sold all their properties once he was arrested. We do not have attorneys thank you for referring.

    Like

  22. I am the survivor of domestic abuse and praise God for His hand over my life. I come from India and became a Christian according to the Lord’s will and design for my life in 1986. I was already being abused from the day of my wedding. Now that I was going to a local church I felt that the pastor could intervene and help me. I was at the Church for about 8 years before I mustered the courage to ask for help. Living already in a culture where women are treated like chattels I thought that the Church would be different. It wasn’t so. I was told by the pastor that I must submit to the point of death.
    That being said, I never went back to that Church but it did give my abuser then my husband more control and validation to continue to harm me and my children with more zeal.
    I now live in the United States. I am so glad for Pastor Jeff Crippen. I found this site by, “accident”, and now it seems like I was right all this while where I felt that this is an issue that has to be dealt with as Pastor Jeff and others who agree with him, are doing.
    My emotions are stirred within me when I think how many of the victims and their children could be saved if these issues were dealt with in the right way by the Church at large.
    We are always made to feel lesser than and of course completely deserving of the unjust treatment meted out to us.
    Sarah

    Like

  24. My husband could have written this!!!
    “L W BROOK November 10, 2017 at 11:18 PM
    Hello. My name is L W Brook. It is not my real name. In Bloomington, IN, there is a very abusive church called Clearnote Church. It is Neo-Calvinist. The senior pastor, Tim Bayly, is the founder. He is very infamous here in the religious community. I attended Clearnote for 10 months from 2014 to 2015. After the typical new membership class, I was forced to do an interview and fill out a paper application. During the interview, I was forced to confess secret sins. A week after my interview, I learned that my membership application was rejected because they claimed I recanted my secret sin.”

    Only thing is different, we were at the DAVID BAYLEY church in Toledo, Ohio. David was our pastor (little P for emphasis of the lack of shepherding from this narcissist) for over 5 years. My husband was teaching the Adult Sunday School class and our family was the Music Ministry, as all of us are classically trained musicians. My husband wanted help with an area of weakness/sin. He counseled, became accountable to David for over 6 months, showing great progress. Hubby was nominated by the congregation for eldership a year later and David decided to discuss hubby with others in great specificity. This was never discussed with my hubby and he was crushed to learn that his counseling conversations were being shared with others without any explanation or notification to hubby. HE WAS DESTROYED when his name was slandered, removed from elder consideration without explanation of context, but in a very shaming way. We e obviously left in shame as people began treating our family very different, Shunning comes to mind. We eventually got the hint and left the church. ONLY one person ever reached out to us again, via a lovely card, but my kids lost all their homeschooling friends, all social events, and today they feel the rejection of David Bayley’s church (cult).
    We still can’t attend, trust, worship in a formal church setting. The betrayal of David Bayley was devastating to this family! Hubby and I love the Lord, but do not see a path forward to join another congregation. i have come to know God did not turn his back on us, but David Bayley did abuse his spiritual leadership to this family.
    We had Tim Bayley speak many times at the church in Toledo. The brothers joined together to begin a seminary and all young men deemed worthy are encouraged to enter the seminary and train to lead their families the Bayley way.They are sick narcissists!! I also use a alias as David would further shame our famiy if given the opportunity.
    I hope LW Brook see this and perhaps has found a path forward after the Bayley treatment??

    Liked by 2 people

  25. The Bayly brothers are well-known for this kind of treatment. I have a file collected on people who have been harmed in their churches. 😦 I’m so sorry that you, too, had to deal with this, Deb. Thank you for sharing. My best wishes to you on your spiritual recovery journey. This is difficult to get over – I know all too well.

    Like

  26. I served for years in a church, I was pianist every week for a church, and took many days off to clean the church too.
    I had several sexual assaults from the pastors son ( the worship leader). It was about 5 years ago now, but I experienced a lot of trauma from it. I really wish he would be held to account and/or exposed.

    Like

  27. I was sexually assaulted by a pastors son, the current ‘worship leader’ in a church. He was never held to account, and still is in ‘ministry’. He was ruthless when I tried to confront him on it. It gireves me to see him posing in photos, acting so ‘holy’, when he treated me so terrible. Friends I knew took his side. The pastor covered for him too.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Exposingassault – I’m very sorry to hear about this. You are not alone, so many have experienced similar situations and it is pure evil. Do you need help? Feel free to reach out if you need more support.

    Like

  30. I am a survivor of domestic violence and have complications from a brain injury from a serious assault which affects my daily life. What concerns me is that I was told by a well recognised church member that God “does not measure sin” and it is immaterial to Him whether I am maimed for life, my unborn child was aborted due to a fist to my stomach and my living child was assaulted and badly abused by his father at 5 months of age as sin is sin and God only sees sin. The above is equal to someone stealing from a shop, or telling lies etc. My problem with God only seeing sin as sin without consequences for victims makes God seem unintelligent, careless, negligent and a fiend. But as a new believer I want to believe his is JUST and RIGHTEOUS and will never tolerate harm to others due to his LOVING NATURE.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Dear Deb Buenger,
    I am a former member of CTW. I don’t know if our timelines overlapped there or not. When we began attending, Andrew Dionne was leading with music and a few others assisting.

    I am sorry you all have not been able to return to a church since David violated your family’s confidence. I’m sad to tell you, you are not the only ones to have had this happen to them there. Whenever there are nominations for elders, there’s at least a couple David doesn’t want, so he works behind the scenes to ensure those names are taken out of the running. Typically, it’s because he feels threatened by those individuals.
    That David did that to your husband says something good about your husband. He must be fair-minded, not a yes-man, and have actual leadership qualities. These qualities get in the way of David being the object of everyone’s adoration. Since your family’s departure, things only worsened. It was getting downright scary and I imagine it has gotten even worse…and they’re significantly larger in size. Probably 500 or more.

    If you’d like, I can recommend some churches that are faithful, respect healthy boundaries, and understand issues surrounding David Bayly and Christ the Word. No pressure, though.

    Like

  32. I was kicked out of the Foundations and Essentials CC group this week because I would not stand for the bullying of my children which resulted in an onslaught of what I am referring to as mom-bullying towards me.

    We began our CC journey last year and had the same issue with a different child but with the same tutor as this years occurrence.

    There are so many levels to this but I’m awake googling mom bullying Classical Conversations and came across this site and have read a few articles that let me know I am not alone. For this, I thank you. I am a veteran homeschooler of nine children x20 some years and when I went back to college with the end result hopefully culminating in med school in the next couple of years, I began researching for helper programs to our homeschooling. It HAS been helpful for my Challenge kidlets but HAS not been helpful to our younger F/E kidlets. From this vantage point, I wouldn’t join again and I would pull everyone if I didn’t think it would do more harm than good for my Challenge people here.

    Apparently, I have been a troublemaker and a rule breaker from the beginning and there was a notebook kept so I had no real chance of working out. It would have been nice to know before week seven of this year, and before I have to reinvent this semester outside of CC for our younger two children.

    There has been so much pride, so much “our children are perfect” and would never behave in that manner therefore it must be you or your children, and the inner circle families that protect each other no matter what, and etc. I was devastated but now am sickened that I didn’t see the proverbial handwriting on the wall to protect my own children.

    We are picking up the pieces and starting over minus CC for the F/E crowd because we were quite literally kicked out of that group. My older children will finish this semester and then we will switch to anything but CC for them, as well.

    CC has also not been adequate for all things in the departments it is supposed to be all things for and we have used CC as the supplement and not the core. This has also brought its supply of angst from those who know that are CC peoples. This site has helped me immensely tonight not to feel like a complete and total island and for this, I thank you!

    Like

  33. I am 81 years old, soon to be 82. I have been a clinical social worker for 40 years and worked with child abuse and neglect in their homes. That does not help at all in fact it makes the shame and guilt more profound. A few days ago, one of my granddaughters spent some time with me over two days. She is 40 and has severe anxiety and paranoia. She went to my Alanon group with me ( she also had her 7 year old son with her and he was very anxious for her) and out to lunch after with the ladies and myself. She was very much in distress but was able to calm down after a while with the support of these women who were so kind and willing to listen to her. She went home after. The next morning she came by to go to church with me and I welcomed that. I hadn’t been attending for awhile. We arrived a short time before and sat in the car talking and she suddenly related to me that my husband her grandfather had also sexually abused her. She said she was afraid to tell me when I had asked a number of years before because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t realize I’ve been carrying this around for many years. When I first found out he was a pedophile was when my great-granddaughter told me that he had been molesting her since she was about 5 years old. She was about 14 at the time and had just accused a neighbor. We were sitting outside my house at the picnic table. That day I confronted my husband of 55 years and he admitted it. I damned him to hell and he took off walking up the street. Our oldest son was present and went after him. He brought him back. Everything after that seems a blur in my memory. I took her to a therapist who reminded me that a hotline report must be made and it was. The investigator from Protective Services talked to all of us but I have no knowledge of her speaking to my husband. I waited for the police to arrive after the detective talked to my great-granddaughter but they never came. I waited for years after that until his death in 2016 and nothing ever came of it. However, I live with the knowledge that he did that and most probably also molested the other girls including our two daughters although they have denied it. Hearing this brought everything back. I recently read a paper written by a very knowledgeable Dr. who works with similar cases. She says all mothers who have lived with pedophiles knew of the abuse and are guilty along with the abusers. This lurks in my mind and I have tortured myself with this question over the years. Did I suspect and ignored my intuition? Why would I not? When I found out it was shocking and overwhelming. I could not wrap my mind around this and the excruciating knowledge that why I as a mother who loves her children and a trained professional working with children who had been abused could not accept this reality and take action to prevent. I have to reconcile this as I have to be open to hearing my loved ones relate their injuries to me as they are able. I also have my own process around my sorrow, shame and guilt, for this is no small thing for me. When this was brought to light I was made aware of a book written my a minister’s wife that I had read previously. I felt God was preparing me for becoming aware of the tragedy. I also went to my pastor and he asked me what I would do if my husband had a terminal illness. It became ironic that he developed lung cancer and only lived two years. I also have had cancer twice but I took care of him during his final illness. I stopped working in my profession because I no longer believed myself to be a legitimately capable therapist. I have sought counseling and have been in 12 step recovery but I also have to go to my God with this and open up to whatever is required of me. Self forgiveness is something I struggle with but I am able to function better now than before. Torturing myself with my projections of how these horrific things have impacted the lives of those I love is not helpful to me on a day to day basis. I have to become open to their healing and my own, whatever that may be. Thank you for allowing me to share.

    Like

  34. Help! I reached out to my pastor for help with a difficult marital situation and it was a nightmare. First, he told me I was foolish for marrying my husband because I saw all the signs ahead of time. How is that helpful now? There were other subtle judgments and condemnations and I felt very restless and upset after the conversation. He was willing to meet with my husband and me on Monday, and he told me to contact him Saturday. I did, but I asked if his email was current because I wanted to send him an email to clarify some points from Friday’s talk. He kept pushing for the email but never gave me a time to meet. I had said we were free all day Monday and he could name the time and place. I never got back to him, and then he called me Saturday night. He kept pushing for the email without suggesting a time or place to meet. Then in the evening I missed his call so I texted him and said that my husband and I needed a break and were thinking of going on a drive Monday to get a change of scenery. He just called me and said he was concerned because as of Friday this was an emergency but it was not fair to put my husband through this if I did not pursue a Monday meeting. (Put him through what?) He was talking really slow, like I was stupid. I did not know how to tell him that I no longer trusted him or felt safe, and so I told him that I was not sure if a meeting was going to take place and felt kicked to the curb. He asked why I felt this way and I mentioned feeling some condemnation from him. I mean, didn’t he just start off the conversation by condemning me? When he pressed for details, I told him that I had never mentioned asking for a divorce on Friday but he was the one who made that leap. He told me I had plenty of chances to correct his interpretation but I did not. I had told him (and this is the truth) that the conversation was overwhelming to me and I am not good at realizing all the dynamics in the moment. It was like he was looking for things that he could use against me! I really felt he was accusing me of wanting a divorce Friday but then changing my mind Saturday. I am kicking myself for answering the phone, but at least now I know the truth. I was still open to meeting with him but I wanted to think about it for a while and see if it was the right move. What I find interesting is that he is the one who made it an emergency (I had only texted him to ask if we could meet to discuss some marital issues) and then he accused me of making it worse by not dealing with it as if it were an emergency. How odd is that! Oh, the conversation ended when he started rewriting history by saying I said something that I KNOW I had not said. I hung up on him. I wish I had never answered the phone in the first place! I was just trying to be courteous and respectful and look where it got me!

    Like

  35. Years ago I worked for a prayer ministry, only now am I coming to terms that it was an abusive organization but I felt it was all my fault even though I had been told by a minister that “spiritual abuse was written all over me…” I still felt it was my fault, it is only today after reading a recent “spiritual” book and feeling that shame and guilt was used to motivate compliance and I researched the author and discovered that he was considered the leader of a cult! Memories started cascading…and a more recent involvement in another organization had raised disturbing questions about emotional abuse. I read a checklist for abuse discernment and finally realized it was not “my fault!”
    This has been quite a shock and I just needed to express it so I can go on with my day.

    Like

  36. Hello there! I am a freelance writer and I am doing research on Doug Wilson to try to use as part of an article about avoiding abuse culture in the church. I myself suffered emotional abuse partly due to the teachings of Doug Wilson, and I’ve known of other abuse cases where his teaching was involved. I want people understand the dynamics at play and help them realize that we need to be wary of this type of teaching. This can be very difficult especially because many people like Doug Wilson, and he can be very tricky about not letting his bad beliefs get pinned down, or trying to manipulate things he has said in the past so that they don’t sound as bad. I was wondering if I might be able to get in touch with you to try to discuss these issues and learn from you, so that I can try to get this information out to my particular audience. Thank you, and also thank you for putting this information out. I personally know how desperately it’s needed!

    Like

  37. Hi Rachel, I might be able to do a phone call sometime. Feel free to reach out to me at spiritualsb@gmail.com. I don’t consider myself an expert on all things Doug Wilson. There are a couple of other blogs and Twitter accounts that have lots of documentation, and that might be really important for your work. I can send those to you. Thanks for stopping by.

    Like

  38. I just wanted to reach out and make contact. This is the first time that I have come across your blog, and as heart wrenching as these stories are I am grateful to everyone for sharing their experiences and find comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I am not able to share details of my own experiences at the moment as I find it too harmful to do so. My once vibrantly secure faith was for a while shattered by what I experienced but I am working my way through some of the debris in this art project based on (and in) an old Bible I found in a church loft a few years ago. Sometimes I find words too much.

    Blessings to all x

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Hi, I just found your site and became overwhelmed with the invitation to post. I have been spiritually and emotionally abused by our pastor. It is a very long story, and one that affects me daily. So much trauma from someone who is supposed to represent Jesus. Thank you for this safe place.

    Like

  40. My step dad is a pedophile, yet claims to be a christian. My mom married him over 30 years ago and has been violently abused and conditioned to protect him, lie for him and live in denial. Myself and my sister have tried to help our mom many times but she refuses, strikes out at us, accuses us of slander; she denies her husband is a pedophile (even though he’s been arrested for molesting a young male exchange student) Our mom’s health is deteriorating and her ability to defend herself against my abusive step dad is dwindling. During Covid lockdown and even now, she’s been isolated with him for over 3 years and we see her health and mental well-being declining….they don’t go to church anymore, only buy groceries and stay in the house…He has total control over her….I think she’s become mentally unbalanced, as she is convinced God spoke to her and said she is going to die soon….(I think she wants to die…or his abuse will kill her)
    She called a family meeting and dropped the bomb on us, gave us copies of her Last Will and Testament and even paid for her cremation and funeral service.
    There is SO MUCH that’s happened lately…and it’s triggered horrible childhood memories of my dad being a pedophile, started molesting me at 4 years old.
    I love my mom…but she’s chosen to defend her pedophile husband instead of protecting her family (he sexually violated his own son….my brother in law’s son and recently tried to get my grandson to “go upstairs alone with him” (that’s what he did to his last victim…got him in the bedroom and groped his privates.)

    I told my daughter and she said, “WE HAVE A PEDOPHILE IN THE FAMILY AND MUST STOP PROTECTING HIM (my older sister says, if we report him to the police, it will KILL OUR MOM) so we’re shamed and guilted into silence.
    My daughter said her boys will NEVER be allowed near my step-dad again.

    I reached out to my mom again recently and she attacked me verbally, accusing me of hurting her deeply, slandering her husband and causing trouble for them.
    I reminded her what happened with my grandson, and she accused me of over-reacting and being too sensitive and told me to BRING NOAH TO OUR PLACE AGAIN, BUT LEAVE HIM FOR THE NIGHT WITH ME AND CHARLIE.
    I yelled at her, “ARE YOU CRAZY?? CHARLIE WILL MOLEST HIM WHILE YOU SLEEP!! (that’s what my dad did to me…my mom knows all about it but refused to rescue me…instead she said, ‘YOU’RE A LIAR…SHAME ON YOU” so the sex abuse continued for years, until I was old enough to fight my father off me.

    I could write a book on the sexual abuse, violence and mental abuse in our family….it’s made my sisters severely dysfunctional and caused mental health issues…I got years of counseling and learned to break the abuse cycle, but it’s frustrating trying to teach my family what I learned because their automatic response is “denial, guilt, shame, fear or “forgive and forget” Sshhh Hush!

    I need someone to advise me…my sister and mom have ganged up on me recently using shame and blame to try and silence me…my stepdad and his “dark passenger” is destroying our family….(he uses “divide and conquer” tactics)

    My mom claims he’s a wonderful husband and christian…says he reads his bible and prays, but HE’S A MONSTER….yells at us to SHUTUP…WOMEN SHOULD BE QUIET AND SUBMISSIVE….I get up and leave…my mom & sister are horrified and accuse me of being rude to my stepdad….they’re terrified of him…I’M NOT !
    but I’ve had to stop visiting their home because it’s so oppressive there.

    Like

Thanks for participating in the SSB community. Please be sure to leave a name/pseudonym (not "Anonymous"). Thx :)