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Both Jeff Owens and his wife Sarah recently sent out a thread of tweets regarding a recent experience they had at their former (unidentified) Sovereign Grace church. I think these tweets deserve a wider audience.
What you will read is not healthy at all, and people need to understand the dismissive and bullying behavior employed by Sovereign Grace church leaders when they are encouraged or questioned about having an independent investigation of the decades-old sexual abuse allegations involving many children, many churches, and the mishandling of these cases by church leaders.
Sovereign Grace leaders are still using the same tactics that we’ve heard from personal accounts for years: no one gets to question authority or criticize authority without repercussion. Folks, this is spiritual abuse. Let’s call it what it is.
I have copied the tweets below for easier reading, but if you would like to see the original tweet threads, click on the hyperlink in Jeff Owens’ tweet below, or Sarah’s link within his tweet.
In the tweet thread, there is a reference to Rachael Denhollander. If you are unfamiliar with Rachael Denhollander and her experience in exposing Sovereign Grace ministries mishandling of sex abuse cases, here’s a good article to start: My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness.
Before we get to the tweets by Jeff and Sarah Owens, I wanted to share a section of the Sovereign Grace Local Church Polity with you. I have bolded parts pertinent to the communication by congregants to elders and leaders:
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Section 11 – The Role of the Congregation (Page 53)
Although authority in the local church is given to elders, they are not to be
insulated from the congregation’s appropriate observations and concerns and even responsibility to ensure the fidelity of their leaders. Because Scripture affirms the right of church members to bring legitimate allegations concerning an elder (1 Tim. 5:19-21), a church’s local polity in conjunction with the Sovereign Grace Rules of Discipline (which follow) outline the relevant policies and procedures by which such allegations can be evaluated. Clear communication about such avenues of recourse will foster both a healthy accountability and an atmosphere of trust. Additionally, the roles and responsibilities of the congregation may be worked out in Sovereign Grace churches by the following pursuits:
• Seeking input from the congregation for any pastoral candidate for ordination.
• Seeking input from the congregation for any deacon candidate for installation.
• Creating a church environment where there are vital relationships, active
discussion, and cooperation between the elders and the whole church with a
clear, comprehensive, and welcoming feedback system
It is important to note that the Owens were shut down before any formal process could take place.
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Tweet Thread by Jeff and Sarah Owens
2 months ago we approached our Sovereign Grace Church pastors about the SGC response to @R_Denhollander ’s statements about SGC. We asked them to encourage the family of churches to consider the independent investigation that Rachael called for. We did not do this flippantly.
We spent a great deal of time in prayer and searching before approaching them. We also made clear we had no concerns about our local church and affirmed how they as leaders handled children’s ministry and ensured safety of children at church functions.
Their response was to claim there were factual errors in our concern. (We stated no facts, other than that we were concerned.) They wanted to meet in person to discuss, which we agreed to.
However before that meeting took place they told us @SarahYoderOwens had been “sharing her opinion” & causing mistrust of the pastors by doing so.
Sarah’s tweet:
However before that meeting took place they told us we had been “sharing our opinion” and causing mistrust of the pastors by doing so. Because of this they shut down the women’s group I was leading. This was without coming to me to see if there was any validity to those concerns
Because of this they shut down the women’s group Sarah was leading. This was without coming to us to see if there was any validity to those concerns.
We had shared our opinion (the need for an independent investigation) with no one outside of our family. The claim that Sarah had been “sharing her opinion” was false.
After attempting to discuss the issue further and only being told that we needed to not share our opinion, that we had factual errors, and that they needed to know that we could “submit and commit” to their leadership, we requested to meet with a 3rd party for peacemaking.
We asked a trusted member of the congregation to be a 3rd party, and he agreed. But the pastors refused to meet with a 3rd party present. We expressed our confusion and hurt over their response and continued to request a meeting with a 3rd party but were repeatedly rejected.
***JA note: Why would they not welcome a respected 3rd party to be present?
We ended up leaving the church. We were told by the pastors that we were unable to fulfill the commands of Hebrews 13:17: “Obey your leaders and submit to them.”
***JA note: This I believe is the most widely used verse by leaders to instill fear and guilt in congregants. It is meant to elevate their position and use it to control. Using the verse in this fashion is spiritually abusive.
***JA note: I’m glad Jeff and Sarah sent an email to those from the church who were closest to them; otherwise, they would have received the narrative from the leaders.
The purpose of the meeting was to discuss how we ‘had made false accusations against the pastoral team that cast seeds of doubt and suspicion on the elder team that could be used to destroy the unity of the church.’
At that meeting they told direct and indirect lies about us and another family that had also addressed concerns about how SGC had responded to Rachael Denhollander. We are still dumbfounded this even took place. How can men who claim to love Jesus as shepherds respond this way?
We do not share this lightly. We truly love these men and their families. But can you see the problem here? The truth was twisted or completely set aside in favor of a lie in order to protect “unity”. Our desire to meet with a 3rd party present became, “The Owens refuse to meet.”
“Sharing our opinion” was treated as a sinful and rebellious act against the church, worthy of removal from a leadership position. If it had been true, sharing an opinion about a public issue is certainly not sinful. But on top of that, it wasn’t even true.
We are telling our story because we have learned it is one that is far too common in SG churches across the country. We had no idea before it happened to us. This kind of leadership must be called to account. This is not Jesus. This is not the Holy Spirit. This is not unity.
MLK Jr. said, “In your struggle for justice, let your oppressor know that you are not attempting to defeat or humiliate him, or even to pay him back for injustices that he has heaped upon you. Let him know that you are merely seeking justice for him as well as yourself.”
We do not tell our story in order to slander anyone or to try to cause division. We are telling the facts about what happened to us because it would be wrong to keep quiet and allow this pattern of leadership to continue.
It has harmed not only us, but would continue to be harmful for remaining church members and even our former pastors to allow a pattern of oppressive authority to continue. “It is sad to be a slave of Pharaoh. It is horrible to be Pharaoh.” – Rabbi Belgrad
Our goal is and was ever only to make peace. Our original concern for SGC’s over these allegations was born out of a love for the gospel and wanting our witness to not be tainted by the refusal to be examined. We recognized that striving for peace might mean temporary conflict.
Peacekeeping and Peacemaking are two very different things. Peacekeeping is suppressing conflict. Peacemaking is addressing conflict in order to bring reconciliation. The gospel is the good news of peacemaking. God has come to reconcile man to God and also mankind to one another.
Choosing to not address or investigate serious allegations of sexual abuse in order to protect the reputations of leaders is peacekeeping. Worse, ignoring allegations like these says to those who have been abused & oppressed “your pain doesn’t matter as much as keeping the peace”
As we said in our original message to our pastors, we do not claim to know if there is any truth to the allegations against SGC. We pray that there isn’t. But we do know that the gospel calls for us to stand up for the oppressed, the marginalized, and the abused.
We need to take claims of abuse seriously because God takes justice seriously. We as the church, when accused of serious sin should not circle the wagons, deflect, and ignore, but instead say “Is it I, Lord?”
This righteousness is given by costly grace, not by whitewashing our images. May we honor Christ’s sacrifice by openly confronting and turning from the sins that he died to save us from. “The Lords works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.” – Psalm 103:6
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Responses to Tweets
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Conclusion
Tom is right. Those who are in SGC churches need to question what is going on in their family of churches. If you are part of an SGC church are not satisfied with your responses, if your ministry position is pulled from you without communication, if your attempts at communication get shut down, if you are told you “just don’t understand,” these are not acceptable responses. Leaders are going against their own polity which claims they welcome communication from congregants.
If church leaders are disregarding their own polity, and you have exhausted all reasonable methods of communication, then it’s important to let others know as Sarah and Jeff have done. Congregants and future congregants need to know what they are up against if they have an issue they would like to bring up to church leadership.
I asked Jeff Owens if I could use his public comments and respond to them, not as an attempt to attack, but to shine a light on the methods by which some SGC churches maintain control and prohibit congregants from asking legitimate questions and criticisms. This is not a healthy church environment. Elders are using their assumed position of authority in ungodly ways.
This is yet another family who has had to leave their church family and friends. I’m not sure how long they were members of this SGC church, but there is much sadness and heartache when one leaves a church under these circumstances. This is wrong.
***
Spiritual Sounding Board 
“Peacekeeping and Peacemaking are two very different things. Peacekeeping is suppressing conflict. Peacemaking is addressing conflict in order to bring reconciliation.”
Yes, amen! I just love to see these ideas circulate and spread because that is such a critical distinction to make. I’ve written many posts about peacemaking versus peacekeeping. This one might be useful for someone, https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/peacekeepers-and-peacemakers/
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Poor Jeff and Sarah. What they were put through by that church is appalling, and they absolutely deserve our support. The worst part is that I know I’m supposed to say that I’m shocked or surprised by that church’s horrific, bullying response, but I’m not shocked or surprised anymore. Thank you for enlightening us…
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This sad story will come as no surprise to the many families who’ve been through the SGM spin-cycle.
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It appears that nothing has changed at SGM. The root of this, I believe, is the erroneous belief in the authority of the local church and leaders — hence the oft quoted Hebrews 13:17 — and a way of abusing the Bible to build a controlling system that cares more about the reputation of an institution than individuals in pain or with legitimate concerns. The Bible nor the “church” was not meant to be viewed this way.
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“Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct.” – Hebrews 13:7
Jeff and Sarah looked upon the way those SG leaders spoke the word of God and they rightly discerned that the leaders were cherry picking & distorting certain verses just to shut them up.
Jeff and Sarah looked at the way those leaders lived out their lives. Realising that those leaders were following a false faith, Jeff and Sarah knew it that if they obeyed the leaders they would be disobeying God.
Bravo Jeff and Sarah and all who have made similar decisions.
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Same old story….good to see SGM has learned nothing in the last 20 years since I left.
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I have said this before but what always amazes me is what follows in this passage in Hebrews where it talks about leaders having “to give an account.” These leaders seem to want to emphasize the submission but their actions seem to suggest they have no fear that one day they will have to give an account to God for their actions. If leadership wants to teach submission to their “authority” their actions should show that they truly realize they will have to give an account.
Do these Sovereign Grace Leaders really think they will one day have to give an account for their actions? If they think that the release of private emails was something and embarrassing wait till they have to stand before God who knows all.
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The only Ekklesia leader that I have ever met, that truly loves me and desires my well being in this life here on earth, is literally, Jesus Christ Himself. He is my true Shepherd and is far easier to follow and obey, rather than the Nicolaitan system that man breeds according to their own lofty traditions, using the Holy Scriptures to blackmail us into submitting to their leadership positions of entitlement.
If indeed, Jesus’ Words are true and pertinent to us today, He Himself stated that “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:30 Wow, that is one freeing verse in my life that has lifted my oppression, and my burdens and yokes that church leadership has chained me to in the past……..to serve them as they are the “leaders- obey them!”
And for the record, when I had surgery to remove a tumor, it wasn’t my “conservative, Baptist churched folks” that prayed over me, sent cards, brought meals over to my home and visited a few minutes to encourage me in my faith, or phoned me to see how I was doing……….it was the Body of Christ universal, that showered me with love and compassion….and fervent prayers. Meanwhile, all of those years attending this Baptist church with an Assembly of God pastor, we lower laity sheep prepared meals and delivered them personally, prayed for, and served the leadership of the church when they fell ill and “needed” help.
Funny how that is within the ranks of church leadership……………and the greatest servants to date…..are truly the lower laity sheep that leadership spits upon….literally and figuratively.
Not a pity party here on my part, but real life issues regarding faith in Christ alone, verses the worship and idolatry of church leadership…..and our LORD does state, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Interesting how church leadership can become self proclaimed “gods.” Another version of “replacement theology.”
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My Bible reading this morning included the widom of Jesus in Matthew chapter 20:
But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Authoritarian “leadership” is more widespread than just in SGC churches. I also used to be in a controlling church and had to leave to follow the truth. My advice to any in a similar situation is: “Keep your eyes on Jesus – and keep your eyes upon the exit door”.
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They UPPITY.
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If they’re Truly Reformed, NO.
They’re the Predestined Elect, with their Get Out Of Hell Free Cards signed by God before the Creation of the World. God Hath Written On Their Foreheads that They Can Do No Wrong.
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My first thought at this was: Cult. Run.
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This really illustrates the power of spiritual abuse. Now not everybody who has an objection to a practice at their church is thinking this way, but when you go in for a meeting with pastors/elders/deacons regarding your objection to something they’ve signed on to, you really need to be aware that, in effect, you’ve already got one foot out the door–soon to be two if (as often happens) they close ranks around that policy.
Now why SGM is closing ranks around this is strange to me. After all, sworn court testimony and their own documents indicate that they had no written policy at the time, and that at least some of their pastors did things the same way ABWE, BJU, MSU, and the gymnastics federation did–handle it inside. You might as well get someone independent who will dig into the “dirty files” and help bring some closure about the matter, especially since there’s no clear legal liability about it.
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Furthermore, their very response confirms all concerns regarding the handling of these sorts of issues! How can leadership be trusted in such a place?
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I’m just going to say that anyone who comes at me with an ‘obey me because X’ is on my list as someone I will not be ‘obeying’. That’s just a bad sign all around.
Only exceptions involve things like firefighters saying ‘stay away from this house that is actively burning down’ and even then I will make my own decisions…
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Submission and authority go hand in hand. As Jeff Crippen says, church leaders can only require obedience to things that the Bible requires. So, they can say, “stop cheating on your wife” because that is that is what the Bible already commands. They cannot say “don’t tell people that you’re concerned about how we’re responding to a public issue” because the Bible absolutely does not condemn that.
In fact, a significant issue in 1st Corinthians is that members of the Corinthian church were concerned about how a member (who was sleeping with his mother) was being treated by the church leadership as an example for how the church ought to show grace and overlook sin. Paul never once condemns those who brought this issue to his attention!
We are to be wary of wolves, and wolves, are the sort that would hide their own sin and attack those who are concerned about that sin and want to expose it. So, I think ultimately, Jeff and Sarah made the right decision to walk out of the wolves’ den.
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Katy, I think the point here is that we are tricked into voting the WORLD’S leaders into church leadership, rather than the leaders Jesus has raised for us. We think a great CEO would make a great pastor, but this is mostly the opposite of what Jesus has said. So, not surprisingly, it’s the “least” in the church that are the ones who are truly servants of the church.
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How many churchgoers are living in ignorant bliss simply because they don’t currently have any questions to ask?
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I wonder: how many churchgoers think that it’s okay or even normal when church leaders shut down questions?
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I’ve heard a ton of it from all directions. I’ve heard leaders shutting down questions, but I also heard other members treating questions like some sort of rebellious lack of trust. Like somehow asking our leaders why they chose a certain course of action, or why they chose one option over another is a personal affront.
It’s surprising to me how many leaders want us to be held accountable and want us to accept accountability from others, yet when the shoe is on the other foot, they feel that being accountable at all signifies some breach of trust and an assault on their character. That is what’s happening in this case. SGM leaders are saying not only that they don’t want to be accountable, but so much so that a member who dares ask for that accountability is somehow insubordinate and sowing discord.
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Getting rid of all the free-thinkers, is a great strategy for weeding out potential non-conformists so that they can get back to business, I mean, church, as usual.
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I have heard these two statements from the pulpit:
“If you don’t like what I have to say, too bad. That’s how our church operates.”
“If you don’t like what I have to say, don’t take it up with me, take it up with God. I was appointed by God to preach.”
Is it any wonder why no one would choose to question church leaders? Is it any wonder that some church leaders respond the way they do to questions?
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“How can men who claim to love Jesus as shepherds respond this way?”
………………………………………………………………………….
It’s possible that it’s because all they have are claims to love Jesus and be His shepherds–but do not have the reality of that relationship with Jesus.
First, there is no role known in the New Testament which would give them this level of power over others, Hebrews 13:17 certainly does not, and Hebrews 13:17 read in proper context simply does not support a thing they did–there is no such thing as a totalitarian leadership position in the New Testament, so they have that wrong, The fact that they did not discern the issues with imbuing themselves with unbiblical authority is evidence that they do not have discernment. The fact that their consciences were evidently not screaming at them that what they are doing was wrong is evidence that they either have no conscience or have fatally damaged ones.
Glad you got out. Your situation is quite similar to the one my wife and I experienced at a church which was a Newfrontiers but under the guidance of two former SGM leaders. It was an utterly abusive place and a couple years after was I removed as an elder and my family was jettisoned, the church ceased to exist, too many people left, citing abuse, and the doors closed forever. The leaders were left without a congregation to abuse. In Latin “Sic semper tyrannus”. One later repented and apologized to the former church members, including me. So there is hope for repentance even for those who abuse in the name of Christ.
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I wonder: how many churchgoers think that it’s okay or even normal when church leaders shut down questions?
……………………………………………………………………
I don’t think many people do think it’s OK in their heart of hearts, but too many want a king to tell them what to do, because they don’t feel like trusting in Jesus and assuming the authority that He gives all who are part of the Royal Priesthood–that’s a little scary. Many are just like the ancient Hebrews: even when the Lord warns them what tyrannies the king will inflict upon them, they still want their Saul.
Others are cowards. They can stomach abuse, as long as it’s directed towards another, so even though many of them know there’s something wrong, even as many furrow their brows when they hear the Bible twisted on a weekly basis from the pulpit, even as they scratch their heads and wonder why pastor did this or that, “why that’s not Christ-like!”, they push through the cognitive dissonance, because they want their church to be good and their leaders to be godly, they don’t want to hear anything to the contrary, they want their choice of fellowships to be validated, and they’re willing to let people get hurt and destroyed.
Never underestimate either the foolishness or cowardice of people. One good thing about the situation is the family that’s thrown out and slandered then gets to find out who their real friends are, who the real lovers of Jesus are. All those fake relationships, those artificial, “doing life together”, cult-created nonsense relationships, they fade away. Whoever’s left standing with you at the end when this sort of thing happens is probably a real lover of Jesus and a real friend. More than one person followed us out the door when we were thrown out, and they are still friends nearly a decade later–they’ve been tested.
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This reminds me so much of Jehova’s Witnesses, especially the child abuse cover-up (jJust google “Silent Lambs” or “Australian Royal Commission”).
At least the JW only require one additional witness, when it comes to the two-witness-rule – the victim is counted as a witness. As far as I know some evangelical churches require at least TWO additional witnesses which is even more difficult to have – one witness is difficult enough (but not impossible, though).
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Thank you for sharing. Sometimes these true-to-life accounts are so discouraging. It’s good to know that there is hope – that the eyes of some may be opened.
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To me the answer is clear: (1) Never , ever ever join a church. (2) Never sign an agreement , contract or covenant with any church or “ fellowship counsel”. (3) If you attend a church put it in the same category as your regular 7/11 , Circle K , or coffee shop. You go there because you like it , the people there or what they sell. Great, just don’t organize your whole life around that particular convenience store. If tomorrow they hire a manager that is a rude, obnoxious jerk leave quickly with zero emotional pain or family upheaval. Find a different convenience store for your needs. I attend three different churches depending on what state I’m in and what is the current topic of teaching. Several times I have had people or pastors tell me I need to “ plug in and commit to one church. Not happening, ever again. Been there , done that. Never again. I briefly explain my philosophy /view of the church and they stand there with the dumbest look on their face.
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Eh, I think joining is only a problem if you aren’t prepared to hit the road if there is a problem. In most cases, the worst they can legally do is kick you out. I wouldn’t join a church I found unsafe, but other than that I see no harm.
I do agree that it’s not a good idea to plan your entire life around on church. Have friends, family, activities outside of it. Makes it easier to leave if you need to.
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The “why would people submit themselves to these leaders” question reminded me of this:
But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage. Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.
So, it seems we assume that our great Christian leaders are going to do some hocus pocus, and they are going to make us do things that are monumental, but that assumption is incorrect. I think a lot of people get sucked in by the wolves that ARE doing that stuff. It’s a complete show and they are hugely demanding, and those people think, “wow, this is that great leader I’ve been looking for”, when as said above, Jesus says, “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
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One thing you use to hear a lot of SGM Members parrot was that their leaders were “imperfect” and with this being the case was used to excuse when SGM Leaders make mistakes.
One would think if a leader truly is “imperfect” they should be open to questioning such as Sarah Owens did to one leader. Sadly the leader’s actions didn’t seem to indicate he felt he was imperfect. I guess this is another case of something that works two different ways.
SGM Leaders are “imperfect” when you want to explain when you want to explain away their sin and mistakes they made as leaders.
SGM Leaders aren’t to be questioned by regular members thus they really can’t be “imperfect.”
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Also why didn’t you mention that this reportedly occurred at Rick Gamache’s church in Bloomington, MN
http://sovgracemn.org/gamache
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I didn’t mention it because it wasn’t mentioned in the original tweets. I figured if they wanted to disclose the name, they would.
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One thing you use to hear a lot of SGM Members parrot was that their leaders were “imperfect” and with this being the case was used to excuse when SGM Leaders make mistakes.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Let me get this straight: The leaders are imperfect, so let’s excuse their sin, selfishness and abusiveness and keep them on as leaders–even relish in their imperfections and hold them up as great examples of God’s redemption. However, if the members of the church are imperfect, let’s use it as an excuse to slander them, abuse them, excommunicate them and destroy their reputations. And those parts of the Bible about leaders being held to higher standards? About leaders having to be above reproach? What? That’s in the Bible?
I do not believe that SGM as a whole is about the Bible at all. There are certainly members within that denomination who are of good will and perhaps have yet to have their eyes opened–been there myself, that’s fine. But the organization as a whole? Those who set up this bizarre, hateful kingdom with themselves at the top as grand inquisitors and dictators? Nope, I just do not believe a person who just plain loves Jesus and just wants to be straightforward and tell the truth without pretense or guile can possibly survive long within such a place. I consider it a cult.
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I agree, Truth Detector.
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So tragic, but so true, Truth Detector.
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From the Owens’ account:
Well, unless you subscribe to the Buddy Bears’ concept of “unity”, described in the lyrics of their charming, peppy little ditty:
♪ Oh, we are the Buddy Bears, we always get along
We stay, we do a little dance, we sing a little song
If you ever disagree, it means that you are wrong
Oh, we are the Buddy Bears, we always get along ♪
But the Buddy Bears sure ain’t Jesus.
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JA is walking over to Google to see what in the world Buddy Bears is. 😂😂
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Short explanation (for those who don’t wish to Google it): The Buddy Bears were occasional characters on the ’90s Saturday morning cartoon “Garfield and Friends”. A trio of bears, dressed in barbershop singers’ get-up (bow ties and flat straw hats), who sang in three-part harmony, and existed mainly to annoy Garfield in various ways.
Brief explanations of the thinking behind their creation can be found here:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Creator/MarkEvanier
http://garfield.wikia.com/wiki/The_Buddy_Bears
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