The Power of a Transformed Wife: Lori Alexander, Submission, Control, Godly Marriage
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.
Introduction & Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 – Part 1 Chapter 8 – Part 2 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
Chapter 18 – A Way to a Man’s Heart…
When I saw the title of this chapter, I thought it would be all about food and sex. Turns out it’s only about food and really could have been combined with the last chapter review. Lori has a simple approach to meal planning:
My approach to meal planning is to have a small repertoire of healthy and delicious “go-to” meals and repeat them frequently. Too often women are burdening themselves by continually making something new and different. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to preparing healthy meals.
Yawn… I get when you’re in the throws of babyhood, toddlerhood, and sports or activities that you might have a simplified meal system to get you through the crazy days. But to suggest that women have no need to expand their horizons and try something new is absurd. There are tons of websites to find quick, easy, and cheap meals that are healthy so that food doesn’t become dull and boring. Food should be enjoyed; so try new things! Or, how about seeing if your husband might like to cook a day or two to help out. I know…crazy thought!
Speaking of websites, Lori suggests people check out her old blog, Always Learning, to find more recipes. Which leads me to wonder why she started a brand new website titled after this book and has to direct people to her old blog to find recipes. Why didn’t she move everything from her old site to her new site so that it is streamlined in one place?
Chapter 19 – The Power to Become a Transformed Wife
We are at the very last chapter! Will we finally know the definition of what makes a “transformed wife?” Oh, we ask far too much I’m afraid.
Lori spends half the chapter talking about her “transformation” and how much we should focus on Jesus – which is ironic given that she has stated on her blog that Jesus’ teachings do not seem to be as important as Paul’s. It is also ironic given her lack of compassion, kindness, grace, and mercy seen in her blog posts and comments given to readers.
Lori exhorts her readers to put their lives in the hands of God:
If you will get your thinking right in this area of your life, when your husband says something unkind or treats you poorly, your mind will go to what you’ve practiced. Instead of just biting your tongue, staying silent, and calmly moving onto the next subject, focus on having the right heart. It’s much easier to do the things we are called to do when we allow Jesus to be at the forefront of our hearts and minds. When Jesus is behind our actions and decisions, a true and lasting impact can be made.
This is why I included the image at the beginning of the post. Lori thinks that a wife needs to endure unkindness and poor treatment from her husband because Jesus calls her to endure them as a “transformed wife.” There is absolutely nowhere in scripture where Jesus calls a wife to endure unkind and poor treatment, or mean, unreasonable and cruel suffering. Lori needs to stop this teaching now. It is not biblical in any way, shape, or form.
The last half of the chapter is dedicated to Ken having the final word. At this point I want to feel sorry for Lori because Ken is a jerk.
Ken starts with a look back to where they started out in their marriage (remember, neither really liked or loved each other when they got married):
Years of arguing and being told I needed to do things her way had taken such a toll on me that even her smallest requests or pithy comments could set off my frustrations with her.
Lori: “Do you want salad tonight?”
Me: “There you go again, trying to feed me rabbit food…”
Lori: “I was just asking if you want a salad or not.”
It’s ironic that for the past ten years or so I have mainly eaten huge salads with roasted chicken on top five to six nights a week. … The problem, however, was never with the salad itself, but with her desire to control so many areas of my life.
Remember last chapter….lots of salad! And, so much for the small rotation of meal ideas. Anyway, Ken lashed out at Lori because she has control issues. I can understand that. It would be frustrating to deal with a partner who is trying to control every aspect of your life. Pssttt….Ken, she still has control issues!
However, when Lori “transformed,” things became different for Ken:
There’s no greater sense of relief and peace than knowing that no matter what I do or say, my Transformed Wife will be at peace. Lori may not like it, and she may even say something about it, but she will deal with me in a graceful, loving, and respectful manner, honoring me as the one God gave to be her husband.
Let me get this straight. Lori’s transformation benefits Ken because that means he can do and say whatever he wants now because Lori will put up with it? Respectfully, Ken, you sound like a jerk.
Ken then goes on to say how Lori changed after she read Debi Pearl’s book, Created to Be His Help Meet. There they go again, plugging the Pearls wherever they can. Lori decided that she was not going to argue with Ken anymore. So, Ken tested her and tried to bait her on arguing with him. This sounds petty and childish. They did not have a healthy relationship going into marriage and I wonder if they have a healthy relationship today.
I’ll end out this final post with final words from Ken:
We both had lots to work on, but we’ve had fun doing it together. Instead of defending our rights, we invited each other to call out sin wherever we saw it in our home, but we did this in such a way that it fit with God’s design of me as the respected leader and Lori as my cheerful and submissive follower.
Practically, I would like to know how it works for the submissive follower to call out sin on the respected leader. This is quite the power differential and I don’t see it working out so well for the follower.
I would guess that Ken is fully aware that when it comes to The Transformed Wife, it’s all about Lori. That is, until he needs to ride in to save the day.
Thank you for persevering through this book review series with me. You have offered great thoughts to Lori’s teachings. I appreciate you all. I know some have offered book suggestions for another series, but I neglected to note them. Let me know if you have another amazing book that I can review on here. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment.