The Power of a Transformed Wife; Lori Alexander; Financial Teaching
-by Kathi
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.
Introduction & Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 – Part 1 Chapter 8 – Part 2 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13
****
Chapter 14 – Talking About Your Financial Health
It is no surprise to anyone that people are living in debt today. Since the 2008 financial crisis, consumer debt has continued to rise and is now back up to the level prior to the Great Recession. Many Americans are one medical emergency away from financial ruin. In my work in human resources, specifically for those taking leave of absence, I can affirm that medical issues cause financial stress.
Personally, we have lived most of our married life paycheck to paycheck. We went into our marriage with credit card debt. Even though we both worked, we didn’t make enough to create a large savings. Rent was high in Southern California, then there was a car payment and paying for my schooling. Once kid #2 came into the picture we dropped down to one income for ten years. Forget saving for college – we had enough trouble paying for the mortgage, a car, food, gas, and expenses that go into raising kids.
I am not going to nitpick about some of the money advice Lori offers. We have never been good at sticking to a budget, so I don’t think I can offer much sage advice (except to seek professional financial counseling). However, I will cover some of the inconsistencies that I see in her book and what she shares on her blog and social media.
First off, Lori gives statistics and offers no sources to her findings. She states:
60 percent of Americans have less than $1,000 in their savings account.
And…
Based on an analysis of Federal Reserve Statistics and other governmental data, the average household owes an astonishing $15,762 on their credit cards. These families are adding (and paying) at least $3,310 a year in interest (at 21 percent), which is a huge burden. Since American families have historically added 5 percent per year to this staggering amount, this figure will surely hurdle past the $20,000 mark – which means more bondage.
These statistics may be true, however, Lori never cites her sources. This is simply how Lori writes and it truly aggravates me. Numbers change all the time and it would be nice to know the dates of the data. I’m still amazed that her editor let this information through without the sourcing.
Lori’s advice to wives keeping their families financially afloat is:
Better yet, I think the Transformed Wife can be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. A stay-at-home mom can save a family all kinds of money, starting with having time to shop for the best deals on clothes, shoes, and groceries. She saves money by doing the house cleaning (no need to hire a maid service), as well as cooking and preparing healthy, delicious meals that are a fraction of what it costs to eat out. I’ve told young moms to look at the kitchen as a profit center.
All the stay-at-home moms out there who have time to spend hours pouring over grocery ads and drive to several stores to save money raise your hand! I know people do it, but I would venture to guess that a small minority of stay-at-home moms have enough time or energy to devote finding all those great deals. When you factor in the amount of time it takes to research deals and gas and wear and tear on your car, is it really worth it? Plus, if you’re homeschooling all those kids you’re supposed to be having, how do you have time for extreme couponing?
Let’s also talk about “no need to hire a maid service.” It is well known among people who cover Lori’s teachings that she had a house cleaner and nanny at one point when her children were little. She talked about this on her old blog, Always Learning. As far as I can tell all of these posts have been scrubbed off the blog. Lori has always dealt with medical issues and I certainly do not fault her for having a nanny or house cleaner to help while she was sick. The problem is that in her current teachings, she never acknowledges that at one time she relied upon these resources. And, she teaches that a woman is designed to be a keeper of the home, therefore a godly wife does not need to rely upon these resources.
I like living a frugal life.
It seems that a “frugal life” for Lori looks different than a frugal life for others. Let’s look at her Instagram post about making “Simple Homemade Kefir: Powerhouse of Nutrition”:
On Amazon you can buy Maple Hill Creamery Grass-Fed Organic Plain Kefir for $46.99!!! Is it really this expensive in the store? Clover Sonoma Organic Whole Milk is sold by a delivery service in San Francisco for $3.99 for a half gallon.
Or, her post about what she uses to make bread:
The two pack of flour on Amazon costs $20.64. This is not my idea of frugal bread making.
Or, the sunscreen she encourages people to buy:
Beauty Counter Protect All Over SPF30 for $32. I could buy at least four bottles of regular sunscreen for the same price. I could also buy a tank of gas for my van or one bottle of sunscreen.
Lori encourages women to buy organic, yet live frugally. Sometimes it is difficult to find good organic products at a reasonable price. It is obvious that Lori has the money to buy organic products from health food stores and high-end skin care. That is nice for her. The problem is that when she tells women who might already be struggling financially that living organically is the way to go.
But there’s another aspect to keep in mind: saving money on household items may allow you to support that missionary family you met on furlough, or let you financially respond when your church announces a building drive. The Lord delights in our gifts – not because He needs them – but because we are faithful in supporting his work.
The ironic thing about this is that in the years I have been reading Lori’s posts I have never heard her talk about any charitable organization that she thinks is worthy of supporting financially. Maybe she gives and does not feel comfortable about disclosing that information. I would understand that. However, she doesn’t have a problem promoting products she uses. I would think she would be happy to promote non-profits that she finds worthy of time and money.
Lori ends this chapter with a blog post highlighting Carla, a woman who left a comment on one of her financial posts:
I work at our local YMCA to get a free family membership.
Well, well….the “amazing woman” she highlights works. I will say, this woman is smart! She’s earning money and her family receives the benefit of a place to exercise for free. Which leads me to my final point regarding talking about financial health.
Lori insists that a woman’s place is in the home and that she should not work. A woman facing financial difficulties needs to trust that God will provide. What if God’s provision is a job to help ease financial burdens on the family? If an opportunity arises where she can help support the family, and a woman insists that she cannot work outside the home because it is not “God’s design,” is she disobeying God? Perhaps it’s time for Lori to ease up on those who are struggling financially. Especially when she has a lifestyle that many of her readers would love to have.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
Spiritual Sounding Board 
The Proverbs 31 woman worked. Outside the home. She dabbled in real estate, sold quality textiles, and may have done small scale farming. She would not have home schooled the children. The rabbi did the educational thing. And she had hired help.
She made her own clothes. Purple and linen; not silk and jewels like a rich man’s wife. Her husband made most of the income, but the family benefited from her income too.
Does Lori A. make the clothes and bed covers for her household, grow her own organic vegetables, make preserves, bake her own bread, and reupholster her old furniture? Amy Dascyzin who wrote The Tightwad Gazette is a better role model for frugality than Lori.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Where to begin…
Just be careful you’re not running up transportation expenses that are more than you’re saving.
i.e. she had Servants.
Highborn.
And Homemade Kefir is Trendy.
In the words of the prophet Alfred Yankovic:
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aggravating woman, isn’t she? I could teach her a thing or two about budgets and living well below your means. Not that we have any “means” to live up to.
Sometimes working is unwise financially,which is a weird mind set to embrace, but we had childcare expenses and higher taxes which turned out to be totally consuming all my wages. In fact, it actually cost us money for me to work. When I stopped our quality of life improved and we had more money. Later we were able to both work part time, handing the kids over to one another.
Our world money system is really challenging right now,especially for people in the middle or working class. It’s hard to get over the bump of one tax bracket and into the next in away that actually benefits you. The gap between the rich and the poor is huge. Wages have not kept up with cost of living. All these things contribute to our struggles, so the fact that so many Americans struggle and have debt is a symptom of a greater issue,and not necessarily about our allegedly radical spending spree and general incompetence. 🙂
LikeLiked by 3 people
Grew up on the fence with poverty. It was part of the sacrifice of being involved in “ministry” (ministry = getting paid a fraction of what you’re worth in the name of Jesus). I really didn’t understand that we were poor, except that I was on a reduced lunch program for a few years, and we sometimes mixed 1/2 milk and powdered milk, went out for dinner almost never.
So, I find myself in the middle of this – first the families that say it’s impossible to live on X salary… well, no, it’s not impossible. But, also the Lori Alexander’s who talk about being frugal while they’re shopping at Whole Foods like we could all live that way on any salary. My mom got us healthy products by joining a co-op where we could get local products at wholesale prices, but it took 2-3 days a month of her time.
But… I don’t get it. I earn a decent income and we are saving for retirement and college, but my kids go to school with their flip phones while their friends have the latest smartphones and the latest clothes, and their parents are driving brand-new SUVs.
LikeLike
I get so tired of well to do women that tell not so well to do women what they should be like. And especially those that use the virtuous woman to shame women into domestic slavery. Rachel Nichols gets it right.
And i would add:
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Umm, she had not only her family but also ‘maidens’ -servants! And money to buy that field (small business of her own!)
Oh and i wish someone would comment sometime on the virtuous womans husband (probably part of why she was successful)
-he trusts her
-prob gave her money of her own to buy cloth, spindle and field, at a minimum he didnt take money she may have had before marriage and ‘manage’ it for her.
-he isnt mad if she isnt in bed when he is
-she could afford silk
-her husband calls her blessed and praises her. (He doesn’t treat her as property or call her wench lol
LikeLike
“And Homemade Kefir is Trendy.”
Oh and the virtuous woman in proverbs wasnt snotty and name brand dropping to show everyone else how wealthy she was. Proverbs 31- “She pinched her finances and used her BMW made Spindle, and made Christian Dior and Giorgio Armani clothing to sell, and sold only Victorias Secret girdles to the merchants.
I went to a ladies bible study like that once lol
LikeLike
Many years ago, we were in a very tough financial situation and I had to get a part time job to make ends meet. I had to work every other weekend, which obviously included Sundays which meant I missed church on those Sundays. The associate pastor’s wife made a passive aggressive, condescending remark to me when I mentioned something about my job and working on Sundays, “The extra money comes in handy! ” It was not “extra money “. It was money to help pay bills and feed and clothe our kids. Unlike her, we didn’t have an entire congregation of people willing to bend over backwards to meet our every need and desire. You do what you have to do to take care of your family and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can feel free to pay your bills. Otherwise they can keep their trap shut.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sunshine…..Thank-you for sharing. I too, share your disgust at the “remarks” important religious folks make when they want to revile or secretly put you in your place through “religious swamp speech!”
I certainly understand the Sunday controversy conundrum concerning the “holy day” of perfect rest; no workin’ on a Sunday or hellbound thee shall be……says the pastor/eldership/lording it over of hosts. There are times when we must “work” on Sundays, from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown (the Jewish Shabbat), and every other day of the week in order to sustain our financial responsibilities regarding our families and the government system (Caesar). And I too, work for customers on Sundays as deadlines are crucial in my line of work, not feeling one ounce of condemnation nor guilt…..I love my work and enjoy making other look good.
One Sunday, I attended one of the more charismatic churches in our area sitting under a “signs and wonders” preacher. After the service, the pastor and an elder visited with me making small talk. I excused myself stating, “I better get going home because I have a lot of work to do for one of my customers. She will need her gown finished for her wedding next Saturday.” One would have thought that I blasphemed God, the Holy Spirit, or something because their eyes grew to the size of golf balls, with the pastor stating, “You work on Sunday???” And the elder man followed suit with, “Yes, you work on Sunday?” Both men were extremely condemning, and I was caught off guard, not expecting such blatant criticism. I nervously left with tears all the way home.
A few years later, that elder man had a severe stroke, receiving great care in the hospital for several weeks. I wondered to myself if he made sure to “correct and condemn” all of those “working on a Sunday” in caring for him, or if he received all of that care with a thankful heart. I pray the latter for him.
I find it quite odd how so many rules and regulations are added unto the Christian industrial complex by the ruling religious hierarchy, twisting and manipulating our Holy Scriptures for humanistic purposes.
Sadly, Lori Alexander is one of those in this complex that speaks out of both sides of her mouth and she would do those of us who desire to believe and follow Jesus, a favor if she would just “be quiet.” The LORD’S sheep don’t need to be turned out into the pastures filled with thistles and pig weed.
I hear you insanitybytes22. Amen to everything you stated!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I don’t know where this data came from, but I’m assuming it doesn’t include retirement savings?
I can’t really quibble about financial stewardship, I think that’s great! But I don’t trust Lori in general, so I’m not sure about her advice here. Certainly there are tons of practical ways to save by eating at home, rather than out, but the way she talks about it grates generally ‘health, delicious, nutritious meals!’. She seems very trendy in her recommendations, from what I can recall. Eh. There are likely better, less judgmental places to go for that information. And you can cook at home and have a job.
That sunscreen is pretty outrageous, though!
LikeLike
One more thought. Recent studies seem to show that paying for someone to do a job you hate, like say cleaning, is actually one of the better ways to spend your money.
{Testing because my last went into mod…}
LikeLike
Lea, exactly. Our kids started asking about ways they could earn money. We took two of the jobs we didn’t care for and said, it would be worth it for us to pay you to do this. It’s a win win. The kids get money that they can spend on hot chocolate and doughnuts and stuff that we’d typically not let them get, and we don’t have to do a few jobs that we’d rather not do.
When I look at home improvement projects, I do the same thing. It’s generally much cheaper to do something myself than to hire it out, but some things, like roofing, drywall and landscaping, the result is much better if I hire it out, and if the work is big enough, I do what I want to do and hire the rest out.
LikeLike
Lori assumes that Evangelicals are pretty well off and can afford to have a non-working spouse.
I used to think that too, but someone challenged me to find the data.
In reality, 35% of Evangelicals earn less than $30,000/year.
http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/religious-tradition/evangelical-protestant/#income-distribution
Evangelicals can’t afford Lori’s advice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
@HUG – I tried making homemade yogurt in my Instant Pot. It did not turn out at all. I’d rather stick with buying yogurt than wasting money on a failed attempt. I do like Kefir, but it’s so darn expensive!
That being said, there are a few grocery items that I am willing to spend a little more money on. I make up for buying lesser priced store brand items. But I think we all do that. I know a lot of people have dietary restrictions that can add to the cost of food. And, if they are already not bringing in an income that can support their living needs, this can add more stress.
LikeLike
Insanitybytes22 – “Aggravating…” YES!
Regarding your statement about it sometimes is wise not to work, I stayed home with my kids when we had our second. The cost of day care for a newborn and a toddler was equal to my pay. It made sense to stay home. I’ve been back to work full-time for a while to help pay off some of the debt we incurred during that time. If I had stayed home, we would be paying that off for a lot longer than we would like.
The only thing I wonder about for women who do not work for most of their lives is how it affects any federal benefits when they’re older. I’ve never really looked into this.
LikeLike
The only wonderful thing about this is that single women raising families on ghetto juice and rice will never know about it- they cant afford her book lol!
LikeLike
“The only thing I wonder about for women who do not work for most of their lives is how it affects any federal benefits when they’re older. I’ve never really looked into this.”
My mother-in-law is dealing with this right now. In order to qualify for any Social Security benefits, you have to work a certain number of quarters. My mom is getting survivor benefits, not having worked enough quarters, but it’s not as much as if she had worked herself.
LikeLike
I live in a large metropolitan area where working families live in their cars because they can’t afford to rent an apartment. I have encountered these families in schools where I have taught and in the Spanish congregation of my church. Lori has no idea what goes on outside her little vlog world. May be she needs a trip to the dollar store to watch how some of these families shop to meet everyday needs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
How is what she is promoting in her book not a civil rights violation? Substitute “black” “disabled”, “gay” in place of woman and see how it reads. I know I’m preaching to the choir.
LikeLike
@Kathi:
A quick dessert/snack I discovered in the Cal Poly dorms was plain yogurt, eaten as a dip with Fritos.
LikeLike
The people in churches that talk about working on sunday really used to irritate me…they were really uppity if i didnt refill their coffee cups fast enough after church in the restaurant i was working at, and they tip next to nothing! Sometimes their husbands tipped better sunday nights in the cocktail lounge though… 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
@HUG: That’s an interesting combination!! I can’t say I’ve ever tried that before. 🙂
@sandy c: Oh, I believe you!
LikeLike
Thank you for your effort in struggling through this book and warning us about it. As a skeptic I would like to chime in by saying that organic food is not really anything better than “normal” food – just more expensive. Did you know that even organic food may be treated with herbicides – just not with artificial but with natural ones? Which makes things not better, because natural herbicides can be even more poisonous than artifical ones. It seems, Lori Alexander is following the Zeitgeist, as we Germans put it. But aren’t evangelicals normally against the Zeitgeist? Maybe only if it is against their interpretation of scripture ;).
LikeLiked by 2 people
HUG: If milk goes sour, turning it into cottage cheese may be more practical than yogurt.
Sandi C: Nurses and caregivers for the sick are one thing. But if we’re consistent in condemning working on Sunday, we should not eat out, shop, or go to movies on that day rather condemning workers who may have no choice. In the early church half the members were often slaves who could only come in the evening after the upper class Christians had gorged themselves on the “Love Feast.” If you read 1 Corinthians, Paul was really honked off at this behavior.
1 Peter 3 condemns things like elaborate hair styles, real gold jewelry and expensive clothes. Peter says nothing about plunging necklines or yoga pants. Obviously the women should not dress like hookers, but the real problem was rich women would wear expensive hairstyles, real jewelry and what we consider name brand clothes to flaunt their wealth to the have-not women. This totally sailed over Lori’s head when she quoted that passage!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I skimmed over the OP.
Does Lori never factor never-married single women over the age of 30 into her writings?
I saw an emphasis on stuff like, “As a married mother, here is how you can cut expenses!!” type discussion.
I cannot relate to the, “we’re a married couple, here’s how I, a SAHM, budget stuff, so take my advice, here.”
Most all the women I’ve known personally in my life, from my sister to Aunts (to myself!) have had boyfriends or husbands who were leeches, who financially used the women they were dating or married to.
My ex fiance’ had a job, but he was always coming to me asking me to pay his auto payments, apartment rent, grocery money, etc, even though that dude earned way more than me on my tiny salary. He never paid for any of my expenses or even offered to.
My sister financially supported the billion boyfriends, husbands, and live-in lovers she had over 30 years of her life (except for like one dude she lived with years ago, I recall, who had a steady job, who I think either paid all their rent, or split rent 50/50 with my sister).
All my sister’s other men were leeches, who had her paying all the bills off her meager salary.
What universe is Lori living in where it’s still 1954 America, we all marry at age 23 to a guy who earns a six figure income so we can afford to all stay home all day baking muffins?
I do think most women would be delighted to land a “Mr. Right” who not only loves on them and treats them like gold, but who has a six figure income job who pays all the money – but few such men exist.
Where exactly does Lori expect me to land such a man? They are rare.
And “trusting the Lord” or “praying to God” to send me one has not worked. (I am over 45 yrs. old and STILL have not married. My ex fiance was a selfish butthead).
LikeLiked by 1 person
@rachel nichols- well said!
LikeLike
That would be awesome, and I would probably quit my current job for a minute because I need a break if it were feasible…but I would get bored not working for too long. I guess in Lori’s world I would have nine kids I was homeschooling or something so I would never get bored…but that’s not happening.
Also, if I had all the money in the world I would hire out housekeeping in a heartbeat! [still cooking though, because I enjoy it].
@sandyc, people who looking down on others for working sundays are speaking from a place of privilege. It’s very wrong.
Also, pastors are all working on Sunday’s, so it would seem strange to hear that sentiment from the pulpit!
LikeLike
Big kefir fan here. It’s one of the best and cheapest probiotics around. Not the way Lori does it though. Some kefir grains will set you back about $22. They will last for decades if you care for them properly. I use store brand milk at around $2.00 per gallon to culture mine. You don’t have to heat anything the way Lori does in her video. Just put the milk and grains in a jar on the counter for a few days. Presto! Fresh kefir that’s better and cheaper than any probiotic pill in a jar. That;s frugal living.
Look me up, Lori. I can give you a few lessons on frugal living.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Okay, I’m a Gen-Xer and I think there is a lot of preaching coming from the Baby Boomers about how lazy/whatever we and the millennials are.
Consider this, though, at the end of WWII, the United States had pretty much the only surviving industrial complex. Every other country’s ability to produce anything was either non-existent or destroyed. So, there was essentially infinite demand and limited supply. Companies could sell whatever they produced and the only limit to production was manual labor.
So, not surprisingly, there was intense competition for wages and promotions were handed out like they were going out of style. You could work three hourly jobs and afford a nice house, a nice car and a boat or snowmobile or skis or something for when you had time off.
By the mid-1980s, all of the bombed-out economies had come back online and now the U.S. had to compete with goods and services that were now being exported from the countries above. I remember in school that my friends whose families had the boats and the nice houses and the nice cars had their parents get laid off. Many of them had to leave town to find work elsewhere. The town I grew up in imploded and hasn’t really recovered since. I could buy a 5500sf turn-of-the-century mansion for $60k.
However, the mentality is still there, that well-paying, upwardly mobile jobs are available just for the asking, and that people should have no problem getting a middle-class income by piecing together a few hourly jobs. I think Gen X is the first generation that, collectively, is not better off than their parents, and the current generation is paying off tens of thousands in student loan debt while working jobs paying not much more than minimum wage, and forced to live back home with their parents because they can’t make ends meet otherwise. They can’t get married because their combined wages aren’t enough to even afford a starter home. Oh, and all that while the Lori Alexander’s of the world tell them they’re not “frugal” enough.
LikeLiked by 3 people
@Mark:
Serena Joy lecturing the Handmaids.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mark – your comments about the post WW2 economy apply equally to the UK, and a lesser extent continental Europe. I think they are spot on. The only slight quibble would be the European economies mostly recovered by the late 50’s. The austerity of the first decade after 1945 was often worse than during the war, and very much worse than the ‘austerity’ claimed in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis.
Once of the marks of a godless society is greed – pleonexia – an insatiable desire for more. The wealth created since 1945 has, in more recent decades, been concentrated in the hands of a relatively small part of the population. Increasing numbers are having to make do, worse off than their parents’ generation. Unaffordable housing. Even their life expectancy is lower. My children don’t have the opportunities that I had, and I don’t envy them a lifetime of job insecurity at the hands of a heartless elite who exempt themselves from such conditions.
The reason for the small majority for Brexit wasn’t due primarily to the EU, it was the downtrodden and marginalised hitting back at the establishment and its lofty ideals, an establishment that had been kicking them in the teeth by neglect for decades. If the economy takes a hit – they have nothing to lose.
Finally, to keep this a tad relevant to the thread, Lori here is symptomatic of the rich telling the minions how to run their lives without having a clue as to how the other half live. All to common today, but sad when this thinking infiltrates the church.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen to your comment KAS.
“Finally, to keep this a tad relevant to the thread, Lori here is symptomatic of the rich telling the minions how to run their lives without having a clue as to how the other half live. All too common today, but sad when this thinking infiltrates the church.” quote KAS
Well said. This is due in part to the health, wealth and prosperity preaching that has become the “new bread” of the clergy elite and their minions (pew sitters who don’t have a clue as to the spiritual nature of the Bereans). It is painstakingly difficult to find an institutional church that hasn’t jumped on the gravy train of these heresies, and even more painful when the individual saint says “No Thank-You” to the list of prosperity clergy folks that we are instructed to follow. Say “No” to a pastor, elder, deacon, deaconess, bishop, church board president, the ladies aide chairman, or any other man-made office of hierarchal lordship, and you would think that you are engaging in the most unpardonable sin…….oh, the pride of this life!
One office holder (she has the title of “attendance ministry”; checking the boxes beside the name in overseeing the attendance of the pew sitters) within my last abusive church became offended when I said “No, no, no, thank-you” to the Joel Osteen tickets she was trying to pawn off on me, ten bucks a ticket. In these days, the entitled pastor sells his seats in the auditorium in the same exact way one purchases as ticket to the football game…..spectator sports anyone?
“Do as Lori says, BUT, do not do as Lori does, for that may imply that one is a hypocrite.” It would be painful to sit under Lori’s teachings for the letter doth kill, but the Spirit gives us life, says Jesus.
LikeLike
HUG, when I watched that video of the poor blond yuppie with all his daily trials, tears came to my eyes! Sniff. I’m sure he could understand what Lori goes through.
LikeLike