The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Modesty
-by Kathi
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.
Introduction & Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 – Part 1 Chapter 8 – Part 2 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12
Chapter 13 – How are You Dressing?
We have finally come to the chapter in which women are temptresses in their yoga pants and swimsuits. Yes, I admit to having read some of this chapter whilst wearing tight-fitting exercise pants. In order to not offend some readers, I shall wear loose-fitted pajama pants while writing this out.
Let’s start with the very first paragraph:
As believers in Jesus Christ who want to please Him in every area of our life, modest should be something we take a deep interest in since the Lord has called us to be modest. Anything that is important to him should be important to us as well.
Where does Jesus talk about modesty – specifically, the type of modesty that Lori addresses with how women should dress? Matthew 5:28 does not count because Jesus addresses men specifically and how they look at women. So, that leaves us nowhere in the Bible where Jesus addresses how women should dress. (Although, Lori uses Matthew 5:28 later in the book as an argument for why women should dress modestly so as to not tempt men.)
Lori then attempts an argument about how women need to intentionally dress differently than men because of Deuteronomy 22:5. With the same breath she states that we are not bound to live under Mosaic law. I think it’s pretty easy to tell the difference between men and women who wear jeans, t-shirts, or shorts. However, Lori tells us that she purposely does not dress to look like Ken to follow the intent of the verse, then jumps right into 1 Timothy 2:9:
I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
Hold on a minute! Lori doesn’t even take into account the fact that all of 1 Timothy, Chapter 2 focuses on worship. There are instructions for men as well as women in this chapter. The way that Lori addresses dressing modestly is based solely on one verse that is taken out of context. She states:
Most important to this discussion is 1 Timothy 2:9, which teaches that we are to adorn ourselves in “modesty,” which I believe [emphasis added] means we’re not to dress in an alluring and seductive manner. In other words, we should avoid sheer and clingy material, plunging necklines, short shorts, skimpy dresses, and so forth. We shouldn’t wear low-cut tops or dresses that expose half our breasts or offer guys a clear view. Modesty is an act of obedience to the Lord and an act of kindness to men by helping them to reign in their natural impulse to take long looks – which can lead to inappropriate thoughts.
Lori takes out of 1 Timothy 2:9 “women dress modestly,” and turns it into what she thinks it means. Men’s lack of power over their sexual urges, and women’s inability to stop men from having sexual urges, is one of the more frustrating arguments that modesty culture perpetuates. How do men manage to walk around all day without having sex with any or every women he sees? Also, what one man views as modest, another man views as a “stumbling block.” How is a woman supposed to keep up with the rules?
Lori then targets the dreaded yoga pants and talks about how Ken asked her not to wear leggings in the 80’s; therefore, she has no problem wearing yoga pants that “shape the derrière in ways that are like a push-bra for your bottom.” She is very specific about this.
Swimsuits then become the dreaded target. Bikinis are not modest! Because Lori lives in Southern California, she has lots of thoughts about swimsuits, as this is a common topic on her blogs. I know everyone has their own views of swimsuits, and I do understand why people might feel uncomfortable seeing a woman in a bikini, but for goodness sake! You can still look a woman in the eye and treat her like a human being. Here is my thought….get over it!
I have spent many years at the pool with my kids either in swim lessons, swim team, water polo, or water aerobic classes for myself. I have seen all types of swim suits and all shapes and sizes of people. Allow me to let you in on a little secret….I have found the pool to be one of the least judgmental places for people who wear swimsuits (unless you’re a part of the modesty police like Lori).
For example, women’s competitive swimsuits are not designed to stay put over the bottom. During competition, or even casual swimming, suits move because people move. At the last water polo tournament many of the girls were walking around with their suits riding up their butts. I talked to my 16-year-old son about this. I asked him what the boys think about girls walking around in their swimsuits or seeing their butt cheeks exposed. He stated that they don’t really notice. They see each other every day at practice and they don’t view the girls in a sexual way. It’s simply how it is. Speaking of boys, let’s talk about boy’s competitive swimsuits. If they’re not wearing jammers, they’re wearing briefs, basically walking around in super short, very tight, underwear. It’s simply how it is.
Allow me to finish with another quote from Lori:
Whenever I teach on this touchy subject (women wearing a bikini), I’ve heard some women retort, “Some men will lust if a woman is wearing a garbage bag. It’s their problem!”
Regardless, you are responsible to do everything in your power to not cause men to lust. The majority of men will not lust after women wearing garbage bags. They lust when a woman shows a lot of flesh or tightly fitted clothes.
When God directed us to dress modestly, He did that not only for our protection but for the men around us.
Here’s the thing….men will lust over women no matter what they are wearing. The problem isn’t with how women dress, the problem is with lust. Women could be covered head to toe, and men will lust. The onus of the problem of lust is always placed on the woman, and there is rarely talk about how men should view women as human beings created by God.
“Modesty” is also a problem. Women are to honor men, but there is no specific definition on how to do that given that individual men find different things attractive. Ken prefers Lori to wear skirts to her knees, but another man might find her knees sexy and she would be leading him to lust after her. Women are always reminded how to dress, but men are not reminded how to view women. Women are shamed that men can see their boobs, but they can see the shape of their boobs in anything they wear. Women have boobs! There is no getting around that!
Lori would probably have a fit knowing that I work (yes, first issue is that she would have a problem with the fact that I work) at a very prominent athletic company. We are all encouraged to wear products by this company, which means that women (and men) often come to work in tight-fitting athletic pants. We once even had on our screen saver a woman wearing one of our new line athletic bras. Guess what? I never heard any men mention that they had a problem with this. (She looked fantastic, by the way!) I work at an athletic company that makes athletic clothing. It’s simply how it is.
Lori ends this chapter with an old blog post about how she and Ken once took the grandchildren to the beach for the day. Ken decided they had to pack up and leave because “the view had changed.” Apparently, close by was a woman laying on a towel wearing a thong and her butt cheeks were showing. Instead of carrying on with their day and ignoring “the view,” they felt like this woman ruined their day, because:
Turning men on has to be an ego thing for them. They like showing off their sexy bodies because they feel pride knowing men are looking at them.
The half-nude women on the beach showed no discretion. I’m going to go strong here and say they were practically naked and unashamed when they were only supposed to show their bodies like this to their husbands.
Yes, men are commanded to flee sexual immorality, and this is why Ken informed us that we were taking off from the beach that day. It’s too bad that this young woman didn’t know she was causing great disappointment to our grandchildren when we had to pack up and leave due to her indiscretion.
Yes, I’m sure this woman wasn’t thinking of Ken and Lori when she went the beach on that fateful day. I’m sure she was simply thinking about enjoying a day on the beach. Why would she even think that she had that much power to destroy a child’s fun-filled day on the beach while she took a nap? I’m sure the children didn’t even notice until Ken and Lori decided to make such a fuss.
Women, wear what you want to wear. Wear what is appropriate for work or for play. If you’re not breaking the law, then you’re good. It’s simply how it should be.
Photo courtesy of Photopin.
Spiritual Sounding Board 
I wonder how 19th century missionaries coped when they went into “clothing optional” territory, or how Ken and Lori will cope when they get older and may need opposite-gender health care workers tending to their needs? For the record, I’m a middle-age woman who dresses modestly because not all of me is suitable for “display” anymore, but I had my stints with mini skirts, spaghetti straps, bikinis, and short shorts. I didn’t lose my morality or good sense over it, and I don’t think any of the guys in my vicinity did, either.
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I wore loose fitting, baggy clothes that covered EVERYTHING in high school. I even walked in as unsexy a way as possible so as not to swing my hips too much.
The sexual harassment continued as viciously as ever. I must have been asking for it by having the audacity to sprout breasts and all those other naughty female parts.
Duct tape in lieu of a bra might have helped.
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“Women, wear what you want to wear. Wear what is appropriate for work or for play. If you’re not breaking the law, then you’re good. It’s simply how it should be.”
I chuckled at your last paragraph, recalling a day hike my adult daughter and I took in Germany a few years ago. We added a swimsuit to our backpacks, and hiked to a natural hot springs pool and heated saunas. We changed into our swimsuits and blended in with the German villagers in the large pool. But, as we moved from the pool area to the underground cross-gender saunas, we did not blend in as well. We were the only ones NOT naked in our sauna room! Robes were used only to cover up when one left the sauna to another underground area–another sauna room, bathroom, reading lounge, garden or bar. Oh, how we wished we had one of those white, fluffy robes so we could chuck our swimsuits!
Good post!
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Sorry for the long delay between posts. The last few months have been packed with water polo games, volunteer hours, a Spanish class, and working full-time. I know, I know, I must care more about myself than my family. Needs of families change and we have found that my working full-time helps pay the bills. Even though I’ve been back to work full-time for over a year, I still feel like I’m trying to figure out how to make it all work.
Lori would say that I’m neglecting the home, but we’re figuring out how to work together to help the home run smoothly. Isn’t that something that parents need to teach their kids anyways? All it means for Lori is that I don’t have the time to put up a post every week about her book. 😉
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None of the descriptions of rape include anything about dress. In fact, the OT description says, just as one man murders another… I think that description strongly suggests that rape is not the fault of the person raped.
What I find disheartening is that all these accounts where people wanted to murder Jesus or Jesus made people angry, etc., if we change the name from Jesus to Fred, well, obviously Fred shouldn’t have been provoking people like that.
I think this is what Jesus is getting at when he talks about his generation – they sang a dirge and we didn’t mourn, they played a wedding song and we didn’t dance. They will be offended by anything and everything as an excuse to portray themselves as more holy, and of course, to walk by on the other side of the street from hurting people.
I think all the legalism and standard setting is simply to have a pile of excuses why vast swaths of people are beyond the reach of these super-Christians. No need to talk to this woman in a bikini – she is beyond our help – that is, unless our help is treating her like garbage so that she realizes how horrible a sinner she is.
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We would not have survived economically if mom had not worked full time, and I had a medical condition that required extra, dual-policy, coverage. By the age of 11, I could do weekly grocery shopping, fix nutritionally balanced meals, laundry (at the laundromat), iron, manage my own time (usually), and I ran a babysitting business on the side. I did many things with my mom because she took advantage of every time we could spend together (and yes, sometimes it was at the laundromat). Not everything was perfect, but it was pretty darn good, and I’ve always been very proud of my mom!
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I find it interesting that the Timothy passage that she gives her spin to is actually calling us to modesty specifically related to extravagance and not coverage. The context is extraordinarily clear from a cursory reading.
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This is a really sad teaching. I wish it would stop.
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I know some people make distinctions between Yoga pants and Leggings, but I don’t. (I use both terms to refer to the same type of pants.)
I’ve worn leggings off and on since the 1980s (I normally pair them with a long shirt or sweater that goes down below butt level), and, I’m a virgin in my 40s (I’ve never had sex).
That is the ultimate modesty right there.
I’m not whoring around, but I sometimes wear leggings. I’m not having sex, have never had sex (was waiting until marriage to have sex, but I never met Mr. Right, I remain single).
(Rhetorical question alert)
So please explain to me how Christians such as Lori Alexander can equate a virgin woman wearing form-fitting exercise pants as being the equivalent to being a whore, slutty, and engaging in pre-marital sex all over the place?
It’s not my fault if a man sees me in my leggings and finds me attractive.
I am not changing my entire wardrobe to appease some guy who MAY potentially find me hot and sexy in my leggings.
(end part 1)
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(Part 2)
I recently bought a pair of capri- length leggings (for exercise, they were sold in the exercise department and have extra panels to make them easier to run in) and wore them the first time yesterday on a jog around my neighborhood, as the weather has turned colder.
(Heh heh, during warm months, I normally wear super duper short- shorts that are way more revealing than the leggings. The short shorts show off way more of my legs, up above the thigh.
And I wear super short shorts because it’s so frigging hot here in the summer, not to be sexy.
If Lori Alexander thinks I am giving up jogging altogether, or wearing a head to toe burka on my jogs, especially in the summer, she can take a long walk off a short pier.)
Leggings were ten time more common and popular in the 1980s than they are lately (though now a days people call them “Yoga” pants)…
and Leggings were not considered immodest or slutty back in the 1980s.
I don’t even remember seeing or hearing CHRISTIANS in the 1980s telling girls and women that leggings were immodest or inappropriate.Girls and women just wore them, and nobody said anything.
In the 80s, leggings were just considered to be part of the fashion of the time, like neon colored rubber bracelets or Levi’s jeans. They were not controversial or a big deal.
Therefore, something tells me that it’s a sign of the times, a cultural shift, and not the pants themselves that are the problem.
Again, leggings were not considered immodest or slutty in the 1980s (not even by most Christians), but suddenly in the last 2 – 3 years, they are, and at that, usually with very conservative Christians? Something about that is fishy to me.
Last but not least, I don’t think Jesus of Nazareth gives two monkey butts if I wear leggings or not.
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OP:
About 12 – 15 years ago, I read a news story by an American woman journalist.
She was sent to the mid-East to report on some story over there. While there, she stayed at a hotel.
On one of her days off while there, she wore a one-piece bathing suit – one that would not be considered a big deal in that United States. She wrote in the article there was nothing especially slutty or revealing about her one piece suit.
However, the nation where she was visiting was Islamic and had more severe clothing rules for women.
Basically, she said, the only female flesh men in that nation saw and was accustomed to seeing was a woman’s ankle (seriously. She was not exaggerating).
That’s what men there were used to – not seeing women in one- piece swim suits or even in two pieces (Bikini).
So, she said she was sitting pool side (it was an in-door pool) sipping a drink, on a reclining chair, reading a book, when she looked over and saw an Islamic man (a local guy) hiding off in the corner.
It took her a moment to figure out what he was doing.
She said he was masturbating. To her.
It dawned on her that this guy was so used to being in a culture where women were covered head to toe, it was new to him to see a lady in a bathing suit. And he found it too sexy to handle. He chose to act out rather than practice self control.
Say what you will about women, dress, modesty, bathing suits in America, but how often do you, as a woman, when you’re in a bathing suit at a beach or public park in the United States, experience a man masturbating because he sees you in a bathing suit? Not ever, am I right?
I don’t even think that (according to complementarians) super sexually fragile Christian men, who cannot control their sexual urges, and who are so incredibly visually stimulated, tend to masturbate when they see their neighbor lady in a bikini out by her pool or at the beach.
We don’t generally see Christian men publicly masturbating to women in bathing suits in America… yet some of the Islamic guys do this in Islamic nations.
There’s definitely a cultural thing at work here and gender assumptions going on – there’s nothing biblical or biological about the gender nonsense Lori Alexander is promoting.
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OP:
“Ken prefers Lori to wear skirts to her knees, but another man might find her knees sexy and she would be leading him to lust after her. ”
There is actually a web page out there by some church about women’s knees
It’s a page by a male pastor or elder who actually expresses horror that from the pulpit, he can see lady knees during church services.
That’s right. In that page, the male author complains that women these days have the nerve to wear dresses that expose their bare knees even at church.
And I am pretty sure it’s a for real page, it’s not some troll or parody page.
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Mark said,
_Art Exhibit Powerfully Answers The Question ‘What Were You Wearing?’_
“The installation proves that clothing has nothing to do with sexual assault.”
(link is to article on Huffington Post site)
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I do, because I think what were originally referred to as yoga pants flared out at the bottoms. Which is funny because that makes them less skin tight than leggings. The stupid thing about this is that the only reason people started yacking about them is because men started telling everyone they thought they were sexy. If they were telling everyone they found denim jumpers sexy she’d probably be griping about them!
For actual yoga, I pretty much only wear leggings but if Lori had ever practiced she would realize there are reasons to wear specific clothing for specific sports.
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From the OP, quoting Lori
That may be true for some, but not for all. She can’t read their minds, how would she know?
I personally have never worn thongs, nor would I want to. They were popular with women around what, 15 or 20 years ago? My sister started wearing them, which I only know, because I visited her at her house and helped her fold her clean laundry. And there was a pair in there. And I was like, “You actually wear these, why? Aren’t they uncomfortable? Doesn’t the strap rid up your butt? I spend my time trying to keep my underwear from riding up there when I jog, not intentionally wearing it there to start with.”
My sister said she started wearing them because she found the type of underwear more comfy to her, and they didn’t give her panty lines under her work slacks.
Now, I’d bet the reason the woman at the beach was wearing a thong was not to turn men on, but to avoid getting tan lines, or tan lines that wouldn’t be as obvious as if she worn a pair of normal bottoms.
But of course Lori has to assume the worst about the beach lady.
Every woman is just out to tempt her husband Ken – who is probably a chubby, aging, unattractive geezer no woman would want.
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Ha @Davic C!
I have to say some of the men in my yoga class are sexy. Men aren’t the only ones with eyes..
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Yoga pants. The end is near.
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@Ilene, great point! It seems like one of the main themes in Corinthians, for example, is the dichotomy between how the ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’ were treated, even as far as some having so much communion wine they got drunk while others got nothing.
So, I think given the context, it is much more likely that Paul is concerned about how women making a show of their wealth is a distraction from the purpose of worshiping God. That makes me think about Psalm 45. Here the bride is dressed in the finest and most expensive clothes, and that’s a good thing, not something to be condemned. Just that the situation is completely different.
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If Lori’s husband is so aroused by a woman in a bikini that he felt compelled to leave rather than control himself, he needs to seek help. I would be very worried that my husband was so overcome with lust that he had to leave for fear he’s going to attack a woman in a public place. Seriously?!? Maybe she should just keep him chained up in the basement since he can’t keep it in his pants.
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Gotta love how in a culture that blamed women for everything, Jesus ripped apart the double standards by putting the responsibility on the men. If their eye caused them to sin, don’t blame the women, take responsibility for themselves by (symbolically not literally) plucking out their eye. Then Jesus told them it was better to enter Heaven with one eye than to be cast into hell with both eyes. Again putting the responsibility right where it belonged. Two thousand years later church leaders are still ignoring the actual words of Christ to blame women for everything.
Now gotta run. Need to find some comfy yoga pants. 🙂
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A screen shot from a comment on The Transformed Wife’s FB page. This is so infuriating because she states that modesty is subjective, yet she devotes an entire chapter to her book about how women should dress, as well as multiple blog posts and “doodles” about the subject.
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Kathi,
Thank you for that screenshot. Really shows how Lori thinks. Apparently her definition of morality moves the goal post as many times as necessary according to someone else’s opinion. Notice how she defines modesty as a moving target dependent on someone else’s opinion. Looks like Lori is not as grounded in Scripture as she thinks she is. (Eye roll!)
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Avid Reader – It’s hair pulling teaching. I’ve been trying to find a comment by Lori about how she does teach against wear yoga pants, leggings, low cut tops, and bikinis because she’s supposed to. Apparently those articles of clothing are evil because they “for sure” lure men into lust. I’m guessing the comment got deleted because she likes deleting comments for whatever reading.
There really is no winner in this argument because modesty is subjective, except for….
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Right? And the truth is, modesty is an attitude, not an outfit. So it IS subjective and cannot be determined just by looking at someone. The lord looks at the heart not the outfit, right?
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I find it interesting on that post how much she backpedals. She makes modesty an absolute standard not based on culture and being immodest is sin. But, when faced with the logical conclusion of her logic (that modesty must trump submission) she completely flip-flops.
So, we see here she is a complete “Uncle Tom” complementarian. Modesty is whatever your male authority says it is. She’s going to try and polish the turd in Biblical mumbo-jumbo, but the ultimate standard by which you will be judged by God on modesty is what your husband told you to wear, no matter what your conscience tells you.
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Mark – You win for the day!! “Polish the turd” is one of my favorite sayings ever!! 🙂
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“I shall wear loose-fitted pajama pants while writing this out.” Hey, whaddya know? I’m wearing them while reading this!
“Yes, men are commanded to flee sexual immorality, and this is why Ken informed us that we were taking off from the beach that day.” Wow, Ken almost had an extra-marital affair in broad daylight in front of his wife and grandkids? Good thing he left or he might have ended up in jail.
True story: I wore a swimsuit to church once, and it was the only article of clothing I had on! Nobody even noticed me. Why? I was jogging on the beach while on vacation on a Sunday morning and heard some music and saw a tent. When I arrived at the tent I discovered that a church was having its service on the beach. So I hung around for a while.
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Kathi,
This is a painful post. Lori’s words, theology, double standards are utterly idiotically painful.
Now, as a believer in Jesus Christ, I am reduced to the cesspool of wearing what my husband commands me to wear? My individuality, my thoughts, my opinions, my likes and dislikes are not valued by my LORD, as His child?
I must sit under the fashion rules of my husband, a pastor, a church, a church board, an elder system, deacons and deaconesses, the ladies’ aid president, or any other person who deems themselves an important religious figure within the religious industrial complex (the harlot church system)……ie., Lori Alexander.
“and pretend that is obedience to my Savior?”
Scripture is clear “A double minded man (or woman) is unstable in all of his ways.” It is a sad when the double standards of Lori and her husband are so evident, and a clear sign of instability.
In my neck of the woods, the self righteous who believe they are “ministering to me” have issues with the pew sitters who “do not “dress up” for church” each and every Sunday. And yet these very same people have households that are a mess. Guess dressing up for Sunday church is now the eleventh commandment. And I often wonder when I hear these people lambasting all of those lowly dressed saints, did Jesus ever turn away the “poorly dressed” soul that thirsted for His righteousness?
“He (Jesus) leads me in paths of righteousness, for His names’ sake.” Psalm 23:3
Some of my most intimate times of worshiping our LORD, is when I’m covered in dust and dirt, in the middle of my field picking rocks, my body aching and my skin parched from the wind. And I stink, yet my heart and lips sing His praises. And no religious person is there to judge my worship, but our LORD is present.
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@Steve Scott
Did Jesus drive you out of the temple for wearing swimwear?
🙂
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In all honesty folks, who but the most devout fundamentalists will give any serious consideration to Alexander’s teachings?
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Muff Potter – You would think, right? But she has plenty of fans who tell her how great her how much they love her teachings.
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Here’s a YouTube post she did about all the immodest women around us. She talks going to a restaurant where she sees women in tights and breasts popping out everywhere. She taught her sons to “bounce their eyes” and talks about how Ken is learning to “look straight ahead.” She also talks about asking a woman in church to move because when she bent down in front of her Lori could look down her shirt. The strange part of this video is that it’s dark in the house and she’s speaking in hushed tones. So weird.
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Could we talk about how this stuff is SO rude and lacking in basic manners?
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“I see dead people.”
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@Steve Scott
Did Jesus drive you out of the temple for wearing swimwear?
@Katy
Not until I started selling doves. 😉
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Thanks for sharing my tweet, JA 🙂
On this subject, this is my favorite tweet.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
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@Steve Scott
You were selling doves in the temple WHILE wearing swimwear? For shame! Jocular sarcasm here…..laugh now :). Please let us know here when your dove inventory runs low and we’ll send you some of our populations of blackbirds that “love to make their mark” on the north side of our home, discoloring the siding!
Scriptures mention women not adorning themselves in gold…..does that mean by Lori’s subjective modest standards, I now have to toss my wedding ring in the trash so that I can show outward “signs” of purity?
I see Lori wears dangling earrings in some of her videos; that may be considered “sinful adornment.” Purely subjective, of course.
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Kathi, there is a William Branham cultish guy who said that women wearing earrings was wrong because of some verse, and apparently said “When you see a woman doing that you say, “That’s some dog meat then.” And then I read this story by some people getting out of this cult about a child who said something to a total stranger at the grocery store about her being dog meat! Can you imagine? Ugh.
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I really don’t mean to be rude, but I think you’re overlooking a glaring point. – Although women can be visually stimulated too, and have a high sex drive, there is NOTHING sexier to MOST men than leggings..
Ppl here have said ‘even if you were wearing jeans, they would still lust after you’ and with all due respect, I’ve seen that posted in many places and it simply isn’t true. YES, SOME men will lust if you wear a paper bag over your body.. but hear this, please; MOST husbands are not asking their wives to wear jeans to the bedroom, or a paper bag.. most are asking that they wear these skin tight lycra pants.
Let me ask you this, why do lingerie companies make the exact same ‘pants’ and instead of selling them as ‘activewear’.. sell them as lingerie? How many lingerie stores have you seen selling denim items?
Women are not stupid, they are beautiful creatures. In many ways, you girls are the BEST qualities in us, you are quite literally the best of us ! But please understand, you will NEVER understand the male mind, just as men will never fully understand the female mind. This is not disrespectful, hell it may even be scientific, who knows.
I just wish women would wear something to cover their backsides/crotch/hips if they are going to wear them. And let me conclude with this, they are a dangerous item of clothing to wear in public because of what you can see most of the time… and if a man looks at this attractive thing (that is like seeing music calling your name) and doesn’t look away fast enough, eventually he WILL have lustful thoughts.
Hope I’m not out of line.
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Bob – You said, “there is NOTHING sexier to MOST men than leggings.”
Again, what you find sexy is subjective. There is no way a woman can win this argument. For what it’s worth, I find a man who wears a very sharp, well fitted suit sexy. Place Idris Elba, Denzel Washington, or Daniel Craig in that suit and I am swooning.
Here’s what I think needs to change: People need to be willing to accept that they find people attractive. It’s okay! We are wired to find people attractive. Why is that so bad? Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean you want to, or are going to, have sex with them. Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean that you can’t treat that person with decency and respect. It’s all about seeing that person as a fellow human being and not as a sexual object. That’s what needs to change!
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Bob – Another question…Do you find every woman that wears yoga/exercise pants attractive? I ask because women of all body types wear these. Do you find one body type more attractive than another? If so, then you’re making a blanket statement to all women, with all body types, that they should cover up.
Do you find women who wear tight jeans attractive? They’re not yoga pants or leggings, but they’re tight enough to shape the butt. If so, does this mean that women who wear these should cover their butt too?
Again, it’s all subjective and there is no way that a woman can dress that can keep every man from noticing her. But, every woman can dress in a way that is most comfortable to her and every man can make a conscious effort to treat her respectfully.
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Isn’t there something in the Bible about self-control being important? Well, then, thank these women who are stretching your (collective men) character to be more like Christ.
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I seriously don’t care. 200 years ago it was ankles.
Leggings are comfortable and functional and warm.
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I have never seen leggings sold as ‘lingerie’. I have seen them as pajamas, because, I repeat. Comfortable. Functional. Warm.
Just like when I see a man running without a shirt, which I did this weekend despite it being really cold, I know they are not doing it for fashion.
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Why is it that men can handle themselves in Europe when they go to public baths where everyone is nude? hmmm
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I find dudes with nice arms visually attractive but I don’t try to tell them to put them away. Because I am an adult?
Also, because you can look at pretty people without losing your mind. Guys manage at 18/19, I think grown men can manage.
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For Bob.
1. Leggings are not sexy.
2. I am going to continue to wear leggings when I go out on jogs or shopping regardless of how you feel about leggings.
3a. If you have lustful thoughts when you see a woman wearing leggings, that is your personality responsibility, not hers.
3b. I manage to admire the physique of a certain male movie star I’ve long found cute, but I control my thought life: it stops at, “what a good looking body.”
I don’t look at photos of this actor than imagine having sex with him.
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@ Kathi who said,
Bob can probably find examples here:
People of Wal-Mart: some lady wearing leggings
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Now, personally, I do NOT find the guy in this photo linked to below attractive, but, IMHO, he is showing off a lot of body.
Will we see the Bobs of the world writing blog comments telling guys like in this picture to dress more modestly?
If not, why not? Why the double standard?
C’mon Bob, are you going to support men doing stuff like this?-
Dude in Wal-Mart store who is Arguably Under-Dressed
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ATTN: Bob
After looking around the People of Wal-Mart site some more, I noticed that have an entire category of posts called “The No Pants Dance,” “Crackin’ Backs” (seems to be photos of people’s butt cracks visible at the top of their pants) and “Nice Thong.”
They also have a category of people nude – that’s right, there’s a photo on there of a guy totally nude, pushing a shopping cart around a Wal-Mart store, down the sporting goods aisle. (That photo might be under the “No Pants Dance” category.)
I saw a photo on there of a woman in the make-up section apparently shopping in a pair of underwear only (she did have a blouse on, but no pants at all), or they were bikini bottoms.
I don’t know about you, but I think a woman shopping in underwear only (or bikini bottoms in Wal-Mart) is a lot more revealing than a woman wearing leggings while shopping.
I think the Bobs of the world need to choose their battles more carefully.
I mean, as that web site shows, some people don’t even wear leggings in public, they opt to either go totally nude -or- shop while in underwear.
I gotta get off that site. I can spend all day on there scrolling down page after page. It’s like a train wreck you can’t look away from.
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Daisy you jogged something for me. When people say they find clothings ‘sexy’ they aren’t really talking about clothing. They find people sexy. Clothing highlights an aspect of a person, physical, social, mental even…that we like. That’s why everything from bikinis and leggings to suits to tshirts and jeans can Be sexy.
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Bobby Boy, most of us are over 30. We are no longer girls!
Now put some flannel over your tank top so you won’t force us to lust over you like a piece of meat! I understand the male mind a lot more than I wish I did. Most women do, probably because we care about men’s minds more than they do ours.
Actually dudes without shirts don’t stir me to lust but embarrassment. When I tried online dating a sure fire way to scare me off was for a man to post a bare-chested pic of himself. Some of the guys who did this were truly ugly, but seemed to think they were regular stud muffins. Looking at ridiculous profiles for a laugh was more worthwhile than trying to find a nice guy to date.
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Let’s apply this line of thinking to something more mundane.
When I look at a Monet painting, I’m awed by the creative expression and beauty of the art. I don’t think “I need to go steal that painting!” When someone looks at a Monet and thinks that they want to steal it, it isn’t Monet’s problem, or the painting’s problem, but the person wanting to steal it.
I don’t know why we give men a pass when they lust after beautiful women, as if we should be blaming God for making some women so beautiful or the women themselves for being beautiful instead of blaming ourselves for our wrong thoughts.
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I know this post is a couple months old, but Lori’s issue with “yoga pants and bikinis” makes me so frustrated at her lack of self awareness. Both her daughter, Alyssa, and her daughter in law, Emily, regularly wear yoga pants and post pictures of themselves in yoga pants on their public social media accounts. I have seen at least one photo of Emily in a bikini and a handful of Alyssa in a bikini. If Lori is so damn concerned about these two articles of clothing, she should get her own house in order before she makes a public spectacle of them.
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Stephanie, that’s funny. And good for them!
But Lori is ridiculous. The yoga pants thing is especially stupid since they are pants…that cover everything. People just started calling them out solely because men liked them, as if that’s a bad thing.
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