The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Child Training, Submission
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews if you’d like to catch up.
Chapter 9 – Teaching & Training Children in the Way They Should Go
I apologize for the long delay between chapters. Life got busy, then I went with Julie Anne to the CBE International Conference, and then I pretty much forgot about Lori for an entire week (Which I admit felt pretty good!). Here we are at Chapter 9 which gives us a very curvy road discussion about raising children.
I included the above post from The Transformed Wife’s Facebook page because this sentence caught my eye: “If the parents are warm, loving, and emotionally accessible, the child comes to believe he is loveable [sic] and worthy.” There is a lot in the chapter that suggests that Lori teaches ideas about parenting that are far from being warm, loving and emotionally accessible to their children.
First off, Lori states that many considered them to be “strict parents:”
We took the verses in Proverbs about using the rod on our children seriously and literally.
Pain is a great teacher. God disciplines us for our good, and we disciplined our children for their good.
This is not surprising coming from someone who idolizes Michael and Debi Pearl, authors of “To Train Up a Child.” This book has been highly criticized for using discipline tactics that focus on breaking the will of a child as well as advocating using switches on babies to “train” them into obedience. There have even been deaths of children linked to the teachings of this book, yet the authors still have followers like Lori singing their praises.
Lori also talks about how she and Ken expected their children to abide by first-time obedience, meaning that the first time a request or order was made, the children immediately obeyed. She also expected her children to obey with a positive attitude. Obeying rules with a positive attitude is hard enough for adults let along children to do! Expecting children to obey with a positive attitude negates their feelings and autonomy. But Lori isn’t concerned about children having their own feelings or attitudes, this is all about control.
Full disclosure here…I spanked my kids when they were little and I tried the first-time obedience rule. It wore me out! I got tired of the spanking, and I certainly know my kids didn’t like it. I got over the first-time obedience rule when my one of my kids asked me to help with something and I responded with, “Just a minute.” If I couldn’t drop everything to help them at that moment then why would I expect them to do the same for me? If I could relive the younger ages of my children, I would not have spanked or placed such a high expectations on small children.
Lori and Ken also controlled who the influences were over their children’s lives. I understand this to a degree. No parent wants their child influenced by a peer who is not making good life choices. However, Lori’s reason for influencing was because she didn’t know what movies or music the families listened to and and wanted to protect purity. Lori needed to know who their children were hanging out with every moment of every day. I see this going one of two ways for a parent – either your child will turn out to be really good, or your child will rebel. There are no guarantees in parenting. And, it turns out that when you give kids a little bit of freedom, they learn how to make good choices, and they also learn from their mistakes.
Since Lori’s still not done controlling thoughts, attitudes, and actions of her children, she insists that homeschooling is the best option for schooling, with Christian school being the second best option.
I’m not sure the Lord wants us to send our children to a government run school where they mandate that God cannot be mentioned and where humanistic and evolutionary ideas are promoted.
Public schooling is not worth our children’s souls.
Right, Lori. You get back to us regarding all the teaching Jesus did about government-run schools, and we’ll talk. I have a better idea for Lori. Since her children are all grown and out of the house, maybe it would be nice for her to volunteer at a local public school. Maybe she could tutor some kids, work in a reading program, sit a the library desk, or help proctor tests. Schools are always looking for great volunteers to spend time with kids and let them know that they are worthy and lovable.
I get the feeling that might be out of Lori’s comfort zone because she wouldn’t be able to set the rules and control these kids. Because control is what parenting is all about, right? Or is it about being warm, loving, and emotionally accessible?