The Power of a Transformed Wife, Lori Alexander, Control, Submission
-by Kathi
This is a book review series of The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. If you are just joining us, you may click on previous chapter reviews to catch up.
Introduction & Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
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Chapter 4 – Allow Him to Lead
I have been warned about the poor editing job of this book. It is starting to show in this chapter. Lori jumps around from topic to topic which starts to make this book seem more like a mismatch of ideas. The reality is, there are no new ideas from Lori in this book. You can read either of her blogs, or Debi Pearl’s book, and find the same ideas. That being said, I’ll try to keep to the main points and not drag you through the rabbit trail.
This chapter starts off with a clear picture of what Lori teaches, which should come to no surprise to anyone.
Scripture paints a clear and perfect picture of the God-ordained roles and behaviors assigned to each spouse in marriage; for the husband to be the head of the wife, and the wife to obey and submit to her husband in everything.
There is a line, however, for Lori. If your husband wants you to sin then you should not participate. Lori gives examples such as sex parties, watching pornography, stealing, cheating, swinging, taking drugs, or having him drive drunk. She encourages women to seek help from authorities, family, or elders, when needed, if your husband is wanting you to sin. Notice how Lori does not encourage women to seek assistance when she is experiencing abuse. Based upon her other writings, I am left to assume that she does not view abuse as a sin.
Lori then makes a huge leap to discuss how men use logical reasoning in decision-making as opposed to women who rely upon their emotions. Then there is talk about the different testosterone levels between men and women. Why? She continues about how men have harder bodies and women have softer, curvier bodies. What? If this is to strengthen her argument for why men should lead, I’m still not convinced. Oh, then there’s the jump on how women are to joyfully submit. Eye roll. This chapter really is a mess.
Lori then poses this question:
But he wants me to work when I have children. He says we need the income, so what am I supposed to do?
Her answer is to work, but to continue to talk to your husband about how scripture wants mothers to stay home. I find Lori to be very contradictory in her teaching. If women are supposed to follow their husbands lead and be submissive in everything, then why would a wife try to convince her husband otherwise? It can’t be both ways, Lori. Either a wife submits or she does not submit.
Lori then jumps again to how a wife is to adorn herself (seriously?) before she finally lands on how horrible mutual submission is. Lori cannot fathom mutual submission because someone has to make a final decision! She uses her marriage as an example of how she and Ken fought for 23 years and nothing got accomplished. There was finally peace in the household when she learned she shouldn’t argue with Ken and allow him to lead her according to what he thinks is in her best interest. Really? Lori admitted that she didn’t even really like Ken when she agreed to marry him, so why did she even bother? She could have saved herself 23 years of annoying arguing.
Lori ends with another blog post in which she states she is “baffled” with egalitarian marriages. Apparently in Egalitarianland, husbands are always miserable with their controlling wives. Given that Lori is contradictory in her own teaching, mutual submission sounds a lot easier to manage than a complementarian marriage.
Spiritual Sounding Board 
Good gravy. I’m just kind of speechless. Such horrible stuff.
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Wow. Maybe Lori should have dinner with some egalitarian couples, such as my parents who’ve been married over 50 years. My parents are very happy together.
Individuals who can’t discuss opposing viewpoints with objectivity aren’t very mature.
Peoples who can’t discuss alternatives with respect and empathy have poor social skills.
If a woman is a self-centered, combative, angry person, perhaps she shouldn’t marry.
And if she does get married, perhaps she should try to grow into maturity — you know, the 1 Cor 13 stuff — rather than adopt rules that keep her from learning and fine-tuning her communication skills.
The Bible tells us to grow up in Christ, to become mature. Maturity means learning how to listen and interact with others, expressing needs and finding common good.
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I swear there is a world-wide conspiracy to degrade and oppress females. And apparently, Lori Alexander is filled with pathological religious zeal and is a self-appointed enforcer of women’s lower-than-low status in life.
I am heartsick and disgusted over the hellish things that have been inflicted on women and girls throughout the centuries!
Harems / polygamy, sex-slavery, genital mutilation, binding feet, child-“brides”, pornography, rape, domestic abuse, this list could go on and on. Routinely and pervasively less freedom, rights, education and respect than men. Lori Alexander is playing her own scary part in perpetuating the abuse of women. She is a hypocrite, asserting her own authority and freedom in the process of bullying other women.
Women & girls, you are FREE and WORTHY and PRECIOUS. Lori will have to face her maker some day and give an account for her false teaching.
The Lord Jesus Christ has declared:
Luke 4:18-19a (NKJV)
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”
(putting the megaphone down and getting off the soapbox now…thanks for letting me vent)
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I am a very logical woman. Logical women go back several generations in my family–something about sturdy pioneer stock. The married women managed to raise kids, have a happy home, and run a small business out of the house, while being happily married.
it doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions–but I don’t “think” with them. I try to make decisions based on real evidence (often, right out of God’s Word, by the way), instead of just relying on my feelings. If the evidence matches up, I go with what I like best!
If I lived by my feelings, my diet would be entirely based on chocolate.. 🙂
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Lori Alexander has the same misogynistic sadomasochistic turn ons as ISIS, the Taliban, Ariel Castro, Phillip Garrido and the submission loving southern baptist Christian man that repeatedly raped me as a little girl.
If Lori Alexander wasn’t such a selfish colossal d*ck head she might be embarrassed and sick at her stomach that she reminds someone of the man that repeatedly raped her as a child.
I was born and raised in Lori’s pervert fantasy world. It is massively hurtful to be a little girl being repeatedly sexually abused every week and hearing and seeing how women need to kiss kiss kiss male @sses. It is always male @ss kissing time. Why was my rapist so special and deserving of having a submissive female? Oh because he was lucky enough to be born with the child raping penis. Why was I being told I had to grow up, get married, and be a scr*wed against my will submissive wife? Because the sex that was raping me as a child are better and masters of the females.
My father got turned on by having a submissive wife. I never liked or respected him, he always gave me sick feelings. Now as a grown up I see my father as a creepy embarrassing loser of a man who needed Christianity to have a trapped female slave, (my mother.) Not one second of my childhood did I ever believe God loved my mother or me.
As someone who was born and raised in pervert Lori’s fantasy world I told my mother when I was sixteen I wish she had aborted me. My mother also born and raised in (Christian men need a trapped @ss kissing female slave ideology) and was living the life Lori wants wives to live. My mother said back to me, “I wish my mother had aborted me too.”
I started seeing Christianity as nothing more than a club for grossly attractive, sexually sadistic, pedoish, chronically misogynistic, childish. ignorant, creepy unwanted men who lust after the idea of having trapped women in their lives that can not escape them. Women they can do anything thing they want to and get away with it.
My father wanted and needed a child like, trapped, submissive, little @ss kissing wife. He did not deserve to have a trapped @ss kissing slave.
My mother did not deserve to be an @ss kissing trapped slave.
The man that repeatedly raped me as a child, his number one obsession was wifely submission.
When I see stories on TV about men like Ariel Castro and Phillip Garrido they remind me of Christian men.
It makes me hurt as someone who was born into the (men need submissive wives world) that people don’t care enough about raped little girls who are being raised in that life ruining ideology or care enough about our mothers to call it what it is. SLAVERY. Female slaves for vile men.
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Fat men are pretty soft.
It’s ok for husbands to be controlling, but not wives. Does Lori not see the illogic in that?
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BTW, pretty sure I’ve downvoted Trey’s crazy review before but it doesn’t seem to show. Wonder what Amazon’s deal is with that.
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I’ll continue to highlight “Trey” as much as I can. On Lori’s blog post yesterday he left one of his most disturbing comments yet. Of course, Lori gushes over him. I find “Trey” to be vile. Fortunately, on that same post, there is one man who dared to offer a very well stated argument in opposition to Lori’s teaching. Why she let it though, I have no idea. All I can think is because it was a man offering the opinion. If it would have come from a woman I’m sure she would have never let it through.
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Christianity hurts,
I’m so sorry for the suffering you endured from the pedophile crimes of that evil man who raped you. Thank you for sharing your testimony, it must have been hard to do.
As I get older, I’m truly amazed to witness the modern, supposedly enlightened world continuing to perpetuate ways to harm women and girls. We can’t seem to eradicate the abuse, nor the sick, entitled mentality that controls a lot of men (not all, some men are honorable and good).
Lori Alexander is an example of a woman who is traitorous to her own sex by promoting the subjugation of Christian women through her books and blog. In my opinion, she is like a co-conspirator with patriarchal men to lead innocent women into crippling bondage and likely abuse. Willing to mislead and victimize other women in exchange for her own position of dominance and perks.
Why some women want to cooperate with the destruction of other women and girls, I’ll never understand. But Phillip Garrido had his Nancy, and Brian David Mitchell had his Wanda.
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Nor I, but it does happen. There was an article the other day about a nun who collaborated with some priests to allow them rape deaf children. Horrifying!
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Christianity Hurts, I know I’ve told you before how sorry I am you were abused, and I still am.
I think there is an extra dose of nastiness that the abuse you endured was done under the name of Christianity, or that self professing Christians didn’t help you and protect you from the abuse.
You said,
I was raised under a much less severe form of this than you were-
One thing I wanted to say – in Christianity Hurt’s defense, as well as all women and girls in general – I know that many complementarians would respond to CH’s (Christianity Hurt’s) post by saying it’s an aberration of complementarianism, that no “true” complementarian would use complementarianism to abuse girls or women, however…
Rather than write a lengthy rebuttal to that type of response here, I wrote a post on my ‘Miss Daisy’ blog months ago that addresses that sort of complementarianism:
Even Warm and Fuzzy, True, Correctly-Implemented Gender Complementarianism is Harmful to Women, and It’s Still Sexism – Yes All Comps (Refuting “Not All Comps”)
I think rather than dismissing CH’s experiences or comments about how complementarianism impacted her (which I just know 99% of comps would do if they saw her posts), they need to consider that her situation is the logical outworking of their gender theology. Abuse is where complementarianism can lead. It provides a lot of groundwork and ready made excuses for men who are already abusive.
Whether or not it may cause a “normal” guy into becoming physically or sexually abusive, I am not sure.
However, I have seen Christian women online (on different sites, and maybe even here on SSB) say that when they were first married (or even after years into their marriage), that their “normal” husband acted normal, considerate, and loving until exposed to “male headship” teachings (which is a main teaching of complementarianism) after they started going to new churches that teach it.
I’ve seen several of these women say their “normal” husband, once exposed to “male headship” views, became demanding, self-absorbed, selfish, and insensitive to the wife’s needs.
I think gender complementarianism as it stands, even if it’s “true” comp, is still at its very basis sexism and it holds women back.
At its core, complementarianism does diminish women, regardless of the comp motto “equal in worth, unequal in role.”
I do not grant complementarians the premise that there is nothing sexist or bad about complementarianism when and if it’s carried out by a loving, nice, “servant leader” husband. They always ask non-comps to grant them that point, and I do not.
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A few months ago I posted on Lori’s blog about how my husband and I practice mutual submission and that we make decisions together. Her response was, “well, just because it works for you doesn’t mean it’s good or right.” She really can’t conceive of the idea that two mature adults can actually make decisions together without one exerting power over the other one.
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Tamararh1 said,
Funny, that’s what I’ve said about her complementarian marriage advice the last few threads this was discussed.
She seems to feel that because being in a comp marriage has worked for her, that it will, should, and must work for all women.
She also further (arrogantly) assumes that her interpretation of biblical verses or concepts regarding marriage and men and women are the only correct ones. As if disagreeing with her interpretation of the text is the same thing as disagreeing with the text or with God himself…
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more gossip, creates more emphasis that this is not a “reporting” group focused on “the word” and changing hearts to do better in life.
This causes me to want to follow messianic teachings everyday.
Women need the word (not the world)…..men need the word (not the world)….end of story.
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Christianity is not hurtful, once one sees its messianic kingdom principle. Christ is in LOVE with the church……that he alone built. It is EASY to love and submit to Christ and husband when there is LOVE in woman’s heart! It is desired, to be extremely loving of Christ, messiah, yeshua!
Agree with anonymous2. All the chatter about “Submission” is bad for women is just what it is on these “Christian” reporting websites……proverb 14:1
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“more gossip”
So it is gossip for women who have been demeaned, exploited, and lived a childhood in child rape to talk about how Christians pornographic, sadomasochistic, misogynistic fetish with female submission hurt them, ruined their lives, and childhoods?
I am sure anything that does not flatter your ego or benefit your agenda is gossip.
Is Ayaan Hirsi Ali gossiping when she talks about Muslims lust of submission?
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Who is called to love their wives? Do you not think that part is important too?
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@Daisy:
Like they were infected with a brain virus?
Or Assimilated into the Borg?
(Or Took the Mark of the Beast in some half-forgotten Christian Apocalyptic story I read back in the Seventies? In that, once they Took the Mark their personality changed completely & instantaneously; whatever it was before, once the tat went on forehead and/or right hand they were forever totally fanatically loyal to Antichrist. Allegory, anyone?)
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“Women need the word”
As someone born and raised in conservative Christianity, grew up with a submissive mother, and a Christian father who wanted a submissive wife. I think women need to stay far away from Christian men, not have children with them, and keep their little girls far away from them.
The word didn’t do anything for my mother or me, but make us trapped, @ss kissing slaves for sick loser word loving, submission wanting Christian men.
Of course the word did give a sadistic loser man, my father, two trapped female slaves.
If Christ loved my mother or me he would not want us to live like child sex slaves or canines. And that is what submission is, child sex slavery, and women living a dogs life.
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@Tamarah1:
Because they have eaten the cake of Power Struggle Uber Alles and digested it.
“There is no Right, there is no Wrong, there is only POWER.”
— Lord Voldemort (wasn’t he The Bad Guy?)
Because in POWER Struggle, there can never be equals. Only Doms & Subs, Tops & Bottoms, Penetrators & Penetrated, Hold the Whip or Feel the Whip, Nothing In Between. The only two possible end states are My Boot on Your Face or Your Boot on My Face, and the only way to avoid the second state is to make sure of the first. Forever.
History is full of examples of this Ideology and its fruits.
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@SongOfJoy:
Lori “Serena Joy” Alexander is Highborn, a Commander’s Wife, and thus gets to hold the whip over all the Lowborn Handmaids. For her, The System Works Just Fine.
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I do think that is at the root of the problem.
And contrary to anything quality says, it’s not ‘in the word’. At all. It is in fact the opposite, where we are told to love each other, submit to EACH OTHER (which obviously does not mean obey without thought), and that the first will be last and the last will be first. What we have is a lot of people with power and control issues, picking a few verses and ignoring the rest so they can be boss. It’s not right.
Christianity hurts, I hear your anger and I don’t know what to say to you except that what was done was wrong, and you’re right evil men use this power and control to do evil things and we should not encourage it in any way shape or form. I hope you find peace.
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“evil men use this power and control to do evil things”
Thank you Lea.
Growing up I saw that many Christian men loved the bible and Christianity, because the submission bible verses were the chains and dungeons they wanted and needed without the prison time or judgement.
I don’t believe most of these men, Doug Phillips or Mark Driscoll give a damn about Jesus Christ. They just found the hate they also had for women in the bible and a way to have a trapped bottom kissing female.
I also know women can get turned on by other women or children being demeaned and abused. It seems there are many of them in the homeschooling movement. I grew up in the conservative homeschooling movement. There was not a drip of compassion, nothing but meanness, lies, entrapment, and pure hate of women and children.
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Trey’s comment on the book at the top of this post made me feel sick to my stomach.
According to Trey, if a wife is being abused by her husband, it is her fault because she is simply doing it wrong.
I find it incredibly ironic that a husband is viewed as essentially impotent when it comes to loving his bride well without being manipulated into doing so (in a biblical manner, of course). In this, Trey and Lori assert that it is the wife who literally holds all of the power to create a healthy marriage. If the husband is responding poorly or failing to follow God, it is because his wife is doing something wrong. The husband bears no direct responsibility whatsoever for loving, leading and protecting in a godly manner. Although this kind of teaching is completely contrary to common sense, all too often it is found pouring from the mouths (and books) of those who claim to be Christian marriage saviors.
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I think Lori’s view of women is codifying the shame cycle. Women feel shame because of past mistakes that have been put on their shoulders. Because the shame is “outward”, they rely on others’ opinions on how to try harder. They try harder and ultimately collapse under the burden. Others point out the collapse and provide more shame.
So, essentially, the claim of Complementarianism is that a wife is responsible for her marriage being externally perfect. When her marriage is not perfect, she accepts guilt for some action (hers or her husbands) that Comps say was her fault. She tries harder to please her husband, but when she falls under the weight of the burden or her husband lashes out, the Comps point the finger, in shame, at her. So, she feels more shame and the cycle continues.
Not surprising, then, that Piper says Comps need to put on a happy face (mask) so that others will be attracted to the teaching and it will not fail. The wives become so burdened by shame and guilt that they cannot function, and the husbands grow increasingly frustrated as the wives shrivel up into a dry shell of their former selves.
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Men should be in charge because reasons, but if they are evil it’s women’s fault. Also because reasons.
And we’re supposed to believe men are ‘logical’ and women are ’emotional’ but apparently men’s ability to reason completely goes out the window if a woman expresses a thought he disagrees with (or wears a short skirt, or has lunch with him, etc). And if she dares to talk to him when he gets home and he is tired he ‘logically’ reacts with angry emotions, according to them. Um…
Maybe it’s because I am just an ’emotional’ woman, but I don’t buy their logic.
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“According to Trey, if a wife is being abused by her husband, it is her fault because she is simply doing it wrong.”
This is how I was raised.
A wife is never allowed to deny her husband sex, ever.
There is no such thing as rape in marriage.
If your husband rapes you, it is your fault for not being submissive enough.
You can not divorce your husband for raping you.
If your husband beats you, it is your fault for not being submissive enough.
You cannot divorce your husband for beating you.
Beatings and rapings are always the wife’s fault. If the brat husband stumps his toe at church it is the wife fault.
Christian husbands are feeble week toddlerlike little things. They simply can not take the blame for any sadistic selfish thing they do. They need consistent coddling, pampering, babying, pitying, and elevating.
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This is as old as sin. Instead of treating all people with equity and respect, the strong and powerful use various kinds of force to maintain a pecking order. The theology has become so twisted and bizarre that guys like Piper that want to be at the top of the pecking order have to figure out how to wrap their crap in beautiful sounding packages so that people swallow it before they realize what it really is they’re swallowing.
For example, Jesus said, the greatest of all is the servant of all. Jesus was flipping ‘survival of the fittest’ on its head. The strongest, most intelligent, richest, whatever had the obligation to serve those who were not as gifted. Jesus, the King of the Universe, demonstrated this by getting on his hands and knees and washing the dirt and crap off his disciples’ feet. Something no self-respecting Jewish leader would ever think of doing in a million years.
What has this become in the modern Evangelical church? “Servant Leadership”(TM). What that means is that my leaders spiritually and emotionally abuse me as a demonstration of their servanthood. I’ve had leaders say the congregation is not growing because people aren’t stepping up to volunteer, yet when they volunteer, the leaders micromanage and place enormous burdens on them while simultaneously taking all the credit for the work being done. The Evangelical church has just become neo-Pharisee. The legalism is just gold-wrapped in gospelese.
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Anonymous2– yay for your comment and your parents. To solidify your point they could also meet my parents who embraced the complementarian way– married 55 years and still unhappy.
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Patriarchy is idolatry.
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Thank you Kathi, for doing this series of posts on Lori Alexander’s writings. Surely not a pleasant task, but her harmful teaching needs to be called out for what it is.
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@Mark:
And as for Godly Hubby?
Ever hear of the phrase “His Majesty the Baby”?
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@Mark:
And the phrase “survival of the fittest” didn’t originally mean what everyone thinks it means. Darwin used the phrase only to refer to relative reproductive success over generations; those that have more surviving offspring eventually outnumber and absorb those that don’t. Same idea you find behind Idiocracy and Quiverfull.
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@ChristianityHurts:
“See what YOU made me do!”
The mantra of a three-year-old — or a three-year-old-in-an-adult-body abuser.
(Along with “Want. Take. Simple.”)
Again, “His Majesty the Baby”.
CH, you have one of the worst stories of abuse I have heard on this blog. Did you previously post here or at other abuse watchblogs under another handle? Your story and style sound very familiar. (Or even worse, you didn’t and there are other commenters out there whose abuse upbringing exactly parallels your own.)
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This is the thing that scares me about the ‘wife of pedophile’ thread. It is constantly getting new hits! How many of them are there???
And I said that, but it was present in my own family so I don’t know why I should be surprised.
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“Did you previously post here”
I did post here.
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Song of Joy –
You’re welcome! I admit, I had my notes for this post sitting for almost 2 weeks. I couldn’t bring myself to do it because her writing is same old, same old….so repetitive and uninteresting. Then the last post I did about her blog got me refueled. I can’t stand how she doesn’t see that her teachings (forgive me…God’s teachings, not hers) perpetuates abuse. Then you have vile commenters on her blog such as Trey which makes it even worse. I am more than happy to expose her toxic teaching.
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Didn’t someone say that Lori Alexander needs to have her head examined. Oh, wait! She did………
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She also further (arrogantly) assumes that her interpretation of biblical verses or concepts regarding marriage and men and women are the only correct ones. As if disagreeing with her interpretation of the text is the same thing as disagreeing with the text or with God himself…
This is the thing that really puzzles me. If it’s all about Sola Scriptura, and if the Bible is so plain and clear and “perspicuous,” then why do we need all these books ‘splaining it all to us?*
Yeah, I know…because the Lori Alexanders make moolah selling the books. Still seems counter-intuitive, though. Why doesn’t she trust other women to read the Bible for themselves and draw their own conclusions?
Also, “By What Authority” does she claim to have the exclusive lock on all Biblical interpretation? Even the pope doesn’t claim that. (That’s why we have Scripture scholars, duh.) Who appointed her Super-Magisterium of One?
And oh yeah, I agree, Lori sounds like one sick puppy. And Christianity Hurts, I am so sorry. My own mom was a molestation victim, at age five. The trauma lasts a lifetime.
— CGC
*(I used to receive the ChristianBooks catalog. Literally thousands of books, videos, and DVDs supposedly ‘splaining Scripture to us. If that’s “the Bible Alone,” I must be missing something. And now I’ll duck and run for cover….)
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Speaking of Trey on this thread, I think he is the fella that can do the dirty work for Lori. Lori can sit back and watch while Trey excoriates and demeans women, all the while being delightfully tickled pink, responding with her superficial “Amens”. I also wonder if this is the same Trey that comments on the Biblical Gender Roles blog.
As to what women get out of berating other women within Patriarchy/Comp circles….I think it gives the a sense of power. If they have no recourse but to be submissive and quiet in church and marriage, no agency of their own, basically living as adult children – then holding and using the whip over other women fills a need/desire in their lives. Bullying gives them a sense of self-worth and control – something they lack in all other areas of their lives.
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Darlene – Is there someone by the same moniker as “Trey” at BGR? I’ll have to go look.
BTW – I’ve realized why he’s so angry at women. He posted a comment recently about how he wishes his wife was a perfect submissive woman. Which makes me want to yell, “Keep being yourself Trey’s wife! Don’t fall for it! And, run as fast as you can when you can!”
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Christianity Hurts, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the things that you went through. You have every right to be angry and to express the things you have been expressing. I appreciate your raw honesty.
It sounds like you had similar experiences as I did as a child, except perhaps yours were even worse. My abuser happened to be an atheist who believed in a variation of social darwinism (that the powerful deserve to rule the weak), and he used to rant about how males evolved with the instinct to “spread their wild oats” — as if a man raping his own 3-yr-old biological daughter somehow benefits the species! Puke! What a depraved asshole.
Even though my original abuser was not a Christian, the oppressive, misogynistic teachings of patriarchy and complementarianism made the wounds even worse, and hindered my healing journey. I used to wonder if God hated me just for being female. Women had no public voice in the church I used to belong to (IFB). Not having a voice made me feel insignificant, unwanted, and powerless.
I am still a Christian, but at times I really struggle with parts of the Old Testament, which seems to condone horrific human rights violations. In fact, sometimes the only parts of the Bible that make sense to me anymore are Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Jesus defied the religious “authorities” of his day. He suffered. He wept with those who were hurting. He came to preach liberty to the oppressed.
Wishing you all the best on your healing journey.
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Catholic Gate Crasher, your comments about “why do we need all these books ‘splaining it all to us?” made me laugh out loud. So true!
I recognize your handle from the SFL website. Too bad Darrell has stopped posting. I still enjoy going back and reading the discussion.
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So he either can’t control her and he’s trying to control the rest of us OR
He’s using loris blog as ammo against her OR
He’s truly abusive and considers everything that comes from her and not him a lack of submission.
Probably all three
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I honestly think that going to a ‘liberal’ church that ordains women had been so healing in some way. I don’t Know if they are ‘right’ about everything but they treat women with a respect and equality that I have never seen in another church and I appreciate it so much.
I didn’t have near the trauma with Christianity growing up some did, but we were fairly conservative. I think I just filtered out what I didn’t agree with but to have people actively supportive is a whole different thing.
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Kind of a sidenote, but I went to Lori’s facebook page and learned that your house was dark and desolate if your mother worked outside of the home. Because of lack of love. What rot.
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Gee, I was always proud of my mom for being both a successful executive and a fantastic mother (in the 60s/70s when it wasn’t quite as common). She served on a number of boards after she retired and enjoyed her grandchildren. I always get a lump in my throat on Mother’s Day since she has been gone the past 7 years.
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Oh dear, that kind of twisted logic reminds me of what it was like reading through Debi Pearls book. The part of the book that really cracked me up was when Debi tried to say that God was going to smite all women with madness so women would be getting mad at just about everything. I’ll try to find the exact quote for you all. It was pretty hilarious.
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Please do. I don’t know why anyone is listening to either of them! Except to say ‘what???’ which is the only reason I look at Lori’s page.
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It’s really sad that Debi believes God goes around smiting people.☹️
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Here’s the quote from Debi Pearl’s book Created to Be His Helpmeet
(trigger warning)
“By the time many women are entering their fortieth year, they are teetering on the edge of mental instability. They have spent several years of their life irritated at their husbands, daily feeling hurt and responding with coldness and bitterness…”
“God is visiting her soul with a terrible rot called madness. First she is only mad at her husband. Years pass and she is mad at the family. As time goes on she is mad at the church. Then she is mad at the mailman and mad at the waitress. Practice, always practicing, perfecting her madness. Mad, all the time mad. MADNESS. The Lord shall smite thee with madness.” (p. 62-63)
Could the madness be caused by reading Debi’s books?
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Darkness, desolation and madness. How can we stand each other?! 🙂
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Hurray! Let’s all be “mad” together!
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What???
So if I’m single, I’m safe?
Whew. 🙂
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Madness, which is actually mental instability (think the Mad Hatter)-certainly!
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Riiiiiight. And Debi is basing all of this on what research, precisely? Or should I even bother asking?
Yeeesh.
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Debi’s the one who sounds like she’s been perfecting her madness!
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“By the time many women are entering their fortieth year, they are teetering on the edge of mental instability. They have spent several years of their life irritated at their husbands, daily feeling hurt and responding with coldness and bitterness…”
“God is visiting her soul with a terrible rot called madness. First she is only mad at her husband. Years pass and she is mad at the family. As time goes on she is mad at the church. Then she is mad at the mailman and mad at the waitress. Practice, always practicing, perfecting her madness. Mad, all the time mad. MADNESS. The Lord shall smite thee with madness.” (p. 62-63)
Debi Pearl’s autobiography?
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Reading through that book made me feel smitten with madness! 🙂
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Yep, if Debi Pearl is an example of Christian sanity, then you can sign me up for madness any day!
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Avid Reader quoting Debi Pearl:
As someone who grew up under similar teaching (patriarchal / complementarian stuff)…
The reason a woman might “go mad” once she hits her 40s is because she’s finally realized what bunk this gender role teaching is. She is finally realizing it’s okay for her to get her needs met and to show anger if she’s angry.
She will reflect on all the years she took garbage off other people when she didn’t really have to (but was told to by people like Lori Alexander and Debi Pearl), and her anger will grow.
My mother’s death in my late 30s lead me in part to investigate a lot of the stuff I believed (well, I did have doubts about complementarianism in the years before my mother’s death, as well).
Age 40 is one of those milestone birthdays. I think a lot of women re-evaluate their lives at that time, and they realize being a doormat to a husband is not worth it.
As I was growing up, my mother taught me, as part of this traditional gender role stuff she wanted me to live by, that it is never, ever acceptable, feminine, or godly for a girl or a woman to express anger.
I was taught to swallow my anger, never express it. All those years of stuffing the anger down had to come out sooner or later.
This is just one of several flaws with gender complementarianism (but the idea that it’s wrong for females to show anger is also present in secular culture)… it tries to make women what they are not. The fact is, God created women to have and feel anger, just as men do, but comps don’t want to admit this or acknowledge it.
Only men are taught and encouraged to show anger in and out of Christian culture. Women are taught to hold anger in.
I’m not even married. I was engaged. I was engaged to my ex at a time when I was still pretty much a gender complementarian, so I stuffed my anger at him down any time he did things to hurt me.
I’m not surprised that any Christian woman, if she’s been raised comp her whole life and marries in her 20s or 30s, finally blows up and has enough it being a doormat and holding anger in, by the time she reaches her 40s.
You know what’s kind of funny or sad? My very own gender comp mother started to realize all this stuff in the few years before she died – she began realizing what bunk some of this stuff is!
My aunt and I chatted on the phone about 3 – 4 years ago, and she told me that a few years before she died, my mother told her she was TIRED of being a doormat to everyone.
I just wished my mother had woken up to that years and years prior, not only for her own sake, but also so that she had not raised me to be a doormat.
Anyway, to the Debi Pearls and Lori Alexanders out there, yes, eventually, after years of stuffing down anger and not getting their needs met, most women will probably explode and be angry all the time. That should not be surprising.
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Daisy, sorry about some of your comments getting stuck in moderation. I don’t know what’s going on.
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