How do you warn someone about a dangerous or spiritually abusive leader or group? What if that someone is your spouse?
Commenter, TIA, responded to my comment with a couple of key questions that were left unanswered. I think would be helpful to discuss these important questions, especially in light of the second part of the question:
Julie Anne wrote:
“Some are still wanting to defend his ways/practices and say “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater” with regard to the sex abuse. Others are looking beyond the sex abuse and realizing that the sex abuse was only one symptom of a very bad system of abuse. To get to that point takes time, because they have to dismantle years of ideologies they’ve learned. That’s quite a process.”
I know a lot of people who only see DP’s “affair” (they don’t even recognize it as abuse), and don’t see any problems beyond that. My eyes have been opened to much more than that, but like you say it takes time to sort through everything.
We have friends that are involved with ATI. I checked out the application form–scary! They ask for more personal information than required for a passport! What’s a good way to warn people? What if one spouse is really “gung ho” for it and the other one is just kind of going along with it or actually has reservations/doubts/fears?
Thanks for any help you can provide.
What’s a good way to warn people?
What if one spouse is really “gung ho” for it and the other one is just kind of going along with it or actually has reservations/doubts/fears?
I had to deal with this situation with my husband who wanted to stay at a church and I did not. He was not seeing things the way I was. My former pastor had him under his spell and was speaking the exact topics that he knew would draw my husband in (love bombing).
I, on the other hand, was seeing what was absent: little-to-no grace, little mention of Jesus, etc. I was also observing disturbing outward character from the pastor: pride, lying, dominating conversations, needing to be in control of everything, including the color of the silk flowers in front of the church, controlling parents and how they dealt with their own children, etc.
Now, looking back, I have uncovered far more that was going on that I hadn’t identified then. The end of the story is we ended up leaving after our friend who was on staff was fired, so at least we did eventually come to a mutual agreement.
But what if we hadn’t?
How do you warn people about these dangerous groups/leaders? What about a husband/wife situation? How does one work this out? How does one deal with this if there is an impasse?